Anyway, I was walking across the goddam campus with Falco, then I just stopped and started tap dancing. Just for the hell of it. Falco watched me out of the corner of his eye.

"I'm a damn tap dancer." I said, working up a sweat. "I'm the goddam governor's son. He wants me to become a governor in his place, but I just wanna be a goddam tap dancer."

Falco laughed.

"The shows about to start in one hour, and Vesto, the tap dancer has gotten drunk as a bastard. He can't perform." I continued to dance. "So who do they call? Me. The goddam governor's son."

"Cut the shit, McCloud." Said Falco.

I did. I didn't even feel like it anymore, to tell you the truth. I don't have much wind. I really don't. I smoke a lot. That's the truth. I'm not even kidding.

Then this goddam kid came up to me and started punching me in the groin. He probably punched me there 50 million goddam times. I don't really give two shits.

Anyway, I finally laid him down right on hisback with my damn fist. Then I nodded to Falco and we started walking towards the goddam school.

Falco looked uneasy. "You gotta stop punching people, for chrissake." He shouted. "They're gonna flunk you out of the fucking school! And stop smoking!"

I had just lit a goddam cigarette. He put his goddam feathers over it and doused it out.

"Je-sus H. Christ!" I shouted. "Why he fucking hell would you do such a goddam shitting thing, you bastard?!"

Falco didn't answer. The bastard.

All of a sudden I started pissing in my pants. The reason for this is because that goddam girl, Krystal was walking past me. She's real stupid, and has a lousy personality. But she's hotter then hell. I'm very good with girls, I've had sex with just about every goddam girl on the campus.

This girl Krystal was different, though. She was new and she didn't seem much damn interested in going to bed with me. Like I said though, she's new. Probably doesn't know any goddam better.

"Hey Falco." I said. "Wanna get laid?"

Falco gave me a funny look. "I'm straight, for chrissake!" said.

"God dammit. Not with me, you fucking ass hole." I said. And I threw a punch at him. I wasn't a very good fighter, to tell you the truth. Probably on account of the fact I smoked so much and I'd broken my goddam hand on several occasions. So when I hit Falco, it probably didn't hurt nearly as much as I damn well would have liked it to. It just kinda snapped his ehad back and made his nose bleed, the bastard.

I didn't wait for him to retaliate, though. I shoved my foot right into his goddam penis and ran. He dropped to the ground and rolled around well I made my goddam get away.

I caught up with Krystal. She had these goddam reading glasses on and she was reading a book. I fucking hate reading glasses.

"Hey, babe." I said. "Wanna do a barrel roll over at my place, say, 9 o'clock tonight?"

She just kept walking. What a bitch. I pinched her ass, just to see what type of reaction I'd get. The bitch whipped around and slapped my face with the back of her hand.

"Listen!" she said, with her hands on her hips. "I hate guys like you! So popular, think that girls are just lining up to have sex with you! Who do you think you are??"

I smiled and said. "I'm the answer to your dreams, babe." I don't know where that line came from. Probably some goddam movie. But she obviously didn't give two shits for it, because she just turned and started walking the hell away.

So I got out this goddam little device that I'd nicked from the goddam doctor's office. This little device can remove someones goddam clothes. It was designed for when a doctor has to examine a patient, but the patient is too damn busted up to remove their clothing. So one goddam click, it beams the clothes off and stores them in some goddam time/space continuum until you click the damn button again. It was illegal for students to use, and if you were caught with one, you'd probably damn well get suspended. But I didn't give to shits, so I pointed it at Krystal and clicked it.

It got the goddam desired effect. All her clothes were beamed right off. She had a damn nice body. I have to admit it. She looked down at herself then turned towards me.

"Nice mugs!" I shouted, doubling up with laughter.

"If you are attempting to embarrass me, you will not succeed." She said, coolly. She knew I wanted to provoke a reaction, and the bitch refused to appease me.

"Aren't you going to scurry away?" I asked. "Make some futile attempt to cover yourself?" But she just turned around and kept walking. There's no goddam sport in that, so I clicked the damn button again and her clothes were beamed back on.

I watched her walk off for a few damn minutes. I couldn't understand the girl. And I'm usually a pretty good judge of character. I can tell the bastards from the bitches. But this girl.. She was different.