Part Two


My heart was hammering so fast in my chest that I felt lightheaded. I jerked back from her, almost falling off the bed as I scrambled to put distance between us. Suddenly I couldn't seem to catch my breath. I was panting for air, but I still felt breathless.

"Rachel." Ivy gently touched my shoulders, steadying me.

I jerked away from her roughly, lost in a panicky haze of fear and confusion.

"Look at me, Rachel," Ivy coaxed me gently. "Please." Her voice cracked with emotion and that was enough to get my attention.

I rarely saw Ivy so undone and it was never a good sight. Her uncertainty had managed to seep through my confusion and fear and I focused on her.

Her eyes were the first thing I noticed. I had spent years focusing on what they could tell me about her mood, what she was thinking and feeling. Now they were the richest brown and filled with sadness and worry.

I licked my lips nervously and tried to get my breathing back under control.

"Why did you say that, Rachel?"

"Because it's true!" I blurted it out as if it should be obvious.

"Rachel, I didn't bind you. I would never..." she fell back heavily onto her heels until she was curled away from me on the bed.

We were separated by several feet of the bed. It suddenly seemed like a much greater distance than it had a few moments before, and far too close all at the same time.

"You have to believe me, Rachel. I would never bind someone without their consent." Ivy sounded desperate now, a wild look beginning to blossom in her eyes. "And I would never ask that of you."

At any other moment, I would have gone to comfort Ivy. Every ounce of me screamed to go wipe that look from Ivy's face. I wanted to so badly, and yet what I knew held me back. As much as I wanted it not to be true, as much as I desperately hoped that I was wrong, I knew it wasn't.

Dread formed a sickening knot in my stomach.

"You said-" I swallowed, and tried to speak past the lump in my throat. "You said once, that you could tell if I was bound. Am I?"

There was a long moment of silence. It sat between us awkwardly as I waited, hardly daring to breathe. If I was wrong - God help me if I was wrong. I would owe Ivy a thousand apologies, but I wasn't wrong.

When I opened my eyes - I didn't even remember shutting them - Ivy was sitting absolutely still and staring at me.

"Rachel."

I knew the moment she said my name. Just the sound of her voice was all the confirmation that I needed, that I had been desperately hoping she wouldn't give me. "I'm so sorry."

"How?" I frowned, rubbing at my forehead before I wrapped my arms around my waist. The gentle, comforting warmth of the room was gone, and I was suddenly cold. Goosebumps dotted my skin. "How did this happen, Ivy?" I waved my arm, begging for an explanation. "This doesn't just happen."

"No," Ivy agreed, "It doesn't." She bit her lip and then leaned forward. "I don't know how this happened, Rachel."

"You have to! You were the only freaking vamp here! The only one who's ever touched my blood!" I was yelling by the time I finished, but, Turn it, I needed to know what was going on. Things didn't just happen. There had to be a reason.

I stood up abruptly, so fast that I barely kept my balance, and wavered on my feet. Ivy was there in an instant, steadying me.

"Are you okay?"

I glared at her in disbelief.

"No, I'm not okay."

Ivy grimaced.

"That's not what I meant." She hesitated, as if marshaling her thoughts, and then continued. "Rachel, if you were bound-"

"I'm bound, Ivy. I think we already covered that."

I wanted to clap a horrified hand over my mouth even as the words left it. I had always tried not to deliberately wound Ivy and this was the most direct assault I'd ever delivered.

There was also a part of me that had still not quite wanted to believe it, even after I had seen it, known it and had it confirmed by Ivy. This couldn't be happening. It had to be a horrible nightmare. I'd had plenty of those; this was just another horror that would fade from memory on awakening. Please, let it be nothing more substantial than that.

Ivy flinched at my words and I could clearly see the pain that I had inflicted in her eyes. She looked away, searching for something before she spoke to me again.

"If you were bound, than it means you lost a substantial amount of blood last night. You need to eat some brimstone. Get your reserves back up."

The words were like pouring gasoline on a roaring bonfire.

"I can take care of myself, Ivy," I snapped. "I don't need you to tell me what to do."

"I'm not trying to tell you what to do, Rachel." Her voice softened. "I'm just worried about you."

"Because your shadow's your responsibility, right, Ivy? Have to be a good little vamp and take care of your pet or it might look bad?" Words spilled out of my mouth in a torrent. "Well, I don't need that and I don't want that." I banged my fist into my thigh without thinking and gasped as it hit sore flesh. "I won't be your pet," I said, as my eyes smarted with tears.

"I don't want you to be." Ivy sounded defeated. "Please, just let me help you, Rachel. I just want to make sure you're okay. Then we can figure this out...together."

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" I demanded. "You'd finally get what you always wanted."

Ivy straightened into a wire-tight ball of angry living vampire.

"No, Rachel, what I always wanted was you, not this." Her words fell flatly into the room and we both stood in silence.

I couldn't stand the pleading look in her eyes any longer. What I needed the most, I couldn't have. Without that, all I wanted was to no longer be in this room with Ivy.

"I have to go," I said, sharply. "I need to get out of here."

Bending over, I began to collect my clothes and then cursed as I remembered the slow and leisurely strip I had performed, leaving the clothes that I had been wearing spread across the church.

Pulling the sheet up around myself, I turned my back on Ivy and walked across the hall to my own room. With a minimum of fumbling through my drawers I managed to throw together a presentable outfit and headed toward the kitchen table and my keys.

To get away, to just be somewhere other than where this nightmare was unfolding, was all I wanted.

I stopped short as I opened my door and started to step out into the hallway. Ivy hadn't come into my room, but was standing in her doorway, arms folded across her chest.

"I can't do this right now, Ivy," I said, and moved to step past her.

Moving with vamp speed, she got in front of me. I glared at her bitterly.

"Promise me you won't leave, Rachel." Ivy swallowed heavily; her hands were clenched into fists at her side. She wasn't threatening me, but she was terrified of what this might mean for us.

I couldn't think that far into the future, couldn't process more than the moment in front of me. I opened my mouth to reassure her, and then for the first time, I thought about it. Wondered - what happens now? What if this wasn't all just some nightmare? If this was my new reality, what would I do? Would I become one of the people that I had always despised?

"I can't promise you that, Ivy." I whispered. I didn't know what to say after that. I wouldn't lie to her. I had no idea where we stood now. "I have to go," I added. The thought of getting away, and having time to think and breathe, was impossibly tempting.

Brushing past Ivy, I padded down the hallway toward the kitchen. Seeing my spell pots dangling from the rafters in the kitchen where I had painstakingly hung them, made me think of Jenks and his children. This would change everything. That much I did know. Nothing would ever be the same again.

I blinked and focused on finding my keys amidst the chaos of my desk. I was always better with a goal, and getting out of here was as good as any other right now.

Ivy was hovering just out of sight behind me. I was incredibly aware of her even as she watched in silence. I could feel the waves of desperation pouring off her almost palpably; I did my best to ignore it and her. If I didn't, I wasn't sure what would happen. I would probably come apart completely, and at this point I wasn't sure that I could get it back together. There was only so much that one witch could take. I didn't want to find my breaking point.

So I continued to ignore her as best as I could, no matter how much I knew it had to be hurting her. Finally I felt the metallic bundle of my keys under a discarded pile of mail. I clenched my fingers around them as if they contained my salvation and pulled them up out of the mess.

Finding them was a relief, out of proportion with what I had accomplished. Finally, I could breathe just a little bit easier. I straightened and made myself turn to face Ivy.

"I'm sorry, Ivy." Part of me couldn't believe I was apologizing to her. That part was stifled by the other half of me that could see how horrible Ivy felt. "I just can't be here right now."

"Will you come back?"

It was the same question that she had been asking, the same one that we had asked one another a hundred times since we had begun living together. It had always seemed like we could weather anything just as long as we both agreed to call the church home.

For the first time, I hesitated before I answered. In the end, though, I did answer. Ivy and I were connected, and we had been since long before now. I didn't believe in fate or destiny, but we were inevitable. What was comforting was now claustrophobic. No matter what I wanted, Ivy had a permanent claim on me that I could never deny or change.

Not trusting myself to speak, I turned away and walked toward the door.

"Don't go." Ivy's words hit me like a blow to the solar plexus.

I froze. As badly as I wanted to put one foot in front of the other and leave, I couldn't. If I had needed any more proof, I had it now. I was well and truly bound to Ivy Tamwood.

I couldn't move. I wasn't paralyzed. There was nothing physically wrong with me, but something had been taken from me. My free will. Whether she had intended to or not, Ivy had done that to me and now she was using it against me, stopping me from leaving me. It was more than I could stand.

Pressure built behind my eyes and I felt a scream growing in my throat. Closing my eyes, I struggled to keep my voice calm as I spoke.

"Let me go, Ivy." It was half-command and half-plea. What I needed most was to be anywhere but here right now.

"I'm not stopping you, Rachel." I couldn't see her face, but she sounded confused and a little bit hurt. "If you want to go that badly, then go."

The words were like magic - were, actually, magic. I could start moving again and I did, walking out the church door without a backwards glance. It wasn't until my car was squealing out of the driveway and onto the road that I felt like I could breathe again.

For once I wasn't paying attention to how fast I was driving or where I was going. The I.S. could kiss my ass today. If they decided to pull me over right now, they would get more witch than they wanted to deal with. Pulling onto the interstate out of habit and a desire to feel the wind burning against my face, I considered just letting go. I had filled up my gas tank before I had left on my run yesterday and now I still had an almost full tank. It would just be so easy to keep going and leave my problems in the dust.

Tears blurred my vision and I blinked futilely, trying to force the unwanted moisture back. I hit the gas pedal harder and pushed my car faster, regardless of the danger.

By the time I got to David's I was a mess. I couldn't see my face, but I knew it would be pretty bad. I'm not a pretty crier and when I'm angry my pale skin gets even redder. Confused, afraid and angry was a very bad combination for me, but unfortunately it was one I also knew a lot about. My life the past few years had been far from sunshine and roses. It was more like a skull and crossbones.

This was worse though. Before, I'd always been able to turn to Ivy. Even when Piscary had claimed her and pulled her back under his thrall, she hadn't been actively against me, but a pawn in his game. This felt like a betrayal from the one person that I had counted on.

"Rachel?"

The worry in David's voice was immediately obvious. I was just happy that he had opened the door. There were people who wouldn't for a sobbing, pissed off witch who looked as bad as I did at the moment. I'm sure his neighbors would give him a talking-to or at least some judgmental stares later for consorting with the crazy girl.

David didn't wait for me to explain, however. He simply held open the door and stepped back.

"Come on in."

He wrapped his arm around me as soon as I was inside and guided me to the couch. His whole apartment smelled like him, rich and earthy with a slightly musky scent underneath it all. It was as solid and comforting as the man himself.

"Are you hurt? Has someone found out about the Focus?"

I shook my head to both queries, but couldn't bring myself to look up at him, even though I knew I was worrying him. I didn't want to tell him that I was stupid enough to have let myself get bound. Knowing David's feelings on inter-species dating, I had come here anyway. He had been accepting of my relationship with Ivy; it just wasn't something that he wanted to explore himself. This was just the last in a long line of stupid things that I had let happen to me and I wasn't sure that I could explain it. I didn't even know how it had happened myself, and I had actually been there.

"Should I call Ivy?" David's voice was gentle and soothing, as though he was trying not to upset some fragile balance while he drew me out of my shell.

"No," I spoke sharply, reaching out to snag his wrist as he started to open up his cell phone. For once, having Ivy here was the last thing that I wanted. The safety of her arms had been tainted forever. In an instant she had gone from my best friend and when I allowed it sometimes protector, to the thing that I feared the most in the world. It just wasn't fair.

"Don't call Ivy."

"Okay," David accepted my statement without comment, but I could see the questions that he wasn't asking written all over his face.

"Is someone after you, Rachel?" He stood up, suddenly looking every inch of the alpha male were that he was. "Because if they are, they won't get through the pack. You're my alpha female and I won't let anyone treat you that way."

I smiled for the first time in what felt like days. David's protectiveness was like a balm, and it calmed me more than the soothing voice that he had adopted ever would. I could take care of myself (most times, most days, when I wasn't being a very, very stupid witch), but sometimes it was nice to know that if I couldn't, I had friends who were willing to do it for me.

"It's okay, David." I managed to choke back a laugh. Things were certainly not okay. "Ivy and I had a fight and I just needed to get out of the church. And I didn't know where else to go." I looked down at myself and shrugged. "I really wasn't planning on going out."

"Okay." David didn't sound quite convinced, but he did let the subject drop.

He rubbed at his eyes with the back of his hand and then looked at me again. For the first time, I noticed how bedraggled he looked. He was wearing thin sleep pants and no shirt. It was an indication of just how upset I was that it had taken me this long to notice his lack of a shirt. David had a great upper body.

He was also barefoot and he had gone way beyond a five o'clock shadow. I had probably woken him up. For Inderlanders it was early hours yet. And he still hadn't kicked me out of his house. A wave of gratitude spread through me. I had gotten luckier than I knew when David had hatched his crazy plan to form a pack with me.

"Since we're both up," he added. "You want some coffee?"

The adrenaline that I had been running on since I'd realized what had happened had been slowly draining away since I had sat down on the couch. Now I felt almost as bad as I had when I was running for my life across Trent's estate with he and Quen hot on my tail.

"Coffee sounds amazing," I said with a small smile. "Thank you."

David's answering smile said that he knew the thanks were for more than just the caffeinated breakfast beverage, but he didn't belabor the point. He just offered me a hand up and guided me toward the kitchen in silence.

David's sparse kitchen couldn't have been more different from the one at the church. It was sparse and cramped, and while it was clean it definitely looked rarely used. There was also no room for a kitchen table or anywhere else to sit. I hopped up on the counter and waited while David went about making coffee.

I swiped at my runny nose and wiped the tears from my face with the corner of a sleeve. David politely ignored me, giving me a chance to pull myself together again until he finally held out a cup of coffee to me.

He leaned back against the counter opposite and looked over at me steadily.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

The no-pressure question made my breath catch in my throat. It was so simply stated, I didn't know what to say to him.

I laughed bitterly. "Not really." I fiddled with the mug between my hands and looked back up at him. "I think I really screwed up this time, David."

"So go back to Ivy and apologize."

I shook my head. "I can't."

"Hmm." David sipped his coffee pensively. "It looks like you have a problem then."

David was more right than he knew. What was worse, I had no idea what to do about it. David let me spend the day at his place without complaint, but finally I couldn't stay any longer. He had left me to my thoughts for most of the day. I had spent the time pacing back and forth across his living room. Thinking things through and forming a detailed plan of action really wasn't my style. It was more Ivy's. I tended to fly by the seat of my pants, skirting danger and hanging on to the edge of the metaphorical cliff by my fingernails. It had worked for me so far, at least as far as anything ever worked for me.

By the time the day had slowly drifted through my fingers, I still hadn't come to any conclusions, but a certainty that this time, as much as I wanted to, I couldn't simply avoid everything. I had to go back home to the church and Ivy. I owed it to her.

And besides, running away from things had never worked for Ivy and I. It always made things worse between us and better when we talked them out. I wasn't sure how this could be made better. I had never heard of anyone being un-bound. As far as I knew, it was permanent and I wanted nothing to do with it, not that I had a choice about it anymore. Being bound to Ivy made me something that was no better than a slave and I had fought tooth and nail to keep Al from doing that very thing to me, only to be captured by Ivy.

That she loved me just made it worse not better.

I was sure that she would be kind and she would try. There was no doubt that Ivy wanted an equal relationship with me, but the conclusion that I had finally come to was that there was no possible way that it could work. The scene in the hallway had proved that. Ivy had controlled me completely and casually and there was nothing I could do to prevent that.

It left us nowhere.

It was dark when I got back to the church. Night had fallen on the drive back from David's house and the light was on in front of the church. Looking up, I thought I could catch a glimpse of Bis up on the rooftop. He took his guard duties seriously and he was damn good at them or Jenks wouldn't have trusted him.

This time, though, the danger wasn't from outside the church but within.

Glancing over, I looked to see if Ivy's motorcycle was still there. They were. Part of me was surprised. Running away was what Ivy did best, at least when it came to issues between us. Another part of me wasn't. Ivy had grown and changed just as much as I had in the past six months.

My pace slowed as I neared the door. I was dreading going inside, but I had to face this. I ran my fingers over the sign next to our door and smiled as I remembered how proud I had been when I'd hung it. That had been one of the best solstices of my life.

The smile dropped from my face as I opened the door and stepped inside. This time I kept my keys, and had nothing to drop in the kitchen. Instead I headed for the living room, looking for Ivy.

She was sitting, curled up in her armchair, her knees pulled tightly to her chest with her arms wrapped around them. Her face was barely visible from behind her knees, but there were obvious tear tracks on the parts of her face that I could see. Her eyes followed me as I moved into the room.

I sat down on the couch across from her and fidgeted with my keys. After several interminable minutes of silence Ivy finally spoke.

"You came home." Her voice was hoarse and croaky. From a day of crying, my brain supplied.

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak.

"Thank you," Ivy breathed the words so softly that they were barely audible.

"I'm scared, Ivy," I admitted into the silence that followed.

I didn't think it was possible for her to look more stricken.

"Of me?"

I shrugged and looked away, not able to meet her eyes.

"Ivy...I'm bound to you." The words still sounded wrong every time I said them. "I never wanted that."

"I know."

"Then why?" The question that I had been wanting to ask her all day slipped out.

Ivy stood up abruptly, her frustration obvious in the tense lines of her body. "I don't know! I didn't. I mean..." She shook her head. "I don't know, Rachel."

She stopped pacing and bent down in front of me. Ivy started to put a hand on my knee, and then stopped, her hand hanging awkwardly in the air before she let it drop back to her side.

"I didn't intend to do this, Rachel. You have to believe that."

"It doesn't really matter, does it?" I shrugged. "It's done."

She closed her eyes and turned her head away.

"I'm glad you're okay. I worried about you today."

Her soft admission made me shiver. I knew Ivy cared about me. That had never been in doubt. She started to stand up and I caught her wrist, keeping her there.

"Do you think we can make this work?"

Ivy froze. "I want it to. Nothing's changed for me. I still want me to be me and you to be you." She reached out hesitantly, to push a strand of hair back behind my ear. A fingertip trailed across my cheek. "I love you, Rachel. I just want to be with you."

I nodded and wrapped my arms around her shoulders, pulling her as close to me as I could. Ivy responded immediately holding me back just as tightly. For just a moment, I let myself relax into her and remember the safety and comfort that I had found here, with her.

"Me too," I murmured softly, against her hair.

Eventually we let go of one another. Ivy stood and held a hand out to me.

"Come to bed?"

I flinched, before I realized the comment was a question.

"We both need some rest," Ivy added.

I tried to smile, panic beginning to tug at the corners of my mind again.

"Yeah, babe, I'll be there in just a few minutes."

"Okay," Ivy smiled tiredly and leaned over to press a chaste kiss to my lips. I tilted my head up to meet her and smiled until she was gone from the room. I waited in my chair until I heard the bedroom door shut behind her.

My hands were shaking as I stood and headed for the backyard of the church. I glanced at Jenks' stump and thought about going over there. I wondered if Jenks knew what had happened. Probably not, or he would have been waiting for me when I got in. I grimaced. The last thing I needed right now was for Jenks to tell me how much of an idiot I'd been.

Gritting my teeth, I headed across the yard and toward the line that cut across the graveyard. With one last backwards glance, I stepped into the line.

I felt the power surge as the view of the ever-after flared up around me. Tapping the line, I closed my eyes and then practiced a skill that I had only just learned from Al. There was dizzying sensation of impossible speed and being everywhere and nowhere at once.

For a long second, I panicked, unable to gather my thoughts, and then I did. Everything expanded just as abruptly as it had contracted and I was there.

My legs weren't willing to hold me and I fell over on the floor, gasping for breath. Al always made it look so smooth and cool. It was far from that, but I supposed a millennium of practice could do that for you.

I stood slowly and dusted myself off, beginning to look around. This was the first time I had showed up at Al's apartments unannounced and I wondered what I might find here, taking Al by surprise like this.

"Rachel Mariana Morgan."

Even now, Al drawling my name out like that could still send a chill down my spine.

"Al." I tried to sound tough. I mainly just sounded tired.

"What are you doing here, my itchy-witch? You aren't due back for another week, and we both know how prompt you are."

I grimaced and looked down, not quite able to believe what I was about to do. But it was my only choice.

"I need a favor."

Al folded his arms over his chest and pinned me with a knowing look.

"Oh, what have you gotten yourself into this time?" He sounded gleeful. "But even for you, my favorite student, favors come at a price." He pointed a gloved finger at me. "You should know that."

"I need a place to stay for a while." I got the words out as quickly as I could.

Al stared at me, his smoked glasses falling down his nose until I could see the blazing red of his eyes.

"Are you serious?" He waved his hand. "Of course you're serious. You don't have that good of a sense of humor." He stared at me. "Why? Surely there are plenty of places in your world for you to stay." He began to move, circling around behind me. "No, there must be another reason for this."

I shook my head, knowing, even as I did, that Al would get his way. I had no other choice. Beggars can't be choosers.

Al smiled winningly.

"Tell me, and I'll consider your favor."

For an instant, I considered not telling him. I could still leave and go somewhere else. I swallowed. There was a choice, but it was really no choice.

The moment I had flinched at Ivy's simple question, I had know that there was no way we could make it work. Ivy could control me completely with just a word or gesture and even if she never intended for it to happen, it had already changed our relationship completely. It was no longer a relationship of equals.

Leaving had been the only thing I could think to do. There was nowhere in my world that would be far enough for me to get away from her. Irony of ironies, the ever-after was the only place where I stood a chance to get my life back - the only place where there was a chance that it might be mine. All I had to do was get out of this conversation without Al owning my soul.

"I tell you; you let me stay."

"Tsk, tsk." He waggled a finger at me. "You should know better than that, love. What's in it for me? You're the one asking for a favor."

A thought occurred to me.

"If I turned up dead, just how much trouble would you be in with Newt?" I asked as blandly as I possibly could.

Al blanched. I hadn't thought it possible in the spelled disguise that he was wearing, but apparently Ceri stirred a better potion than I had given her credit for.

"You're not my responsibility. Newt would have to remember your existence for that to even be a problem." Al tried to feign nonchalance and didn't quite pull it off. "And you're not dead yet."

I crossed my arms, knowing he was exactly where I wanted him now.

"But I will be if you don't let me stay with you. And then..." I paused for dramatic effect. "Newt will kill you. It might not be that day, or the day after. But some day, Newt will remember. You will never know when. And then one day, when you least expect it, she will kill you." I smiled bitterly. "You can't stay on your guard for centuries."

Al glared. "Tell me."

I swallowed hard. "Ivy bound me."

The look on Al's face as he circled around behind me was full of delight. He brushed my hair off my shoulder, and exposed my neck.

"There's no bite here."

My face flamed. "She didn't bite-" I swallowed the rest of my sentence. "It's none of your business, Al."

"Oh, but it is my business, now that you're here." Al looked at me knowingly. "And I think we have much to discuss."

The speculative look on his face left me chilled. What had I done?

(2/11)