Chapter 13

Starfire closed the door behind the others, and rested her head against the cool wood. 'By the Goddess, how can I face him?' she wondered as she heard Robin's ragged breathing, the only outside sign of the emotions boiling beneath his calm surface. 'Galfore and the others have no idea how much my actions hurt him, or that they might have destroyed our marriage.' Starfire's train of thought was shaken as Robin groaned. She watched as he took a small pillow from the layette and used it to muffle his sobs as he sank back to his knees.

"Why?" he shouted looking up and out the window. "Why did she have to die? They tell me that it was your will that she had to die, but why? She wasn't even a month old. What did she do that made her to deserve to die?" Starfire watched as he stood and looked down into the layette. "Leeann, I'm sorry I couldn't save you. I wanted to so much, but they wouldn't let me. She wouldn't let me."

"Robin, I. . ." she began, but cut off as Robin's left hand smacked her hand from his shoulder, and his right connected with a vicious slap to her face.

"Don't you talk to me!" he shouted, and Starfire saw his fury at her flashing in his eyes. He stood there a moment, his chest heaving as if he had just run a great distance. "You. . .you of all people knew how much my trying to save our daughter meant to me! Why, Kori? Why did you stop me?"

Starfire fought the urge to touch his cheek, not knowing how he would react. "Because I had to, my love. I know that you do not understand, but I could not allow you to break our traditions."

"You're right, Kori, I don't understand. The woman I married was one of the most compassionate people I had ever met. One who loved life so much the suffering and death of any living thing upset her. She was someone I thought I could count on to stand beside me in doing anything and everything to save the life of any child, let alone our own daughter."

"This woman that you married, was she not someone you respected because she did not seek to avoid her responsibilities? That she would do her duty, and what was expected of her, even it doing so was not to her liking or in her best interest?"

Whatever Robin was going to say in reply was cut off by a knocking at the door.

Starfire almost growled in annoyance at the interruption as she walked over to the door.

"Hey, Star," Cyborg said as she opened the door. "Is everything alright? We heard. . ." he trailed off and gently nudged her chin to his left, turning her head. His eye narrowed when he saw the still vivid hand print on her cheek. "That spiky haired little. . . That's going too far."

"No, friend," Starfire said, keeping the big Titan from entering the room. "This did not hurt, and it was far less than I deserve from him." Starfire could see that Cyborg knew that the first statement was a lie, and that her second one was, at least in her own mind, true. "I know you and the others are concerned, but Raven will know if I truly need assistance. Until then, there are things that we must discuss. Now if you will excuse me, I must try to salvage, if not my marriage, at least my friendship with him, and you have a duty to perform."

Cyborg looked past Starfire, then nodded sadly. He backed away and Starfire closed the door. She could see that the expression of anger that was on his face before had been replaced with one of concern.

"Starfire, you can't do this," he said.

"I do not know what you mean."

"Yeah, right," he scoffed. "Starfire, you. . .we just lost our daughter, and you're acting as if she just went off to school or something."

"It is what's expected of me," Starfire said softly. "To lose an infant to Omshe happens rarely, but. . ." she began, but trailed off as the explanation sounded hollow even to her. "I am a Warrior of Tamaran, and of the Royal Family. It is not allowed for me to show weakness in front of others."

"And there's none of them here now," Robin reminded her. "Vern'a's last words to Galfore was for them to leave to give us the privacy to morn our loss." He looked over at the layette, where Liand'r lay. "Yes, you're a warrior and of the Royal family, but you're also a young woman who just lost her child. What is it you used to tell me, when I'd try to reason away my holding my feelings back? The cause is sufficient. Star, I remember how you felt when you had that miscarriage before. You didn't hold back then, and that was when you were aboard the ROHA'N."

"And I was alone then with no one to witness my weakness."

Robin went over and put his hand on her shoulder, looking her straight in the eye. "Loving you child is not a weakness, Star, neither is grieving for their loss." he reached up and removed his mask. "Pe dexano que shu, mathad, I grieve with you, beloved."

Starfire saw the pain in his eyes, and felt how he was holding back his own feelings of hurt and betrayal to help her. Her lips twitched in a sad smile as she realized that that trait was one he learned from her. "You are perhaps the only one from whom those words will give me some comfort, knowing that you genuinely feel the same loss I do." She looked over at the layette, and Robin saw her eyes tearing up. "The loss of our daughter, my child." her voice cracked on the last word and she gave in to the overwhelming sadness she felt. "I. . .it," she stammered, then slowly pulled Robin to her as she broke down sobbing.

After a while they had both cried themselves out, and simply stood there holding each other. Finally, Starfire pulled back a little and cupped Robin's cheek in her hand. "I thank you for that, my husband. While I can not say that I feel good, I do feel much better."

Robin nodded as he stepped away. "It'll be some time before we feel good again, Star."

"Robin, what are you doing?"

Robin had moved one of the two chairs in the room so that it faced the window, and was moving the other one beside it. "Shel'b and Blackfire told me how you had been watching the sunrise and set with Liand'r," he replied. "I thought you'd like to hold her one last time, and see the sunrise with her."

Starfire nodded silently and sat in one of the chairs. "Thank you for this," she said. "I have always found joy in the colorful display of the rising and setting of the sun on this planet, and shared that with our daughter." She looked sadly at the bundle in Robin's arms, and her eyes filled with tears. "I do not know how much joy it will hold for me now."

"You don't have to thank me for this, Star. You're her mother, I have no right to keep you from her." He stood for a moment watching the brightening sky. "Do you want to hold her?"

"I have had that opportunity far more than you have, Robin, I will not deny you this final time."

"What do you say we both hold her?" Robin asked as he sat, placing Liand'r so she was between them. Each used an arm to hold her up.

"According to our beliefs, her spirit is a better place that we call Shova'nar," Starfire said softly. "Much as I hope for that, it is not much comfort."

"I know, Star, but sometimes it's all we have to go on."

"Robin, where does that leave. . . .us?"

Robin sighed heavily. "I don't know, Star," he said as the sun peeked over the city's skyline. "I know that's not really an answer, but I honestly don't know. I need some time to think things through." There was a moment's silence before he spoke again, as they both looked at the red disk that was the sun as it cleared the buildings and the light shone brightly through the window. "X'Hal, covat shu fas fetan shar. Tra re gishala shovana omsheva. X'Hal, thank you for this day. May we prove ourselves worthy."

"Robin, where did you learn that?" Starfire asked in astonishment.

He was thoughtful for a moment. "I'm not sure. I might have picked it up from when I was learning your language. Why?"

"That is the prayer a warrior is supposed to say if he survives a battle," she said, then looked over at Robin. "Did you just move your arm?"

"No, I thought you did."

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Cyborg sighed as he walked down the hall from Liand'r's room. "A duty to perform, she says," he muttered to himself as he entered the waiting room. "You've got them ready?" he asked a dark haired man in a suit.

"Yeah," Gordon Winston replied. "They're in a conference room just down the hall. I told them that you'd simply be making a statement, not fielding questions."

"Thanks," Cyborg said as he headed down the hall. He paused for a moment before opening a door and entering the conference room. The soft babble of voices fell silent as he made his way to the small podium in the front of the room. He stood there a moment as the flashes from several cameras went off, and he tried to keep himself calm. "Ladies and gentlemen of the press, it is my sad duty to report to you that Liand'r, Starfire and Robin's daughter, died a short time ago. We. . .ahem. . .we appreciate the privacy that you have given both them, and the rest of us and hope that we can continue to count on that." Cyborg paused for a moment and looked down, surprised to see a drop of water on the podium. It was then that he realized that he was crying, and that Raven and Beast Boy were behind him. "I expect that sometime in the future that Robin himself will be giving you some kind of statement. . ." he began, and jumped slightly when their communicators went off with a distress beacon for a few seconds, then Robin's voice came over the channel.

"Cyborg, Raven, Beast Boy, get in here!"

"If you'll excuse me," Cyborg said to the reporters, then quickly left the room and headed down the hall at a trot. "Robin, what is it? What's going on?"

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Robin smiled as he realized that Cyborg was the first one to have the presence of mind to ask that question. "Don't ask me how, Cy, but she's alive!" he shouted into the communicator. "Liand'r is alive!"

"What's going on in here?" Lyta asked, as she and a nurse burst into the room in response to the call button Robin had pushed. She pulled up short when she heard Liand'r's crying at the sudden commotion. "That's not possible."

"I didn't think so either, Doctor, but she's alive and apparently well," Robin said as he placed Liand'r into the layette so the pediatrician could check her out.

"Lois, keep everyone else but Vern'a, out of here," Lyta ordered. "I'd ask you two to leave, but. . ."

"No way, Doctor! There's nothing that's getting either me or Starfire out of here."

"She'vat? Sha itave?" Vern'a asked in astonishment when she entered the room and heard the crying.

"Yes, Vern'a, she lives," Starfire said, answering the healer's question.

"Her lungs are clear and her heart beat is strong and steady," Lyta said as she straightened up, putting her stethoscope back around her neck. "Her pupils are equal and reactive, and she seems to be focusing on things within her vision range." She smiled as Liand'r smiled, then laughed as she watched the puppet on Lyta's hand.

"I do not understand this," Vern'a said as she checked the readings from her scanner. "Do not take this the wrong way, but she should still be dead. Her brain was without oxygen for well over five minutes."

"What are these readings, Vern'a?" Starfire asked as she looked over the healer's shoulder.

"They represent the percentage of oxygen in the blood as it. . ." Vern'a began, but broke off with a shocked look on her face. "That is not possible," she muttered as she double checked the readings. "Corvena kevek?"

"But that must be taught," Starfire said, then noticed the questioning looks on both Lyta's and Robin's faces. "Corvena kevek, or war sleep," she translated. "It is a method used by warriors who have been injured on the battlefield," she explained. "The flow of blood is slowed to all but the brain and the heart, and in all ways, they appear dead. It is a difficult art to master, and only taught to us after our Acceptance."

"The blood flow is maintained by two small muscle groups located on either side of the neck," Vern'a added. "What I can not understand is what triggered her to come out of it. In training, warriors are taught to return to normal when a certain series of acupressure points are pressed."

"The only thing I can think of is the sunlight hitting her," Robin said. "We were sitting, watching the sunrise with Liand'r propped up between us, and shortly after the sunlight came through the window, she started moving."

"That would make sense," Vern'a said after a moment's thought. "Our powers are derived from our absorbing sunlight. Its energy might have been what triggered her to awaken."

While the others had been talking, Lyta had been on the phone. "Thank you, we'll be there shortly," she said then hung up. "Okay. Robin, Starfire, I'm going to steal your daughter for a couple of hours," she announced. "I want to make sure she's alright, so I'm going to throw a good part of the alphabet at her. X-rays, MRI, CAT scan, EEG, BUN CBC, and a complete blood work up," she listed. "I should have her back to you just in time for her next feeding." She looked at the couple and shook her head. "My advice to both of you is to go and get some decent sleep and a good meal, but I doubt you'll do either of those," she told them, then looked over at the nurse. "Okay, Lois, let's go."

Robin saw the small crowd of curious faces as he and Starfire followed their daughter's layette from the room. "Let's go to the waiting room, and we'll try to explain things," he said, forestalling the questions he knew everyone wanted to ask.

Once they got into the waiting room, Robin looked around and saw that everyone had taken seats. He noticed that Raven raised an eyebrow when he stood next to Starfire but didn't even hold her hand. "Okay," he began. "A few minutes ago, Starfire and I had a very pleasant surprise when Liand'r woke up."

"Whaddaya mean, woke up?" Beast Boy asked.

"From what Vern'a and Starfire have explained to me, she wasn't really dead, just in some kind of trance or something."

"She was in the corvana kevek," Starfire said, drawing blank looks from the Titans, and surprised gasps from the Tamaraneans in the room.

"How is that possible?" Blackfire asked. "That's not an instinctive or reflexive action."

"I do not know, sister, but Vern'a says her readings on Liand'r, after she awoke, are conclusive."

"Doctor Beckthold has taken her to run some tests, to see how she's doing," Robin said. "From her preliminary examination, she thinks Liand'r will be just fine."

"You are aware that you have a room full of reporters waiting to hear what's going on, right?" Gordon Wilson asked.

Robin nodded. "I know the radio and TV people can cut in and go live at any time, but how close will a two hour wait put the newspaper people to their deadlines?"

Gordon thought for a moment. "Pretty close with a couple of them," he replied. "I agree with you that it will be better to hear from Doctor Beckthold with the results first. I'll go and give them a quick brief."

"So, father, does this mean you are no longer angry with mother?" Nie'l asked after Gordon had left.

"It is not that simple, Nie'l," Starfire said. "Liand'r's living or not is not what has Robin so upset with me. It is my keeping him from trying to help her."

"I see," Nie'l said then floated over so he was eye to eye with Robin. "I will ask you the question you asked me once before," he said. "Would you punish a warrior for doing his or her duty?"

"That is also a complicated matter, my Lord," Shel'b said. "Starfire is not only a warrior and of the Royal Family, she is his wife. As such, she owes him a certain loyalty beyond her duty."

Nie'l lowered himself to the floor. "I am beginning to see that life will not be as simple as it was for me now."

"And in that you are showing great wisdom, my Lord," Galfore said. "Starfire, the presentation will take place in one week. If you will excuse us, we must go to start preparations."

There was silence for a few moments as the Titans and Blackfire found themselves alone in the room.

"Dude, I am so ready to take at least one part of the doctor's advice," Beast Boy said. "They've got a pizza bar set up in the cafeteria today."

Robin chuckled as Raven and Cyborg rolled their eyes. "Beast Boy, it's not even six o'clock in the morning yet," he said. "Although I will admit that a good breakfast does sound like a good idea. You guys go ahead, and Star and I will join you in a minute."

"Kori?"

"It is alright, sister," Starfire said, hearing the concern in Blackfire's voice. "There is something I wish to discuss with him."

"If you're certain."

"I am," Starfire assured her, then watched as she followed the Titans. She turned to speak to Robin. "Robin, I know you said that you needed time to do the thinking things over about us," she said. "How long do you think you will require?"

Robin thought for a moment, knowing why she was asking and more than a little surprised at how calm she was being about the whole thing. "A couple of days, at the most."

Starfire nodded. "Very well. I give you my word, that I will not raise this question with you again, until that time has passed." She paused for a moment, and Robin could see that she was nervously chewing on her lower lip. "Robin, I realize that it is not that you find me unattractive, or that you dislike me," she said. "It is, rather, that your trust, or faith, in me has been shaken." She crossed over and put a hand on his shoulder. "What of our being friends?"

Robin sighed. "I promised you, while we were in Tokyo, that nothing would ever come between our being friends." He paused for a moment, then rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "I'm just not sure how much this is going to effect our friendship."

Starfire turned her head bowed. "I see," she said softly. "Robin, you even more than Raven know that my life was far from sheltered. Isolated would be the term that would more closely describe it. In my training cadre, none of the other avani would take the risk of becoming close to me for fear that something would cause me to become angry with them over something. During my free time, away from training, my friends were chosen for me. To be honest, Kalvane'r was the closest I came to actually having a friend. Despite what others think, I did not refuse his marriage proposal because he was more like a brother to me. It was because I overheard him and his father talking about me, how after Kalvane'r was married to me, he would be free to seek another girl in his cadre as his mistress, and Komane'r would have his family name tied to the throne." She looked over at Robin. "That revelation hurt me deeply, and I came to realize what I had heard was true, at least for me. There was no such thing as a friend, all anyone would want of me was a means to the throne. That is, until I came to this planet and found people that did not know of my being what I was, but wanted to be nice to me anyway, for no gain other than having me as a friend. What must I do to keep your friendship with me, Robin? All you need do is tell me and I will do it."

"All I can say is for you to trust me," Robin told her. "Trust that I will make the right decision. You're right; I still like you, but my trust in you has been shaken. But Nie'l and you do have a point. In all honestly, you're not ignoring your responsibilities; your doing your duty, as you put it, is one of the things that I admire about you. Nie'l was right in telling me that what you did was simply your keeping true to yourself and what you had to do."

"Yes, but Shel'b was also correct. As my husband, I do owe you a certain loyalty above that," Starfire said. "Now I fully realize what it is that you must do the working out for yourself."