Chapter II here ... hope you liked chapter I so far.....i jis got really really random there XP.....
sorry bout the slight angsting there......its one of the...ahem ;D .... many things that Zero ... does ... really ... damn ... good ....(*fans herself from Zero's utter emo-boy HAWTNESS XD)
Enjoy!! ^_^
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It was a long while, just a little past half an hour, until Yuuki finally found him—searching half-over the campus, in different classrooms, in the stables (steadfastly ignoring White Lily's threatening snorts in her direction), even taking a very quick peek into the boy's bathrooms on every floor, and emerging blushing furiously from each. That Zero…he really just had to know how to hide himself that well, did he? She'd show him…
She was surprised to find him standing beneath that little tree they'd eaten their lunch beneath, that little spot overlooking the lake—hands in pockets, silver hair swirling in the breeze, eyes fixed in a blank, steely gaze at the sunlit waters beneath them. For a long moment, Yuuki merely stood there—gazing at his tall, black-clad frame, wondering if she should near him…when instinct took over, causing her to silently climb the hill, walking quietly over to where he stood.
Zero did not look up as she neared him.
Or at least, he tried not to. Something about him—perhaps the unnatural rigidity of his posture—spoke that he wanted very much to turn towards her, and the tense line to his jaw was enough by itself. Yuuki braced herself, expecting a verbal lashing any moment. He'd certainly had some time to cool down since he'd stormed away angrily from the classroom…but something told her that things weren't good as of yet.
Only…none came. Zero's eyes, when he turned to look at her, were dulled, resigned—a blank shadow of his usual glare. The corners of his lips were slack now—no longer thinned with rage, shoulders drooping suddenly—his eyes had lowered away suddenly, as if unable to look at her any longer. "What do you want, Yuuki?" Zero murmured, turning away—the single motion holding to it a distressing hopelessness that tore at her far worse than any raging or storming.
That…voice…
Yuuki felt a tremor rack her frame, hugging her arms to herself as she remembered that voice—that low, broken tremble as he spoke…the voice of that boy she had nursed back to health when he had entered her life—his own now awash with violent red, torn apart in a bloody cycle of hatred and violence that she had wept to know she could not save him from. What now she saw before her was no different to the Zero she had wiped the blood off of…the Zero she had stopped from tearing his own neck to shreds…the Zero who would tremble in her arms as his soft, choked, fury-wracked tears dampened the front of her nightgown…"Why are you looking at me like that, Zero?" Yuuki asked softly. "Is it something I've done?"
He answered her with a low short bark of humorless laughter. It sounded more like a sob. "What makes you think it's got anything to do with you?"
Yuuki fidgeted, hands grasping the sleeves of her jacket. "Well, you're not…you know…looking at me or anything," she hedged lamely. "And you're…you're…" Yuuki bit her lip, beginning to feel stupid—until finally exploding. "You're acting really weird, Zero! I don't know what's gotten into you these past few months, but I don't understand why you won't ever talk to me about it!"
Zero's features contorted for but a moment—before he dug his hands even deeper into his pockets, turning away from her. "I don't need to talk to you about it, Yuuki. Besides…" a hint of bitterness crept into his tone. "You can just go to Yori-chan and tell her all about your problems with me, can't you?"
Yuuki's brows furrowed. "Yori-chan? Who's Yori-ch…" then suddenly remembering, she let out an exasperated sigh, throwing her hands into the air. "Zero, you're so silly! Why would I talk to someone else about your problems, huh? That's not what friends do…"
Friends…there, she'd said it. Toying with him again. Laughing at him. Playing with his heart so cruelly, so unintentionally—causing it to tighten with hurt one moment and slacken with relief the next…"Don't fuck with me!" Zero bit out angrily, curling his fingers into fists inside his pockets. "I…I heard what you said back there, okay?" He turned away from her completely now, the broad, black-clad length of his back holding to it a lonely distance that tore at her. "You don't have to take anything back, Yuuki—I…I know it's what you've always…always…" he couldn't find it within himself to complete the sentence, misery racking his gut—sharper now, more painful now with her nearness.
Yuuki took a hesitant step towards him, and then back. "You heard…what?" she asked softly. "What did you hear me say, Zero?"
He could not answer for a long while, shoulders slackening slightly as his head bowed, teeth clenching against the sudden rush of warmth in his throat that threatened to emit from his lips as a sob, fighting back the humiliating tears with all the strength his heart could muster. "Leave me, Yuuki…" Zero whispered, hands finally falling out of his pockets. "Please…just…just leave me alone. Please."
Those…hands…
Yuuki stopped short, dead at her tracks, heart clenching at the drops of blood spilling from his split knuckles—he had struck something with force enough to draw blood…the limp manner his fingers were lying were statement enough.
She realized suddenly the presence of those few pieces of drying tree-bark lying at his feet.
Z-Zero…?
Her throat was suddenly dry, tears rising in her eyes as she walked towards him—thought, logic, rationality suddenly fading as she suddenly, impulsively closed her arms around his waist, burying her head into his back. Zero's back was warm…Zero's back was solid, reassuring…an infinite comfort.
He'd stiffened for but a moment before relaxing against her touch…trembling now—only very slightly, but trembling nonetheless. "Yuuki…" Zero whispered, head bowing. She realized then how much easier it was for him now that he was no longer looking at her.
Slowly, haltingly…one of his broken, bleeding hands reached up to clutch against her arm, raising her tiny wrist it until it lay against his heart, his own large, warm palm resting over it. His fingers were long, tapering—but strong, calloused…hands that had known hardship, suffering. Zero's hands. Zero's hands, nestling over her own…warm, infinitely comforting. "Yuuki…"
She nuzzled her head against his back, curling her arms a little tighter over his waist, resisting the urge to cry softly into the sturdy warmth of his back. He wouldn't even mind…but he'd probably hold it as blackmail material later. "You haven't answered my question, Zero," Yuuki whispered.
Zero sighed, a long, shuddering sigh that quivered strangely at the end as though he too were holding back tears. "You said…you said I didn't matter to you anymore," his voice emerged broken, trembling—holding to it a soft, dreamlike quality that she had only ever heard when he was talking in his sleep…which, admittedly, he did a lot sometimes. "That I…that I wasn't important to you. That you…that you…" his voice trailed away with hurt. "That you said that Wakaba girl was…was…"
…your best friend…the words—childishly possessive as they were—melted in the air between them—unvoiced, unspoken. Understood.
As eternally fucked as his life was…it had meant more than anything else in the world to Zero that he be the only one in Yuuki's heart to be looked upon this way.
She sighed, closing her eyes, pressing herself a little tighter against him—making him tremble for a moment—but stifling the tiny flare of arousal that had flickered within him, Zero pulled away gently, turning around towards her. Yuuki's head was bowed, dark hair obscuring her face. She was trembling.
Sighing softly, he pulled her into his arms, resting his head between the curve of her neck and shoulder—inhaling deeply and feeling his body relax instinctively, reflexively against her own, knowing no greater comfort, no greater solace than the mere warmth of Yuuki's arms. "I'm sorry…" he whispered. "It's just I…I wanted…I wanted to be…" …the only one…
She seemed to have heard his words, for there was a rueful smile on her face as Yuuki shook her head, arms curling over his back. "I'm sorry, Zero," she whispered. "I…I only said that to Yori-chan because I'm…I'm…" taking a deep breath, she plunged on—intent on hiding nothing from him. "I'm not very good at making friends…you know that, don't you, Zero? Before I met Yori-chan…I…I only had you. And…and I thought that you didn't want…that you didn't want to be friends with me because…because…" her voice trailed away a little lamely.
"Because what?" Zero demanded, trying and failing to keep the indignant disbelief from his voice. He did not move from his position, knowing that what next Yuuki would have to reveal to him would require more courage than anything he himself could ever come up with.
He didn't have to look at her to sense the color reddening her cheeks. Blushing furiously, Yuuki mumbled something incoherent against his chest, burrowing into the comforting warmth of his school shirt.
Despite the lingering pain at the question within him that he still hadn't asked her, Zero felt a tug at his lips. "I don't think I heard you, Yuuki…" he murmured, a teasing hint to his voice.
Yuuki glared at him, so red now that he was sure he could sense the smoke emitting from her tiny ears. "It's…it's because…well—you're a boy!" she spluttered finally, glowering up at him. "And I'm a…I'm a…" her eyes lowered, a long sigh escaping her. "I'm just…I—I feel like a complete idiot whenever I'm with you, you know, Zero? I feel like I…like I don't understand the way you're thinking and that…and that I'm just annoying you with how stupid I am about everything…" her voice had begun to tremble slightly. "That's why I thought that…that if I became friends with…with Yori-chan, I wouldn't have to…to depend on you so much…" her eyes raised towards him…soft, loving, uncertain. "That's right, Zero. You know how much I depend on you? I…I don't think I'd be able to get through the day if you didn't scold me once—or…or acted all annoyed whenever I tried to touch your hair or…or something like that." Her eyes softened with fondness at a memory before closing again—as though it would make it easier for her to speak her next words. "That's why I…I thought that if…that if I became friends with somebody else, I wouldn't have to…to annoy you all the time…"
The trembling, hopeless quiver of breath at the end of her words betrayed both the relief and the pain it brought her to finally relieve herself of her burden.
Zero had frozen, thunderstruck—shocked into a speechless silence. All this time…all this time…he'd been the one to hurt Yuuki? All this time, he'd thought himself to have gone through hell…and hadn't even spared her a thought? All this time…all this time, she had thought that he didn't need her in his life? That he didn't care about her? That he didn't care…about her?
"Why would you ever think that?" he choked out, feeling the ache in his heart now beginning to hurt. "Why, Yuuki? Why would you ever think I…I didn't care for you? Why? Why?" He tightened his arms around her, clinging desperately to her warmth, now unable to stop the choked, despairing intensity from leaking through his voice. "I…I thought you didn't want me with you anymore—I…I…FUCK!"
He swore, doubling over slightly as Yuuki's knee nudged into his groin—not…well, not exactly painfully, but with force enough to cause him a momentary spasm of pain. Glaring up at her now, Zero clutched at his belly—wheezing and spluttering, though more so out of astonishment. "Yuuki, what the hell?"
She smiled tremulously, lashes still wet and spiky with tears. "That sounds more like you, Zero…" she murmured. Her hand reached out, capturing the moisture that had been glistening at his cheeks. "You were crying?" Yuuki's eyes teared up slightly, though the smile remained. "I guess I actually do mean something to you then…ne, Zero?"
Her words were a physical blow, gut reeling with the intensity of a plunged dagger. Something…something…just something? Just…something?
You've lost your mind, Yuuki.
You're more than just…something. Yeah…definitely more.
I care more for your love than I care for whether this life of mine will ever be the same again.
I know what I might become one day. I could have lived an entire life as a monster and died at a Hunter's bullet, without knowing of you…without loving you.
But to have known you and to have loved you as well…I wouldn't trade you even for my humanity, Yuuki.
You're more to me than anyone else in this world…
You're…you're…
This time, Zero snapped.
That familiar "Hah…" of sharp, expelled breath escaped his lips again as he fell to his knees—arms wrapping around her thighs, pulling her forward until his face was burrowing into her belly, an uncontrollable trembling beginning to overcome his limbs at her words, feeling the warm cloth of her jacket warming and moistening with choked, unsuppressed sobs. You're my everything, Yuuki…something within him wept—wanting to scream the words…wanting so deeply to break down and confess to her that very moment…that very instant. You mean more to me than anyone else in this world and no one…no one, could ever replace you in my heart…
It doesn't matter if I can't be anything more to you than just a brother…or even a friend. As long as you let me stay by your side, I'll…I'll never leave you. I promise.
I love you, Yuuki. More than anyone or anything else in this world…I love you.
It was a long, long while before his emotions subsided slightly—swiping a hand furiously over his cheeks at this humiliating revelation, swearing inwardly that he would never let her see him cry again—blinking several times to clear his eyes of the tears. "I'm…sorry," Zero had to gulp several times to swallow back the lump in his throat, still on his knees before her. "I'm…I…Yuuki…"
Yuuki let out a strange sound—caught somewhere between a sigh of relief, a snort of exasperation, a sob and a giggle—stepping forward and folding her arms around his neck, pulling him towards her and cradling him against her chest…just the way she'd hold him whenever he'd wake up from a nightmare, rocking him gently, murmuring soft words of comfort. A low groan resounded from Zero's throat—wrapping his arms around her waist, breathing now no longer ragged and labored, slowly returning to normal. "It's okay, Zero…" Yuuki's voice was soft, loving—he clung to it with the desperation of a dying man, tightening his arms around her. "I may be annoying and silly and…and like a total baby, but I…I…"
"Yuuki?"
"…and…and may speak really, really silly things…and…and never be able to get good grades in Math-"
"Yuuki…"
"…and always…always fawn over Kaname-senpai and the other Night Class students…"
"Yuuki?"
"…always make you carry everything when we go shopping…and…and—what is it, Zero?!"
Zero immediately buried his face into her belly again, arms tightening over her stomach as though afraid she'd pull away. His voice, when he spoke, was muffled.
"I'll admit you are all those things, Yuuki…"
:O Yuuki gasped, mouth falling open with indignation, (He was supposed to make her feel better! That Zero…!) hand lifting to whack him across the head—
"…though it's never stopped me from loving you exactly the way you are. You know that…right?"
Huh?
Astonishment was a sweet wind blowing across the field, engulfing her, warming her as the hand that had lifted to hit Zero now merely weakened, falling to rest softly on his silver hair, fingers curling and stroking him with a tenderness that suddenly made his insides melt. "Well…" Yuuki mumbled, feeling suddenly very stupid again. She was now blushing furiously, from the tips of her ears to her neck. "You're…you're not so bad yourself…"
Against her belly, she could feel the curve of his lips smile. It was a comforting sensation, and for long moments, Yuuki wanted no more than to merely stand there in the warm sunlight, the sound of the birds chirping, the leaves raining in a green-gold heaven around them in the sudden cool breeze…Zero's arms wrapped around her tummy…
Her thoughts were interrupted by a muffled voice. "Yuuki?"
She did not open her eyes, leaning back, smiling against the warm sunlight on her face. "Hmm?"
Zero's face had nuzzled a little closer into her stomach, head tilting up to look at her. "Who's the guy you like from the Day Class?"
Somewhere, a little distance away, a bird chirping by the trees took off with a squawk of fright as the air suddenly filled with Yuuki's shrieks and punches raining down on the male prefect—"Zero, you are just so damn DENSE!"
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I hope to high heaven i didnt make this tooooo angsty....cuz its supposed to be romance/friendship.....not...really...angst!!! :O
Poor Zero...gaaaahhh if i had the chance i'd lock us both up in a room full of chocolate where we would generally sit and whine and moan and bitch and just GROW FAT XD (*omg....i CANNOT think of Zero as fat!!! XO)
Reviews are, again, LOVE!!! IN ITS MOST PURE, UNADULTERATED FORM!! XD ... ahh im hyper lol ... hope you liked it! ^_^