Being re-written as a companion piece to my Drabbles. They will be posted on the appropriate days, in keeping with the book. :)

H A L L U C I N A T I O N
A Twilight FanFiction
By Musings of a Shaken Mind

Chapter 1

It was the middle of January, and it was freezing. Mind you, even if it were mid-June here, it'd be freezing. The Arctic Circle is never really not freezing. It's desolate, too. There's no-one here, not for miles around. No-one in their right mind would ever come to this barren place. It's frigidly cold, but there's a strange beauty. Almost ethereal; the way the weak sunlight reflects off of the snow in a way that makes it seem like a hundred million diamonds buried just under the surface.

I know what it reminds me of, too. It's cold, and white. It sparkles in the sunlight. It's deadly. It's just like me.

Sometimes, it seems like I'm going insane. Like I can't find the grasp on reality that I crave. But I've known for a while that I'm not exactly in my right mind. I accepted it a while ago. I had to.

Not that the cold ever really bothered me, being a vampire, and approximately the same temperature as the air anyway. I was dead, and should just have stayed such. I did not belong here. Not even in this place; so hostile for humans, so perfect for Vampires.

I'd been wallowing in my latest bout of misery, and though the dull ache in my chest never left, it was a little better now. The key was to remember that it was for her safety. This pain, this suffering… it was all for her own good.

No, the pain was not better. Just more tolerable. And as a vampire, I had a high threshold for pain, as did all of my kind. And by tolerable, I meant, 'I can live with it'. Or not, as the case may be.

This place was silent, too—that was partly why it was so appealing. No thoughts. No incessant human chatter. No annoyingly human women thinking obscene thoughts. Just the vague, primal images that ran through a few polar bears' minds. Nothing that could be understood by humans, really.

It was peaceful. For the first time in what seemed like forever (though, what was a few months, to an immortal?), I felt calm. And by calm, I meant 'not suicidal'.

So it caught me completely by surprise when her voice, perfect in clarity, sounded in my warped mind. Was it my mind? My gaze flickered around the white, flat landscape. Even with my eyes, I could see nothing. Nothing suspicious, anyway. And certainly not Bella.

"Go eat."

Why, then, could I hear her voice, in perfect clarity, the way I had wanted to hear her thoughts since the day we'd met?

I checked behind me again, but there was no-one. Not that I had expected there to be, not really. I'd allowed myself to hope, again. Somehow, that fact did not unduly worry me. But if Bella was in danger…

A scene flashed through my mind, a darkened street, four men, Jessica Stanley. And…and…and her.

Too similar. The scene was too similar. This could not be real; it had to be my mind. And, keeping that in mind, I decided to humour myself. What harm could it do? How could it possibly hurt more than this? How could it get any worse? There was no-one here to witness my madness, my insanity. Alice might see it, but I imagined that she'd had a few strange visions since September 16th.

"I'll catch up in a minute."

Bella turned back to the men, and they watched her… and I heard their thoughts, as if I was truly there, instead of here, in this wasteland. It was crazy, but it was beautiful.

My thoughts were broken, however, by the sudden realisation that Bella seemed to be putting herself deliberately in harm's way. What was she doing? The euphoria I had experienced since seeing her began to fade.

"Bella, stop this right now."

Was I insane? That could only be better. It was lucky that I was alone; I was conscious of the way my voice echoed across the deserted plain.

And she froze. I could see her, in my mind's eye. Could she hear me? I hoped that that was the case. I prayed it was. My imaginary Bella. My lovely, wonderful, and apparently suicidal imaginary Bella.

"Go back to Jessica." Their thoughts angered me. It was all I could do to keep myself from snarling outright. "You promised—nothing stupid." She would not break her promise—she could not.

My heart broke again as I saw the indecision cross her face. But her safety was imperative. I'd do anything to keep her safe. Hadn't I proved that?

"Keep your promise…"

That would have to do. I could feel the strange connection breaking up, like a bad phone line. I was losing her. And that killed me inside.

My hallucinatory Bella took another step forward, and a habitual growl began to build in my chest. What was she doing?!

"Bella, turn around."

One of the men spoke, and I snarled, a knee-jerk reaction. Stay away from her. Stay away, or I'll kill you. I will hunt you down, and then I will tear you apart. Limb from limb. And I will take great pleasure in doing so, human.

But she was closer now; I could see his face. I realised now that I'd been twisting his thoughts, taking things that weren't there. I'd overreacted, as usual. Though really, my reactions were never too over-the-top with Bella. She needed someone to worry about her, sometimes.

But this was not the man who had tried to hurt her, nearly a year before. These were probably innocents. Four men who happened to be in the wrong place, at the wrong time. Sort of like Bella had been on that dreadful night. The night I'd finally revealed my secret to her; finally entrusted her to what I had never been able to tell anyone else. But I had no business in her life, any more. I had to mind my own business… I owed her that much, really. I had to stay away. I forced myself away from the hallucination, shocked at myself, and gasping for breath that I did not need.

This had to stop. It couldn't be healthy… but I found that I didn't care. And I couldn't stop myself. She always had been my drug. My own personal brand of heroin.

I'd just never realised how entirely addicted to her I was.

I had to leave this place. It was messing with my mind.

With one last, furtive sweep of the empty landscape, I took off—running at top speed. Travelling anywhere but here.