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Disclaimer: I do not own One Tree Hill.
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He had just finished serving two tours in Iraq, and had come home to surprise Peyton. He had not seen, or talked to her and he wanted to surprise his little sister. Turns out, Peyton was the one holding the surprise.
Shaking his head, Dereck leaned down to one knee in front of Peyton's grave. Nothing he saw in Iraq caused him as much pain in his heart as the sight of Peyton's name on a gravestone. He wasn't prepared for this, and for a moment he let it show. He let his pain, his shock, his anger show to the world. This wasn't something he usually did. Being a soldier, he knew how to hide his own feelings. He put his hand to the gravestone, tracing the engraved letters, memorizing their feel.
Lucas stood behind him, watching him fall apart silently. This was the first time after the funeral he had been to Peyton's grave. Seeing the ground covering the hole he had seen at the funeral, made this whole thing all too real to him. It was like he finally realized it wasn't a dream and Peyton wasn't coming back. And again, just like every night before. He, too, fell apart silently.
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Swoosh
Again, the ball flew through the net like it had a thousand times before. Consistency, Nathan thought to himself, is key. Everything relies on Consistency. He picked the ball back up, dribbled it a couple of times and threw it in the hoop again. He smiled. This was his sanctuary. Right here, with no one else around- Just the ball, the net, and him. Nothing else mattered.
Nathan didn't hear the small footsteps behind him and jumped when he heard Jamie say "Daddy." He turned around, kneeling down to eye level. "Hey, buddy. What's up?"
"Why is Mommy crying?"
Nathan took a deep breath. Didn't expect that one, he thought, though he knew better. His wife was in pain, of course she'd be upset. Looking up, Nathan searched for the right answer to give to his son, though he knew any answer in this situation would be wrong. "Mommy…" Nathan started, struggling. "Mommy is just really sad."
"Because Aunt Peyton's gone?"
"Yeah," Nathan said, swallowing his own sadness. "Because Aunt…Because she's gone."
Jamie nodded, looking down, feeling a bit sad himself. He turned around, but Nathan held onto his arm. "Why don't you stay out here and shoot some hoops or something, while I go talk to Mommy?"
Jamie nodded, taking the basketball from his dad's hands.
Before walking into his own bedroom, Nathan peeked into the guest bedroom where Anna was. She was sleeping, as usual. He leaned over her crib, watching her sleep. Already, he saw Peyton in her. She was beautiful, he had to admit; Peyton would have loved her. Nathan smiled at the thought of how Peyton would have been as a mother, chuckling at how much music the kid would know.
Taking a step back, Nathan quietly left the room and went to his and Haley's bedroom. "Haley?" He said, peeking his head in. He heard her sniffles but didn't see her. He stepped all the way in, closing the door behind him. "Haley?"
"What do you want, Nathan?" Haley snapped, walking out of the bathroom. Tears flowing down her face; she wasn't bothering to wipe them away. She was a mess. Haley had finally cracked.
Seeing her like this wasn't what Nathan expected. All though, nothing that happened these days were what Nathan expected. Seeing her with tears streaking down her face, her hair a mess, made Nathan take a step back. He wasn't used to this. "I…uh"
"What, Nathan? God-dammitt, say something!" She yelled at him. She was tired of his games, tired of him acting like there wasn't a problem. Haley was tired of being the strong one.
Nathan was caught off guard. He wasn't sure what sparked this, though he knew he was probably behind it. He didn't know what to say to her. "I'm sorry, Hales-"
"Don't call me that!"
"Haley I-I don't know what to say to you."
"Of course you don't." She spat bitterly, taking a sip from the beer bottle she was holding. "You can't even say her name for god's sakes."
That was true, he couldn't say her name. Sighing, he gave up. Maybe it was time to be the strong one. First, he just had to figure out how. He sat down on the bed, his back to her. "Truth be told, I don't know how to do this, Hales. I don't know how to be the strong one. It's just… God," He sighed, shaking his head. He wasn't sure if she was listening, but he continued anyways. "You just stepped up to the plate, taking over being the strong one. And I was…am…in such bad shape, I let you. Because I don't know how. I don't know how to be strong in this. I just miss her so much."
Haley looked at him as if he was a new man. He had finally opened up to her. Wasn't this what she wanted? She didn't know anymore. She didn't know what to say to him. She wasn't sure she wanted to forgive him. She could, she knew, if she tried. She just didn't know if she wanted to. She was so mad, at him, at the world, she didn't know what to do with herself. She wasn't used to being so angry. Taking another long sip from her bottle, she sat next to him. "What are we supposed to do? We're falling apart; everyone is falling apart. Peyton took so much from us, how do we get it back?"
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"What were her last years like?" Dereck asked Lucas. There were sitting at the bar, drinking. Lucas knew his mother would kill him, but who cared? He was 24, he wasn't a momma's boy.
Sighing, Lucas turned to him. "She got pregnant. We were having a baby, Peyton and I. The doctor told her she had this condition, I don't remember the name, I'm too drunk, but Peyton had a risk of hemorrhaging during labor." Lucas swallowed, the words caught in his throat. "Peyton wanted to go through with the pregnancy though, she wouldn't cut it short. So we, well she, decided to take the risk. The doctor put her on bed rest until she gave birth. We were engaged and had decided to postpone the wedding until after the baby was born. But, Peyton knew the risk and she wanted to get married. She didn't want to wait. SO we went to the doctor and he said it would be okay. So we did. The wedding was great, everything went perfect. Until we got home. I left her in the house, so I could go get the car and show it to her. When I got back, she was on the floor and blood was everywhere. I rushed her to the hospital. They performed a c-section and were able to take the baby out. But, Peyton didn't make it through the surgery. She died."
Dereck took a long sip from his drink. Looking to Lucas, he said, "You have a kid?"
"No. Peyton has a daughter. I am not her father. She doesn't need me."
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