Chapter 2 – Agony

EDWARD POV

Everything around me seemed so dim; nothing had sense anymore without her. After two hours of humming without stopping the lullaby I had composed for her when we first met, the horrible truth started overwhelming my mind. How will I be able to live when the whole reason of my existence was dead?

Dead. My love was dead. I repeated this in my mind over and over again, while I was staring at her motionless body. How will I continue to exist without her smile? Without seeing her brilliant eyes and the blood flushing into her cheeks, while blushing a deep red? Without feeling the heat of her soft skin, the gentle touch of her lips? Without hearing her heart? The only significant sound in my world had disappeared, the only reason that kept me alive had gone for ever; why would I continue to be?

I kept her cold body tight to my chest, remembering every happy moment spent with her; each night spent in her room, each touch, each kiss… the pain was so big I wanted to scream and run far away, but I knew there was no sense. Why should I hide? This wouldn't bring my love back.

Grief, fury and pain were controlling my whole mind; also, I could hear the horrible plans my family had made in the last hours. They planned to make it look like she had a car accident on her way home. Rosalie was more than willing to fabricate the evidences. Of course, I knew she never liked Bella, but I couldn't imagine she would be happy because she died. I also heard Carlisle, Emmett and Alice deciding to come and try to reason with me. I hold Bella's body tighter; I will never give her to them.

A soft knocking at my door interrupted my thoughts. I went to the door and opened it, Bella's body still in my arms, then quickly returned to the sofa. Alice entered, spent a few moments watching us, then ran across the room and kneed next to my sofa. Her only thought was to get a chance to say goodbye to Bella; she was so disgusted and horrified that she couldn't even think about anything else. She stretched one hand towards my love, but I roared defensively.

"Edward, please." She pleaded. "Just please. I love her. I want to say goodbye. Please." Her voice trembled with tears her eyes weren't able to produce anymore.

I relaxed a little and she reached to touch Bella's face.

"I miss you so much, Bella. Nothing is the same without you around. Hope you're happy, wherever you are." She closed her eyes for a few seconds, incapable of handling the huge amount of pain she was feeling.

"Edward, please", she said, her eyes still close, "don't blaim Jazz for this. It was a terrible accident, but it wasn't his fault. I'm begging you."

I groaned, fury overwhelming me. "Not his fault? Bella was my life, and he took her away from me!" It was so painful saying her name out loud. It was like my heart was breaking into millions of pieces. "All I asked from him, since the first time Bella entered into this house, was to keep a distance from her! And what did he do? Killed her! He's a murderer, and I don't know how you can defend him life this."

Tearless sobs came from her and I realized that my words were too harsh for her, but I didn't apologize, I didn't take them back. My fury was too big.

"Edward. He suffers too, you know. He feels horrible now." She whispered.

"Well, if he feels horrible, then it's nothing compared to what I'm feeling right now, so stop finding him excuses, Alice Cullen."

She didn't say anything else; she just hold her hand on Bella's face, sobbing. Her thoughts were vague and confused; I tried not to pay attention to them, since everything that was on her mind was Bella's… death.

"Son." Carlisle said, calmly, speaking for the first time since he'd entered into the room. I've almost forgotten he was there; it was so easy to block everybody's thoughts when I was overwhelmed by my pain. "Please, Edward, give Bella's body to me. Rosalie already made all look like she had a car accident on her way home. Charlie and Renee deserve a chance to say her goodbye", he pleaded.

I hold my grip on Bella, prepared to run with her if they were going to try to force me; I knew Alice would help, I could see it in her thoughts.

"No." I said, my voice echoing into the room. "What about my goodbye? I didn't had enough time and I'm not ready. She's mine and you can't take her away from me."

"Son, be reasonable. Bella was like a daughter to me and I care about her too, but you must be rational and understand the consequences. Could you live with the thought that because of you, neither Charlie, nor Renee had a chance to see their daughter for the last time? Could you take that away from them? Please, give her body to me."

"I said NO!" I replied, raising my voice. "I promised I'll always stay with her. You don't know, but I promised never to let her go."

But Emmett approached, and his hands were already removing my fingers, one by one, gently, from my Bella's body; I couldn't find the strength to fight. I just stared at him, my expression blank. He took her into his big arms, surprisingly careful and gentle; he looked at her and I could see in his thoughts the remorse he felt and how much he missed her. As soon as he got out the door with my love, fury and agony overwhelmed my mind. I groaned, showing my teeth at Carlisle, when truth hit me one more time. Now that she wasn't here with me, there was no hope; I couldn't lie to myself anymore. She was gone for ever. Alice patted my shoulder, but I roared at her too; it was like I was going insane. A part of my brain realized that it was completely irrational what I was doing, but the other part only wanted revenge.

Alice gasped at the sight of her beloved husband, dead, lying on the floor. It was only a vision, of course, but my decision was already taken. He was the one who took Bella away from me and he was going to pay for it. Alice tried to stop me, her grip keeping me from doing this, but I managed to escape. Carlisle hold me still, and Emmett darted into the room – without Bella in his arms - his expression mixed between pain and terror. He put his hands on both of my shoulders, and I struggled, but with Carlisle and him holding me, there was no chance for me to run.

"Let. Me. Do. It. He. Deserves." I managed to choke out between my roars.

"Edward, bro', cal, down. Jeez, take it easy. It was just an accident! No one is guilty!" Emmett tried to reason with me, but I didn't want to hear him. "Please. You'll regret this later."

"Son, think about Bella. Do you think she would've wanted you to become a murderer? If she sees you right now, do you think she likes what she sees? She wouldn't have wanted for you to do something like this, to kill your own brother. She is gone, and there is nothing we could do for her."

"Stop trying to make me feel guilty for wanting to make justice! It is the right thing to do. He killed her, and I'll kill him. Justice, once for all." I answered, my mind ruled by fury.

It was then when I heard Alice's thoughts. Between her tearless sobs and her agony for losing her best friend, it was something else. She gave me her agreement in killing her husband, her soul-mate. She was willing to give up at her true love, because she realized he was guilty. I was about to start struggling again, when I saw something else into her thoughts. A vision, something that would inevitably happen if I'd kill Jasper. My little sister, on her way to Italy. Then another flash… my own family, devastated by so many looses in such short time… and another – me, running far away, and hunting humans. Completely changed. Red eyes. Then everything disappeared, Bella's image in our living room, struggling for her life becoming her main thought.

She sighed, pain in her beautiful eyes.

You have my approval, if you think it's the best way. But I can't live without him, as you can't live without your Bella. This is what will happen. You'll do it, you'll get revenged and then you'll separate from the family and become a total savage. If you're ready, then go. Do it now.

This was too much for me. My revenge seemed correct, the one who did this to my Bella had to be punished. But also losing Alice – Alice, the only one who truly knew me, the only one who shared the same pain as me, my only support in this life without my love – was too much to bear. I couldn't do this to my family. I could understand Alice's reasons, because it had happened the same to me; I couldn't do to her the same thing Jasper did to me. I couldn't take away her only reason to smile when world seemed so dark for her. Also, only the thought of destroying my family like this seemed as painful as Bella's loss.

I sobbed, then roared one more time, then sighed. I felt Alice relaxing next to me.

Thank you, she thought.

What could I tell her? My pleasure? I said nothing as I stared at her beautiful face, at her golden apologetic eyes.

"Em, let him go. He won't do anything." Alice whispered, nodding once in Carlisle's direction. Emmett looked me in the eyes, seriously, then removed his hands off my shoulders.

I made a few steps, then crashed on my sofa. I heard the door opening, then closing again, but didn't bother to see who had left. I felt a soft touch on my hair and looked up just to see Alice's face. She was here, with me, and everything seemed easier. She could understand me; she shared my pain. I let her comfort me, soothe me. She sat into my lap and embraced me tightly, whispering into my ear:

"She's happy, you know. Wherever she is." Then she placed her head onto my shoulder and that was how morning found us; we haven't moved all night.