Chapter 4 – DECISION

EDWARD POV

(I know it's short, but I promise the next chapter will be long and won't disappoint you; also, next chapter will be the last!)

Alice started spending all her time into my room, since I was the only one in the family still grieving for Bella's loss. The others came back to their usual activities, though Bella's memory appeared in their thoughts once in a while.

There had passed two days since her funeral, and the pain was exactly as big as it was in the first day. Alice and I were lying on my sofa; Alice's thoughts were as positive as possible, so that I would feel a little better. She'd helped me so much these days – I don't know what I would've done without her. She rested her head onto my lap, looking at the ceiling. Suddenly, she gasped, horrified by the image in her thoughts.

"Edward, no!" she said, pain in her eyes. "Please, tell me you're not going to do this. Please! You can't do this to me, you can't take another beloved one from me!" she pleaded, looking as if she wanted to cry.

I also saw the image in her thoughts – me, going to Italy. It was something I've took into consideration since she died, but I haven't realized that my subconscious had already taken that decision for me. And it made sense – haven't I promised her nothing will break us apart? Not even death? Haven't I told her, that afternoon, before her birthday party, about my plans from last spring, when she almost died, attacked by a sadistic vampire? About my wish of going to the Volturi and ask them to kill me? Though she made me promise that, whatever will happen to her, I must continue to be, there was no chance for me to be able to exist for eternity without her. I was surprised that this idea hadn't came earlier.

"Edward, please! It's becoming clearer! What are you doing?"

"Nothing, Alice. Nothing. It was just something I thought about. I have no intention of doing this." I lied smoothly. I had to do something to take this our of my mind, because I didn't want them to stop me. I probably managed, because she relaxed, but I could read into her mind that she was planning to pay much more attention at my future than before.

A soft knocking at my door distracted us.

"Come in."

Esme and Emmett entered into the room, Esme's expression smooth and caring.

"We're all going hunting today. Would you like to join us?"

I looked down at Alice; she had violet circles around her eyes. I wasn't thirsty, so I told her to go. She stood up, threw me a worried glance, then took Esme's hand and darted out of the room together with Emmett. Seconds later, I heard all the family going out the front door. I was sure they were going somewhere far, where they could find some mountain lions and bears, in order to distract themselves. Now, that I was all alone, I could think better about my plan. I would have to hurry. Should I run there or take the plane? By running, there was a certain risk of them catching me; but, by plane, the delay would be too big. And since I've took the decision, I couldn't strop thinking that in a few hours I'll be with her. The pain I felt was physical and I couldn't stand it any longer. My heart cried for her touch. But first, before leaving, I should write them a letter; they had the right to understand my reasons.

My dear family,

When you will read this letter, you will probably know what I've done; please don't try to stop me and don't blame yourselves for this. It was only my decision and I will try to explain the reasons, though I am sure you already know them. But first, let me tell each one of you how much you mean to me and how your presence in my life lightened the darkness that once overwhelmed me.

Carlisle, Esme, my dear parents… thank you so much for the unconditional love you gave me all these years. Carlisle, I know you've always thought you made a mistake when you changed me; please, don't you ever blame yourself for this. You made the right choice then; I was dying without knowing how real happiness felt like. You gave me the opportunity of knowing true love, you've taught me how to love and how to be a better person, despite of what I was. Please, you must always remember me as I was before that night in which my Bella passed away, and you mustn't grieve for my loss. Esme, my mother… you've been the most loving mother I could've asked for. You've been there for me and only I know the huge amount of happiness you felt when I finally found my soul-mate, after all these years. Don't cry for me, enjoy the rest of your existence by taking care of Alice, Jazz, Em, and Rose. I know I was your first child in this new life, but I also want to let you know that we will always be together; death doesn't break people apart. My heart will always be with you.

Alice, my sweet sister… you probably know me better than anyone else, sometimes better than I know myself. I know I've hurt you by taking this decision, because you are already grieving for the loss of your best friend, but please, don't look at this gesture as a way to make you suffer – It wasn't my intention, as you sure know it. You also know that I'm happy where I am right now, so please try to live your life by remembering me without pain and remorse.

Jasper, to you I must tell the most important thing. I know my behavior in the last couple of days wasn't exactly right , but I don't blame you for what happened that night. It was a terrible accident, and I know how horrible you felt when you realized what you've done. Your terror almost equaled mine. I beg you, once again, don't take this blame on you, and try as hard as you can to be strong, for Alice, and to comfort her, because you're the only one who can do it. Do not grieve for my loss, because I finally found my eternal peace.

Em and Rose… Em, you're the best brother I could've ever asked for; you've been there for me, and please, my death should not erase the smile on your face. You've always been so happy and nothing ever touched you; continue acting like this. Try to make Alice smile, she'll need your jokes, though she knows what'll you'll say before you do it, she's still amused. Rose, now, more than ever, Alice will need her sister's support and love. I know we've had our misunderstandings, but you know I love you and nothing will change that. Be there for your sister and mother, help them forget about this loss.

I promised I'll explain my reasons, although you already know them. You, my family, you've been with me for so long, and you've noticed the changes that produced since I met Bella. Suddenly, the dark night that represented my whole world was lightened by her; there was bright and color. The moment she closed her eyes for eternity, I stopped existing. My life ended with her, though I stayed with you a few more days, I was empty. Please, try to imagine this will happen to you; will you be able to leave without your soul? (metaphorically speaking) Will you be able to continue existing if the whole reason of your life would be gone? For me, not seeing her brilliant smile and her gorgeous eyes, not feeling the touch of her lips and her soft fingers against my skin, not hearing her voice and the sound of her heart was too much to bear. She took with her the light she brought into my world; desperation and agony overwhelmed me. Please, live with this thought: I'm happy wherever I am, because I'm with her. I finally found my eternal peace and we'll be together forever, as I promised to her. I promised nothing will break us apart, and I kept my promise; not even death managed to take her away from me for too long. I am in peace now, because I've found my soul and my life is complete.

Once again, I ask you not to grieve for my loss. I love you all, always and forever, and my heart will remain there, because you've always been a part of me. I am sorry.

Edward.