Woah don't hold back Alice. Geez. So for the record I TRIED to talk to Alice about this but apparently we aren't talking at the moment. Fine. All I can say is that you have NO idea what it's like Alice, and you won't listen so how can I explain?! I don't hate Bella, contrary to your opinion. And I'm not jealous of her either, well not in the 'i want Edward AND all the attention' way. I heard you talking to Esme before, and just so you're clear I LOVE EMMETT. Edward is my brother Alice, that's disgusting. As I mentioned before (which I'm sure you read) Edward helped me overcome so many of my fears and pain throughout my first couple of years as a vampire and knows me better than anyone, so of course I have that bond with him in that way. He's the only one who has taken the time to understand me without judging me. So shut up and stop acting like you know everything. Carlisle knows that I love him, more than I ever loved my 'real' dad. He and Esme know that Alice, I don't need you telling me what my family feel. I know I have made some mistakes and that sometimes my 'attitude' affects you guys, and I'm sorry. But it's not like I do it on purpose. You're right about one thing though, I've never felt like a real 'Cullen', like one of the family. I just don't fit in, not as well as you or Emmett, or even Bella. I don't take a back anything I feel cos thats how I feel. But I'm sorry if thats how YOU feel. Look, Your my sister, I love you. You frustrate me like only a sister can and I trust you completely, but you don't understand. I'm not saying that I don't WANT to fit in, or that I don't feel like you guys are my family, because you are my family. And you're all the only reason I am still here. I love you all. I guess in a way I have the family I always wanted, but the role I wanted is taken, and I don't know how to fit in. I'm not a good daughter or a good sister, and yes its true you come to me for all those things, but hello when was the last time that happened Alice? Oh.. maybe a month or two before Bella Swan came into our lives. See what I mean? She's already more of a part of this family than you realise. What am I supposed to do?! All I wanted was to be a mother. God Alice you KNOW all this. It's hard for me to let you all in because you don't understand. How could you understand? I don't want to bring you guys down, not now of all times especailly. But I do think that you're making the wrong decisions about Bella. and you know perfectly well how i feel about that and I'm SICK of you getting all defensive of her. I am NOT going to change my mind on that one, so YOU had better get used to THAT idea Alice Cullen. I'm not going to say anymore about that though, my opinions only get me into trouble.
Oh, and just because you can see the future, doesn't mean you know everything about me OR my family. So get off your freaking high horse.
Rose, it's Jasper. Sorry about Alice, she tells me to tell you she isn't talking to you because as much as you go on about us not understanding, YOU don't understand. But I'm not here to talk for Alice, there's a few things I want to say.. First of all, sorry for reading your diary..and just so you know I told Emmett not too last week but obviously he ignored me. Okay. So. I know you feel like on-one pays any attention to you and you feel like no-one understands you, except maybe Edward. And now Edwards preoccupied with Bella so you feel even more left out, but you forget Rose, I'm your 'twin' ;). You're right, we've always been close. This whole situation doesn't change anything! I know how you feel. Literally. I know you probably think it's irrelevant, but you're forgetting what I went through with Maria. I was hurt by the one who promised me her love forever. What I felt for her wasn't love though, it was admiration and a desperate desire to please her. But she used me, much like Royce used you. She hurt me, and made me do things that i HATE myself for now, which you know. I'm telling you this too try and show you that you aren't the only one with a terrible past that haunts you. Esme lost her baby remember? Alice doesn't know her past, you have no idea how much that torments her despite the tough face she puts on. You know, you and Alice are so much alike in that respect. And Esme. You all find it hard. The difference is though, they have managed to accept the past and the furture, and embrace it. You know, I get how you feel about not fitting in, but I'd be lost without you sweetie, you're my favourite sister. Ain't nothing gonna change that. But you're stuck in the past Rose. Please listen to me when I tell you that we NEED you. We need you to be a part of our family. The Cullens aren't the Cullens without you sis.
And we understand more than you think.
Love Jaz. Xxxo
P.S. By the way, in your first 'diary' entry you said that Alice had said your emotions and thoughts were causing a drift in the family. I can imagine how her saying that would make you feel like crap, so I thought I'd just say that it's not that that's causing a drift in our family. Sure me and Edward pick up on you emotions/thoughts alot, but us being angsty because of it isn't whats wrong here. Sometimes, all the emotions in the house get overwhelming for me, thats true. But it's not your fault hun, don't blame yourself. We have so much going on right now. I'm still dealing with my own feelings around Bella, I've already shown I don't have full control around her. And Edward is one messed up ball of emotions at the moment. And along with Carlisle and Esme's happiness/excitment and concern aswell, it just gets abit crowded here. So I'm sorry if you have been feeling bad about that, it's nothing we can't handle.
P.S.S. Alice says she hopes you grow up soon cos she needs some new clothes and Edward won't let Bella out of his sight to go shopping with her. She loves you Rose, she's just angry.