Chapter Five: Panic Attack

"I'm going to marry Flora. I'd like to invite you to my wedding, Cody," Carter said to Cody quite abruptly. Both he and Carter were standing upon the soft sand, staring out into the ocean's distant waves; the beach of Forget-Me-Not Valley was small, but it was beautiful in its simplicity. Cody's eyebrows went up in surprise. Sure, he had known Carter for years now; the scholar had come to the valley about six years ago, accompanied by a strong willed young woman named Flora. Both were highly intelligent and began excavating the land near the waterfall all on their own. There was no large machinery involved, which was why it took so many years for the project to get underway. Carter would come every-so-often to the beach, after seeing Cody a few times the two had begun to talk. Though, Carter did most of the talking; Cody would nod and listen to Carter's thoughts. Mostly, Carter spoke of the dig, or how their lack of funding forced him and Flora to live together in a tent, or that Flora's cooking left a lot to be desired. This is what shocked Carter the most. Carter was going to marry Flora, yet Cody hardly ever heard anything about Flora that wasn't a complaint of some form. "We'll be having it on the hill on the other side of the river in a week. I'd be honored if you'd come my friend," Carter chuckled, "Though you speak few words, I'm grateful to you for listening to me for these past years."

Cody looked down at Carter, slowly a smile formed on his face. "Yes, I'll come," he stated warmly. Carter was very pleased. The sun was setting as the moon rose from the behind the mountains. With a short goodbye, Carter was headed back for the Dig Site. Cody also headed back for his home. His thoughts began to linger on Carter's wedding. Carter was a very good man, kind and smart, though he'd often get so absorbed with his work that he blocked the rest of the world out. At one time, Cody would often find himself in the same state of mind. But Carter had often complained before that no matter how engrossed he was with his work, Flora had a way of distracting him. In fact Carter once said that if Flora wasn't such a big help, he would have asked her to leave the project because she did this to his studies.

Then Cody thought, was that the first sign? Was it that ability to interrupt into Carter's focused mind and make it go topsy-turvy that hinted to Carter that he might be falling for Flora? Was Flora aware of this? Did she try to catch Carter's eye, or did she just have to be there to do so. Could Abiba… no. Cody made his thoughts stop there. Abiba was a completely different subject, why should he confuse the two? Cross-examine the events? Shaking his head, Cody let his body just fall into his bed. He had to force the idea of Abiba out of his mind before he could sleep.

It was early the next morning. Cody didn't sleep that well, and it was too early yet to head over to Turtle Pond, Nina wouldn't be up and about for at least another hour. The sky above was cloudy, in fact very little of the blue could be seen. The autumn months were chilly, and under the shade of the clouds, the chill grew colder. Perhaps it was the shiver in the air that made Cody get to work, to warm up. He took up a sheet of copper, one square foot, and began to roll the edge to the center. This work took time, slowly- surely, with the immense pressure from his powerful hands, the edges of the sheet began to roll toward the center. In a way it looked like a scroll, a piece of parchment. He wasn't entirely sure of what he was trying to make, however his focus lead his movements, not his mind.

And then it was broken. The intensity of the moment, the single-mindedness that absorbed Cody into his work, snapped. He had been in the zone at one moment, and now, a moment later, he wasn't. What happened?

Footsteps came from behind. Cody took a deep sigh. He knew it now. It was the same thing that threw every moment off kilter. He was so attached to the balance of those moments that the loss of the balance that he almost wanted her not to come. At the same time Cody couldn't help but want the imbalance. It was a different feeling. It somehow added some color in his world. Cody did not need to look over his shoulder. He placed the rolled copper sheet to the side and went to work on another piece. "Good morning, Abiba."

"Hello, Cody." Abiba- as always, seemed to shine. Cody wasn't sure if it was really her that shown so brightly or the way he saw her, but either way she illuminated the area she was in. Her glow was beautiful. Everyone had their own glow. Guastfa gave off a free spirited air; it was this loose yet dependable feel that made him appealing. Nina had such a soothing persona about her, calm and caring, child-like in a way. Even Rock, while living in his own world, really was caring- his glow made people want to bounce. Still, Abiba's glow brightened the world. It was so odd, for Cody wasn't at all sure why it did. Abiba was a wonderful, kind person, but so were the rest of the people of the valley; so what made Abiba shine so? He wasn't sure. She continued, "Um, how are you today, Cody?"

Cody nodded and grunted to her. This was not an unusual response. In the corner of he eye Cody noticed that Abiba was playing with the corner of her work apron. "Uh, Cody, could I ask you something?" Again, a nod accompanied by a grunt. "Well, you see, I'm friends with Flora, and she invited me to her wedding." Cody showed no sign of paying attention. Abiba looked up. "Well, Cody- would you; if you're going- would you be my escort?"

All was still. What? The solemn weight that had surrounded his body since last night lifted. Cody approached Abiba and, looking down, said, "Yes."

The next few moments seemed a blur to Cody. Abiba mentioned something about being glad then continued to ramble on about how her crops still needed watering. Then with a wave she raced up the hill, with ease, as if she were lighter then air. Cody chose to ignore this observation, but still, it made him happy.

Later, as the sun once again began to set, Cody, feeling strangely sleepy decided to head in early. As he walked from here to there within his small home, he was pleasantly thinking about this morning. He had not been this glad in a very long time; the idea of taking Abiba to Carter and Flora's wedding was so- he stopped.

It had hit Cody that he would be going to the wedding with Abiba.

Considering that he had not truly taken a woman anywhere, in the last sixteen years- the floodgates of anxiety swung open letting in an overwhelming feeling of apprehension. What on Earth was he thinking? Why did he agree to take Abiba to the wedding? Spending an entire afternoon, maybe into the night, perhaps even into the early morning hours- was completely mad? What would he say to her, what would she say? Would they have a good time together? TOGETHER!? An image of Abiba, in a dress, and he in a nice pair of slacks and shirt appeared in his mind's eye. They'd be together. To-get-her. When he broke down the word in his head Cody realized that the longer word was really the words 'to,' 'get' and 'her' combined into one. Was he trying to get with her?! The thought of it was really a thrill of both eagerness and utter terror. But it had been Abiba that first asked him to go with her to the wedding, so was she trying to get him 'to,' 'get' with 'her.' No! He couldn't possibly let himself think such things! Yet he wanted to in a way. Cody's body dropped into a chair with a heavy thud. It was all so terribly confusing.

Maybe he should tell her he couldn't go. Maybe it would better. Maybe he was getting himself all worked up while all she really wanted was a good friend to go with her to wedding to enjoy herself. But then why didn't she ask Guastfa? Would Cody and Abiba spend alone time together- Arg, there was that word again- but would they? Would they be alone for a moment? How would that be any different from how they were just that moment? No one was with them when they talked. In fact most of the time he spent with Abiba was alone. Why- how could this be any different?

They were alone at the hot springs not long ago. Nothing was any different then. He hadn't panicked before… not like this! It happened by accident at the hot springs! He didn't know that she'd be in the water too! It was all unplanned. But now- it WAS planned. It was all too much for him to handle.

Perhaps… perhaps he should just put the matter to rest. With this thought, Cody's heart rate began to lessen. Just go to the wedding, and see what happens. It wouldn't be bad at all. Abiba was a perfectly wonderful person; they would both have a good time. Yes, yes. Best not to think about it right now. Cody lowered his head onto his pillow. Just take it as it comes. Yes, yes. Slowly he pulled the sheet over him and his breathing became steady…

Cody's body shot right back up on his bed.

But what would he wear!?