The young girl didn't try to hide how hard it was staying home on weekends rather than driving out to the strip club to see the woman who had captured her heart. She knew the woman had no way to contact her, besides the time she had given her a card with her number on it… but that was over a year ago.
Close friends who knew about the relationship asked questions. They asked why she wasn't at the club, and what happened. All the girl would say in response was "it's over." She felt like throwing up every time the woman crossed her mind, which was constantly.
Besides the questions being asked directly about the fallen relationship, everyone began to notice the difference in the girl. Instead of being happy and outgoing, she was dark and brooding. She barely ate or slept, causing her appearance to seem as if she were the walking dead. It appeared to look like she lost her will to live… which she did.
She heard the same things. There are plenty of fish in the sea. She doesn't deserve you. If it's meant to be, it will happen. None of it mattered. The dancer was all that mattered. Who knows how long she could have been left hanging, waiting. Besides, it's better to let go under your terms than fall and have no one catch you, right?
She began going on dates to appease her friends, each one as meaningless as its predecessor. She hated first dates more than anything; more so when she didn't care about herself let alone impressing some poor girl. There was actually a girl who couldn't take a hint and decided she was going to figure the young girl out. The kind heart wasn't exactly welcomed, but she was kept around because she saw something in her that made her trust her.
The night they shared their first kiss was a Thursday. They had just gotten back from the movies, and the short brunette asked the girl why she never smiled. Sure, she would crack jokes and smirk when she was being a pain in the ass but that was it. The young girl shrugged and said she was broken. The hollow look in her eyes as she spoke her answer let the girl know that was the end of discussion. The shorter woman leaned up and softly kissed her lips in hopes the act would make the girl smile. When she realized that she was not being kissed back, and that her plan failed she politely said goodnight and left.
The young girl watched her drive away and sighed heavily as it began to rain. Her heart felt like lead, dead weight, she mentally added. She almost laughed cynically as the rain began to pour, the irony thick in the air. She eyed the porch and how she was safe and dry from the rain, her eyes passing over the houses before her, blanketed by the night. After a few minutes she walked dejectedly into the house and lay down on her bed to stare at the ceiling.
She was woken from her sleep to the sound of knocking on the door. Looking at the clock and realizing it was after one in the morning, she rolled over hoping the person knocking would go away, or her roommate would answer. Her eyes popped open as she groaned; remembering that her roommate had went out of town on vacation.
"Christ, I'm coming!" she said as she trudged to the door, trying to somewhat straighten her bed head. She whipped the door open, ready to give the person hell when her breath was stolen from her chest. Blue eyes met hers, as she stared back at the dancer.
"Can I come in?" she asked, pointing out her soaking wet clothes. The girl said nothing as she moved to the side to let the small blonde into the house.
"Let's get you changed." The girl said, leading the dancer to her bedroom. She searched her closet through the many t-shirts for something that might fit the other woman's smaller frame. She decided on a pair of lounge pants and a small tank top, and handed them to the woman who still had an iron strong hold on her heart. The dancer smiled as the young girl turned her back to give her privacy to change, even though she had seen her naked more times than she can count. She got a warm feeling knowing that she was never looked at as a dancer. The blonde announced she was done changing before the young girl collected her clothes to put them into the dryer.
"Would you like something to drink?" the girl asked as she moved around the island, and into the kitchen.
"Please. Whatever is fine." She watched every controlled movement in the young girl. She knew she must have had a million questions for her, and was dying to ask but she would when she was ready. The girl had watched her move so many times, her eyes following every second and it was nice to be the watcher. The young girl brought over two mugs of hot chocolate, which was an amazing gift for someone who was just bathed in the downpour of rain.
"How did you find me?" the girl hesitantly asked.
"Andy told me." The girl silently nodded in response. "He kind of chewed me out for breaking his friend."
"Yeah.. Andy is protective like that." She simply said.
"I didn't know you two were that close. I knew you were friends but.. Well, Im really happy you are otherwise I wouldn't know where to begin."
"It's been a month and a half."
"I saw it. I had always seen it… the way you look at me, with such love. It scared me so much. I didn't want to begin a relationship that began with me asking you if I could give you a lap dance." The scowl the dancer was given told her she really had the girl's attention. "As much as I didn't want it, I couldn't help but want it twice as badly. I know you don't look at me as a dancer, it was never that. I was just too headstrong. When you left I was so hurt, and lost. Honestly, I didn't think the distance would last. I know it was killing me not seeing you." She took note of the young girl's appearance. She was so gaunt. She had dark circles under her eyes, eyes which looked so empty.
"and if I would have came back?" she quietly asked. "Would it have made a difference? I would be coming back to you as always."
"It would have."
"Why are you here?" the girl asked defensively. 'Ahh, so diversion is a defense mechanism for her.' The dancer sighed as she realized a simple 'I love you' wouldn't make everything sunshine and rainbows for them.
"I couldn't go another minute without seeing you." The young girl's eyes shot up at the admission. "I'm so in love with you, so crazy about you… I just couldn't be away from you." A silent tear rolled down the girl's flushed cheek.
"Fuck!" she breathed, standing up, hands covering her face. "This isn't, this cant be real. I can't breathe." She whispered. The blonde was in front of her within a split second's time.
"You can breathe, it's okay. I'm here." The small blonde wrapped her arms around the taller girl's body, her head lying on her shoulder. "I'm not going anywhere." The girl calmed down quickly from the warmth of the smaller body against hers, and the sincerity in the words spoken. The buzzer from the dryer sounded, causing both women to look in the direction of the utility room.
"Stay with me." The younger girl whispered. The dancer nodded, love and hopefulness shining in her eyes. The young girl shut off the lights around the house and led the shorter woman to her room, hand in hand. The girl chewed her lip nervously eyeing the bed. The dancer sensed her hesitation before turning to her, placing a comforting hand against the girl's stomach.
"Just sleep." Watching as the tension rolled off the girl's shoulders in waves, the blonde smiled. The girl lay down, facing up and watched as the dancer climbed into her bed. As a thought that ran through her mind many times, it stole her breath to watch the image become reality. The blonde was to her left, on her side looking down at the young girl just watching her.
"You'll never know just how much I love you." The blonde dancer whispered with a hint of a smile.
"I love you too, so much." The young girl whispered back. "Thanks for finding me, I was dying without you."
"Thank you for letting me in." They both quieted at the statement, at both meanings of the statement. The young girl's fingers threaded through cool, damp blonde tresses. She felt her throat grow dry as blue eyes fluttered closed. The blonde didn't dare move. The taller girl's stomach muscles tightened as she slowly leaned up, her thumb tracing pink lips, her head swimming. She replaced her thumb with her lips, barely touching the other woman's mouth. The blonde gasped slightly, her hand moving to the girl's other side, steadying herself. Slowly more pressure was applied, as her hand tightened in the wavy blonde strands. Tongues met, worlds collided, hearts beat in a frantic rhythm, in perfect synch with one another. The passion that engulfed their kiss slowed to an exploring, yet familiar dance of tongues and lips.
"Tell me something." The blonde asked, slightly out of breath. "How long?"
"Since I very first laid eyes on you."
"Really?" she asked, her eyes welling up slightly with happy tears at the admission.
"You've always had my heart. I was blinded. When I saw you, shining like a diamond in the dirt."