Decided to update to stay in the contest that I wrote this story for. Good idea, right? :P
I waited for the automatic doors to open. The doors at the drugstore in town had slow automatic doors that took a while to open, but eventually did, so I went inside. I grabbed the third test of the day. I was getting really tired of this plastic sticks of doom—appropriately nicknamed, I might add—as the other two had predicted my doom already, but I still refused to believe what the little pink plus sign said. Plus, one of them looked more like a division sign.
I approached the counter where the cashier, Rollo, tried to make yet anotherjoke to what was going on. "Hey, if it isn't Puckett the Crime Dog!" Ugh. What a horrible pun on his part. "Back for another test?"
Uh. Duh.
"I think the last one was defective," I said, walking towards the counter. "The plus sign looked like a division symbol, so I remain unconvinced." I reached for the bathroom keys but Rollo took the passkey—a bathroomwith a passkey? This isn't the freaking Chambrulay Hotel!—before I could grab it, holding it next to his face. A cheerleader in the corner sneered.
"Third test today, Mama Bear," Rollo stated matter-of-factly. "Your eggo is preggo, no doubt about it."
"Third test?" she said, scoffing. "It's real easy to tell. Is your nipples real brown?"
Uh...interesting conversation.
She knocked into a display case as she walked and make-up fell out of her jacket and clattered on the floor. "Aw, balls!" she muttered.
"You planning on paying for that?" Rollo asked.
"I had my first abortion when I was about your age," she said smiling, completely ignoring Rollo's question. "It was fun!"
"Shut up!" I said, turning back to Rollo when I finished yelling.
"Maybe your boyfriend's a mutant, knocked you up twice," Rollo said in mock humor.
"Silencio, old man!" I cried in frustration. "I just drank my weight in Sunny D, and water and crap, and I gotta go pronto!" I held my hand out and waited impatiently for the bathroom key.
Rollo hesitated but eventually held out the key. "You know where the John is." Boy did I. I walked off. "Hey, you better pay for that when you're down! Don't just think it's yours cause you marked your territory! My grandson needs braces and you kind of need money to pay for that!" Rea-lly?! I would have never guessed....
"Jesus, I never said it was!" Or did I? I dunno, hell if I remember.
Before entering the bathroom when Rollo and the cheerleader weren't looking at me, I looked down my shirt to see if my chest area really was brown. Yup.
I locked the bathroom door behind me. The bathroom was so tiny that I had to walk around carefully to have room. I pulled down my jeans and boxer shorts—uh, duh, I wear boxer shorts. Get used to it—and tried to use the thing. I was just glad I got to pee.
The pregnancy test companies are so funny. The box says the test is called "TeenWave Discount Pregnancy Test". The teen on the box is shrugging with a confused look on her face. Hon, the plus sign means you're screwed—no pun intended.
The one line that didn't make me so sure of the results of this test was that underneath the name it says, "From the Makers of Cloud-Glitz Lightening Hair Spritz!". The joke is that in Washington it's not exactly sunny, and they misspelled 'lightning'. Oh, wait, 'lightening' is a stage in pregnancy....My bad.
Finally, I was finished with the death stick and finished up in the bathroom. I don't remember, but I'm pretty sure I didn't flush. Whoops.
As I walked back out, I saw a huge licorice rope and picked one up. Yum. Snack.
"So what's the prognosis, fertile Mertyle?" Rollo asked as I set down the empty box and licorice on the counter. "Minus or plus?"
"Don't know, it's not seasoned yet," I said, taking it out of my pocket, examining the thing. "I'll have one of these," I added, sliding the licorice over the counter to Rollo. "Wait." I was examining the little testing window on the stick. "Huh. There it is. God, that little pink plus sign is so unholy...." I shook the test in attempt to skew the result. Shake. Shake. Nothing.
"That ain't no Etch-A-Sketch," Rollo reminded me. Thanks, dude. Thanks a whole lot. "This is one doodle that can't be undid, home skillet." Uh...what did he just say?
"What person actually talks like that?" I asked.
"What teen actually talks like that?" Rollo argued.
"Touché," I muttered, grabbing my purchases, slapping bills on the counter, and I turned and left. I took my licorice out of my bag as I went, and I threw away the box and death stick as I walked. I sighed. Well this sucked.
When I got close to Bushwell Plaza I saw a tree with a low hanging branch. I threw the licorice around the branch and put my head in the empty space like a noose. I pulled on the rope and immediately I started to choke. I got out of my makeshift noose by taking a bite of the licorice.
I contemplated going to Carly's house, but I wanted to go home first to call her to tell her I was coming, you know, to be polite...for once. I went to my room which was covered with posters of amazingbands (Cuttlefish, Guns N Roses, Counting Crows, Plain White T's, and Metallica, to name a few, not to mention ACDC). My bed was a mess so I shoved the stuff covering it onto the floor, and immediately found my hamburger phone. It's like a cheeseburger from McDonald's.
I dialed Carly's number.
"Yo-yo-yiggety-yo," she greeted. Long story short, me and Carly had an experience at summer camp last year, and now we use that saying all the time.
"I am a suicide risk," I said back, articulating each syllable but speaking fast at the same time.
"What? Is this Sam?" Carly asked. I felt something brush against the phone and guessed Carly was painting her nails. Uh, gross. Not that I don't like the occasional clear coat or black polish occasionally. But Carly liked pale pink colors on her nails.
"No, it's Morgan Freeman. Got any bones that need collecting?" I said sarcastically, even though Morgan Freeman wasn't in The Bone Collector.
"Only the one in my pants," Carly said giggling. We're so dirty.
I smiled momentarily at my joke before I admitted, "Dude, I'm pregnant."
"What? Honest to blog?" I figured Carly was so shocked she said 'blog' rather than 'God'.
"Yep."
"Maybe it's just a food baby. Did you have a big lunch?"
Carly of all people knows that I have a big lunch everyday...typically of meat.
"It's not a food baby. I took three pregnancy tests and fo shizz up the spout," I said, imitating Rollo. Ah, the memories....
"How did you generate enough pee for three pregnancy tests?" Carly asked in awe, and I had to admit, I was expecting that. Big time.
"I drank like ten million things of Sunny Delight." How delightful. "Anyway, yeah, I'm pregnant. And you're shockingly cavalier." I didn't even know I knew that word, but whatever. It fit into the conversation perfectly.
"Is this for real? Like, for real, for real?"
"Unfortunately, yes." Carly should know I wasn't kidding.
"Oh my God! Oh, shit! Phuket Thailand!"
"That's kind of the emotion I was looking for in the first take," I added. I had no idea what 'Phuket Thailand' meant.
"Well, are you going to Havenbrooke or Women Now for the abortion? You need a note for your parents for Havenbrooke. I wrote one for Valerie last year."
"Yeah, I know," I said. I had heard that Valerie had an abortion last year but didn't think it was real, but now I had all the proof I needed for it to be real. Carly admitted she wrote the note for her. The evil witch deserved it to be honest. "Women Now, I guess, cause they help women now..."
"Want me to call for you? I called for someone last year."
Geez, Carly, you're big in on the pregnancy ordeal! "Eh, I'll call them myself. Thank the Lord for hamburger phones." Suddenly, I figured out how to tell Spencer, but it would be risky. Very risky.Like if I got caught, spending-the-night-in-Juvy risky. "But I do need your help with something..."
Thanks everyone. I think you know what's happening next. :D Please review! Oh, and I know I used real life bands, but I love the bands I mentioned, so I just left it like that.
fishstix2006: You really think it's good? Thank you. That means a lot to me.
shillingklaus: (((Sorry, had to put your penname like this or else it disappears when I publish the story))) I didn't know about the whole Washington thing, but thanks for mentioning it. :D She just told Carly, but Carly's probably confused on who the daddy is. She'll probably be shocked to know it's her brother! But anyway, I can't wait to put up everyone's reactions!
luvrickyunderwood: SLAT penname, I presume? ;) I'm working on writing a majority of the story this weekend, so I'll just upload chappies when I have time. Juno is an amazing movie, I took my sister Annemarie to see it two years ago like the day it came out (((she was eleven but whatever, we both loved it, other than when it makes fun of Madison, cause we have a friend named Madison...but yeah still hilariously funny))). And we watch iCarly all the time, too. So yeah.
Reviews!
:D