There was a time, I reflect, when David was everything I'd ever wanted in a man.
I nearly laugh, despite how out-of-place it would sound in the middle of this fight. Boy, has that changed.
"You can't leave." He sounds dangerous when he's angry. It used to send chills down my spine. Now, it's just pissing me off.
"Didn't you hear me? I want out. I've had enough." You're not the man I married. I sound like a character on a third-rate soap opera. What kind of hack's writing my lines?
"You can't just leave like that, Star." There's a slap in my near future. I can hear it in his voice, in the way he says my name. "You're a half-vampire. You can't just say, 'I want out', and be human again."
"I don't care." I fold my arms across my chest, hoping it'll make me look determined and wondering where I left my jacket. It's cold in this cave, this godforsaken hole, despite the fires that provide our only light. "I don't care if I can't go back. I can't stay here, either."
He's practically tearing at that bleach-blond hair now. "Where the hell do you think you're going to go?"
"Anywhere but here!" I can't keep a slight edge of hysterical laughter from my voice. We've been having this same damn argument since a month ago. "I can't stand this place anymore, can't stand you anymore!" I stop and brush my unruly hair from my eyes – I haven't washed it in so long, god, if only the Boys had chosen a place with plumbing! – taking a deep breath in a vain attempt to calm down. "I'm going crazy here, David. I have to leave."
He collapses into that accursed wheelchair, which rolls back about a foot. He's glaring at the ceiling, refusing to look at me. "David, are you even listening?"
His eyes don't leave the ceiling.
I could shout, could demand his attention, could earn that promised slap. But I don't feel like it. So instead, even though I know he's not listening, I tell him everything. I tell him about white picket fences and green grass and plumbing and electricity. I tell him about a kitchen that gets used for more than just a place to open takeout, and vehicles where I don't have to cling to his waist in order to ride. I tell him about dead-end jobs and about college, even though that was always my parents' dream. I tell him about stability. I tell him about love. I tell him about growing up.
At one point, he groans and puts a hand to his forehead dramatically. "Aagh, you sound just like Max."
"Oh! Well, I'm so sorry to remind you of your father figure."
He stands up. Just stands up, and yet he manages to make it look so menacing. Once, maybe, I would have given in just then, swooned and let him carry me away to have his wicked way with me. But I'd like to think I've got slightly more dignity than that. "Do you even listen to the shit that comes out of your mouth?"
"I want someone to love me, David, someone who'd give anything to make me happy, instead of demanding everything from me."
"And just what have I demanded from you, Star?"
"Everything!"
"Everything."
"My life, for one."
"I -" He's speechless. "You wanted this!"
I shake my head. "Not this! Not this squalor, not this limbo, not these endless years where nothing changes! I wanted marriage, David." Seeing the surprise on his face, I push on. "Yes, I was that old-fashioned! I wanted a husband, I wanted a home, I wanted a child! But more than that." I duck my head, not wanting him to see that I'm on the brink of tears. "I wanted you. I wanted you more than anything else. But I don't want you more than everything else put together, don't you see?"
He rolls his eyes.
I've got nothing more to say, so I turn and walk away. I've given up enough for him. If he's going to follow me, I won't stop him.
But he doesn't, and I walk clear out of the cave. I don't know where I'm going. I'm not sure what I'm doing. I just know that I can't bear to stay there for another second.
When I return, and return I do, having again persuaded myself that there's nowhere I can go except back to him, there's a towheaded blond kid playing with Paul by the fountain.
There are no words. I scream. The kid screams too, and Paul looks at me guiltily, standing quickly and pushing the kid behind his back.
This doesn't stop me. I fly at him, knowing I'm useless against a full vampire, even one as erratic as Paul, but still determined. "What the hell are you planning to do to that little boy?"
"Nothing!" Paul protests. "You weren't supposed to know he was here – shit, David'll kill me for spoiling the surprise..."
"Surprise?"
There's a rush of air from the mouth of the cave, accompanied by a sound like giant wings. I turn to see David scrambling down the incline, a look that might almost be considered apologetic on anyone else scribbled across his foxy face. "Surprise," he snarls, obviously trying to hide his discomfort. "You should consider yourself lucky. I never give gifts."
"Gifts?"
The boy's head peeks out from behind Paul's back. I curse my own selfish desires, that made me fight with David, that made me scream my hopes and dreams, that even now have me wanting to pull the boy into my arms and never let go. "No, David, you can't give me a human being! You have to take him back home."
"That's what I thought you'd say." He looks upset, as if this isn't going over quite how he hoped it would. "So I turned him."
"You what?"
"Laddie's a half-vampire. Like you."
I can't believe it. I actually cannot believe that this is really happening. I know that David doesn't think things through half as carefully as he pretends he does, that acting on rash impulse is one of the things that drew me to him and now grates on me, but I didn't think he'd go this far. No matter what happens, it'll tear the poor boy apart.
But I can't help but feel, just a little bit, grateful. Even though he does demand too much, even though it's probably a cheap trick to tie me to him further, even though he can't make right through one gesture years and years of everything being wrong, David listened. He listened, and he tried to do something for me, to make me happy.
Of course, it doesn't change things between us. Maybe if he'd relocated to somewhere with plumbing.