Disclaimer: Anthony Rapp owns the song "Goodbye" and Jo owns Harry Potter. I can't possibly own both of them, because I can't be two people at once. And, in fact, I own neither of them.
Chapter Two: Goodbye
"You—don't—know?"
Scorpius averted his eyes so he wouldn't have to see the pain in Albus's emerald ones. "No, I don't know; I feel like I don't know anything anymore. I care about you, I do, but what does any fourteen-year-old, any seventeen-year-old for that matter, know about love? I just need some time and space to figure things out, Al, that's all."
Scorpius needed space? thought Albus incredulously. Scorpius was the clingiest person he'd ever met! Everywhere Albus went, Scorpius had to follow; everything Albus did, Scorpius had to do too. Actually, it got rather annoying, but Albus put up with it because he loved his boyfriend, and Scorpius needed him. But now here Scorpius was, telling him he needed space!
"Al?" Scorpius extended his hand toward the other boy and laid it tentatively on his shoulder.
"So," said Albus woodenly. "What do you want then?" Merlin, how many times had he said those words to Scorpius over the last three years? What do you want, Scorpius? Whatever you want, Scorpius. If you want, Scorpius...
Scorpius cleared his throat. "Well...I was thinking that we could kind of...take a break. You know, still be together but...non-exclusive. See other people."
"See other people?" echoed Albus, feeling like a parrot. "Who did you have in mind? Montague?"
"I don't know," said Scorpius. "Maybe. Just—just I think spending some time away from each other with other people—would be good. For both of us."
For both of us? I never wanted this. Did I? If Albus was honest with himself, he had wondered what it would be like to have some time to himself. Even to have some time with other people...another person.
"Come on, Al, I need this," said Scorpius.
Albus clenched his fists. It's always about what you need, isn't it? He thought. "Alright," he said, though it wasn't. "We can...take a break... See other people. If that's what you want."
Scorpius's face broke into a relieved grin. "Thanks Al, I knew you'd understand." He threw his arms around Albus and kissed him on the mouth. Albus couldn't help himself, he kissed him back.
Then Scorpius headed in the direction of the Slytherin common room, leaving Albus feeling a little bit like the fiancé in On the Town, a musical he'd once gone to see with his cousins. The one who, no matter what shenanigans his young girlfriend got into, always said "I understand.
*****LA*****
Albus and Scorpius's relationship over the next couple weeks was strained, to say the least. As this kind of thing had happened before, though not quite to this magnitude, their friends knew better than to ask them about it, but rather watched worriedly from the sidelines.
Albus and Scorpius were still affectionate toward each other; they still kissed when the met in the Great Hall for breakfast (though Scorpius no longer went up to the Gryffindor common room in the mornings), they still met to study together in the evenings neither of them had Quidditch, but they spent much less time together than usual, and when they were together everything seemed forced and unnatural.
Albus couldn't help wondering if Scorpius really was "seeing other people." Even though he had given the okay, the thought made him distinctly uncomfortable. He knew he could never bring himself to "see someone else" when he was still with Scorpius, even "casually"; he would feel like he was betraying him. Which is silly, thought Albus to himself. It was Scorpius's idea in the first place.
*****LA*****
"I hear you broke up with your boyfriend, little Scorpius."
Scorpius looked over his shoulder. Xander Montague was lounging on one of the green and silver couches by the fire.
"We didn't break up," said Scorpius. "We're just...taking a break."
"A break?" said Montague, raising an eyebrow. "So that means you're free to see other people?"
"Well yes...theoretically," said Scorpius.
Montague smiled. "Good for you, little Scorpius," he said. "Why don't you come sit down?" He patted the seat next to him invitingly.
Scorpius hesitated. Despite what he had said to Albus, Montague made him nervous; he reminded Scorpius a little too much of Nott and Goyle, though he had never participated in their tormenting of him.
"Malfoy," said Montague, "I don't bite."
Scorpius sat gingerly down beside the larger boy.
"I'm not going to force you into anything," said Montague. He handed Scorpius a glass of some kind of alcohol. "Just enjoy yourself. Enjoy being free."
*****LA*****
"Scorpius, are you drunk?"
Scorpius blinked blurrily down at Albus. "No."
Albus stepped closer to the blond boy and inhaled. He caught the definite tang of liquor. Scorpius swayed slightly.
"You are drunk!"
"I'm not," Scorpius protested. "I just had one glass."
"One glass of what?" said Albus.
"Er—"
Albus pulled Scorpius down into a chair and surveyed him. His eyes were blurry and bloodshot, his normally pristine hair slightly disheveled.
"I don't like this," said Albus. "I don't like you going off with random Slytherins and drinking unknown alcohol."
"You're not in charge of me!" said Scorpius angrily.
"Listen to yourself!" said Albus. "You sound like a whiny little kid!"
"And you sound like a controlling jerk!"
"What happened to the boy I fell in love with?" asked Albus.
"I told you," said Scorpius, "I'm not that boy anymore."
"I'm beginning to realize."
The two boys stared at each other for a minute. Finally Albus relented. "We'll discuss this when you're sober, Scorp," he said, holding out his hand to the other boy with a sigh. "Let's get you cleaned up."
*****LA*****
You shouldn't be doing this, Albus told himself, even as he made his way down the corridor to where he had seen Scorpius and Montague on the Marauder's Map. I'm just going to make sure he's alright, Albus argued with himself.
He rounded the corner and felt like he'd been socked in the gut. Scorpius was alright alright; in fact, he looked more than alright. He was standing on his tiptoes, being supported by Montague's hands on his hips, his own hands reaching up to rest on the taller boy's shoulders. Their lips were locked together as Scorpius let Montague gently explore his mouth. As Albus watched, frozen, Montague gently repositioned Scorpius's hands and then tilted his head slightly to the left. He appeared to be guiding Scorpius's movements like a professor might when teaching a student a new spell.
Albus stumbled backward. He knew he had given Scorpius permission to see other people, but he'd never fully realized what that meant. It hurt. It hurt to see Scorpius in the arms of another man. A man who was taller and stronger and more manly than Albus could ever hope to be. Feeling sick to his stomach, Albus hurtled back the way he had come, barely making it to the bathroom before he began to retch.
It felt like his entire world was falling apart. Because, for the past three years, Albus realized, Scorpius had been his entire world. Everything he did was for Scorpius or with Scorpius in mind. I don't remember the last time I made a decision purely because it was right for me, Albus realized, appalled.
*****LA*****
"I saw you kissing Montague."
Scorpius looked into Albus's face and winced. "So?" he challenged. "We have an open relationship now, remember?"
"You know how I feel about him."
"What about how I feel about him?" said Scorpius.
"How do you feel about him?" asked Albus.
"I don't know," said Scorpius. "That's what I'm trying to find out. I like him. He's exciting. He knows things...he can show me how to do things...he kisses amazingly." Scorpius smiled at the thought, trying to ignore the thought that he wasn't voicing: He makes me nervous, but I can't stay away.
"Better than me?" asked Albus.
"Not better..." said Scorpius, though this wasn't really true. "Just...different. I need this Al, I need to experiment."
"Ok, you've experimented," said Albus.
"Come on Al," said Scorpius, taking Albus's face between his hands and stroking his cheeks. "I need more time. Please...I'm trying to figure myself out. I need to go out and do things. Just give me more time..."
He leaned in and pressed his lips to Albus's. In spite of himself Albus felt himself melt against Scorpius's lips, his body melding with Scorpius's as he returned his kiss. Scorpius could always do this to him, distract him with his lips and his body until he forgot the reason he was angry in the first place. His hands traveled along his lover's body, caressing first his chest and then more private areas as Scorpius whispered in his ear.
"For me Al."
And Albus nodded, already lost in Scorpius's embrace.
*****LA*****
Albus sat on his bed, kicking his heels angrily against the side.
"What's up, Al?" said his friend Jerry, sitting down next to him.
Albus glared at the carpet.
"Scorpius," said Albus, kicking the bed savagely. "He's bleeding me dry! I don't know how long I can take this. I love him, but I don't even know if he loves me anymore. He doesn't know if he loves me anymore! I hate being confused!"
"I don't blame you, mate," said Jerry. "No one likes being confused."
Albus sighed. "I don't think I can do this anymore, Jerry."
"You can only do what you think is best, Al."
*****LA*****
Albus pulled out the Marauder's Map and scanned it. It didn't take him long to find his...to find Scorpius. He was heading toward the Slytherin common room, accompanied by Montague and a few other Slytherins; if Albus hurried he could still catch him.
Albus tucked the Map into his robes and hurried out of Gryffindor Tower and down the stairs, taking the steps two at a time. Panting, he arrived in front of the entrance to the dungeons just in time to intercept Scorpius and the other Slytherins.
"Why hello, Potter," said Montague. "To what honor do we owe your presence?"
"I want to talk to Scorpius."
"Who says Scorpius wants to talk to you?" said Montague in a genial voice.
"Xander, don't," said Scorpius. "It's Al. He's my...it's Al. What did you want, Al?"
"Can I talk to you alone, Scorpius?"
"Er—sure," said Scorpius. He motioned for the other Slytherins to go on ahead. "I'll catch you up."
"What is it, love?" he asked when they were alone.
"I can't do this anymore," said Albus bluntly.
"Do what?" said Scorpius, confusion written on his face.
"This," said Albus. "This...this relationship. It has to end."
"End?" said Scorpius. "What do you mean, 'end'?"
"You know what I mean, Scorpius, don't pretend that you don't."
"Al...are you...breaking up with me?"
"Am I?" said Al. "Are we even together enough anymore for us to 'break up'?"
Scorpius took a step closer to him and touched his hands to the shorter boy's chest. "Albus, please..."
"That's not going to work, Scorpius," said Albus, stepping back and shoving the other boy's hands away. "Not this time."
"Well," tired Scorpius. "I guess we aren't really official anymore, so we can just—"
"No," said Albus forcefully. "There isn't any 'we' anymore, Scorpius, there isn't any any 'us'. You said you were sick of being defined as a couple, well there you go. We're done. Through."
"Albus, I never meant—" "You know what? I don't really care what you mean, because I don't think you know yourself," Albus was nearly yelling now. "My entire life for the past three years has been centered around you! 'What does Scorpius want?' 'What does Scorpius need?' I've spent so long deferring to you, defending you, because I knew you were hurting! I was willing to lie, to you, to myself, to other people, willing to compromise myself for your sake! But recently I've begun to realize that you've never done the same for me, and I was too afraid to ask you to. You were right; it is time for us to find our own selves."
Scorpius swallowed. "We—we'll still be friends though, right Al? And maybe later, after we take a break..."
"No," said Albus. "I can't do it anymore; I don't have it in me! Did you honestly think I would just sit around and watch you making out with other boys? Keep giving you my love when I wasn't receiving anything in return? You take more than I have to give, Scorpius! And you don't return what you've taken! I've been afraid to see it before now, but it's true! I'm done with you! It's time to focus on something I've neglected for far too long: what Albusneeds! And I don't need you in my life any longer!"
"Just listen to me," pleaded Scorpius.
"It's too late, Scorpius! You're wasting your breath! Say whatever you want, I won't change my mind and I won't back down. Not this time." He turned to walk back up the marble staircase.
"Albus!"
Albus turned around to look at the blond boy standing alone at the foot of the staircase, hardening his heart to Scorpius's look of desolation. "Goodbye, Scorpius."
*****Song Lyrics*****
Sometimes I've been afraid to say the words Sometimes I've been willing to lie Sometimes I've been ready to tell you what you want to hear and Sometimes I've been willing to lie Sometimes you've been so afraid to see what I really need What I really need
I don't care anymore
Say what you wanna say
I'll still say goodbye
I don't care anymore
I can't give another day
It's too late
Sometimes you need more than too much of me
Sometimes you give nothing back
What did you think
I would just sit around and watch you take
Sometimes you give nothing at all
Sometimes I've been so afraid to see what I really need
What I really need
I don't care anymore
Say what you wanna say
I'll still say goodbye
I don't care anymore
I can't give another day
It's too late
I don't care anymore
I don't care anymore
I don't care anymore
Say what you wanna say
I'll still say goodbye
I don't care anymore
Can't give another day
It's too late
AN: So yes, the title was a little bit of a giveaway of what would happen, but oh well. Our boys have officially broken up. Sorry, but they were having major issues, it obviously wasn't working anymore. If you have any thoughts, please feel free to share them in a review :)
-SQ