A/N: This chapter is much longer than the previous two. Most of my stories have been that way recently, with fewer updates but longer chapters. I think you prefer it the other way around, so I'll try to write that way from now on, bear with me in the mean time. Xx starlight-moon xX beta read this chapter for me. I would be hopelessly lost without her guidance because Bella sounded unrealistically masochistic in the first draft…. Review, please. I love you dearly. –Lia.

"You'll complete me, right? Then my life can finally begin. I'll be worthy, right? Only when you realize the gem I am... Once I know who I'm not then I'll know who I am. But I know I won't keep on playing the victim." –Alanis Morissette, "Precious Illusions". (Album: Under Rugs Swept.)

The pain was indeed excruciating, unbearable, and… I couldn't even remember what the other adjective had been. I could hardly think at all. It was too hot… no, too cold. I'd somehow lost the ability to tell the difference between the two, but I immediately changed my mind: it was definitely too hot, because, although I saw no flames, my skin seemed to be on fire.

My bones were breaking too, I was positive of this. The splitting agony was just like the sensation I remembered from when Rodolphus broke my finger, but so much more intense and I could feel it everywhere this time. Muscles tearing, toes curling, head splitting…

From what I'd read, I knew perfectly well that struggling was pointless. Screaming did no good either, but scream I did. I couldn't stop and it didn't even occur to me to try.

"Bellatrix…"

The voice was impossibly far away but I found it compelling. Before I even registered that it was His voice, I was already turning my head to the direction it had come from. Movement amplified the pain, but I did my best to ignore it. He had only said my name, but I interpreted it as a command -listen and look at me- and obeyed without a second thought.

"I'm sure you know, Bellatrix, that this is only to satisfy your curiosity. You are not being punished... I will stop this curse as soon as you ask me to."

I nodded, but gave no such request. Hearing His assurance had calmed me somewhat. I shifted my focus from the pain I was feeling to the purpose of that sensation. The reason I had accepted His offer to put this curse on me in the first place: I wanted to see what it could really do when used properly. What I could use it for: what I could do to people if I wanted to hurt them… I wanted just a few more seconds of feeling it; enough to fully understand…

I curled up in my position on the floor and relaxed as much as possible considering my circumstance. Resolving to focus on the mental instead of the physical aspect of the curse, I was able to realize and appreciate the power behind it and not just the agony it was causing me. It was incredible, positively killing me, and I managed to savor it.

I changed my mind and decided to keep my screaming to a minimum. Forgetting everything else, I felt nothing but the pain and my own amazement. I twitched and panted and even managed a smile.

Then, it stopped so suddenly I couldn't keep myself from crying out: a little screech halfway between objection and confusion. But then I remembered what was happening and who I was with. Doing my best to amend the situation without making it worse, I sat up slowly and mouthed, "Please forgive me."

The way He looked at me then- it was as if I'd presented a riddle that was intriguing only for a minute, interesting enough to listen to but not enough to waste time attempting to solve. I frowned somewhat meekly.

"I think that's enough for now."

I nodded, still in shock. I ran my left hand along my right arm then my right hand along my left arm and quickly repeated that process, patting down both my legs. I was checking for any kind of damage, but I found none: no burnt skin, no broken bones, nothing, aside from some lingering traces of the curse which were growing to feel more like numbness than actual pain.

"I'm okay," I reported in almost-disbelief.

"Are you?" Was that another sarcastic question?

I answered anyway, "Yes, I think so."

"Good," He commented with no particular emotion. I took that as my cue to stand up again. "I had no reason to punish you, Bellatrix. That's what the curse is generally used for, punishment if you ever fail or disappoint-"

"Or for torturing people to give us information," I supplied.

He frowned, both eyebrows raised slightly. It was an expression of either annoyance at my interruption or slight curiosity as to how I knew such things.

"I've been reading," I explained with sudden shyness.

"Of course you have." It was another dismissive comment, bringing us back to the original point. "You know, I had no particular inclination to indulge you either."

I shook my head slowly to silently communicate my confusion.

"If you found the Cruciatus Curse unbearable, then there was no reason for you to endure it. And, if you were enjoying it, as your smile might have indicated…"

My mouth hung open slightly, I shook my head with more emphasis this time and struggled to properly formulate an explanation. "I was-"

"As interesting as your reaction was, Bellatrix, you still have yet to earn any rewards or punishments."

I gave another weak attempt at objecting but only managed to form the word "No" before He continued again.

"Don't you dare chide me for interrupting you." It was just another sarcastic comment, but I couldn't stop myself blushing meekly or whispering, "No, my lord, not at all."

I wanted to explain that I hadn't been enjoying the pain, simply marveling at what the torture curse could do to a person. Somehow, the words just wouldn't come to me.

He sensed my struggle and hopefully interpreted it correctly. "I think I've seen enough," He said finally.

I shivered involuntarily and nodded, wordlessly begging for elaboration.

"You believe in the Cause, I can see that. Perhaps you're more eager to attack blood traitors than anyone else. But one doesn't need to look into your mind to know that, merely at your family tree."

I smiled. Being a Black, as I'd know from infancy, was something to be proud of. We were strong, well-connected, and pure- untainted for centuries, well, almost entirely untainted.

The Dark Lord was right, of course, the squibs and traitors we'd disowned were not just black spots on a tapestry, but blemishes and disadvantages affecting my very existence.

I was happier still- smiling even more warmly –realizing that He had referenced me as a Black. The Lestranges, admittedly, were just as ancient, wealthy, and influential, but the Black family was my heritage, the only thing I'd known for my entire life minus the past three weeks. It was my true identity and birthright. In spite of my recent name-change, I had no intention of ever giving that up.

Still smiling, I recited, "Toujours Pur," the family motto, thinking He'd appreciate or at least understand it.

"Always Pure," He translated. "Yes. You are the first Black to join me."

"I won't be the last," I spoke without considering the statement mentally first. My mind flew instantly to my little cousins, Regulus and Sirius. It was as much a promise to myself as it was to Him and to them. When they were old enough, the boys would fight: we all would, for our most worthy cause until our world was…

"Bellatrix!"

The voice cut through my thoughts and dreams. I hadn't even realized that He was still speaking while my thoughts were elsewhere. I snapped to attention and apologized yet again before adding, "You'll have to wait a few years though" to my earlier promise.

After all, Sirius, the elder, was only eleven. Recruiting him now was a ridiculous impulse. I couldn't help it though, I wanted to bring more followers, more Blacks, more resources. But I shouldn't have been so eager, the Dark Lord still had yet to accept the gift I was currently presenting: myself.

I nodded with renewed nervousness and, after a pause just long enough to send me a warning look; the Dark Lord continued His observation as if He hadn't just reprimanded me for not paying attention.

"You are, however, not the first Lestrange." There was another pause, this time it was for me to understand that I was being judged through both sides of my family. I wondered if He'd reference my mother's side as well: the Rosiers. My parents' had been an arranged marriage, but a wise and useful connection.

My cousin on that side, Evan, was a year or so older than me. Assuming the information in his most recent letter had been the truth, he had recently been initiated as one of the Dark Lord's followers. I had to assume it was true, because Evan did have a tendency to lie for attention and admiration. I hadn't heard from him for a few months though, so he must have been up to something.

The other Lestranges the Dark Lord was referencing were, of course, my husband and his older brother Rabastan, who, despite how well the brothers got along, was almost his polar opposite: carefree instead of paranoid and indulgent toward his wife instead of abusive. I often envied them.

"Bellatrix…" the Dark Lord was speaking slightly louder now, demanding my attention because He must have known that my thoughts were slipping from our present conversation toward the things I hadn't allowed Him to see in my mind. "What your husband said, when He brought you here…"

That got my full attention. I had never intended to drift anyway, but His words had me so emotional for some reason. I nodded, this was another thing I'd wondered but not dared to ask: what exactly had Rodolphus said or done that prompted the Dark Lord to opt to see me alone?

"Generally, when people are brought before me, it's by supportive friends who believe I can use their potential to benefit both parties. Rodolphus, however, said nothing good about you. Instead, he requested that I simply humor you, but not recruit you. I was to put you in your place but not hurt you too terribly."

"I don't-"

He ignored my half-formed interjection. "You see, Bellatrix, when my followers are in my favor, I will occasionally reward them to encourage-"

"And Rodolphus asked you to deal with me for him? Make me stop talking about learning curses or fighting for the Cause? Break my spirit essentially? Shatter my dreams so I just shut up and do whatever he says? Stop thinking for myself or wanting…"

I trailed off, catching myself, hopefully before I sounded too stupid. Silence settled between us and the Dark Lord was looking at me like… well, exactly the way I'd feared He would: like He found me to be some combination of obnoxious and immature.

Nearly a full minute passed with His unchanging expression and me shivering slightly every time I attempted to hold eye contact with Him.

"I'm sorry I interrupted you again," I said finally. "I was… excited. Please just tell me what-"

"So bold, Bella."

I should have been more concerned with His warning tone than with His shortening of my name, but I was hardly thinking rationally at the moment.

Bella? My eyes widened and I was about to comment right when He added "-trix" with a slight click of His tongue, like it was an after thought to the statement itself and not the final syllable of the name I might have preferred shortened anyway.

"Especially considering that you already know the answer," He finished, noticing and perhaps even savoring my shock. "He said you were delusional, that you were studying the Dark Arts and obsessed with me for some unclear and extremely inappropriate reason."

I frowned but nodded. I shouldn't have expected anything more OR less from Rodolphus. Considering his attitude and our situation, I was fortunate to even see the Dark Lord, let alone meet Him or have Him considering…

"Based on his description, Bellatrix, I was expecting you to be some kind of crazed, obsessive schoolgirl."

I smiled nervously.

"And you did not disappoint, but, all the same, there is something about you."

"I told you I wasn't like other girls." Trying to be cute was so stupid. I immediately resolved to bash my head against a wall as soon as I was dismissed. But it was too late to retract or amend that comment or the stupid, girlish tone I voiced it with.

"I never said you were." His tone was not defensive, simply clarifying. I felt another compulsion to apologize but this time managed to restrain myself from annoying Him further. "You do understand, Bella-"

"Ha!" I exclaimed, unintentionally speaking aloud. Unfortunately, yet another impulsive outburst from me meant that I now had to give yet another explanation. Was He getting sick of them? I certainly was. This time I justified it with a somewhat deliberate accusatory note: "You called me Bella."

He smirked- it was obviously preferable to the frown I'd seen earlier and surprisingly also more encouraging than His un-assuring smile. This expression was just somehow more genuine, more Him.

"I might have called you Bellatrix, had you allowed me to finish the sentence, or even the word. But now, I suppose, you'll never know for sure exactly what I called you. Let's hope you won't lose too much sleep over the matter."

"I'm sorry… f-for speaking out of turn, my lord." The clarification and the title were added hastily after a brief hesitation on my part.

"Don't apologize. You'll only do it aga-"

"No! I won't, I promi..." Too late, I shut myself up.

"You see?" He asked. His tone could have suggested any possible emotion, but I chose to interpret it as sarcasm and say nothing. I merely nodded in response. "Your constant interruptions get us no where. But you are obviously excited, and, somehow, I'm curious now: how would you react if I did call you Bella?"

"I... don't know… my lord."

"Would you feel singled out? Objectified? Or would you take it as a pet name? Would you think you were special?"

I shrugged and struggled to formulate a verbal answer.

"Bella?" He murmured with slight amusement, breaking the silence and making my shortened name sound like a question.

A shiver passed through me: an unfamiliar yet pleasant sensation.

"I like it," I responded somewhat timidly.

"You like what?" He inquired. He obviously knew what I meant, but the phrasing of His last question and my senseless answer did not entirely match up.

"When you call me Bella. My sisters called me that when we were kids. But Rodolphus started calling me Trixie when we were courting," I explained, hissing the last word disdainfully. "I hate it and Bella is so much more… well, I think it suits me. And with you, it doesn't sound like some stupid childish nickname, it just feels…"

"So you do think you're special?"

"No…" I answered; smiling innocently and phrasing the affirmation so uncertainly it ended up sounding like a question. "I just like the name."

Contradicting my verbal reply, I couldn't help mentally processing the words 'special' and 'Bella.' We'd only just met, so I couldn't possibly be significant to Him just yet. But I would like to be, someday.

"Are there any other outbursts you would like to get out of the way before we continue, Bella?"

I bit my lip for a moment, waiting for Him to add the last syllable of my name. He didn't. If it's possible for a heart to smile, mine was definitely doing that.

Tempted as I was to verbally admit that I would indeed like to be special and ask how I could achieve such a thing, I knew it wouldn't help the situation. Instead, I bit my lip even harder and shook my head.

"Very well. As I was saying earlier, before you saw fit to interrupt, Bella…" He hissed the name this time. I shivered- not so pleasantly –hearing it. I wondered if I had truly earned the pet name or if He was just humoring, testing, or even mocking me.

"… You have potential," The Dark Lord finished.

I quickly set aside the uncertainty of 'Bella' and exclaimed, "Really?"

"You are excitable and obsessive," He continued as if I hadn't spoken. "You're young, obviously, and you are also shockingly naïve. But, yes, you do have potential. I would like to see you again at some-"

"'Again?'" There I was, senselessly interrupting again. "You're not dismissing me now, are you?"

"Yes. You've already given me a great deal more information than I usually get from first meetings."

"How is that possible? You saw almost nothing in my mind."

"Actions speak louder than words, Bella. And sometimes words are much more telling than thoughts or memories. All the same, it is discouraging how little of your mind you wished to share with me."

"I do trust you. But I've been through a lot, my lord, and I didn't want you to judge me too harshly for…"

"Another time, Bella."

"Do you have to go somewhere? I'm not keeping you from anything, am I?"

"You are not keeping me from anything. I'm getting the impression that you would be more than content to stay here for the rest of the day. But, like I already told you, I've seen enough."

I wasn't sure what to say to that. I just nodded and masked my disappointment and uncertainty the best I could.