Chapter 2: James and Lily

James went back home. Lily was sitting on the couch in the living room, her face lifeless. It hurt to see her like this but he couldn't do anything. He couldn't approach her, not make a single contact with her. Or he would explode. He had been holding for so long…

A single look at her and he went upstairs, to his own room. He fell asleep the second his head hit the pillow.

James woke up to the light entering his room, felling like shit. After three years, he still couldn't get used to sleeping in this room, alone. He didn't know how they got there. Lily seemed worse every day that passed. James had been looking at other women for three years now, he felt like shit every time, asking himself how he could do that to his lovely wife but he couldn't help it. It had been nine years he hadn't had sex for god's sake! Nine years! He started dating Lily in the beginning of seventh year. They fooled around but he never made love to her. She wanted to wait for marriage and he respected her wishes, never pushing her. After school, they were together for another year. Still no pushing. When James got the track of his career as a quidditch player, he asked Lily to marry him. Naturally, she said yes. The night of their wedding, that special night, James couldn't take her. She said she wasn't ready, started crying because she felt embarrassed in front of him. James soothed her, said he'd wait, that it wasn't a problem. It went on like this for a year and two. Third year into their marriage, James was having problems. That's when he started to pull away from Lily. By the end of fourth year, he had separated his room from Lily's. He was right now in said room actually. He couldn't touch her anymore, not even look at her. He loved her. But a single touch could wake up all his feelings for her, something he restrained himself of doing not to hurt her. After that they started not talking, and then Sirius started finding him in bars getting drunk, flirting with other women. And every time, he'd wake up in the morning, felling like shit because he was an ass of a husband.

Before Lily, James was named a sex god at Hogwarts. People were throwing themselves at his feet for a night of passion. But not Lily. Lily was scared and it was hurting James. Even a man in love could take so much.

He sighed and got up. He took a shower, grabbed a clean boxer and went down to have breakfast. Lily was already up. It was noon so it was normal for her to be up. She had placed a plate of scrambled eggs for him in the kitchen, for the faithful wife she was.

He took it and went looking for her. She was in the living room, sitting in front of the fire.

"Lily."

She turned around, shocked. James took a good look at her for the first in a long time. She had lost weight, a bit too much. Her face was colorless, her eyes dull.

"Yes?" She asked.

"I'm going to New York in a few hours. I won't be home tonight."

She nodded.

"New York." She murmured to herself.

She turned back to look at the fire. She couldn't handle it anymore. Every night, James would get home late and drunk. Every single night. Then he would go up in his room without sending a single look to Lily. Now he was going to New York out of the blue. His actions were pretty clear for Lily, he was probably with some other woman. Or maybe women. At first she thought it was because of the sex. Not having sex. But as the years passed, everything stopped between them. No more fooling around, no more kisses, no more talking… Even if she had been ready for sex, she wasn't going to throw herself at him now. She felt scared, more then ever. More than that night, the night of her wedding, when she was in a hotel room with James and told him she couldn't do it, when she was scared of his reaction.

He was going to be away from home, so was she.

James left at four o'clock after packing some little clothing in a handbag. Shortly after he was gone, Lily got ready and left too. She went to a bar. If James could get drunk every night, so could she.

"A whiskey please!" She called as she sat down in a muggle bar near her house.

She had been drinking for a few hours now. Her head was spinning furiously. She paid for her whiskeys, got up to leave. She felt like everyone was coming towards her. She got out and breathed in. She didn't want to go home. She opted for Sirius's place.

Sirius opened the door, looking sleepy.

"Lily, what are you doing here?"

"I couldn't go home." She said stuttering.

"Come in." He said.

Lily walked into the living room, Sirius following behind. She lost her balance but caught the arm of the couch and straightened herself.

"Lily, are you drunk?"

"A bit, yes."

Sirius took her by her shoulders and walked her to the couch.

"Sit down Lily."

They both sat down one next to the other and a silence followed while Sirius looked at Lily but she couldn't face him.

"What's wrong Lily?"

"Tell me Sirius, where do you find James every night?"

"I find him… in a bar."

"In a bar." Repeated Lily. "In a bar getting drunk. And with whom Sirius?"

Sirius looked at her. He didn't know what to say to her.

"Alone."

"Alone?" She repeated. Then gave a dry laugh. "Do you really think I'm that stupid, Sirius?"

"Lily, I don't know what to say. I find him in a bar, drunk, talking stupidly with various people. There's nothing more I know about them."

"Why did he go to New York?"

"Oh he didn't tell you?"

"NO Sirius, he didn't tell me. If you haven't realized yet, we haven't been talking for three years. Three fucking years when I sat at home, alone, thinking about him and he got drunk and screwed other people."

"I don't think he has screwed anyone Lily?"

"Oh please, you're trying to tell me that James, James Potter, didn't have sex in NINE years?"

Oh my god, Sirius thought, nine years. Poor guy.

"I don't know Lily. He went to New York because Norman called. They needed his help winning the game. James told them he didn't want to leave London if they weren't desperate. As we both know, they are; so, he called him."

Well at least that was some kind of good news. He didn't go to New York after his mistress or something.

"Thanks Sirius."

"You welcome Lils."