Authors note: Thank you so much for the reviews. Sorry about switching between first and third person, I was pretty tired when writing that chapter.
This is going to be slash, but since this is my first time writing slash, I'll be taking it kind of slow. Hopefully the longer I write, the better I'll get, so please review and let me know. Again, thank you.
Chapter 3
My palms were actually sweating. I'm a grown man who's palms are sweating. I was still sitting outside the liquor store after buying the beer.
Gibbs house. I had been invited to GIBBS HOUSE. I had been there before of course, even stayed over, but this was different. At least it felt different to me. Was it different for him? Was I blowing this all out of proportion? I'm rambling.
I'm still sitting in front of the liquor store with sweaty palms, except now my hearts starting to race because I know he's gonna wanna know about what my father put in that stupid letter, something I never wanted anyone to know. Maybe I could just call and say I'm sick, then hide out for a few days. Nope, he'd just track me down and kill me.
Aw screw it. I threw the care into drive.
The porch light was burning as I walked up the path to the front door. It was open, and I could see through the full length glass into the kitchen. Gibbs was dressed casual in a pair of jeans and grey t- shirt, he was also bare-foot. I never thought another mans feet could be a turn on, but I guess I was wrong. Sexy was the word that came to mind. Flat out sexy.
He had the steaks on, and by the smells that were wafting out they were almost done. As if sensing he was being watched He turned towards the door. U.S. Marine Corps emblazoned on the front of his Tee.
"Quit stalking me DiNozzo and get in here the steaks are almost done."
"Sorry boss." I said opening the door and letting myself in.
"Never apologize." He said transferring the steaks to a serving tray. It was then I got a look at the table. Two plates were laid out with silverware. Salad had already been made and put into bowls, and if my nose didn't fail some sort of baked goods were in the oven.
"Wow Boss you went all out." I crossed the kitchen to where he was and put the beer on the counter.
"Nothing like a good steak and a beer to put things in perspective." He said giving me a pointed look. I flashed my trademark too big grin, because I know what's got to be coming. However, Gibbs being Gibbs was full of surprises.
"Grab a beer Tony, let's eat."
Conversation flowed easily during the meal. We talked about the boat, a new movie I'd seen, but work was studiously avoided. I knew it was coming, but this was nice. Just me and Gibbs. He seemed so different from work, relaxed for once. He actually laughed at one of my stupid jokes. Of course, all good things must come to an end.
"Come on DiNozzo." he said scooting back from the table. "Lets go sit on the deck there's a few things I'd like to get straight." This is it I thought this is where it gets hinky as Abbey would say.
I followed him through the sliding glass doors, and was assaulted by the smell of roses. A huge rose bush stood at the corner of the fence.
"Nice roses Boss I never figured you for a green thumb." I leaned down to get a better smell.
"Not me Tony, Shannon and Kelly planted those." I straightened and looked at him. He rarely mentioned his wife and child.
"They're beautiful." I said sitting in the patio chair across from him.
"Yes, they were." I knew he wasn't talking about the roses anymore. He sat staring at them a few moments more and then turned to me.
"I need to know Tony. I need you to tell me if what your Father wrote in that stupid letter is true." He reached over as he was talking and laid his hand on me knee. It felt like he was trying to give me the support I needed to tell him the truth. Maybe he was hoping it was a lie. I wish to God it was.
I blew out a breath I didn't know I had been holding, and tried to prepare myself for what was to come.
"It's okay Tony, I want to hear the truth." He spoke to me so softly it came out as a whisper. I looked in his eyes and they had gone soft. His hand was still on my knee, and to me it felt like it was getting warmer.
"It's true." I said. My voice sounded strained even to my ears. " I wish it wasn't Boss." I dropped my head and stared at the ground waiting for the head slap, or your fired. What I didn't expect was for Gibbs to lightly stroke my cheek making me look up.
"Do you know Tony how many times I tried to eat the barrel of my pistol after Shannon and Kelly died?" I sat staring at him. Gibbs tried to kill himself?
"Everyday for almost a month. I was devastated, my family was gone. My reason for living, all gone. I crawled in a bottle, and tried to forget, but nothing helped. Then I started to build the damn boat, and slowly every piece of wood I sanded, every board I fit together, helped me cope. Kinda' like therapy I guess." he said sitting back.
I leaned back in my chair running a hand through my spiky hair.
"I was stupid boss." He leaned forward again hand going to my knee. "My mom had just died, and what little emotional support I got from her died with her. A week later My father brings this woman home and introduces me to his new wife." Gibbs said nothing, but his thumb began to rub small circles on my knee. "I freaked out. How could he replace my mother so quickly? He just seemed like he had upgraded to the younger model or something. Two days later he informs me I won't be going to college I was coming to work with him at the company. When I told him to go screw himself he exploded. I'd never seen him so angry. He was in my room, so he reached for the nearest thing, which happened to be my Louisville Slugger, and he… he beat me boss. Afterwards I just lay there on my bed thinking my life would never be mine. I had no one to turn to, no one to help me, my father controlled everyone around me, and now he was controlling me." I took a deep breath and it was then I realized my eyes were wet.
"I just snapped. I knew my mother had gotten some prescription sleeping pills before she died so I found them and swallowed the whole bottle. I was just so tired of all of it. I was tired of hurting all the time." I stopped and looked up expectantly at Gibbs. I had practically laid my soul bear, and now I was afraid of the consequences. Very slowly he leaned forwards and placed both hands on the sides of my face.
"You will never be alone Tony, as long as there's breath left in me you won't ever be alone." Our lips met, and I was lost. TBC.
**Please let me know what you think, I wasn't real happy with the way it flowed, but after pulling three straight 12 hour shifts everything looks choppy. I tried to make this chapter a little longer, threw in a little pre slash at the end to tease.