I hit the ground. There was no loud thud or pain. I just hit the ground. Game over. I clenched the ground. Why did I lose? Where did I go wrong? The answers hit my face but they weren't the type of answers I wanted. They all pointed to me, saying I was the cause of all of this. I didn't need to hear that. No, I would never consider those answers! I felt my pain evolve into anger. I dug my claws into the ground.
It was my teammates fault. They made me play the game.
Ino's crying face burned into my mind.
How could you do this to me?
That was the questioned but was there an easy answer? I didn't want to hurt you. That would be the worst answer possible because I did hurt her. She brought her hand to the door knob.
"Answer me," she pleaded, hoping for an answer. If I gave her an answer what would she do? Would she play it off or get even more upset? I tried to make some type of sound from my mouth but none came. I just felt my hands clench into the wooden floor and green rug. Why couldn't I make a sound?
Another sharp pain erupted in my body causing me to close my eyes. This pain I haven't felt before. It didn't feel like a bruise, cut, or anything similar. It hurt much worst. Was this true pain? Or was this some other weird feeling?
"Are you even going to answer me," she asked. Naruto was looking between us, lost in his own void. I attempted to make a sound again but nothing came out of my mouth. My mouth was dry and felt like I was choking on something.
Ino's tears did not cease when she opened the door, almost stumbling out of it. She was about to take off running until she stopped and turned around. My heart felt like it was falling, endlessly falling in ice cold water that made it clench. How could I hurt someone like this? How could I ever hurt Ino, out of everyone that was near me? Was I that of a bad person?
"Don't ever talk to me again, Haruno." She uttered before running down the hall until I couldn't see her. Why…Why? Naruto looked like he lost his buzz. He averted his gaze to me with a frown.
"Let me help you up," was all he said. He began to try and pick me up. I didn't try to help him with doing so. My mind too lost for words or feelings, except pain.
Why did this happen? I was going to tell her sooner or later! I would've! But Naruto…I felt him lift me on the couch. I finally felt everything rush past me. The pain was still there but every emotion I could think of ran through my body until it fell on anger.
It was Naruto's fault. I felt myself sneer. My body turned stone hard. It was Naruto's fault. He said it! He shouldn't have assumed things! That fucking idiot! He was acting like it wasn't his fault while it was! He told her! He ruined this! IT was his fault! All of it!
I jumped up from my spot and brought my back my fist. Naruto's face rose in fear.
"You're a fucking loser!" I screamed before punching his face. He didn't try to dodge it or block it. He took it…He took it! He wouldn't fight! That dumb fuck! Fight me! You dumb retarded loser! FIGHT ME! YOU RUINED EVERYTHING!
He groaned in pain when I removed my fist. He recoiled away from me while shooting his hand up to his nose. I didn't let him recover fast. I eagerly took a step forward and gave another punch, instead this time it was at his exposed ribs.
He gasped in pain.
How did he like it? How did he like the pain? He wasn't feeling anything compared to my pain! I felt my own pain throb again like an exposed paper cut, making me hiss. If Naruto would only shut up!
Naruto was on the ground gasping for air while he hugged his rib cage. Naruto looked up at me with pleading eyes but his mouth said nothing.
"Why won't you fight? You started this you loser! YOU FUCKING STARTED THIS!" I yelled before descending upon him, grabbing his shirt collar and roughly pulling him up. He clumsily got up and I pushed him towards the nearest wall. He grunted when he hit the wall. I ran over to him and brought his shirt up high. I was too small to try and even lift him. I felt the anger begin to boil more.
"Why did you do that, Naruto?" I asked in a hollow whisper. He didn't reply. He was trying to catch his breath. I gritted my teeth.
"ARE YOU THAT STUPID?" I screamed at him. Why would he say that?! I never told Ino that yet! I was going to though! Why wasn't he talking or fighting me?! HE SHOULD BE! It was his fault! ALL OF IT IS HIS FAULT!
I stared straight into his eyes. They were a cobalt blue, like a sea. They were frightened and scared. I felt myself feel almost satisfied with this. Almost. He was afraid of me at the least and he had every fucking reason to be afraid! Then, I saw something else. My satisfaction was stripped away with all anger. I felt my face fall and my grip on Naruto's shirt ease up.
There was innocence in his eyes. Just like Ino's. He was frightened, just like Ino.
Ino was frightened from the world and its pain. She was like an angel exposed to the real world without any love. She wandered for love with her innocent body. Everyone tried to avoid her, assuming she was no good until I stumbled across her with a devious plan. I gave her false love, at first, and she ate it out of my hand… then I hurt her once I learned I loved her. The purest thing any human can do and all that she wanted in the end, but she learned my motives…and now she was gone…she was mad….she was in pain.
My hands were trembling while I slowly backed away from Naruto. His innocent eyes still were staring at me. I felt more pain build up in my body. The tears began to form in my eyes and prickle them, making everything blurry. Another wave of pain trembled my body. My knees buckled and I gave into the ground. It was all my fault in the end…I should've told her…It was my fault that she was hurt now…and I couldn't do anything now. It was all too late.
Naruto stepped closer. I began to shake as the first tear fell from my face. I gasped for air. Releasing all the pent up pain I had in my body and began to cry. I felt streams upon streams of tears fall from my eyes. It was my entire fucking fault! I was the reason for all of this!
Naruto put a hand on my head. His hand was warm but not comforting. I shot my head up toward him. His eyes were still innocent and pure. He was Ino's brother. What else could he do? He should have every reason to hate me for using his sister. But he didn't. He was a good friend and I lashed out at him in a selfish manor. I wept even more. I was a horrible person! Hurting the one I loved and probably the best friend I ever had.
But I was even worse of a person for wanting something from Naruto. I wanted something… I began to choke on words as he sat down on the ground. He brought his hand down from my head to my shoulder.
I just wanted one more favor from him. He could to do this. He was better with words than me. He could do this.
I began to wail as I tried to even my voice. It hurt so much. I didn't want to feel this anymore but the pain kept coming in waves.
"BRING INO BACK, PLEASE NARUTO! B-BRING HER BACK," I bawled before pushing myself into his arms. I didn't want the world to see me crying.
I heard rapid foot steps before people ran through the door. Someone gasped.
"Sakura!" Tenten exclaimed before running towards me and putting her hand on my back.
"What happened?" She quickly asked Naruto, but he didn't say anything. Tenten put her hand on my back and began to rub it. What a cliché move to comfort someone but it helped, somewhat.
I didn't want the world to see me because I don't think they'd understand what I was trying to get at. I wouldn't be able to bring Ino back. She was hurt too many times by her own family, father's death, other people, and me. I didn't deserve to bring her back. But I wanted her back. I was so selfish for wanting her when I didn't deserve her. I bit my lip to hold in another howl of pain. I felt Naruto's shirt become soggy from my tears and saliva. I pushed my head from his chest and onto his shoulder.
I looked up to see a grandfather clock. It struck 12am and the clock began to let out a quiet lullaby, alerting everyone of the time. The melody haunted my ears and mind. It was Sunday now. And Sunday was a day I was looking forward to, until now.
Happy birthday, Ino.
Sunday, 6th day: Paper Wings
I stayed in bed even though I was wide awake. The event from last night felt like it was still happening. Pain still went through my body like some sadistic pattern of waves. I clenched my pillow and threw it over my head.
How could you do this to me?
Those words haunted my soul. It tortured my mind and heart. It made me want to cry all over again. It stole my will to speak and live.
Birds chirped outside my window in a happy song. Why couldn't I be that happy? Why was the world so happy while I was in agony? The world continued to rotate even though it felt like it stopped for me. I listened to the bird's chirping and whistling. I didn't even know how long I have been in bed for. Too long, my mind spoke to me in a somber voice. I continued to listen to the birds until something scared them away. I heard barking.
"Stupid dog," I whispered before finally gathering the energy to roll over in my bed. I lazily glanced at my clock. It was twelve pm, exactly. Just like last night.
The lullaby from the old clock from last night played slowly through my head. I shivered at its creepiness. It was a sad, quiet melody like of something at a funeral.
A funeral on Ino's birthday of something special, my mind reminded me. I put my hand on my stomach. It felt hollow and dead while a numb pain throbbed in there like a knife. On Ino's birthday I killed the thing that I just figured out, something that everyone searched for in their life.
You ruined it, you know. My mind told me again. I bit my lip while squeezing my eyes close. Would I ever stop blaming myself now? I didn't need to hear that.
Shut up. I replied to myself.
Don't deny it. It wasn't Naruto's fault-he was doing you a favor. You wouldn't have told her…You were too scared to. My mind told me. I gritted my teeth.
I was going to. I know I was going to tell her. But Naruto did it first. He didn't know…He did it before me. I replied, trying to reassure myself that it wasn't entirely my fault.
Don't blame your teammate, blame the game. My inner self cooed.
What the hell was the game? Was it life? Was it a lesson? Was it just for fun? I didn't understand. I was going to try and delve deeper into my thoughts to find what my mind meant but my mom peeked through the door.
"Sakura," she called out while looking at me. She hesitantly walked into the room.
"Yeah," I inquired, trying to sound completely fine.
"You slept in. I was wondering if something was a matter." She asked while coming towards me and gently sitting on my bed. I frowned. It was of her concern to know what was going on between Ino and me.
"No just really tired. Naruto and them made me stay up late." I lied to her, but it was a damn good one. My mom smiled happily at me.
"Well it's good you got out and had fun, right?" She commented before getting up and heading towards the door. She turned around to face me for an answer.
I felt my mouth go dry and my throat clench. That night couldn't be described as fun.
"Sure was."
I didn't do anything but wallow in my own misery. Nothing seemed right: The shower was too hot, the sun was too bright, the dullness of our house was ebbing away my sanity, the clock moved too slow, and my mom pestered me too much.
She kept asking me if I was going to Ino's party but I lied and told Ino only wanted a family thing.
"Sakura," my mom called, "You and Ino seem close enough where she would like you at her party. Why not just call her up and see if you could go anyways?"
I closed my eyes. I didn't need to call her. She was probably hurting and not wanting to see the world. She was in pain from what I said. It would only make it worse if I tried calling. It would hurt me a lot too.
But the idea of getting out of the house and walking somewhere seemed to ease my mind. It sounded refreshing.
"I'll just stop by there," I called out to my mom and walked towards the door. My mom walked out from the kitchen and nodded to me. I gave her a crooked smile before putting on my shoes and walking out the door.
The fresh moist air washed over me. It soothed my throbbing mind. I wondered why I hadn't gone outside in the first place. I began to walk in a random direction, not really caring where I went as long as I got to walk away from my problems.
I continued to walk in different directions until I found myself at the park. It was the park where I brought Ino to. I gave weak acknowledging smile to the place as I strode onto the path.
I walked down the dirt path, savoring its memories. I was lost in the memories of being chased by Ino and happily chattering to her until I certain sound stopped my train of thought.
The sound an ice cream cart's bell.
I glanced around until I found the source. It was by the green bridge that loomed over the tranquil river that ran under it. I quickened my pace until I was within touching distance of the ice cream cart.
Kids were running up to the old man, asking excitedly for ice cream. The old man began to laugh and hand the kids ice cream. He gave them all ice cream with his big wrinkly hands, except one kid. The child began to cry. I flinched from his now loud wailings. The old man frowned walked over to the boy and kneeled down before him.
"What's the matter, son?" He asked the little boy. I wasn't sure if they were related or not. He was speaking to the young boy so softly and kindly like he was a part of his very own family.
"I-i-I don't gots m-m-money for eyyyyyee cream!" He bawled louder. I put my hand on the ice cream cart. That kid's cries were pitiful. I brought one hand into my pockets to only find that I didn't have any money. I frowned. The only day I didn't carry money with me.
The old man chuckled. It caught me off guard.
"Don't worry. I'll give you an ice cream for free, ok?" He replied with a big toothy grin. The boy's eyes lit up along with an ear touching grin.
"THANK-YOU!" He cried in glee. I couldn't help but smile at the old man for being so kind. He walked over to the cart and scooped the boy a generous amount of ice cream before shooing him off. The boy left happily while lapping up the ice cream.
The man turned towards me with a smile.
"Oh," he said, "I remember you!"
I smiled sheepishly at him. He leaned onto his cart while closing the small window to the ice cream. He put up a finger before glancing around.
"Where is your friend?" He asked me. I felt myself flinch. I almost forgot about Ino. The old man quickly took note of my sudden pain and frowned. Did my face easily portray my emotions like that?
"Ah, difficulties?" He said in a familiar tone. He coughed while muttering something about fall around the corner. I gave a half hearted shrug. He sighed.
"Must be bad if you won't say something like yeah," he replied while motioning for me to sit on a bench near the river. I didn't have anything else to do but obey and sit with him. He sat on the bench in a shaky plop. He rubbed the back of his back. I sat down near him. I really didn't feel like talking about it, if that's what he was trying to make me do.
"What happened between you guys?" He asked in a kind voice. I felt myself close my eyes. I seriously didn't want to talk about it. But… something happened. My mouth opened and the words began to flow out. I wasn't sure why I was talking so freely to him, or why I was telling him in the first place. Maybe my body just didn't want to bottle up those painful feelings.
I told the man from start to finish on what happened between us. I did not leave no embarrassing parts out, did not leave the kissing parts out, or did I leave Ino's pain out. We sat there for at least one hour until my story was done. It was around two pm if I had to guess by how the sun was reaching towards the west now.
The man sighed and looked to the sky. I waited for his reaction. I wasn't sure if he was like every generation of old people who were entirely against gay couples. I wouldn't be surprised if he was either. I just hoped he would take it easy if he did. But, then again, a small piece of me was hoping for comforting advice.
"Well aren't you in a toughie." He said in a quiet voice as he brought out a handkerchief and wiped his hands on it. I watched his actions. He didn't seem annoyed, disgusted, or mad, but, attempting to decipher one's emotions through actions did not always help.
"I was in a situation like that, somewhat, with a woman too." He said in a memorable voice. I glanced at his face to try and see his expressions. But, in that very moment, he was far away in his days of youth and inexplicable happiness.
"I loved her very dearly, I sure did, but I just didn't give her my all." He said in a low voice that was wet with memories and undying love. I didn't know how far back this has placed, but the love in his voice…it was there and strong as ever. I just didn't understand. If you loved someone, did you not always give them your all? Before I could question him he went on.
"She was a talkative, high class woman. We met long, long time ago. She would laugh at the silliest things and always give a good fight for hope. When we first laid eyes on each other…love was there, yeah it was all there, adolescent love.
"We quickly talked to each other, and if it was possible we fell even more in love. It was just one big hysteric cycle of beautiful memories. We did everything together, and we never lost the love. Nope, it remained there forever and still to this day, but some things just don't go as planned." He sighed, catching his breath.
"I'll tell you what. I was a young, poor boy who was halfway between a man and a boy. I didn't know anything of the world besides that girl's eyes. I was hooked. But I was a shy boy too. I didn't say much and instead told her things with my smiles, hugs and kisses." He recalled while chuckling at some memory that occurred in his aging mind. The pain on his words, and eyes, were evident and I could tell it hurt his still aching heart to even talk about her. It reminded me that I only told Ino through physical things like holding hands or such. But she knew I liked her and all, but, did she want to assured more than that? Would that make all of the difference?
"We stayed together for ten years, until I had to leave to my aunt's house far away from where we lived. We both were devastated but promised to write each other every month. And so when I left, I began to write my first letter to her. We sent reply letters the day we got them, but that wasn't enough. Somewhere, I don't know where exactly, along the way, she fell out of love." He said. I could tell he was still devastated from that day.
"She said she just didn't feel the same for me anymore. She said that she lost the touch and found someone else. I could only send a one worded letter which was 'Why?' and she sent an adequate response back to me within two months." He paused while bringing the handkerchief to his face. I wasn't sure if he was wiping tears off or wiping his face off. I did not see tears, or tears about to shed. But he was still in pain on the inside. I could hear it through his voice.
"She said that I didn't love her. I did, I loved her with my whole heart, and so I wrote twenty-eight pages on how I loved her. It took me forever to sum up the right words and replied back three months later…But I got no response.
"When I got back from my visit to my aunt's I ran to her house to only hear that she had eloped with some rich man. I fell to my knees and cried that day, the day I became a man and knew true pain." He told while his voice shook at the last words. I could feel his pain in that moment. I knew how it was, besides being left for someone else. It sparked a question in my mind. Did I not show Ino that I didn't love her? Did I even show interest that surpassed a casual fling? I know she did, but did my feelings even get past my outer shell? Did she get to see the feelings I've bottled up within me that she stirred?
--
But while I fell, in that fleeting moment, I felt something rise within me, a statement that I could not deny. The ball had not hit the ground yet, and I still had a chance to win, a chance to recover myself and try to win this childish game. It was no longer a game. It was about Ino, the one who left the court and into the locker room. I had time to run after her and forget this game. It was about her, and never was about me. It was all about her, these feelings were for her, and not for my own entertainment.
--
"In other words, Sakura," he replied, "when you're in love…tell them in every way that you're in love with them because they need to hear it, even if she is hurting. It's best you try and fix the problem right now." He spoke with a sad smile. I nodded before getting up. Something in his story told me that I had to try and make things better, or I'd end up miserable like that. His story inspired something within me that I could not describe…It was like off of those movies where the guy is delirious in his own attempts to make the girl come back no matter what…but in the end he got hurt and it became a sad ending. I frowned before looking towards the direction of Ino's house from here. I should be able to run there and correct things. Yes, I can do that. I want to, no, I had to do that, for her and me…
"Yes, I'll remember that." I replied before dashing off. I ran out of the park and towards Ino's house with my new inspiration. I felt hope rise within me. Yes, I could do this! I'd make Ino remember the good times and tell her that after the first day with her…I-yes, I truly did, and still do, love her. I would try with all my heart to make things better.
I ran over the bridge, across the park's grass, through traffic, on the sidewalk, through alleyways, and into the cemetery where I finally lost my breath. I knew this was THE cemetery that I found Ino in. The road besides it was vacant, everything was quiet, and a red candle was tipped over on a particular gravestone. I walked over to it, bending down, and placed the candle up correctly. I examined the grave: Inoichi Yamanaka, loved father, husband, son, and family member. I placed my hand on the cold, smooth stone.
"Hey," a deep voice called out. I turned my head to see who it was. In the graveyard on a dirt path was the boy from a few days ago who caught me and Ino…hugging, if you could say it at the least.
"Where's your girlfriend?" He asked with a smirk before looking around. He had dark green eyes and messy brown hair. The eyes reminded me of someone but I didn't know who.
I gave him a soft glare. I wasn't really in the mood to tell him everything.
"She isn't my-I mean she isn't here." I told him before turning back around and looking at Ino's father's grave. I could still feel him staring at my back. I took a deep breath, hoping he would leave quickly. I didn't need to hear his taunts right now. Once I catch my breath I will-
"Aw, something happen?" He prodded me with his mock. I turned my head again with a scornful glare. I didn't want to hear his teases, let alone making fun of my predicament with Ino.
"Yes, something did happen, you bastard! Now will you leave me alone?!" I snapped at him. He flinched and put his hands up in defense.
"I was just playing with you. I didn't know something really happened," he added with a sheepish smile. I scoffed at him before turning around. I didn't need to hear his pitiful apologies, especially if he didn't mean it.
"Aw, I am sorry, really!" He protested. I could hear him walk closer to me. "Want to talk about it? I know I seem like an ass but you can at least give me another shot?" He gestured. I turned around, my glare still intact.
"You don't deserve another shot," I spat. Like I would tell an asshole like him what happened between Ino and me. The boy huffed before crossing his arms.
"Well, with that attitude, I doubt your girl won't take you back if that's the situation." He stated.
I froze. My attitude, what was wrong with my attitude? I was perfectly fine, and it was normal to react hostile towards an ass like him in moments like these!
"If you're that emotional and angry it won't help if she doesn't believe you in the first place. Trust me on that one," he muttered in bitterness. I turned around towards him. What just surfaced right there? Pent up anger? Guilt or maybe some remorse? Whatever it was, it hit something within me.
I studied his features. He was scratching his top lip. His royal green eyes were downcast. His feet were making unconscious circles in the dirt.
Yes, it finally hit me- he had experienced something similar to me. And with that stated in my mind, I felt a little better. To just see that I wasn't the only horrible person, maybe, and there were other people like me who made bad mistakes.
"What do you mean?" I asked him. He immediately snapped out of his vulnerable state and eyed me.
"What about it?" He replied cautiously. I shrugged. I wasn't forgetting about my plan to try and make-up with Ino.
"I am a little curious," I answered with a light smile. He scoffed.
"I am curious too." He grumbled in reply. I allowed my eyes to linger on his. Something in him reminded me of somebody, and his physical appearance reminded me of someone else, but I couldn't place my finger on it.
I shrugged it off before glancing towards the grave. I'd have to make this quick. I didn't have all the time in the world. We were both curious, so, I guess we could exchange stories.
"Ok, you tell me yours and I'll tell you mine." I suggested with a casual smile. He stuck his tongue out at me.
"Nope, you tell me yours first and I'll tell you mine." He persuaded. I shook my head.
"Nope," I replied. He chuckled.
"Better do it my way or I'll just annoy the shit out of you." He added. I shrugged. He sighed, as if telling me that he already warned me.
"You know, your girlfriend was pretty hot so-"he didn't get to finish his sentence before I put up my hand.
"Ok!" I exclaimed. I didn't need to hear how great Ino was right now, especially when I was losing her with each passing minute. Shit. I had to hurry. I couldn't lose her just because I decided to idly chatter with strangers.
---
I was running again. I was running harder than before. The words of what the boy said to me ran through my head.
"I had a girlfriend. I was worse back then, believe it or not. I took her for granted. I did bad stuff to her, told her bad things, and made lots of mistakes with her. And not like that, I just made mistakes…But she didn't. She was really nice; you would've fallen in love with her right away. But I, being the dumbass I was, didn't think she would ever leave me. It was only two weeks ago did that bite me in the ass. She had a breakdown, screaming why I acted like she was nothing when my friends were around, why I didn't tell her I loved her like how I use to at first, and what happened to the me she fell in love with. I, still being a dumbass here, shook it off and didn't say much. And that night she left me with much hesitation.
"Yeah I could've stopped it and all, but my pride didn't allow me to try and beg for her back. And now I am just plain regretting it. I really wish I made things up to her, told her how much she meant, and everything, but I am still a dumbass and allowed her to get away."
I wouldn't be like that. I would NOT go down without tell Ino I was at least sorry, even if she didn't believe it. I did not want to sound like an asshole like that guy was.
Sakura? What a good name for you, pinky. My name is Kankuro.
I jumped over a small hole in the sidewalk and continued to run towards Ino's house. I wouldn't be like Kankuro and live with regrets. I will make an attempt to get Ino back; she was the best thing that happened to me so far in my life. My heart pumped faster, the adrenaline rushed through my body, and for once in my life, I felt like I was somebody on a mission…
And I felt unstoppable, especially these butterflies in my stomach.
I could only dream and hope that this force that was driving me to Ino would help her understand that I loved her, loved her so much that I could barely stand it now.
The very thought of losing Ino made this feeling more intense where I could barely contain my need to be by her, my need to feel her, my need to know that she loved me back, and the need to know that she would forgive me for all that I've done.
I could only hope, wish, dream, and yearn that my love for Ino would be enough to bring her back. To bring back that beautiful smile of hers…Those gentle eyes…and her kindness.
...But, somewhere, out of nowhere, something unfathomable thing happened-gone was my anger, sadness, and feeling of lost. It was quickly replaced with hope, inspiration, and love... I felt like I had a chance to get Ino. Forget the ball. I wanted Ino. I didn't care if I lost the game, just as long as I had Ino within my embrace.
A/N:
Short chapter. Sorry! But anywho, just wanted the suspense of Ino will forigve or not to linger more. Plus some good character developement. Reviews are loved (100% garuntee they'd make me update fast rofl. Put thought in them, and time, and care, and you WILL get a faster chapter [Maybe even a reply message from me for thanking such a beautiful review!]).
Review and keeping reading!