Thank you so so much for your awesome reviews so far guys! I am very glad everyone likes what I've written so far since this is my first fic for this fandom- I am especially pleased to know that no one is too OOC for your tastes, lol. That is my primary focus on my fanfics is to make sure I get into depth with the characters and keep them in their original state and personality as well. Of course, sometimes having them do stuff out of character is necessary, butttt that's not until later~

Now, enough chit-chat, and more AWKWARD SLASH

--

Perry sat upon Doofenshmirtz's couch in his office, previously as before. The lab coat he wore was still on, however, he had rummaged through the doctor's closet and had found a pair of pants, but they were too long and covered his feet entirely. He calmly sipped a cup of coffee that was served for him and carefully watched the doctor write and toss papers into the trash. He was trying to come up with ways to reverse the potion he had created that turned Perry into a smartass-of-a-human, and it had already been almost two days since the misfortune happened. That's all he had been doing for the past day and a half; writing a formula, studying it, and then throwing it in the trash. Then it was back to square one.

Write-Study-Toss-Rinse and repeat.

Heinz glared up from his paperwork at Perry, who was now up walking around and observing his office. "You know, Perry, you can come and help me out over here! Weren't you ALSO supposed to come and help me on this stupid mission of yours?" Perry turned from whatever he was looking at to stare at him and replied, "Yes, I was. However," he ran over and jumped on the couch again, lying across it. "I'm just sooo tired after being transformed! Being a human can really wear you out, don't you know?" Heinz stood up and pointed an accused finger at the young man.

"YOU'RE tired?! What do you mean you're freaking TIRED?! I've been the one staying up all night trying to help you out, you ungrateful little bastard!" Perry crossed his arms behind his head and sighed. "Well..." Heinz waited for the response, hoping he would finally help him with the formula.

"... no one told you to stay up late."

Twitch, twitch.

With that being said, the maniac doctor lunged himself at Perry, knocking him off the couch and onto the floor. They both got into a small fight, rolling around on the floor and throwing hits and punches at the other. Not to mention, grade A insults.

"Stupid platypus-but-isn't-anymore-because-of-my-intelligent-mind!"

POW.

"Retarded scientist that gets nowhere with anything!"

WHACK.

"Teal-haired brat!"

BAM.

"Old man!"

Quick pause. "... Touche'."

Perry lied on the floor, his face flushed and panting heavily. Heinz, who was also panting quite hard, had pinned him to the floor and locked his wrists with his own hands above Perry's head. "Look," he said, "I don't like this mission of yours as much as you do! But if we're going to change you back to normal, then we're going to have to work together, got it?!" The young man glared up at him with angry eyes, but his face only got redder. This position was... really suggestive, now that he looked around more. Also, since he still hadn't any new clothes since his transformation, that stupid hand-me-down lab coat had crawled up to his mid-thigh during the scuffle. 'This doesn't make things better that... his knee is between my damn legs-!' he thought furiously.

Oh, WOW, was it getting hot in this room or something? This crazy doof needs an AC in his office ASAP.

"Perry! I said, got it?!"

He snapped out of his daze and nodded. "Yes! Just... get off of me...!" Heinz saw his nemeses' personal space being invaded and smirked. This was the perfect time to demand orders since this position was making Perry uncomfortable. "Sooo... you don't like it when you're like this? Weak, defenseless, and... practically offering yourself up to anything and anyone?"

Perry's eyes snapped open and stared at him in disbelief. "Of course I don't! It's... it feels... weird! And it makes me nervous and hot and all these other stupid human emotions! Just please, please get o-"

"Nah-ah-ahhh," Doofenshmirtz grabbed a hold of Perry's wrists harder, making sure he wouldn't be able to move at all. The younger victim squirmed his body, trying to desperately to get up and run, but it was useless. "If you persist in violence and wanting to beat me time and time again like before, that's going to be the first thing that needs to go. So, no more fighting between either of us- I'll leave you alone, and you'll leave me alone. Basically no more physical pain and blow to our (especially my) egos, okayyyy?"

Perry couldn't take this shit anymore, it was so humiliating being taken advantage of and blackmailed like this! "F-fine... okay. No more fighting, I promise." he said stubbornly and turned his head so that he wasn't looking up at Doofenshmirtz anymore. 'Ugh... I feel like I'm burning up here...' he thought miserably. 'What the hell, is this how humans feel when someone is on top of them like this?'

"Good!" Heinz replied happily, "Also, there is onnnne more thing..." Perry shut his eyes and sighed impatiently. "What do you want now, you damn- hahh!" Perry stopped in mid sentence when the older man (who was oblivious to what he was doing) shifted the knee that was between Perry's legs which brushed ever so slightly against him. Perry gulped and whined, "Ge-get off, will you?! This is... so..."

"Nope, like I said, one more thing." he continued, "You need to know, that if you try anything funny or go back on your promise, then I will do the unthinkable to you. I don't care if I go to jail for it or not, but trust me. It WILL be more uncomfortable than the position you're in now. Understand?"

Perry's eyes stared long and hard at Heinz, and vice versa. The doctor was scaring the shit out of him now- he's never heard nor seen him so serious before, and the tone in his voice made that threatening promise sound real and something Perry never wanted to know what he meant by that. His bottom lip trembled as he said, "I don't... like the sound of that."

"You won't like how it feels if I have to resort to that action either."

Perry's breathing became louder until he finally cried, "All right, all right! I promise not to go back on my promise, kick your ass, OR try anything funny around you while I am on this very important mission. I promise, I promise, I promise!" he began whimpering as his face grew redder with both embarrassment and frustration. "Now please, please," he was begging now, which was totally unlike him, "I can't take this anymore, let me up!"

Doofenshmirtz blinked a few times in surprise. Perry was blushing so hard that it looked like he was suffering from a fever and the way he twisted and moved underneath him... he's never seen his arch-nemesis so... willing and...

... cute.

Wait a second, what the fuck?

"DOC! GET OFF!"

Without hesitation, Heinz let go of Perry's wrists and sat up, a few inches away from him. "S-sorry about that. I forgot and didn't-" he stopped and stared at Perry who sat up, clenching the lab coat where his heart was and was panting incredibly hard, his face still flushed. He looked as if he would collapse any moment from a heart attack. His teal bangs fell over his shoulders and rested on the side of his face.

'My heart is beating so fast.' he thought, 'Damn... I must look like Candace whenever she sees Jeremy walk across the street or Isabella when Phineas says 'hi' to her...'

His breathing wasn't helping the situation. At all. Jesus Christ, Perry sounded and looked like he just starred in his first porno or something. Heinz shook that thought out of his head and yelled, "Stop sounding like that!" Perry looked up and furrowed his brows together. "What the hell do you mean, 'stop sounding like that'? How do you want me to sound?"

Oh, sweet dead parents of Batman.

Well, you can start by taking that stupid lab coat off and tossing your hair from side to side and then- NO. "D-don't play dumb! The way you're breathing! It's really... ugh, damn... really sexual and erotic and I-"

Silence.

Perry just stared at him. What. What the hell, really? REALLY, Doctor D? The little guy facepalm'd like there was no tomorrow as Heinz stood up and cleared his throat.

"You know what, let's go buy you some decent clothes." There. Changing the subject as always a good way to get out of an awkward conversation! Perry stood as well and followed him out the door. As they both walked down the hall in complete silence, both blushing as hard as humanly possible, Perry mumbled,

"You are so fucking stupid."

--

Doofenshmirtz led Perry into some kind of manly store that smelled like cologne that was overused. It smelled awful, and his nose was sensitive to strong scents such as these ones. They left quickly, deciding everything was too expensive (and too smelly).

So they headed to another store in the Tri-State Area's plaza and found a cheap store with pretty decent clothes. "Okay, pick out whatever you want." Doofenshmirtz answered, "Just make sure the clothes fit you and-" before he could finish, Perry was already running around and looking in amazement at all sorts of different clothes that were in stock.

'Wow, he seems really giddy over clothes...' Doofenshmirtz thought to himself, but just shrugged and followed him.

Perry picked up a brown, button-up trench coat. It had big pockets on the sides and looked like it would have belonged to Sherlock Holmes, despite not being plaid at all. He tossed it over his shoulder and ran off to find a white long-sleeved shirt and black tie. Now all he needed were pants. He glanced around a couple of times and was a little hopeless in finding any. He sighed until a voice caught his attention.

"Hello, do you need some help?" Perry looked up and saw a blond, short-haired woman in a blue apron and work uniform standing there and smiling. She looked like she was in her early 40's. "Er," Perry stammered, "y-yeah. Do you know where the pants are?" She nodded and motioned him to follow her. They reached a rack with slacks, jeans, and other varieties of pants. Perry's eyes lit up and he beamed. "Thank God, now I can get something that actually fits me."

The woman looked at Perry up and down and noticed that the clothes he was wearing were very baggy and big on him. "Um, pardon me, but..." she spoke, "but, would you like to wear these clothes before you leave?" Perry picked up a pair of black pants. "Uh, sure! That'd be great, actually." She breathed in relief and laughed a little bit, "Okay, good! It's just that I have a son at home who wears baggy clothes as well and I guess I'm just afraid you'll trip and fall and hurt yourself because those clothes are so big on you." Perry chuckled a bit. "Yeah, they're a bit of a drag."

"Perryyyyy!" Heinz called from across the store. "Are you done yet?! We have to get going! The sooner the better, ever heard of it?!"

The woman blinked a couple of times over at him and then back at Perry. "Is that your father?" she asked politely. "Aah-! Uh, n-no, he's my uh... roommate! We go to the same college and he offered to buy me some new clothes." She glanced back at him and then said, "He's in college? Uhm... he looks a lot older than you. I mean... A LOT."

"I think he's only in his late 20's, early-thirties." Perry answered honestly, "He doesn't really talk about his himself, only when he has to, which is when he rants and doesn't even know it."

"Ah, I see." she retorted, "Oh! you need shoes and socks! Hold on, I'll be right back."

Perry stood where he was and waited for her to come back as she ran off. "Hey," a voice grumbled. Perry jumped in surprise at Heinz standing next to him out of nowhere. Whoa, that was freaky. "Don't scare me like that! Sheesh!" He crossed his arms and tapped his foot in annoyance. "You know, we didn't come here so you can flirt with the girls, all right?" Perry looked up at him and frowned. "I am not 'flirting', she's helping me out. She said she was going to bring me-"

"SHOES!" said woman screeched out as she ran up to them, "AND SOCKS!" She bent over, panting as if she had just run a marathon, and placed her hands on her knees. "Here you go! I think they'll go great with your outfit!" Heinz took them from her since Perry's hands were full enough. They were black and pretty shiny, looked like something a lawyer would wear, while the socks were nothing special. Just regular white ones. "How do you know his foot size?" Heinz asked.

"Oooh, just call it a mother's instinct." she answered proudly. "Now let's go pay for all this so you can get out of those old things!" Perry followed her happily while Heinz also did in pursuit. 'What is with all the "old" jokes in this chapter?'

As soon as they had finished paying for everything, Perry went into the changing station and came out looking like a stereotypical secret agent, like there was no reason to hide it. He still had his trademark fedora on, of course. The woman clasped her hands together and stared at him with sparkles in her eyes. "You look so adooorable!" she cooed.

Doofenshmirtz didn't say anything, just scratched the back of his head and said something under his breath.

Perry breathed in deeply and fixed his fedora a little bit and smiled at the woman. "Thanks for all your help, miss...?"

"Oh, I'm sorry! My name is Brenda." she replied, and smiled very sweetly back at him. Perry nodded and held out his hand to shake hers, "I'm Perry. Thanks again."

"It was my pleasure, Perry." she shook his hand and turned to Heinz. "Now you two take care of each other, you hear? I hope you both graduate college together!" He gave her a 'what-are-you-talking-about' look, but Perry grabbed his wrist and led them both out the door as he waved back at Brenda. "Thank you, ma'am. Bye!"

The door's bell jingled as it opened and the two men were heading back to the D.E.I. building to work on that formula. "Errr, Perry?" Heinz asked, "What did she mean when she said 'graduate college'?" Perry smiled, shrugged, and kept walking, not realizing his hand was still grabbing Heinz's wrist.

The weird thing is, neither of them cared the whole way back.