Interviewer: Sorry for missing chapter 96. Epicness ensued in said chapter, where Olivia and Alex kicked ass, and were shortly accompanied by Izumi…

Ed: Everyone read it.

Interviewer: But it was forever ago!

Ed: Two months.

Interviewer: Which is the same amount of time since we've seen you. It's kind of excruciating…Al's been gone even longer…and poor Mei, all by herself!

Ed: You say each month that you'll stop judging her by her…her…

Interviewer: Height?

Ed: Why are you saying it like that? Huh? You have something you want to say?

Interviewer: Oh, Ed, I thought you were over this (sigh) Anyhow, with us today we have Hoho Papa, Father Dude, Falman, Buccaneer, and Wrath. Hoho, how are you so epic?

Hoho: It's taken centuries of practice.

Ed: There is nothing epic about-

Interviewer: Give it up, Ed. Over 90 percent of the Fullmetal Alchemist fandom agrees that you'll be crying at your daddy's death. Or something. You never cry.

Ed: I wasn't even in the chapter. Why am I here?

Hoho: So she can pick on you.

Ed: And you're on her side?

Interviewer: What was your first thought when Father Dude revealed that he, too, had evolved?

Hoho: It was kind of like, "…oh, crap". Nothing special.

Interviewer: Did you really talk to all 500,000 something souls?

Hoho: I did.

Interviewer: Wow. See, Ed. He wasn't goofing off all those years.

Ed: (seethes)

Interviewer: Father Dude, do you realize how (awesomely) creepy you were this chapter?

Father Dude: It's all part of my master plan.

Interviewer: I never doubted you. Just lay off Mei, all right?

Ed: Enough already!

Interviewer: If you two, Hoho and Father Dude, had a staring contest, who would win?

Ed: How is this even relevant…?

Interviewer: My charm is irrelevancy.

Ed: Or so you like to think…

Hoho: Well, he has more eyes, so he's more likely to blink.

Interviewer: Ok, that was a dumb question.

Ed: No kidding.

Interviewer: How about an arm wrestling match?

Ed: Can we get a move on?

Interviewer: (sigh) I'm just trying to relieve the tension. Though there's never that much tension between you two.

Father Dude: …How is that?

Interviewer: I mean, Hoho's jumping around making doors and stuff, and you're turning into a freaking unicorn…it's not entirely angst and drama, though that's how we like it.

Ed: Moving on.

Interviewer: (mutters) Ahem, Falman. We all felt so bad for you this episode. We thought you were going to chicken out, but you didn't. We're all so proud!

Falman: Thanks, I guess.

Interviewer: I was so sure you'd be a goner-

Falman: Uh…

Interviewer: But somehow, you survived.

Buccaneer: What do you mean, somehow? I saved his ass!

Interviewer: I read somewhere that the onemanga translation made what you said more awkward, and you didn't actually say…what was it? "I'm the manliest of them all"?

*cast burst into laughter*

Interviewer: That was some good stuff, Buccaneer.

Buccaneer: I was just trying to get the attention away from him because I knew he'd die if I hadn't.

Interviewer: Wrath, what's up with you? You doing all right since your train blew up? You sure took long enough to show up.

Wrath: Well, my train did blow up, just like you said.

Interviewer: Yep, and you're looking like a pirate more than ever. I'm dying to see you and Greeling fight it out, though I think it's too soon for either of you to die. Ran Fan better show up, too. Well, until then! I hope to see you all next time, and thanks for reading the interview!