Two chapters in one day? THIS IS ABSOLUTE MADNESS MY DEAR BOY.
(make a 300 joke and I won't update in forever)
Things start spicing up in this chapter. SSSSPPPIIICCCYYYY
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After dinner was finished, the three headed back up to Heinz's office to get their things together. It was barely nine o'clock at night, but they were all extremely tired and exhausted. However, once they went back into the room, they saw that it had begun to rain heavily from through the window. Vanessa and Heinz didn't think much of it, but Perry was a different story.
'Oh, God,' he thought desperately, 'please don't let it be a lightning storm...'
"Okay, so, there are a couple of rooms that are vacant on the 8th floor." Doofenshmirtz announced. "This whole entire building used to be a hotel until I took over, so. Yeah."
Vanessa grabbed her bags that were still currently lying against the wall and opened her father's office door. "Just go up the elevator one floor and the entire hall is yours." She muttered an "okay" and was off, leaving the two alone. Perry took off his brown trench coat and tie, yawning deeply. Doofenshmirtz gave him a dirty look and the younger man looked up at him, his eyes shifting back and forth. "What, me too?"
"Uh, yeah! You're not sleeping on the couch in MY office, that's for sure!" he exclaimed, waving his arms around. "This room is personal and private. You're lucky you even set foot in here, not counting the multiple times you broke down my door and destroyed my walls..." Perry shifted nervously with an uncomfortable expression on his face. "I just... think I'll feel... SAFER down here. That's all."
Heinz scoffed but was not willing to pursue any further. "Fine, whatever keeps your pants on at night. See ya."
The door shut with a 'click' and Perry was left in the room with the most confused and disturbed look ever. 'What... what kind of figure of speech was THAT?! Keep my pants...'
"AUGH!" Perry grabbed his trench coat and covered himself with it, hiding his face with the popped collar. "WHAT AN IDIOT!"
--
BOOM.
Perry hadn't shut his eyes. If he had, it was to shield himself from the loud crashes of lightning that had currently been exploding outside in the pouring rain. It had been three hours and he had never been so scared in his life.
Alone.
In the dark.
With no one beside him to show he would be alright and protected.
Oh, fuck, don't start crying now. Secret agents don't cry!
...
Perry whimpered helplessly and before the next crash of lightning could be heard, he was already in the elevator and up to the 8th floor. He clutched his trench coat tightly, so tight his knuckles were turning white. If he just had someone to sleep next to then maybe he wouldn't be so paranoid and freaked out right now. Maybe... well, Vanessa was kind of like Phineas... no, wait, no, they were nothing alike. But they did get along better than himself and Doofenshmirtz. Perry sighed and decided to smell her out in which room she was.
The hall was pitch black, save for a window at the end of it.
When he found her scent, he went over to the door and grabbed the door handle. He jiggled it, but swore under his breath when it wouldn't open. 'Damn it... of course, she's a girl. Girls lock their doors for some stupid reason...'
He had no choice- he needed to find his sworn enemy's room.
BOOM, BOOM, CRASHHH.
Perry squealed like a Japanese school girl and without even thinking opened a random room door, slammed, and locked it. He gasped for air, he was breathing way too hard. Great, to add to his fear, now he had to be scared of passing out. He calmed himself down as hard as he possibly could and searched the room. Huh, the bed looked a little funny...
Since when did beds have brown, medium-length, messy hair?
... wait.
Wait, wait, WAIT a minute.
Perry's eyes widened as he walked over to the bed and saw Doofenshmirtz sleeping like a rock in the bed, covers over him. He slapped himself mentally and breathed slowly, in and out. How weird that he ended up in the same room he was sleeping in. What a coincidence!
Perry was not amused. Not at all.
BOOOOM!
The flash of lightning made Perry jump so hard that he dropped his coat and ran under the covers. He was shaking violently now, he couldn't fucking stand this horrible weather. Doofenshmirtz's eyes opened slightly when he felt something warm next to him and shot/sat up in shock and surprise. "PEH-PEH-PEH-PERRY?!" he screamed. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY BED?!" Perry didn't answer, and only continued to shake harder.
"Perry! Answer me! What's gotten into you?!"
He shook his head as quick and hard as he could, refusing to answer back. Heinz was getting irritated now- he grabbed Perry's arm and lifted him up and glared at him in the eyes. Their faces were inches apart.
"Look! I don't know what's gotten into you, but you need to-" he stopped instantly when he saw the smaller figure better.
Perry was... crying.
"Per-Perry?" his voice was a little softer, if that was possible for someone of his standards. "Are you crying?" Perry slapped Heinz's hand off his arm and furrowed his eyebrows, trying to blink away his tears. "NO! I'M NOT! It's... it's the reflection... from the window-"
Another crash of lightning, this time, it was harder and louder.
Perry's eyes snapped open wide and buried his head against Heinz's chest, holding on to him with both arms for dear life. "I-I-I can't stand this kind of weather!" he screamed through sobs, "I know you're... not a weatherman or anything and you can't stop it, bu-bu-but I just need SOMEONE to sleep next to! I'm not-I'm not used to sleeping by myself, especially through these kinds of storms!"
Heinz literally could not believe what he was hearing or seeing. Since when was Agent P afraid of anything? He went up against everything scary there is in the world, especially playing chess with Death and always winning. Nothing could bring him down to his knees, Heinz knew that, but now... lightning? Natural matter of Mother Earth?
Mucormycosis or netting would have been more fitting.
Yet, here Perry is, sobbing and frightened for his life, hugging Doofenshmirtz with no intent of letting go. This was a really unbelievable scene between the two, considering they were supposed to be enemies. Heinz shifted his eyes to the side and patted Perry's head. "L-look. Perry. You can stop crying now, I'll let you... sleep with me." Perry lifted his face and stared into Heinz's eyes, that puppy-dog look making Heinz blush just ever so slightly.
"J-JUST for tonight!"
Perry nodded and wiped his eyes. "'K-k-kay..." He turned to the side and lied back down on the bed. Heinz shook his head and mumbled about something irrational. He ran his fingers through his hair and crashed down onto his side of the bed. They were both facing opposite directions. 'Why'd it have to be me?'
"I... don't care who I sleep with right now," Perry answered, "When you're frightened and scared for your life, you'll reach out for help to ANYONE."
Doofenshmirtz's eyes widened but didn't say anything. Was Perry a mind-reader or something? He closed his eyes and decided to deal with all this in the morning. It was way too late to start this shit up again.
Getting to sleep wasn't going to be easy though.
Perry had begun whimpering again since the lightning storm had not stopped. Heinz opened his eyes in annoyance and sighed. "Perry, are you serious?"
"I-I can't help it!" Perry cried as he turned to face Heinz, who was also turned over to face Perry in return. "Don't blame me because I have a severe phobia problem!" Heinz rolled his eyes and sat up once again. "Come here." he said. Perry's hands were shaking, but he managed to lift himself up and sit in an upright position.
"Vanessa used to be afraid of lightning storms, too." he began, "She would always walk into my and Charlene's room in the middle of the night and ask to sleep with us because she was afraid that the "lightning would get her" or something like that. But even sleeping beside us wouldn't help her get to sleep, so Charlene would..."
Perry waited.
"THE POINT IS she just made her feel better, understand?" Heinz coughed. "I don't-I don't want to do the same thing to you because, well, we're both enemies. It wouldn't be right and... yeah. There." Perry furrowed his eyebrows hard and gulped. "Whatever Charlene had done to Vanessa made her get over her fear, right? Well... I don't care what it is, just do it to me! I don't want to live in fear for the rest of my life, you know?" Heinz coughed again, this time harder.
"Yeah, but PERRY, her fear didn't just magically go away in ONE DAY, Charlene did that for God knows how long. You can't just instantly get over life-long fears." Perry gave his trademark look of determination. "Then I'll sleep with you for "God-knows-how-long"! JUST DO IT!" he bellowed.
Heinz flinched back a bit. "ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT! But only because I am incredibly tired and because I want to SLEEP." Perry gripped the bed covers and nodded. "Fine, but just-"
CRASHCRASH BOOOOOM!
"HUAAAAAAH!" Perry hid his face in his hands and felt the tears coming back. "Make it stop, make it stop make it stoppp-!" Heinz clenched his hair and breathed in deeply. 'I can't believe I'm doing this...'
"Makeitstopmakeitstopmake it-"
Perry stopped spazzing when he felt warm lips press against his forehead and arms wrap around his waist. His eyes widened as far as they could and his face got hotter than ever before. 'Wh... what-?'
Heinz pushed Perry down onto the bed and as he lay down himself, he wrapped his right arm around Perry's waist, keeping a hold of him. Their bodies pressed against each other as Perry breathed in softly against Heinz's collar bone.
"Now shut the hell up and sleep."
Perry felt his eyes shut quite immediately, and for the rest of the night, didn't wake up once.
--
The next morning was brutal.
The sun shone brighter than ever through the window in the room and a loud knock was heard at the door.
"Hey, dad!" Vanessa yelled out, "I didn't make breakfast for nothing! Get the hell up! YOU TOO PERRY!" Her boots were heard stomping on the hall floor and the elevator's 'ding' sound could be heard if one listened closely.
"Uggghn..." Heinz murmured and held on to Perry harder. 'Waaaait a second...' He sat up in a hurry, remembering the events of last night and was hesitant to even look at Perry in the face. It took him a moment, but when he turned to face him, his expression softened and he calmed down.
Perry had been sleeping peacefully, surprisingly, not even Vanessa's evil screeching was enough to even stir him. He looked... innocent. Psh, didn't even look like a secret agent. Just a regular person. When Heinz felt a smile tug at his mouth he blinked himself back into reality and held his face in his hands. "AaaaAAUUUUGH!" he moaned, "I... KISSED HIM. AND I HELD ONTO HIM! ALL. NIGHT. This is not good... What the fuck was in the food Vanessa made?! Why am I thinking of... grrr... and-and am I blushing?! Hold on... what...?"
He lifted the covers from his legs and slapped himself across the head, his face as red as the first curve of a rainbow at a gay pride parade.. "UGH! GOD. DAMMIT!"
He stormed off from the bed and into the bathroom that the room had and turned on the shower faucet.
It was a cold, cold shower.
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I don't know if many people are going to get the cold shower joked at the end. LOLLEARNINGSTIME
You see, children, when a man wakes up with an ERECTION, they usually take a COLD SHOWER to get rid of it because IT'S FREEZING AND UNWANTED in the morning. Unless you're into all that kinky stuff.
YAYYYY CHAPTER 5