"When are you planning on telling her?"
"Huh?"
Robin looked up at his metallic friend, who dragged a dirty cloth around and over his precious vehicle. The car, like the boy's arm, glowed neon blue and shone like a diamond. With a forced concentration, Robin stared down at the car, making his hand turn in circles, rag in hand. He hated doing motor work… but it was easier than admitting the truth. Besides, the oil fumes stung less than Cyborg's jade eyes.
"You got it so bad, man," the taller boy said distractedly, dropping the rag on the ground and leaning against the tool cart.
"Huh," Robin repeated.
"So when are you gonna tell her?"
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Let me rephrase that. Are you going to tell her?"
"Seriously, I don't know what you mean."
Cy shrugged and grabbed the towel from the floor and began to shine the machine. He wasn't the nosy type. He was curious… and he was certainly intuitive, but he knew when to cut his loses and let people come around on their own. Who was he to meddle and poke and prod? That was the job of the changeling, and he was there to play shrink and give insight, and listen to people rob him of his right to have his own problems.
But he ignored his own minimal burden and waited for Robin to crack. After all, he hated motor work more than anything and he couldn't avoid the subject for too much longer.
"Ok. Pretend I don't know anything. I'm just some innocent semi-bionic teenager who just happens to be here for a nice man-to-man talk. But you might want to think about getting it off your chest before you become too obvious. Before BB finds out and goes around blabbing your secret and bothering you."
Robin sighed. "It's Raven."
"I suspected that. But what about Star? Didn't you guys have a thing?"
"We did, but it ended. Didn't last long at all. I was… I don't know… too serious? And she was too sweet for me, clingy as hell."
Cy nodded, understanding completely. Star was like his baby sister, and while she was kind and adorable and amusingly strange… he knew how she could attach herself to one person and cling so desperately.
"She wasn't a great kisser either. She sorta… stuck her tongue down my throat," Robin winced, shuddering.
"And that girl has a long tongue…"
"I think it reached my stomach."
They boys laughed and left the car, taking a seat on the metal chairs.
"So, now you're going for Rae?"
"Yeah, I guess."
"How serious is it… like… I dunno. On a scale of one to ten?"
Robin focused on everything he could think about her, on everything he felt, on everything that made him crazy. He thought of all the times he had dreamt about her, thought of her, wanted to kiss her. He ran through every time he had the opportunity to tell her, to kiss her, and all the times he had beaten himself up about it after a failed attempt. All the things he love about her, things he hated, things that surprised him and made him think about her for hours. But after a long silence he realized there were to many thing to count and that rating his affection might be impossible.
So he just gave a meek "I don't know."
Cyborg barked a laugh heavy with wisdom and burden, staring at Robin dead in the eye with an eerie casualty.
"So basically you're either in love with her or it'll fade within a few days. You don't have to admit it to me. But you should tell yourself. I know you, Rich. If you can't admit it to yourself, then you can't admit it to her. And one day, she'll say it, and if you can't say it back, you'll hurt her. And if you hurt her, I'll hurt you.
"Thanks for the help with the T-car, by the way. I appreciate it."
Robin nodded, stood, and left.
Could he say those words? Could he ever say to himself, "I love Raven," and then tell her that he did? He knew he felt something, something so strong and potent and raw, something so real it hurt. Maybe what he felt was love, but he never really gave love to anyone but his parents, and that was almost nine years ago.
He hadn't thought about anything other than her since their late early morning encounter four days prior. When he was able to think about something else, that thought would lead to her.
So it didn't help, at the very moment he went up to the roof, that he found the girl sitting on the roof with her legs dangling over the edge. But instead of following the orders his mind gave him, he followed his heart and walked up to the edge. He spread his arms wide, leaned against the strong winds, and let out a grand whoop of joy, loving the feeling of the gusts on his face. He felt a hand on his leg, pulling at his pants and he looked down to see her holding onto the fabric loosely, gazing stoicly onwards,
"Be careful," she told him boredly, her eyes unmoving.
"I won't fall."
So she let go, because, after all, he had just promised. But she was still afraid, so she remained aware and constantly cautious.
"Robin?"
"Yeah?"
"What does it feel like to freefall?"
He cocked his head to one side and wondered first why she was asking and second if he ever had. He supposed that swinging from the grappling hook might be similar, but there was always something to save him.
"I don't really know. I don't think I've ever really freefallen,"
"I have."
"So why…" Robin was confused and couldn't quite comprehend what kind of game she was playing.
"When Slade pushed me from that tower. I can't remember."
"Why do you need to remember?"
Raven curled her knees up to her chest and hid her face behind them. Robin tenderly brushed the hair that fell from behind her ear back into its rightful place. He scooted closer and pulled her cloak so it covered her. She didn't react, but she didn't push him away, so he took her silence to be a gesture of thanks. She was upset and frightened and he wanted her to smile, even though she never did.
"What's up with you Rae? You aren't acting normal."
"Why does everyone fall in fucking love with her? It's BS. She isn't that special and she's and idiot. And immature and foolish. She's nowhere near as pretty as people make her out to be. 'The beauty of Jump city!' Ha!"
Robin was befuddled as she said this but he could see how upset she was by how her knuckles turned white and the metal under her hand began to warp slowly. He was careful when he put his hand over hers, but when her fingers opened to let his fingers lace through he smiled.
"She's such a bitch…"
"Star?"
"No, your mother. Yes, genius, Star."
Raven knew that that hurt him, for his lips twitched slightly downward an his eyebrows almost rose. But she was too angry and had too much pride to apologize.
"What happened?"
"She got me to go to the mall with her," she groaned. "And… I don't know, all these guys started hitting on her and I wasn't given a second glance. So when the troglodytes finally left she saw 'that I was not joyful and had an unpleasant look on my face'. So I, stupidly, told her. Of course being the epitome of intelligence that she is, told me that I 'should not be so frightening and eerily depressing'. And then…"
She hesitated, for she had no idea why she was even telling this story to Robin rather than the training dummies in the gym, why she was talking rather than beating the crap out of a rubber mannequin. But Robin knew her, and she trusted him more than anyone, plus…it felt right.
"And then my ex boyfriend showed up… and now Star has a date with her first emo."
"You had a boyfriend?"
"About a year ago, that guy I met at the club we went to with Blackfire. It didn't work out too well. He was sel- obsessed and self centered, and I don't deal with drama queens. But I cared about him, because… well no one really saw me as interesting. But I didn't mind that she has a date with him. She… she…"
Even during her apocalypse, he had never seen her look so hurt or vulnerable.
"She brought up Malchior."
Robin looked at her glaring at the water.
"She wasn't being mean, Rae, just careless. I doubt that she said it spitefully."
"I don't care! She knows how much I hate him. She should have careful."
"I know. You're right. But we burned that book. And he can't hurt you anymore. And if he somehow came back," Robin breathed, smiling at her, "then he would be dead the minute he even looked at you."
She stared blankly at him, hiding her smile behind her legs and gazed back out at the ocean, at the waves, at the seafoam, and wondered what it would be like to swim forever.
-
(Titan Tower Main Room- 5:33 p.m.)
-
Cyborg cracked an egg into a bowl and whisked it around several times until it blended with the flower and butter and dry ingredients. The green boy next to him made a face.
"Dude, how can you eat that stuff? I've been most of the things you swallow!"
"Yes, notice the fact that you are scrawny, weak, and short. You need protein, man food, nourishment."
"Tofu has twice the protein of dead animal muscle."
"Well then you're just scrawny, weak, and short."
Beastboy rolled his eyes and grabbed a soy milkshake fridge, popped open the cap, and downed it quickly, setting down the already half empty bottle with a contented sigh. He licked his upper lip and grabbed a banana from the bowl on the counter, but jumped back when his saw several dark red spots next to the fruit. he shrank into the form of a beetle and tasted the red with his antennae.
"BB, what are you doing?"
He quickly returned to form and got off the counter.
"It's blood. On the counter. Raven's blood."
"It's fine. She told me it started bleeding and Robin bandaged her up again."
"Suuure," said Beastboy, pealing his banana and taking a large bite, then swallowing. "They were probably hooking up and she stared bleeding cause her heartbeat was fast."
The darker boy blinked and stared at his best friend in wonder.
"W-What?"
He hadn't let it slip while sleep talking, had he?
"C'mon, Cy. It's just a little obvious that Robin is obsessed with her. I mean, hello? He's practically stalking her. He stops dead every time he sees her wearing something other than her uniform, he wont let anyone else sit next to her at movies, he holds her hand so much it's practically rape… of course she's completely dense… . Well, anyways, it's either creepy fascination or love is in the air."
"Yeah, I was wondering about that too. I mean if there is one thing Robin can't do it's give up. I'm just worried that this is a game he doesn't realize he's playing. What happens if they do hook up? I hope he doesn't get bored. There's also the fact that he could be in love, which scares me, 'cause I dunno if Robin can think about a girlfriend and a villain without loosing his grip or making her miserable."
Beastboy nodded and unwrapped some microwavable veggie dogs and threw them into the machine setting it to cook for one minute. He stared at it for a while, watching it rotate, and took it out when it was done, staring at the sky.
"Thanksgiving is coming up in a few days. Then it's December, Rob's birthday, then Christmas… then it's a new year," he murmured. "Do you think Robin will tell her by then?"
"I bet he doesn't have the balls to do it at all. Fifty dollars says he'll seduce her, he'll punk out, and she'll do it."
"You don't much faith in him. I raise you twenty-five that she's his girlfriend by New Years."
"So quick?"
"They have a month," he exclaimed. "It's not like it'll take years!"
Cyborg grinned and shrugged, grabbing the chicken wings and legs and dipping them in the batter, prepping them for frying. He listened as it crackled and popped in the heat of the oil, turning brown and crispy, filling the whole room with the smell of southern herbs and batter. As he waited for the fifth wing to crisp, he leaned against the fridge and yawned.
"They may have a month, but I dunno, they're so alike each other, and Raven's careful as hell. But, hey! You've got yourself a bet."
"Just don't tell Star," Beastboy said quietly. "I know Rob's moved on, but I know she still feels something for him. She hasn't fallen out of-"
"Dear friends! I have most glorious news to inform you of!" Starfire burst from the door, her cheeks flushed and happy and her eyes twinkling. "I am in love!"
Beastboy's mouth stood agape as her excited voice reached his ears. Cy however, happy for her and wanting her out of the way, slapped her on the back and grinned.
"Who's the lucky guy," BB finally chimed in.
"His name is Chasen and he is the most interesting human male I have ever encountered. He is in a band and is able emit sonic shrieks from his mouth! I believe it is what is called 'screamo', correct? Oh, and his hair has the softness of a thousand Sloklarg Efilarts! And… oh, his is incredibly mysterious. We how would one say it…? Smacked it on?"
"That's hit is off, Star."
"Yes, yes! We hit it off! He is very kind and we are to have our second date in two days! Oh, it was magical…" she sighed wistfully, her expression dreamy and longing. "I am quite ravenous. When is it dinner time?"
"As soon as those two get their butts down here! YO! BIRDS! TIME TO EAT!"
-
(Rooftop- 6:00 p.m.)
"Don't you ever get cold?"
"Yes. But I like the cold," she answered stubbornly, tiny goosebumps rising on her legs. She pulled her cloak closer to her as the wind barreled through her leotard and breathed comfortably as she felt a heavy warmth fall of her shoulders. Robin looked at her, arms bare, jacketless, and smiling.
"I think you lie to much for your own good. You don't have to play tough to be tough, cause we already know you are."
"I wasn't lying," she told him fiercely. "I do like the cold. I just am cold at the moment."
She inhaled deeply, taking in the smell of the sea on the velvety air, the smell of his jacket, the moonlight and the sand far below.
"So you're okay?"
"Well, I can't stop Chase from liking Star and I can't really be mad at her for anything other than being insensitive, so I don't really see the point in dragging this out any longer. I mean, damn, it still hurt like a bitch to be called creepy and told that I should find someone like Malchior; someone who understood me. He didn't understand anything about me! He only told me that I was beautiful and that we were alike so he could use me. So for her to say something like that…"
"But she didn't mean it like that, she just meant someone who could see past how heavy your control is."
He wanted to scream, to shake her, to yell, and wave his arms and make her see that he was that person. That he saw through the gloom and doom, that he could make her happy, no matter what measure of self-sacrifice it took. He would burn the villain records and throw out all his birdarangs if it would please her. If it would make her smile.
"Chasen was the only person ever able to tell me that he loved me, ever. And we both moved on. And I don't really care who he dates. But it just- with Starfire- I mean, for her, it's easy. Chase will absolutely fall in love with her and she'll return the favor. Another never-ending cycle that rotates around her. Why can't one of her exes want to date me?"
"Raven, I have to tell you something.'
She blinked and raised an eyebrow. "What?"
Robin leaned back onto his arms and closed his eyes, so he wouldn't be intimidated by her violet stare, so it wouldn't bore into him.
"I think… I think you're amazing… and any guy who doesn't see that at first glance isn't worth your time. So if your first love or whoever that ass was went for Star, then forget it. He's an idiot."
He stood and opened his eyes, staring out into the blinding sun on the waves.
"I can hear Cy, so I think it's time for you to eat."
"Wh- you're not eating?"
"Not hungry. Save me a plate of leftovers, kay?"
"What about your jacket," she asked quickly, not wanting to walk down the stairs alone.
"Keep it. It's too thin for me anyway."
He left down the stairs, letting the door close quietly behind him.
The girl, the small, vengeful, intelligent being, with her legs dangling over the roof, smiled softly and pulled the jacket tighter to her frame. She stood, still smiling and left, wanting to keep the feeling with her. She could see small explosions of black erupt and burst on the ground far below, destroying small rocks and pebbles. But for once, she let it happen, and watched.
And ignored it.
While the boy, far below her, raged and punched and furiously kicked, withering a punching bag into half of what it started as when he entered not five minutes before. He scolded himself for letting it get so far, putting him and her at so much risk. For allowing himself to get distracted by her and her eyes and body and scent. And for not being able to say what he truly wanted to say.
So he wiped his brow of sweat and shook of onto the floor.
He ran up stairs to his room.
He fell onto his bed.
He sighed. For he had forgotten what love felt like.
And he slept, for he didn't know if he could at all.