There were several reasons Raven hated Thanksgiving.
Beastboy always woke her up by pouncing on her, something, which Raven, found incredibly annoying.
She smiled. A lot. Without being forced. So things tended to explode.
Since she wasn't a fantastic cook (and that's putting it lightly), she and Star were assigned the task of decoration, which infuriated her since she had to partake in such a stereotypically feminine activity and do half the work over again when Starfire hung things upside down.
There were always placement cards. And she always got stuck next to Beastboy, who ate like the creatures he transformed into.
They always gained a pound or two, and Robin always had them work off the fat with a six-hour training day.
So when Raven opened her eyes and saw the shiny black eyes of a green Orangutan staring back at her, she groaned and pulled the covers over her head.
"C'mon Rae. It's Thanksgiving."
"Thus the reason I choose to sleep."
"If you wake up now I'll share my soy-shake with you… it's chocolate… Beastboy knows how much Rae-Rae likes chocolate…" the changeling singsonged, shaking the miserable dark girl.
"I fully acknowledge my weakness for chocolate, however my detestation for your bean juice forces me to refuse."
"Raven. Just get up. Please? You won't even have to do anything! Not even put a single bough of mistletoe up. If you have to lift a single finger, I swear I will clean my room."
Raven was slightly taken aback. The mere thought of cleanliness terrified him. But she was stubborn and self-disparaging.
"Just fuck off… nobody wants me there anyway."
"Are you crazy?! Dude! If you weren't there to settle me down and keep Cy from hurting me, do you think that either or us would enjoy ourselves? And you're the only one who can give Robin a good conversation, who keeps Star from adding ingredients to things?"
"You seem to forget the meaning of want," the psychic mumbled from under the covers, acting childish, which was something Beastboy was surprised she could even pretend to be. "You need me there to keep the peace. However, I doubt anyone wants me there to ruin the mood. It's Thanksgiving. I don't think you want someone as creepy as me passing anyone cranberry sauce. ……I'll be at Barnes and Noble if you really need me."
"…Can I come with?"
"No."
So she held the door open for him and gave him an apologetic frown as he sulked out of the room. Closing the door, she tugged off her pajamas and threw them into her laundry hamper. Quickly, she tied her hair into a messy ponytail, slipped on a pair of black skinny jeans and an old white boy-beater, and pulled on her Converses. She gave herself a once over in the mirror and nodded, satisfied (and quite pleased) with her look.
Walking down the stairs, she wiggled her toes inside her shoes. She loved her converses, as was apparent by the worn out soles and the yellowish gray hue of the white rubber. They allowed her to move well and they were comfortable. The fact that she just felt good in them made her treasure them even more.
So, rushing downstairs, praying that no one would see her, she grabbed her coat and ran out the front door, pausing only to punch in the security code.
She breathed deeply, welcoming the frigid ache the cold air gave her, and was suddenly very happy that her coat was so warm. Snow was coming. She could smell it in the air and almost feel the flakes landing on her eyelashes.
She grabbed her bike and a voice stopped her.
"Where are you going?"
She cast her head to he side only to acknowledge his presence.
"Barnes and Noble… or Borders… whichever has the better selection."
"What about Thanksgiving?"
"What about it," she grumbled, fingering the bell on the handle.
"You know what I mean," he responded crossly. "It's a holiday. You celebrate what you have and the people you care for. And it's a tradition."
She let go of her bike, which subsequently fell over, and turned to him.
"What tradition, Robin? The one where I blow out all of the windows in the tower or the one where we replace half the electronics the next day? What tradition is there for me? You can all be happy and enjoy yourselves, but that's you! That's your tradition! What do I have to be thankful for?"
Robin clenched his hands against his leg to keep himself from grabbing her, shaking her, losing his temper, something that she hated, that double standard she set for him but never applied to herself.
"I don't know, Rae, how about the fact that you're still alive, that your father hasn't taken over the world, that you have people that care for you and would risk their lives to keep you safe?"
"If I wasn't here, you wouldn't have had to risk your lives and my father wouldn't have tried to take over the world. What right do I have to be thankful for you guys when all I've done is put you in danger?"
She looked down at the ground, upset with herself and her powers. A rock by her foot shook and shattered, sending shards of granite flying. One cut the boy's hand but he merely stared at her furiously, his eyes stabbing through her.
"We're the damn Teen Titans, we live in Jump City!" he raged, grabbing his hair, shaking from the cold that touched his bare arms. A drop of blood slipped from his cut to his forehead, reminding her of how she marked them. "We live right next door to danger! So you can't fully control your powers, things have hurt us trying to get to you. No one gives a shit about that. What about me and Slade? You think that you're the only one who has had trouble with their dark side, the only who's loved ones have been hurt because of it? You're not alone, Rae, and you have a lot to be thankful for."
"Do you? Are you thankful for all the shit that we've gone through because of me?"
"No, but I'm thankful for you. So will you just come inside?"
She was still, her body starting to quiver, her eyes frozen on him; his arms crossed and coiled, rubbing themselves to keep warm, his mask, the already dried line of blood. The only thing she didn't see, even with the eyes that saw through lies and deceit, was his love, self-acknowledged, admitted, and understood by everyone but her.
"Please, Rae? Just come inside… I swear you don't have to do anything… you don't even have to sit at the table. Just don't go."
But she shook her head and turned away, trying to hide her own sorrow from him.
"I'm sorry."
And she rode away, her hands frozen to the handle bar, trying to let herself ignore the sound of the slamming door and their breaking hearts.
-
(Titans Tower Common Room- 12:20 pm)
-
"Is he out of his room yet," Beastboy asked, taking another sip of water, washing down a slice of pizza.
"No, he's been in there for an hour. I doubt he's coming out anytime soon."
"Why? Why is there always drama whenever those two talk?! It's driving me nuts! He isn't even able to admit the fact that he's in love with her!"
"Easy, BB," Cyborg sighed, setting the oven to preheat. "He'll come out eventually. It's his favorite holiday."
"And he has already admitted that he possess feeling for her," the alien girl smiled, hanging mistletoe over a doorway.
"He has?!"
The two young heroes stared at her, mouths agape.
"Yes. I regret this… but I fooled him into it… I told him that I did not want him to court her because I thought he would not love her enough. I am sorry if this conflicts with your plan…"
Yet they embraced her and squoze her until she was the one who had trouble breathing.
"Difficulty… inhaling… release me please…"
"Starfire, you're a genius," Cyborg complimented, dropping the crushed alien girl on the couch. His mood dissipated however, when he faintly heard beeps and clicks coming from the research room. "He's out of his room… but now he's on the main computer… damn… I can't believe that I didn't think of that. He's not upset because they had a fight, he's upset because she won't be here."
"And who are you thankful for if not the person you're freakishly in love with," Beastboy confirmed, nodding.
"So why do we not confront him? It may help," the alien offered, draping a ribbon carelessly over a ceiling lamp. "After all, it would be better than doing nothing."
So walking with their shoulders high and heads parallel to the ground, they entered the research quarters and flipped on the lights.
"Robin, what's going on with you, man?"
"Nothing," he snapped, "Just looking up a criminal we put away, I want to know how his parole is going. I got a tip off that he might be involved with Control Freak's recent plan to zap the city's business buildings."
"That was a hoax and you know it Robin. They found that some dweeby nerd leaked that because he had nothing else to do. Now are you going to tell us why you're acting like this or is an intervention needed?"
"I suggest that you tell us, for I do not wish to intervene in your private affairs."
He shrugged and punched in a few keys, staring at the screen as an article came up.
"I'm just in a bad mood. That's it."
"No duh, you're in a bad mood, there has to be a reason. Come on, dude, you can tell us. I promise we won't tell Raven."
"Why would I care what she thinks…" he mumbled.
His grip on the mouse stiffened and the clicking pads began to push in from the pressure. Robin sighed and put it down.
"C'mon, man," Cyborg reasoned, resting a large hand over his shoulders. "We all know. Just tell us what happened."
"She doesn't want to join us for dinner. If she doesn't have any thanks to give then I don't see why we should try to get her back. Get dinner ready, continue decoration as normal."
"And if she does come back, don't you think she'll be upset to see us having Thanksgiving without her?"
"Yes, "agreed Starfire, " I think you are letting your own dejection get in the way of how much you care for her."
"She's a tough girl. She'll live."
Cyborg slammed his fist down, causing the computer to go dark. Robin turned to them slowly.
"Don't you think she has feelings?!" he screamed. "The whole reason she hates this holiday is because she doesn't think she deserves us, because she doesn't think she deserves life. You're upset she doesn't want to be here. We get it. Instead of hurting her and making her feel as if all the doubts she has about herself have been confirmed, why don't you do something about it?! Bring her back!"
Robin glared at him, yet he knew that Cyborg was right.
"We want her here too Robin," the green boy reminded him.
"…… Continue cooking and decorating. We won't eat until she gets back. I'm not going to force her into something. If she doesn't want to be here, that's her decision."
His stomach churned with discomfort.
But he preferred to lie to himself.
-
(Jump City Barnes and Noble- 2:33 p.m.)
-
She put yet another book back on the shelf, finding the summary even less entertaining than the previous one. She was running out of shelf space. Not one book had caught her eyes and she was already halfway through G. A few more minutes and she was leaving to go to Borders.
"Umm… excuse me?"
"What," she responded sharply.
"Are you Raven from the Teen Titans?"
"Yes. What, do you want an autograph or something?"
Raven looked up with bored eyes and found she had look down slightly. A girl of maybe fourteen leaned a shoulder against the bookcase and stared at her expectantly.
"No, I just… um, I just wanted to know what it's like to be a Titan."
"Why? Are you planning on joining us with powers you probably don't have? Sorry, but the roster for our noble quest against evil is full. Try next season," she droned.
"Actually, I wanted to know because… I'm doing a report on you for my school paper. My cousin works here and told me that you're in here a lot, so I've been coming here for the past few days. …Do you mind if I… um… if I interview you?"
Raven looked her up and down, inspecting her. She was short and had blonde hair, blue eyes and a nervous but kind smile. He clothes were plain: jeans and a graphic tee shirt, and nothing seemed overly impressive about her. A normal girl, rather boring, posed no matter of interest to Raven.
So that's why her response confused her.
"…Fine. We'll go sit by the window. I don't want anyone hearing."
The girl sighed with relief and grinned.
"I'll send you a copy of the article so you know what was written before it goes into print. Also, our school fact checker will try to contact you so everything is checked off as true."
"Sounds efficient. So where do we start."
The girl brought out a tape recorder and put it near her chin.
"How about introducing ourselves? I can go first if you'd prefer," she offered.
Raven nodded and looked out the window, staring at the ant sized people on the streets below.
"Ok. I'm Sophie Abrahms, I'm thirteen and I go to Joseph Abrahms High School for Performing Arts."
"Your dad runs the school?"
She nodded.
"Cool. Must be fun to have power like that."
"No…, no not really," Sophie shrugged, popping a tictac and offering one to the dark girl opposite her. "I get more pressure to have good grades, plus people don't really like to hang out with me since they think I'm my dad's lackey."
"Then those people aren't worth your time."
"I know. I have friends who trust me. I just wish there were more people like that. What can I say? The world's a bit of a bitch. Your turn. Remember, you don't have to answer anything that makes you uncomfortable."
"I'm Raven Roth, I'm sixteen and I am a member of the Teen Titans. I have telekinetic powers as well as telepathy and projective powers like teleportation and astral projection. I can do other things as well, though I don't use those much because I don't have as much control over things."
"And they are?"
"They are none of your concern," she answered calmly.
Again, Sophie nodded and pulled the device near her again.
"You say your name is Raven Roth. Is that an alias?"
"No, I don't have an alias."
"Why is that," the blonde questioned professionally.
"How many other teenagers do you know with grey skin and purple hair? Even if I wore a mask or changed my name I would still stick out like a sore thumb."
"What's is daily life in the Tower like? What is your relationship with the other titans?"
Raven blinked, impressed by how quick and smoothly it was going. She was also surprised that she was impressed and was having a good time.
"Well, on a day where we don't have training, which we have every other day, I wake up at about nine, eat breakfast, and read for a while. Then I probably meditate or train on my own time to keep my powers fine-tuned… sometimes we'll go out and chill or watch a movie or something like that, and then sleep. Training days are pretty much the same, except we wake up at six."
"And your relationships with the others?"
"Well… I suppose that Cyborg is the one that is the easiest to talk to, so it isn't hard trusting him. I suppose that you could call him a… big brother figure, since he looks after us."
"So he's mature?"
"What," Raven chuckled. "No, he isn't… on any standard or by any definition of the word. But he's oldest and he's a good listener, so we naturally go to him for advice. Beastboy is a menace, he is incredibly irritating. But I think he has the most faith in me as a person, so he isn't intolerable."
Sophie listened and smiled, delighted by the fact that Raven was so thorough.
"Starfire," Sophie asked.
"She isn't quite accustomed to life on Earth yet and is sometimes confused by our customs and our language, but she is very… smart," she strained, trying to find the right word, "so she is adapting very well. It's… interesting to spend time with her, though it takes a toll, since it's difficult for her to stay away from trouble. Is that all?"
"You're forgetting someone. Robin?"
Raven fell silent and pulled up her guard, for she had no idea what she and Robin's relationship was exactly.
"I think… that he cares the most about me in a way. Not to say that the others don't. But we've dealt with similar issues, so we have a very unique… relationship."
She didn't mention how he seemed to understand her better than herself and how much she enjoyed his company. She didn't mention the nightmares of his death or how much she worried about him. She didn't mention that she felt safe and pure with him, or how he made her heart feel like it was going to combust, or how much she wanted to be able to smile for him. And she certainly didn't want to mention this to herself, even though she knew these facts to be true.
"Interesting," Sophie said into the mouthpiece, starting the young empath out of her thoughts. "What are five of your favorite things?"
"Blue, music, dogs, painting, and books," said quickly, not having to think for a second.
"What sort of music do you like?"
"Mostly rock and alterative rock, though I do like Jazz and blues as well."
"Do you like screamo?"
Raven made a face.
"Ugh, I can't stand it. It sounds like they're vomiting or eating something. I don't find being able to scream in a repulsive fashion a 'talent'."
"So whom do you listen to?"
"The Stones. A lot of The Stones. The Ramones. MSI, some of Aiden's songs. I find Amy Lee's voice very beautiful, so I really like Evanescence… hmm… I guess I like some Coldplay too. When I came here, I was really fascinated by gothic and punk culture, so I really came to love those genres."
"When it comes to music," Sophie enquired, popping another mint, again offering, "what or who is your guilty pleasure."
Raven sighed and blushed. "Taylor Swift."
"It seems to be so different from your tastes. What do you like about her?"
"Her songs are very real and aren't really about money or sex, they aren't corrupted but they don't have that uppity message that some of the more clean artists have. She sings in story, which I find to be like reading."
"Awesome. That's all, really."
"Seriously?"
"Yeah."
Sophie stretched and stood, pocketing the device. Raven took another look at her a now found her different. She seemed… less nervous and more inquisitive, questioning, intelligent, and Raven found smiling softly, kind of glad that she had time to think and help someone without saving their lives.
"Do you know what time it is," Raven asked.
"Almost four. …Raven?"
"Yeah?"
"Um… well…I noticed that you aren't at the Tower for Turkey Day. Do… you want to join me and my friends? There aren't any adults and we chill and watch anime and different movies. We sometimes play D and D too. So if you have nowhere to go…"
Raven blinked.
"Why aren't you with your parents?"
"We kind of don't really get along with any of our parents, so we have our own celebration. Since we all get each other through, we celebrate each other for once rather than spend time thinking of our 'rents. After all, our parents are what keep us together. So, are you in?"
Raven smiled and shook her head.
"I have my own feast to get to. Give me your number, I want to see if your taste in movies is good."
"So were… friends?" asked the shorter girl, shocked.
"Maybe, if your movies are decent."
"By the way, if you were looking for a good book, you should read Green Angel by Alice Hoffman. I think you might like it."
"What's it about?"
Sophie smiled.
"Love."
-
(Titan Tower Common Room- 6:13 p.m.)
-
"Turkey's done," Cyborg said sadly, pouting as he turned off the oven.
"And we are out of decorations," sighed the green eyes alien. She pointed to her ribbon-entwined hair. "I have even decorated myself."
"And I bought all of the tofu I need to get me through the winter."
They all stared out the window at the dark sky and the glowing cityscape, the blinking lights and festive ornaments a mocking and sour contrast to their woe.
Robin just turned over his paper and scoffed.
"What about you, Robin?" Beastboy challenged darkly. "What have you done? Typed away at the computer? Looked up villains that haven't even moved in the last four months? If you don't care if she comes back, why are you here? What, do you think denial is some band-aid, some magical tape that just fixes things? It doesn't, it just makes fake feelings."
"I assure you, all my feelings are completely legit. I'm pissed at her."
"No, you're pissed at you! Besides, you wouldn't be mad at anyone on Thanksgiving."
"First time for everything. Get off my back."
The green boy huffed and tore the newspaper out of his friend's hands.
"I'll give you back your paper and I'll get off your back if you say it."
"Say what?"
"Admit it, out loud, to all of us, in a full sentence, that you are in love with Raven. After that you can sulk to your hearts content."
"No."
And Robin had but a second to move before a bold of green singed where he had been.
"You lied to me? You promised me that your loved friend Raven!"
Starfire, eyes aglow, hands blazing, stared at him along with her other teammates, furious.
"N- I never l-… why do you guys even care?! It's none of your business."
"Because, we love her too," Cyborg explained, pulling Robin's gloved hand, helping him stand. "And we care about you."
"Just fuck off."
"Say it."
"I said no!"
"Say it!"
"Leave it alone," he pleaded desperately, his words soblike and pitiful. "Just let me be! Please, just leave it alone."
"God damnit, Robin, just admit it!" Beastboy demanded, begging with him, for his friend, for his sister. He jerked the masked leader by his collar, fearful for the girl that he would hurt if could never say those words. Afraid of her heart and its fragility and how much she cared. He shouted. "Say it! To all of us! Now!"
"All right! …All right. "
He sunk onto the couch and ran his cold hands through his hair, breathing hard, leaning forward.
"Jeez, why is everyone so glum? It's Thanksgiving."
And as he was about to speak, he looked up, his heart jumping, restarting, at the sight of her, at her presence. She returned to them, to him. She sauntered in awkwardly, her posture conscious and bashful, her eyes staring at the floor. Her hair fell in front of her eyes and she bushed it away, taking an eyelash with it.
"I… I'm really sorry I ran away and made things hard for you guys… I understand if you don't want me here or if you want to have the feast without me, but… I just wanted to say… thanks. Even if you kind of hate me… just accept that I'm really sorry, I mean, I'm going for humility here."
And she was welcomed with green and robotic and orange arms, pulling her close, happy for her presence and her failed humility.
"We're just glad that you're home, Rae."
"Yeah," the changeling agreed. "It isn't Thanksgiving without at least one broken window."
"Friend Raven, do you like my decorating? I have worked very hard to put everything up correctly."
"I looks great."
"Oh, wonderful! May I trouble you with something else?"
Raven raised and eyebrow but nodded suspiciously.
"Would you like to accompany me and Chasen to the cinema on Saturday?"
Her breath hilted slightly as her jealousy began to swell, when a lightbulb flickered out above them, dimming the room. Raven gritted her teeth in frustration. She scolded herself for forgetting to meditate, for putting them all in danger.
"Actually Star," Robin said quietly his eyes focused on the dim bulb, "I was planning to help Raven learn and control some new powers that day. Maybe you guys can hang out some other time."
Star pouted, but Raven thanked him for quieting her jealousy, reminding her of the sunset and his care and the bandages around her healing wound.
"Seriously. What happened to you guys earlier? With the anger and the riding away?"
"Nothing really. Just talking."
He smiled her wryly.
"Way to be specific Boy Blunder. …Oh! Shit, I nearly forgot my olive branch."
She glided across the room and pulled a bottle from a bag, giving it to Cyborg.
"Rae… what's this?"
"My olive branch," she droned. "Just shut up and get some shots."
"Vodka," he deadpanned, disbelieving.
"Well alright, Raven," Beastboy shouted, impressed. "How'd you get it? You're only sixteen."
"It pays to have creepy powers. I tried my hand at some transfiguration. Turns out they don't question old ladies for ID."
So he ran of and grenadine and shot glasses, set them out on the coffee table and presented all of them with liquid confidence. They gathered around the small table, the turkey and sweet potatoes lonely and forgotten. He cracked his knuckles determinedly.
"Here's the rules, ladies and gents," explained the green transformer, "the game is truth or dare. We each take two shots to begin. Whoever starts spins the bottle and asks whoever it points to choose 'truth or dare'. Said person takes a shot and chooses. Anyone object?"
Robin raised his hand and they groaned.
"We're the Teen Titans. Don't you think this is a little wrong?"
"Robin, our job is to protect the city against villains and the great evils of the world. I don't think that teen drinking really falls into that category."
Robin stuck his tongue out at the young sorceress and laughed.
"Ready? One, two, three."
A green hand slammed down on the table and the festivities began.
Cyborg spun the bottle and smiled as it landed on his best friend.
"BB. Truth or dare?"
He lifted a shot to his mouth and winced as it burned down his throat.
"Truth."
"What's the farthest you ever got with a girl?"
"Upstairs outdoorsies."
"Who was it?"
"One question per customer, sorry."
He spun the bottle. And it landed on Raven. She gulped a bit.
"Truth or Dare, ma cherie?"
She downed her red shot and hardly blinked.
"Dare."
"Kiss Star."
So Raven leaned across the table and pecked the alien on the cheek, who giggled tipsily.
"You never said where."
But before she put her hand on the bottle, she felt a hand grab her wrist. She knew the hands to well to have to turn around.
"Can I talk to you? Alone?" asked a voice so controlled, so managed, Raven could taste the explosion waiting to happen.
She agreed and he pulled her out of the room almost gruffly. She shrugged at her friends as they watched her leave.
"So what is it? Do you want a personal apology? Or is it-"
He wound his arms around her tight and pulled her close, burying his eyes in her shoulder and weeping, shaking with tears and hurt and all the things he kept inside. He felt her stiffen in discomfort, from his grip and from his sadness, an emotion infectious to her. But he held on for dear life, because she was what kept him living. And as she relaxed and returned his embrace, she felt herself worrying for him, wanting to support him, an idea that scared her. She had always been the protected, and the role of guardian was a new concept.
But it was for him, so she flattened her inhibition.
"What's wrong, Bird Brain?"
But silence met her words.
"Come on, Robin," she pleaded softly, sinking to the floor. "Tell me what's wrong."
"My parents died on Thanksgiving. I was eight."
"I'm sorry."
"Someone cut their trapeze wires. They didn't have a net. I should have gone with them. I should be dead. But I was angry at them… refused…r-ref-"
"Take your time."
He smashed his fist against the wall, and sound echoed through the halls and rang in her ears. His fist, red and throbbing, wiped at his cheeks, pushed up the mask that slipped from the moisture.
"Fuck."
"Calm down. I'm not judging you." She held him close and closed her eyes, memorizing how he clung to her, how desperate he was for solace. It slid out of place once again, so looking away she pressed her finger to the corners and raised it to cover his eyes.
But when she looked back that mask was gone, lying, folded against the opposite wall. She averted her eyes, respectful and shocked by his trust.
"Raven, look at me."
She shook her head.
"Look at me!"
So she turned her head, because it was an order.
But uncharacteristically grey eyes stared back at her, anguished and pleading.
"C-come on, Robin," she stuttered atypically, "put on your mask."
"Do I look like a leader to you? Like this? Someone you have faith in to protect you?"
"Robin, I don't care about that! You are and will always look like a leader to me. How could I not trust you," she exclaimed. "You've protected me for years. Tell me. I trust you."
So he told her. He gave her his past, his broken heart, his pain and she held him all the while, rocking him, letting down her guard to let him in. And she cried along with him, pressing her forehead to his, sharing his grief and his memories. Her breaths were as unsteady as his and she wept, living for him and the moment.
"I don't want to go back," he whispered, his cheeks beginning to dry, sticky and warm.
"I think we have to. They've been waiting for half an hour. And BB's getting restless."
"Well some obedience training would do him good."
"I don't feel like cleaning rug if he has an accident."
"We could always stick his nose in it," he grumbled.
She didn't want to move either. She was comfortable, tangled in his embrace.
"I'm sorry I left. I didn't know about your parents."
"When you left it felt like I was losing you. The holidays have a habit of making me pathetic."
Raven disagreed, for it made her feel wanted and loved. So she pressed him tighter to her body and hugged him.
"Thank you," Robin said, closing his eyes, treasuring the feeling of her cool skin against him.
"For what?"
"For you."
And as her heart beat against her ribcage, she gently pressed his mask over his eyes and she stood, helping him up, and smiled, leading him back to the commons and the vodka.