I fell in love with him, or so I thought. Then along came Ran. Ran confessed her love to him and was indignant that he did not return her sentiments. Somewhere between all the bullshit that happened he fell in love with her. She understood him. . . . . . . my hellish walk through the school came to abrupt halt as I sighed uncerimoniously. I guess I never knew him like she would... did. . does, or so he said.

Heartbroken should be the word that described me afterwards, but as a good friend I knew I was supposed to give him up for Ran, because he loved her. I could lose for that, I just wanted his smile. A beautiful disgrace I was, walking down the hallways to another place, far from piercing eyes. Without realizing my own eyes holding a damned look in them.

Anyways, where was I... oh yes. Heartbroken, would be the word that would describe me. Sitting alone on a stone bench I never realized the man coming to sit beside me. He reached out and brushed my forehead of the hair that covered my eyes. In his words, 'So what happened' really meant why do your eyes look like your crying, but you aren't.

I never told him.

I smiled, walked away before leaving with him a single syllable to remember me. Fate. I met him again after he joined the student council, being elected for doing well at sports. Somewhere along the way I fell for him too, hoping he would fall desperately for me. I thought he did. God, how I thought he did, but then again pity and love can be confused sometimes. Friendship and love too, I was so foolish.

Then he, the other boy I've told you about, reached his hand out to me and I grabbed on desperately this time, hoping so badly. Of course that one was the shortest to last. It ended as soon as it began and slowly my world seemed to end itself.

You know how you feel after you tried to grasp air? It's like trying to grasp someone's hand and no-ones there to reach out and grab back. So your fingers dangle there foolishly grasping... nothing. The bane of my life is that word, nothing. You keep hoping and looking and praying to God that someone will reach out the way you did. But no-one can ever compare to yourself.

I just wish. . I shut my mind off as I knew the end of the sentence already. I had to disappear. I had to leave and go away, the pain just felt too much. I knew it wasn't and that I was being overly dramatic, but I couldn't help it. Behind all the melodrama in my mind was a fervent voice in the back of my head screaming. Leave now, they know too much and you don't want to be hurt anymore. Here, I hated myself and everyone around me. I just. . had to breathe, to disappear. To live. I just had to leave.