a/n: Bella isn't the only with an issue in this chp and Nessie seems to be a little confused. Enjoy...
3) Digging Your Own Grave
"Mom. Please." I begged rushing out after her. I knew she wasn't going to take it well but I never expected her to storm out.
"Just get in the car." She said between clenched teeth. I did as I was told.
"Why does everything I do never go right?" Alice complained getting in the passenger seat, as Rose and I didn't dare sit there.
"Sorry Alice." I muttered.
"Don't apologize to her you should be apologizing to me!" My mother yelled stepping on the gas.
"Sorry mom, but to be honest what are you angry with me about, I have no clue."
"First I protect you against your father and then you go behind my back planning on giving up for adoption your daughter."
"I'm an adult and I can do what I want." I yelled back.
"Adult?" She shot me a glance that could kill in the mirror.
"Yes." I said with more bravery then I felt.
"Adults deal with their problems they don't give them to someone else to deal with." Her voice was like that of strangers. She wasn't yelling but I had to double check to make sure it was still her.
"What if there is no way to deal with a problem besides leaving it." That's when everyone looked towards me. I met each of their eyes wondering what could be possibly going through their heads right now.
"You know you can come to me and talk. I'll listen." My mom said backto her old worried for me voice.
I didn't know what moved me to say what I said next but I just blurted it out before my brain could think it over, I acted on pure instinct. Pure stupidity of an instinct that is.
"Have you ever thought the problem is you?" My words left my mouth and the car came to a screeching halt.
"Bella, a car is coming." Alice's worried voice drifted through the silence.
"Good maybe it will hit us and my daughter will be rid of her problem." I held my breath waiting for it to hit us but Bella hit the gas and sped off again.
"You might act like an adult but you're not ready for an adults consequences." She was back to her stranger voice. I didn't quite get it, adults didn't have to deal with their phones getting taken away, get grounded or not having computer privileges things seemed way easier.
"Consequences?" I whispered.
"You might have hurt me to the core." I swore I heard her sniff back tears. "and you might have betrayed me but you have more family then me to deal with." That's when I realized no one was looking at us anymore and I'd have to deal with my father's wrath back home along with Jacob who well I had no clue how he would react. I could've tried getting myself out of digging my own grave but anything I said would probably come out wrong. So we sat in a very, very awkward silence the whole way back.
We entered the house and it was like an alarm went off. Everyone was already sitting on the couch trying to look natural and I wondered how they knew because when we walked in they all dropped what they were doing. Then I realized the shield must have been lifted on my brain so my father was picking at as usual.
"Bella." My father said grabbing her hand. She looked up an immediately collapsed sobbing in his arms. I stood still watching as my words broke down my mother, the woman that gave me life and was lucky to survive.
"Grandma?" Helena asked with a puzzled look on her face walking over towards the horrific scene of tears and frustrated cries.
"Come with me." Rosalie whispered picking up her child now.
"Why don't you just drive a stake through my heart?" My mother screamed out wriggling herself out of Edward's grip.
"Mom. Please let me talk." I said feeling myself heave a little trying to hold back tears.
"I think you've said enough young lady." My dad said.
"Mom please, listen to me." I ignored him.
"What is it?" She actually listened to me!
"You know I love you but I can't keep having you guys say I can be with Jacob and then another second having to fight for my rights. I can't do it anymore. I just want to be able to prove myself that I don't need an adult to help me through life."
"I love you too but I can't see you totally breaking free just yet and we keep watch over you because sometimes you prove the both of you can handle yourselves and then sometimes you can't." Her eyes shifted unintentionally, I think, to Helena. Why did it always come back to her?
"So it's because I have a kid? It's always that right? Alice doesn't fully trust me anymore, my dad keeps snooping around my head to make sure I'm not doing anything, and now you don't even trust my judgment? Rosalie is the only one who doesn't question me." I cried out.
"That's because Rose doesn't understand." Alice spoke up.
"I understand plenty! We all know those two have been doing things since she 15 sooner or later it was going to happen. Just because I don't have a child or was close to the issue back in Italy doesn't mean I don't know what its like to want something so badly you might just hurt the people who love you most for it." Her voice got softer as she finished her speech. We all just stood there kind of shuffling our feet unsure what to say or do.
"What are you talking about?" Jacob asked he was oddly standing near the couch as appose to next to me like he normally would do.
"I never wanted this life as some of you may know. I tried everything there was to rid myself of it so much so I was hurting the people I loved as they watched as I tried escaping who I was. I wanted to live and die at a normal humanly pace and have little versions of me running around but that never happened. So of course when Nessie asked me to adopt her daughter I was thrilled but I also knew it wouldn't be easy. I'm sorry I hurt you Bella I just want a little bit of what you have and that is happiness." I'm pretty sure her words took us by surprise because we all stared at her for quite some time.
"Why didn't you ask me?" It was like Rosalie had never spoken. My mom just went along with her questions.
"I knew Rose would take her in a heartbeat I also knew that maybe you would take her if dad let you." I focused my gaze on him and I noticed as he moved uncomfortably as I waited for him to say something.
"She's right." He finally said.
"I am?"
"She is?" Filled the room.
"Yes. I told her to work things out and she did, she was right I wouldn't have adopted Helena. Though it still doesn't make up for the fact you hurt your mother."
"Yeah I know. I'm sorry." I wasn't sure what else to say but I knew sorry didn't cut it.
"So what's new?" We all turned around to see Lindsay walking to into the room without a single clue to what was happening.
"Oh my god! Did you really say that Nessie?" She asked scrunching her nose up looking frantically around the room.
"I have the worst headache from standing here for only a minute. You guys have to work something out." She said matter of factly.
"You don't think we're trying that right now?" Emmett asked taking Lena from Rose's arms.
"I'm sure you are but…" Her words stopped as she looked at Jacob and then shook her head, "but its gunna take some time from what I see." Her strange reddish-greenish eyes taking another look at Jacob before walking out of the room.
"Anyway. Like I said before you will get an adults punishment." My mom said.
"That would be." I prompted waiting to hear what I was in store for.
"It's not what I will be giving you its what will be happening. I'll get the papers for the adoption and well you'll see the rest." Something about her words creeped me out a little bit. It was like I was stuck in a bad horror film.
"Goodnight Renesmee." She said before walking off with Edward towards their newly finished cottage in the back.
"I guess I'll talk to you guys in the morning." I smiled saying my goodnights. I wasn't sure if the issue was completely void but I was worn out and just wanted to go to sleep.
As I got ready for bed I watched from the corner of my eye Jacob move cautiously around me. Was he afraid I would snap at him? And what was Lindsay picking up on from him? I'm sure he would tell me sooner or later; he rarely kept things hidden from me.
I laid next to him on the bed waiting for him to kiss me goodnight but that didn't happen. I shrugged it off and propped myself on my elbows ready to kiss him when he said,
"You know I don't like her."
"Who?" Though I had a pretty good picture of whom he was talking about.
"Rosalie. Why would you give our child up for adoption?"
"I thought that's what you wanted?"
"No. I wanted our child to be ours."
"But that's the only way we can go to London." I said unsure what he was saying.
"Really? How about asking Lindsay or even Seth to watch her."
"Rose graduates when we go to London she'll have all the time to watch over her." I explained but it didn't seem to help.
"What if we brought her with us?" he offered.
"They don't allow children especially ones that grow at a faster rate." He sighed running his hands through his hair that I knew he did when he was fed up.
"Well they also haven't accepted us yet." He raised his voice.
"They would."
"So now you've turned into Alice?"
"No, but I just know they would."
"How?"
"I just know." I yelled. He didn't need to know too much of what I was planning on doing.
"Ok so they accept us and we go but if anything happens to Lena her parents are contacted right away, they make the decisions. That's not us, that would be Rose and Emmett."
"I know. Being overseas it what we wanted. Not having to worry is what we wanted." I answered but I kind of never thought of it like that. If she was hurt in anyway, though I didn't see how, Rose and Emmett would be making all the decisions for us, ones that we possibly might not want.
"Ok so now you're putting sex over our daughter." His words caught me off guard.
"No that's not…"
"That is. Having them take full custody is choosing sex over our family, our morals."
"When did you start becoming Mr. Morals?" Jake was never the one to stick to the rules.
"When you started sleeping around with Marcus." I shook my head unsure I heard him correctly. I even pinched myself and yes I wasn't dreaming.
"You seem to hide a lot of things from me lately." He spoke again.
"Hide what?" I ran my fingers through my hair trying to calm down and not kill someone for bringing up past mistakes.
"Well you hid the thing about Marcus, hid the fact you were pregnant until I was kidnapped,"
"You were gone when I realized." I tried making myself look better but my grave kept get getting deeper and deeper.
"Also you just decided to let Rose adopt our baby without asking me, your husband, our daughter's father."
"Jacob why can't you forget what happened in Italy? It meant nothing."
"So are you saying you sleep with random guys for the fun of it now?"
"No! I'm saying I didn't know what I was doing then. I completely lost any sense of intelligence while I was over there. I always wanted you Jake without you I'm nothing. Please can we not talk about Italy." It seemed everywhere I went I was haunted by it.
"It seems you lost intelligence over here too."
"Jacob! What is the matter? You said you trusted me." I groaned.
"I thought I did but after Eddie told me about what you chose to do I couldn't believe you wouldn't consult me first." I looked into his eyes and they were a like staring into pieces of coal. There was no life to them just an empty blackness.
"Rose loves kids. She would kill to protect Lena. You don't have to worry. Our daughter will be safe and we can do what we want without parental interruptions."
"That's the thing she won't be ours anymore. Sure we'll be her biological parents but not her mommy and daddy parents just mother and father. I know what its like to grow up without real parents I don't want that for her."
"I'm sorry. I didn't realize." I could feel tears forming. Jake told me about his mom and how his father, though he still loved him, could never replace his mom. I was fortunate enough to grow up where people loved me and I didn't have to worry about things like that.
"Yeah there's a lot you don't realize." I wasn't sure he meant to say it out loud because as soon as he did my tears spilled over and he looked utterly regretful.
"No Ness. That came out wrong. I understand you wanted me to be happy and thought giving Rose what she wanted and showing your father you can do it was making everybody happy but there were some holes in that thought process you didn't think through. I'm not upset with you I guess you could say surprised." He wiped away my tears with his thumbs pulling me into a giant hug.
"I'm the worst person there is. I hurt you by giving our child away. I tell my mom she's the problem. I ruin Alice's night out. Lena will grow up messed up because she doesn't know whom her true parents are. I can't do it Jake! I can't be a mother!" I wailed. I never realized how hard taking care of yourself was let alone 2 other people.
"You have to dig deep down inside to find her I believe in you." His eyes lit back up to a clear midnight sky. He kissed me softly before settling in for the night. I sighed deeply unable to fall asleep. I tossed and turned worried about what I was going to face tomorrow. I got up and headed for the kitchen wondering if there were any cup cakes left.
I was expecting to see people down stairs but it was oddly quite. I turned on some lights to see my mom sitting in the dark.
"Oh hi." I said a little surprised.
"Hello." She said. I found the plate of cup cakes I was looking for and settled on the couch next to her. We didn't talk for some time, just sat there in the dim light, my mother playing with something and me licking the frosting off. Then I watched as she dropped a photo album on the coffee table. I peered over and saw it was my baby album. I set my plate down and flipped though the pages and boy was I a cute kid. I got to the picture of Mother's day and I made my mom one of those cheesy hand print things that say Number 1 Mom on them. I knew she still had it to this day and I stared at the picture of my mom smushing my face with her kisses.
"I can't do it." I cried out startling my mother.
"Huh?" She said turning to me and I threw myself in her arms crying because I was so not an adult just an over grown crybaby.
----jake tells nessie off again? hmm review-----