A/N: Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who has reviewed or added this story to a Story Alert or Favorites list. It really means a LOT to me! I would love to hear some of your ideas though. What's working so far, what's not? Is there a certain direction you would like me to take in this, any characters you want to have a larger part? I have a basic outline of what I want to happen in this story, but I need some help filling in the gaps. Also, a question for you seasoned writers on this here website: Is there an easier way to access reviews than clicking the "reply" link in the notification email FF sends when your story gets a new review? I've pored over the website and can't figure it out. Thanks! Oh and PS: I'm still looking for a beta is anyone's interested… ;)
All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer.
CHAPTER FOUR (BPOV)
PRESENT DAY
Alice was taking a much longer time than usual to get back to my room. I was starting to get impatient and tried to pass the time by reciting passages of my favorite book, Wuthering Heights, in my head. As usual, this exercise ceased to be about reading my book in my head and more about brooding over Edward.
Despite my illness and depression over Charlie's death, that night Alice returned to me was the best night of my life. The next morning when she had informed me that she was staying with me was the happiest I'd been since before my life turned upside down. Alice helped me plan Charlie's funeral, and the Cullen family paid for everything, and even took care of all of my hospital bills. Alice was true to her word, and has been living with me in the hospital for three years. Occasionally, I would get visits from Esme , Carlisle, Rosalie and Emmett, but never Edward or Jasper. Jasper and I did not know each other well, so his absence wasn't as noticeable to me as the other absent Cullen's. As much as I enjoyed seeing the rest of the family, the fact that Edward refused to come cut deep. According to Alice, he hasn't been in contact with the family since shortly after he left me alone in Forks.
Although he had said that he wouldn't be bothering me after that day in the woods, some small part of me refused to believe that he is completely oblivious to what has been going on. But despite the pain that he put me through, I, for the most part, couldn't be happier for his betrayal.
All of my life, I have been constantly helped up by people when I fell, both in a literal and a metaphorical sense. Though I consider myself to be pretty independent, I have never stood on my own two feet and done what was best for me. When Edward came along, I accepted his over-protective nature, and to an extent, embraced it. With Edward around, there was no need for me to be strong. It wasn't until I was diagnosed until I realized that the cancer was the one thing that I had to do on my own. To say that I am happy about the cancer would be a lie, but it definitely has helped me learn how to stand on my own two feet.
My insistence on being strong for my own sake has been somewhat troublesome for Alice and I recently. Alice is convinced that I am being ridiculous. She thinks that I should just let Carlisle changed me, as he had offered to do when Alice told him of my condition. And four or five years ago, I would have agreed without a second's hesitation. But despite the constant pain that I am in, I'm refusing. I won't refuse indefinitely, but this is something I need to do for myself.
Alice understands, but I can tell her patience is wearing thin. About two months after her arrival, I had insisted that I would be fine on my own, that she didn't have to babysit me. I was sure that she was missing Jasper. She then explained about the fact that she and Jasper had grown apart, and that they were getting a divorce. After initially calming me down, she explained that they had become better friends over the last twenty years, as opposed to lovers. Alice, like Edward, is a very skilled liar, but I could tell that there was something that she just wasn't telling me. After some initial prodding that got me nowhere, I decided to give up. Alice would tell me when she felt the time was right, that's always the way it is with her.
"Hey Bella, you okay?" Alice suddenly poked her head in, interrupting my musings.
"Yeah, Alice, I'm fine. What's taking so long, we're burning daylight here!" I griped as Alice laughed.
"I know, Scrooge, I know. I'll just be a few more minutes." And as quickly as she came, she left. Sighing, I flipped on the television, the action of raising my arm sending waves of pain through the right side of my body. How much longer of this am I going to have to take? I wondered to myself. And as usual when I think things like this, a little voice in the back of my head reminded me that it would only take one phone call to end the pain and start living a new life. I sighed. Maybe it was time to start thinking about having Carlisle change me. I've been considering this more and more recently, but I always chickened out before talking to Alice about it. Like I said, I wanted to be able to prove to myself that I was a strong person. But another, deeper reason for holding off on the change was my lack of a mate. There was a time when all I wanted was to be like the rest of the Cullens. But that was a time where I had someone to share forever with. Now that I didn't have anyone, I was dragging my feet.
Frowning, I realized that the simple fact of the matter is that I am not getting better. In fact, I'm getting worse. I had been in remission for about a year, but remained incredibly weak, thus necessitating my staying in the hospital. Lately though, I've been feeling worse and worse. There were times when I would throw up a sip of water, times when I it hurt just to be awake, times when I would get dizzy and faint just from something as simple as turning my head. Breathing heavily, I realized that now would be one of those times….
It's not nearly as long as I would have hoped, and I apologize for that! I'm having trouble trying to get all the backstory I want out of the way. We are done with all the flashbacks for now! Next chapter will be from Edward's perspective.