"It's just too bad Ron and Hermione couldn't go on their cruise." Harry laughed.

"So, we just had to go for them." Ginny giggled. Just then, an owl swooped over them. This was not out of the ordinary, because the cruise was for wizards only. Harry caught the note.

Dear Harry and Ginny,

Thanks for making this the worst birthday ever. I'm going to be sending Albus Severus back to you. If it's possible, I hate him even more now. I think he's rabid. I'm really mad at you right now, and so is Hermione. We will not be leaving our kids at your house when we go on the cruise.

I kind of hate you right now,

Ron

Dear Ron and Hermione,

Your birthday just got a whole lot worse, because we took your cruise tickets and are on it right now. I guess you'll just wait till we get back to return him.

Love,

Harry and Ginny

Dear Harry and Ginny,

Whatever. I'm so mad at you right now; I can't express it in words. Just have fun, because when you get home, you're life is over, I'll make sure of that. Hermione wanted me to give you the supplies we were going to bring.

I hate you at the moment,

Ron

Harry looked at Ginny. "He's pretty mad at us."

"He took it lighter than I expected." She shrugged. "Let's open the package."

Harry took out his wand. He blasted the box open. Harry and Ginny's looks of greed and giddy turned to utmost fright.

The box was filled with not swimsuits and towels, but Albus Severus.

"Daddy, I missed you!" He squealed, giving him a bear hug.

"Ahh! Albus Severus germs!" Harry screamed.

"Harry, let's go!" Ginny said, holding out her hand.

Harry didn't take it because he jumped off the boat and into the ocean. Ginny followed him with a spectacular dive.

"I can't swim! I can't swim!" Harry whined, waving his arms like a manic.

Albus Severus was blowing kisses from the boat.

"Harry!" Ginny said calmly.

"We're gonna die! Or I'm gonna die! The Dursleys never gave me swimming lessons!" Harry complained hysterically.

"Harry!" Ginny said loudly. "We can Apparate!"

"Oh. See you at home." Harry said happily before disappearing.

Harry and Ginny Apparated in front of Ron and Hermione's house. They knocked on the front door.

"What are you doing here?" Ron said rudely when he answered the door. "Going to give me Voldemort in a box?"

"We don't expect you to forgive us yet, but we felt bad about taking your cruise tickets so we're giving them back." Harry explained.

Ron snatched them out of Harry's hands. "This has been the worst birthday ever!" He snarled. "Hey, Hermione, we got the cruise tickets back!" Ron called.

"Oh, tell Harry and Ginny they're jerks from me!" Hermione called back.

Ron smiled. "Hermione says you're jerks." He said simply.

"Oh, and our kids will not be staying with you." Ron told them.

"Where will they go?" Ginny asked.

"Not anywhere to do with you two and Albus Severus!" Ron growled.

* * *

Ron knocked on the door. "I don't know about this, Ron," Hermione said, "he might forget to feed them."

"Oh shut up Hermione!" said Ron. "He's not that stupid!"

"You rang?" George said leaning against the door.

"Uncle George!!!!!!!!" Rose and Hugo screamed, and ran up to hug him.

"Hey kids!" George said happily. "Well, well, well if it isn't my favorite wittle brother and my favorite wittle sister-in-law who swore they would never let their kids stay at my house. Well here we are, Ron. Here we are."

"Hello, George." said Hermione, laughing before hugging him.

"How do you know I want to drop my kids off?" Ron said as he was clobbered into a hug by George.

"You sent me an owl." George said.

"Right. But, um, is it okay?" Ron asked nervously.

"No, Ron. It's not okay. Your kids can sleep outside." George said sarcastically.

"See Ron I told you!" Hermione protested.

"I was kidding!" said George, he turned to Rose and Hugo and said, "Why don't you go inside and Aunt Angelina will let you choose from the six guest bedrooms! But hurry up, because then we've going to go shopping for stuff to make you're rooms more homey, and then we can go to the shop and pick out the latest products so you two, Fred, and Roxanne can have a prank war! Boys verses girls!"

"Yay!" Rose and Hugo cheered.

"Ice cream for dinner, kids!" George cheered.

Hermione sighed. "Now be good, Rose. You too, Hugo."

"Yeah, right!" George laughed.

"This is why I never wanted them to come." Ron said dismally.

"Why, because they'll have no rules?" Hermione asked.

"No, because they'll never want to come home." Ron said.

"Now, George, don't go off buying them stuff for their rooms." Hermione commanded.

"Please, Hermione, I'm rich!" George scoffed.

"Hawaii-i-EE, Hawaii-i-O," Albus Severus sang as he did the hula in a hula skirt and coconut bra. Albus Severus had fun for the last few hours being the boat's orphan. He stole food when nobody was looking and snuck into rooms to take showers every forty minutes. "Gotta be clean, gotta be green." He'd say to his imaginary friends. He ruined the afternoon performance of the hula dancers by getting up on stage and singing his Hawaii song.

While this was happening Ron and Hermione were just starting to enjoy their cruise. "This is so cool, Hermione!" Ron said happily. "Look at this, there is 17 different flavors of smoothies! Try some of this, here." He said, shoving a smoothie under her nose.

"I know, I know. It's just wonderful. Six days all to ourselves."

"Yeah, there's a bowling alley, swimming pool, smoothie bar, regular bar, restaurant, another restaurant, scuba diving, more food, and… ALBUS SEVERUS!?"

"Hawaii-i-EE, Hawaii-i-OH! Aunt Ron, Uncle Hermione! Oopsy, I mean Uncle Ron, Aunt Hermione. Fancy seeing you here! My oh my, isn't it a small world?" Albus Severus screeched.

"Er, it is, isn't it?" Hermione said nervously.

"Let's leave!" Ron whispered.

"No, we must stand our ground!" Hermione said out of the corner of her mouth.

"This cruise just got a whole lot more fun!" Albus Severus said happily. "I have no where to stay, so now we can be roomies! It'll be my first slumber party!

"You didn't go to Hugo's sleepover birthday party?" asked Hermione. Ron stepped on her foot.

"What? Oh well, this will be so much fun! We can do each other's hair, paint our nails, do each other's makeup, play truth or dare, and play who would you date, just like in all the movies!

"Oooh, problem, there's only one bed." Ron said.

"That's okay, I can squeeze in. That's just like what I do with Mummy and Daddy when I have nightmares. Of course then they throw me outside but that's okay. You guys wouldn't do that." babbled Albus Severus.

"We've got to get rid of him!" whispered Hermione to Ron.

Ron thought for a moment. "Hey, Albus Severus! Your dad is on the shore waiting to confess his undying love for you!" He yelled.

Albus Severus's eyes widen as he gasped. "Speedo time!" He squealed. Just then Albus Severus twirled around and he had his Speedo and duck floaty on. He was also wearing the goggles that had lizard eyes to make it creepier and a swim cap with a shark fin on top with matching shark webbed gloves. Albus Severus said "I'm going to do a triple loopy doopy flip!" Albus Severus was getting his game face on. He squatted in an odd diving position, and shook his butt. He blew a kiss to Hermione.

"What was that?' Ron asked loudly.

"Uh, a kiss, smart one!" Albus Severus laughed loudly at his own joke.

"Why did you do that?" Ron asked.

"She's hot!" Albus Severus said, as if it was obvious.

"She's your aunt!" Ron yelled. Hermione had nothing to say, as she had got over to the side of the boat, probably throwing up.

"I'm okay." She panted.

"So? We're only related by marriage." Albus Severus said.

"She's my wife! She's thirty six! You're eleven! My daughter is the same age as you! And she's your aunt!"

"When it comes to women, I have no boundaries except for my Mum and Lily. And I don't like guys; except for my dad. So I have no interest in you, Uncle Ron, in case you were wondering, which I know you were." He giggled.

Hermione threw up yet again, this time on Ron's shoes.

"So you'd date your aunts? You'd date your cousins? You'd date your FATHER?" Ron roared.

"Like you've never wanted to make out with your cousins?" Albus Severus said.

"No, I haven't the slightest. And nobody in the right mind would make out with you." Ron said.

"Oh, after a little more convincing, Rose will come around." Albus Severus said fairly.

Ron punched Albus Severus off the boat. "Farewell, my people. And farewell, my fair maiden." He said, winking to Hermione. Hermione threw up yet again, this time on Albus Severus's head.

"You did it, Ron!" Hermione said, hugging him.

"Yeah, I did!" He said proudly.

"Now we can enjoy our cruise." She said.

Albus Severus had lost sight of the boat. He was flapping his arms like a deranged bird taking in mouthfuls of saltwater.

"Ahh! I'm going to die! I'm going to die! And so is Daddy because he'll be so sad I'm dead!" Albus Severus's life flashed before his eyes. He remembered watching Lily and James take swimming lessons while he sat on the sidelines. James would tease him and say that it was because Mum and Dad hoped he would drown. Albus Severus was scared, so he asked his parents. Ginny said it was because they didn't have the money for three kids to have swimming lessons. The next day Harry bought a hot tub. Albus Severus still believed her.

"I never got swimming lessons!" He cried as he was drowning. His inflatable duck had popped.

Just then a whale with a horn, or a narwhal as Albus Severus noted, being the know-it-all he was, came up taking a breath minding his own business. The horn went right through his Speedo so he was hanging in midair.

"AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!! It's gonna kill me!!!!" Albus Severus screamed.

The whale made a long, loud, moaning sound. In whale language he was saying "AHHHHHHH! WHAT IS IT? IT'S TOO UGLY TO BE HUMAN!"

Albus Severus was thinking "Well, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em!"

Albus Severus sighed. "Salutations, my loyal acquaintance. My name is Albus Severus Potter! You know son of Harry Potter, the Chosen One, the Boy Who Lived. Or, as I like to call him, The Chosen Father, Mad Diggity Dad, D-Money, Daddy Two-Legs, StarKid Daddy, and the Dad Who Loved.

"Take me to England, baby!" yelled Albus Severus excitedly. The whale started swimming the way he wanted it to go.

"Now I will tell you my life story." Said Albus Severus. "One glorious day I was born. Everyone screamed in horror because they had never seen anything as beautiful, lovely, and delicate as little old me." The whale seemed to snort as water came out of his blowhole, splashing Albus Severus with water.

One hour later. "Then when I was 6, my family took me to Diagon Alley. They tied me to pole like a dog while they went into stores. When I was seven, my mum bought me a kid leash. I still have it!" He bragged like it was an accomplishment.

One more hour later. "And so, my family decided to put me in a box and give to Uncle Ron. Then when I came out, I proceeded to attack mode. The Weasleys didn't know what hit them. What a shame though, because the mum's really hot. And so is the daughter, you know?"

"And then I was shipped on the cruise, I had a lot of fun, but now here I am, riding a whale, going to find my daddy so he'll confess his love for me! Maybe I'll even get a hug!"

The whale was relieved that the story was over. "Now I'll explain everyone in my life. Of course, you could also just read my blog, .com/gov/net, but me telling you in person is a real treat! So, I'll start with my dad. Oh, Daddy…."

Two hours later. "Now, time for my evil brother James. He's so mean to me! One time James…"

An hour after that… "My Uncle Ron! Oh, He hates me! Even more than Mum and Daddy! He's probably tied with James! You know sometimes when he comes over, instead of talking with the adults; he and James pull pranks on me! And I hate him because he's married to Aunt Hermione…"

An hour later. "There's not much to say about my Mum, except I hate her! She's married to my dad! I'm so jealous! You better watch out, Mum, because I'm going to steal him away from you!"

Half hour later. "Lily! She doesn't do much, except BE MEAN TO ME!"

The whale had had enough. He couldn't listen to Lily's life story, Rose's, Hugo's, Uncle George and his family, and anyone else. Yes, he knew the cousins names. It was pathetic. But he only knew them because Albus Severus wouldn't SHUT UP! hE HEven though they were only half way to England, the whale flung Albus Severus on his back. Then, with his blowhole, the water shot up and carried Albus Severus all the way to his doorstep.

He opened the door. "DADDY, I'M HOME!"

Six days later, Ron and Hermione had just Apparated in front of George's doorstep. They looked like tacky tourists. Ron was wearing an extremely ugly bright yellow Hawaiian shirt, and his skin was as red and sun burnt as his hair, except for around his sunglasses tan. Hermione had leis around her neck, and was holding a beach ball in one arm, and in the other she held sun tan lotion, (the sun-tan lotion Ron forgot to use, of course), and a cheesy tiki- torch she was conned into buying because the vendor told her it was bad luck if she didn't buy it .

Ron rang the doorbell. "We're back!" Ron and Hermione sang joyfully.

"Oh…wow. You're outfits are so…bright. Said Angelina, squinting.

"You like? I also have it in blue, green, and pink." Ron boasted.

"You'll stop traffic." Angelina told them. "So how was your trip?"

"Amazing!" Hermione gushed.

"Hey, Dad." Fred called. "Uncle Ron and Aunt Hermione are here!"

"No they aren't." George said, peering out the door. "It's just a sun burnt banana and an acorn."

"What?" Fred laughed.

"Okay, it's probably just some stupid tacky tourists that lost their way to the next gift shop." George said fairly.

"The 'sun burnt banana' has red hair." Fred said flatly.

George did a double take. "Oh, God, it is them! You're right, Fred! Who else would be stupid enough to wear that hideous shirt!?"

"Mum! Dad!"Rose and Hugo screamed.

"That's not your parents." Said Roxanne. "It's just some loser who forgot to apply sun block and his wife who obviously falls for scams and buys cheap tiki torches."

"And yet, as those words come out of you're mouth, doesn't that sound like Ron and Hermione to you?" George said.

"It is them!" Roxanne gasped.

Rose and Hugo ran up to their parents. George followed them.

"Mum! Dad! You're back!" They screamed again, hugging them.

"Ow, Rosie, don't touch me. I have sun burn on my back." Ron commanded.

"How was your vacation?" Hugo asked.

"Just wonderful." Hermione said, hugging him.

"Wonderful enough to go stay another week?" Rose asked hopefully.

"What?" Ron said.

"We just had so much fun at Uncle George's!" Hugo said happily.

George smiled at Ron and Hermione's appalled faces.

"George took good care of you, I expect." Hermione said nervously.

"Good care of us?" Rose laughed. "It was amazing! Amazing!"

"And why was that?" Ron said through gritted teeth. Obviously, the jealousy was getting to him.

"We got to play with Fred and Roxanne…" Rose started.

"We got to work at Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes…" Hugo added.

"We pulled pranks! Roxanne and I vs. Fred and Hugo!"

"We got to test George's latest, top-secret products…"

"We stayed up late!"

"Had ice cream for dinner!"

"And of course…" Rose began.

"He's rich!" Rose, Hugo, and George said in unison.