Golden Locks, Champagne, and Silver Smiles

By: Megan

Chapter 3: Coming Together and Breaking Apart

So, here is the newest chapter. Despite incorporating certain elements from the show, the story takes an AU turn starting here. One of the most prominent components of this is the direction that I am taking with Nate's character.

He had come back from the summer rather hardened, rough around the edges. His body appeared stiff and rigid, those deep-blue eyes expressionless and blank. He had taken the job at the governor's office, in Washington. He simply wasn't going to fight his family, he had exerted too much effort before in the past trying to deal with them, and he was sick of standing up for himself, sick of fighting, he was exhausted.

At the end of the day, they had won. He remembered, as a child when him and a certain bubbly blonde hatched a plan to break free of the constraints of the UES, the stringent society, mocking the blow-hards and politicians of the world. Although their parents were among them, and they, themselves, mingled with them. But it wasn't like they had a choice, after all Serena was Lily van der Woodsen's daughter. And Nate Archibald was a member of the prestigious Vanderbilt legacy. A legacy that repulsed him, a machine that kept turning, a machine that he was now willingly a part of.

The fall before he left, Nate had done some terrible things. He acknowledged them, but he had not repented for them. He had started up a relationship with Blair again, ending things with Vanessa in a rather brutal fashion, leaving her heartbroken. He'd ended up putting an absolute and most definite end to his friendship with Chuck, handling it in a rather malicious way. He'd gone about his relationship with Blair; as it had morphed into a tool attain revenge against Chuck, for stealing her from him in the first place, for capturing her heart. The heart of a girl who he had sometimes convinced himself was the love of his life; after all, he had been with her since kinder-garden. She was also the girl who Nate had sacrificed everything for – he gave up Serena, the girl of his dreams.

Getting out of the black and intimidating limo on the streets of the UES, Nate was callous. He was simply a shell of his former self in a Ralph Lauren suit. Not that the feeling was new to him, he had been a passerby in his own life for years.

The Humphrey loft had been abandoned for the better part of the summer. The lights were off, the dust was gathering, and the refrigerator was empty, there was no music playing on the stereo.

The occupants had found a much more comfortable life, one in the golden-lined panes of 5 star hotels, flats styled after the French renaissance, the smell of rose water and fresh and clean 1,000 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets assaulting their senses.

This was the world that Jenny Humphrey belonged to. She thrived in the elegant and fast track society fueled by riches and excess. This young girl was simply born in the wrong class, at the wrong time. But, somehow, despite a few missteps and mishaps, she found herself here, where she had always wanted to be.

Now Jenny chose when she would return and be remembered of her former middle-class existence. In this case, she had traveled to the loft to pick up several items, needed toiletries that she had forgotten several months back, and to work on her new makeshift line. And whether Jenny liked to admit or not, the loft was like her office, the perfect place of inspiration, a wonderful and relaxing place to work. Memories of a full family life (father, brother, and mother) were confined here, and she liked to be reminded of what her pre-teen years had been like when everything was normal and uninterrupted.

Sitting at the sewing machine, working on the hem of a hot pink baby doll dress, Jenny heard the door near the kitchen opening, the familiar creak of the un-oiled hinges welcoming in the familiar figure of Vanessa. Clad in a green wool jacket, and black skinny jeans, a large orange bag dropping down all of its weight on her tiny shoulders.

"Hey, Vanessa, what's going on?"

Jenny looked up from her work, and as Vanessa came even closer, she recognized a sad and hurried expression on her face.

"Nothing much, Jenny, I'm just coming to say goodbye."

"What?"

"I'm heading to the airport, my plane takes off in about an hour."

Jenny, getting up from her desk, walked over to her friend. She was confused. Why would Vanessa leave? After coming to New York, she had set up a life here, was near close friends, and even had an apartment and a decent paying job.

"But I don't understand, why are you leaving? What's going on, is something wrong?"

Vanessa let out a shaky breath, holding back a hint of tears, letting out a tiny bittersweet smile.

"When I came to New York, I came here for Dan. And that has never been a secret, everyone knows that. But Dan is like my brother now, and I've only stayed because…"

"Nate."

Jenny knew, the boy that they had fought over that winter, Vanessa was terribly in love with him, even though she never wanted that for herself or anyone. And Jenny knew this because Vanessa had been like her big sister since Jenny had been in diapers, and she would never have wanted Nate if she knew that it would hurt Jenny. Which is why the whole fiasco with Nate's revealing letter had been so hurtful, so uncharacteristic.

Vanessa gave Jenny a warm hug.

"I don't really know how to say good-bye to Dan, could you give this letter to him instead?"

Jenny took a small, pale envelope from Vanessa's hand, nodding.

Vanessa still could not believe that she was doing this. But, she missed her family. Her feelings for Dan had dissipated, evolving into a warm and happy friendship, and her once content and incredible relationship with Nate was gone. He had ended things with her in a cruel fashion, even a blind man could see that, even a dumb person with no common sense would know how terrible it was for her. And despite being near the Humphrey's, her second family, there were to many painful memories resting here in New York for Vanessa to stay.

After the last glimpse of the green jacket disappeared out the door, Jenny sat back down at the sewing machine, unable to finish the dress she had started.

The very moment Chuck had confessed Carter's true intentions towards her, the very moment that she hung up her cell only to get a brief and vague answering machine, Serena felt regret seize her neck like a hand. Tightening its grip, cutting of her air supply.

Guilt bubbled up within her stomach, and fear. Most definitely fear. For him, for Carter. For the man who had made her truly happy for this brief period of time, the man who looked for her father, who helped her cope with the loss of a man who she never really knew, but who was still very much alive, just reluctant to see her, or to even acknowledge her existence.

"Who the hell is he not to want you?"

That was the moment, the moment she should have realized his genuine feelings. She should never have doubted him. No matter what repulsive things he may have done in the past. Didn't everyone make errors in their life, things that they were so awfully ashamed of that they felt like the very thought of it might crush them?

This was not a question, it was the truth. And Serena knew this because she had made a terrible mistake as well, one that was just as bad as what Carter had done to Beth, she had missed her moment. Her moment with him.

Yes, Serena van der Woodsen had her moment and she missed it.

3 Days Later

"Nate!"

"Hey, what are you doing here? Serena-"

"I heard you talking to your grandfather. Why would you leak a fake photo? Are you trying to destroy Trip's campaign?"

"No. Grandfather is going to win Trip the election."

"What are you talking about?"

"Once the Buckley's release it, we'll release the real photo. And it is going to look like the Buckley's planned the fake one. People finally are going to see them as the villains they really are."

"And what happens to Carter? You just used him?"

"Oh, come one Serena. He proposed to PJ's sister to pay of his gambling debt. Wake up the guy is hardly innocent! But, I am sorry that I had to lie to you."

"No, your not. But you will be."

Serena had never excepted it; she had never seen it coming. Never in a million years would she think that Nate would do something like this, even if his actions were directed towards Carter. It wasn't so much about Carter either, but the fact that he had lied to her, that he had used her.

She had loved him. She always did. Even if it was buried deep down now, but it was there, somewhere. And that was why it hurt so much. The poker game and the picture. A simple lie, a malevolent action. This was not the Nate that she knew.

When Nate had seen her at the steps of the Met, sulking in all her beauty and wonder, he couldn't help but welcome the smile that graced his features, the spring that developed in his step. He had made his way to Serena, enveloped her in a warm hug. Any moment where he was simply able to look at her, be in her presence, to touch her, he remembered all of them. Every single one.

The plan to ruin the Buckley's and their ridiculous southern family had been in action since Nate had left Washington. Destroy the Buckley's; help Trip get into office, please the family. It was all planned out. And when the plan ended up concerning getting Carter Baizen as far away from Serena as possible, he was more than happy to oblige and carry through with his planned course of action. Carter was a snake, and Nate did not want him in any sort of proximity so that Serena could even touch him with a 20-foot pole. He had just wanted to protect her, although he hated lying to her.

The most terrible thing about it all was that Serena could tell that Nate was not sorry; he did not regret what he had done.

He was surprisingly calm. Carter Baizen always had a talent for compartmentalizing, taking certain things that held extreme emotional weight and locking them away in secure tiny boxes deep in the recesses of his mind.

"Serena."

He saw her figure, standing by the mantle, the florescent light accentuating the perfect curve of her back, draped in a soft black vest. Her hair fell down her shoulders, and he could see a sliver of the left side of her face from where he was standing.

He hadn't really thought about what would happen in this moment until he saw her that instant; that's when he discovered how hard this was actually going to be.

"You came."

She was unbearably happy. Serena saw him, standing there. Safe and whole and warm. She glided over to him, and embraced him, her lips touched lightly against his. Recognizing a certain reluctance in his posture, Serena looked up to see his face was unutterably sad. She became aware of a sinking feeling in her stomach, aware of the depth of her terror, her terror of loosing him, and her hope. Her hope of keeping him there, with her.

"I'm sorry for all the things I said to you at the wedding."

I should never have doubted you…

"I deserved them…"

When she had come up to him, he excepted a slap, or a sharp-tongued insult. Despite all the missed calls that he had seen on his phone from her when it was returned to him from the Buckley's the previous day, he had never listened to the 23 frantic voicemails that she had left him. He could not. He couldn't bear to hear the sound of her voice, he couldn't bear to be reminded of just how much she meant to him, because then it would not have been humanly possible for him to say what he was about to.

"I'm leaving tomorrow."

"No, you're not. I settled your debt with the Buckley's…"

"What?"

Serena shook her head up and down, resorting to telling him the truth, of how she had saved him, and how she was so fiercely independent at doing so. She would not have revealed this to him; he did not need to know. But this was her only way of keeping Carter with her, to let him know that it was settled, that he was safe, that they were safe.

"How?"

And then Serena realized just how naïve she had been in telling him, for he was to proud.

" I helped PJ avoid a very public fiasco, Nate probably hates me now, but it doesn't matter…"

Nothing matters but you and me…

" …You can stay…"

Serena now found the words spilling out of her mouth, as she frantically searched for the syllables and vowels to form them. She could barely move her lips, she was almost frozen. Reality was crashing down upon her at a break-neck pace, and it was surreal. Her head felt like it was being crushed. There was a ringing in her ears, and she felt tears start to well up in her eyes.

"I didn't ask for you to save me."

"But I wanted to…"

"Serena, this was my debt to settle, not yours. If that means I have to go…"

"Work on an oil rig? Carter, I wasn't going to let that happen. You have nothing to prove to the Buckley's."

"I wasn't proving it to them. I was proving it to you, to myself, I wanted to take responsibility for what I did."

I wanted to become a better man for you, for myself. I just wanted to be worthy…

"I have to go."

"No."

Serena sighed, placing her hands around his neck. As if the simple act of hanging on to him would keep him there. Carter reached for her wrists, touched her skin, untangling her arms from him, placing them gently at her sides.

"I saw the way you looked at me at the wedding, and I see the way you're looking at me now. I think that I would much rather have you hate me, then feel sorry for me."

She saw his change in movement, saw him begin to turn on his heel.

"Please…"

I love you…

He saw the tears begin to spill from her blue eyes, and stain her pale cheeks.

You're disgusting…

His back was turned to her, and upon hearing her muffled sobs behind him, threatening to lose his composure, he stumbled a little bit, trying to get out of there as soon as possible. Serena was an era of his life. A beautiful and seamless one, and when he broke with her, it felt like he had been alienated from the only one alive who had shared that time with him. That time of fantasy and of bliss, for she had made him unbelievably happy. He had never excepted, even for that short period, for her to be his official girlfriend, or for him to be the devoted boyfriend, but he had always known that she was his.

Thinking of Carter, the sickness in Serena's stomach and head rose, her throat tightened. All of those feelings died away, and she reached a state of oppressive calm. Sitting on the floor, she leaned her head against the wall, the tears still flowing freely down her face. It was an epiphany. An epiphany that she was alone, that Carter, the man who have made her truly happy the past several months was gone, and that she was undeniably, incoherently, and madly in love with him.

Jenny Humphrey was not ready; she was not ready to face him. She was not ready at all. When Nate Archibald entered the Humphrey Loft, in a severe and somber, but exquisitely tailored Ralph Lauren Suit, with his hair slicked back, Jenny felt every hair stand up on her neck in rage. Sitting at the sewing machine, and Nate coming through the door, Jenny prided herself on a trail of expletives not escaping from her lips, instead it was a very blunt and forward, "What are you doing here?"

With a hint of malice.

Nate took several steps forward.

"I'm simply looking for Dan. He hasn't returned my calls. He let me borrow this book last fall, I forgot to return it to him…"

Jenny immediately stood up from her chair, heading over to Nate, grabbing the book out of his hands.

"Well, I'll give it to him, thank you."

"What is you're problem?"

"My problem?" Jenny asked incredulously. "My problem is that you left Vanessa…"

"What, so you have a say in who I break up with now?"

"No, but she is my best friend, and I absolutely have a say in how you treated her, which was wrong and inexcusable. Breaking things of with her like that, at a restaurant…"

"She told you?"

"Yes, Nate. She thought you were getting back together! And you even had the audacity to say she should have saw it coming."

"Well, I guess you're pretty proud of yourself now."

"About what?" Jenny asked, confused.

"For knowing everything."

"Not particularly."

Jenny looked down at the book; a little gasp escaped her lips.

"It's Ayn Rand..."

" The Left Hand of Darkness." Nate took a step closer to Jenny; he was only an inch away from her face. "I borrowed it…"

"When we we're together," Jenny's breath hitched in her throat. "I know."

"I never gave it back to Dan because he blew up at me. I forgot I had it."

Jenny looked into Nate's eyes, less than an inch from her own. She studied the lines in his face, the vibrant color from his cheeks was drained, and stress marks were apparent on his forehead.

"What's happened to you?"

"Life."

And he kissed her. Jenny's eyes closed for a moment, and then she opened them again. This time, she grabbed his neck roughly and leaned into him. That's when Nate recognized something. He used to think that every girl that he had ever been with, even Jenny, was simply a way of trying to forget Serena. But, with Jenny's lips on his own, Nate knew that he had been wrong. He had never tried to forget Serena; he was actually looking for Serena in every girl that he had ever been with. Jenny was young and innocent and naïve, at times wild and restless, with a need to rebel. Blond hair, blue eyes, and long legs.

At a time, the time when they were briefly together, Nate had cared for Jenny in his own unique way, but he could never love her. Because he would always be hopelessly in love with Serena. It was his curse. And if he could wish it away, he would. Nate would never wish his fate upon even his own worst enemy, no matter how loathsome.

Several moments passed and Nate starred into Jenny's eyes, his turning cold and distant. "Tell me what I mean to you, Jenny." Nate said. His grip tightened on her hand.

"Nothing."

The Next Day

"Hey, are you alright?"

Blair entered Serena's bedroom, a sympathetic look on her face. The lights were dimmed, and Serena was sitting on the bed. Her face scrubbed clean, her hair up in a neat ponytail, wearing a simple cotton dress that hung limply on her slim frame. Her body no longer shook with sobs, and she was the perfect picture of exquisite calm. No one would even consider that she was miserable; Serena had a talent for masking bouts of pain and sadness for years now. Stand still, look pretty.

But, Blair always knew when something was wrong. Walking over to the bed, she sat beside Serena, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"I heard what happened."

"From Chuck?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

Serena shrugged away from her best friend's embrace, getting of the bed.

"Don't do this S."

"Do what?"

"Throw a pity party for yourself."

"Excuse me?"

Blair sighed. "Look, you want Carter right?"

"Yes."

"Well then go after him!"

Serena shook her head. "I can't. He left. He wants to fix things, or maybe he just doesn't…"

"Look, S, I can't believe I'm quoting Dan Humphrey, but when I was having trouble with Chuck he told me that I could either keep my pride and gain nothing, or risk it and maybe have everything."

Serena burst into a fit of giggles. "Did you actually just say something nice about Dan?"

Blair smiled. "I suppose I did." Getting up from the bed, she walked over to Serena, looking her straight into the eyes.

"And look of things worked out between Chuck and I. I've never been happier in my entire life."

"But I don't even know where he is…"

"He's at the airport, his plane leaves in 30 minutes for London."

Serena looked at Blair quizzically. "How did you know that?"

"Chuck told me."

"Really?"

Blair went over to Serena's closet, and grabbed her coat. "That what I'm saying, S. You know how Chuck loathes Carter. If he wants you to go find him, you probably should."

Serena smiled, taking the coat from Blair's hands nodding. And grabbing her purse, she was out the door and running down the stairs, calling a taxi.

Author's Note: Please let me know what you think about the direction I'm taking Nate's character. It is a darker angle, to be sure. But one of the reasons that I did this in the first place was to give Nate more shape as an individual, more substance. I plan to write him as a conflicted leading man, not as a puppet or a glorified extra. (As I believe that's how they treat him on the show.)

Also, I thought that the way Nate treated Vanessa and his friendship with Chuck at the end of Season 2 was unforgivable, and the writer's just dropped it without any sort of explanation or conflict. I decided to pick up where Nate left of in the Second Season, with him giving into his family, dealing with his actions from the previous episodes, and coming to terms with his love for Serena. Instead of going with the show, and throwing him into a relationship with another random girl.

Last but not least, please review. I appreciate constructive criticism and praise, just anything to let me know that you are actually reading, and hopefully enjoying, this story. I have a very busy schedule, and I put a lot of time into this, so in order for me to continue and update more frequently, leave a comment. Thanks.