I don't own Twilight or Jacob or anything like that. I don't even own Kerri. She's a friend of mine. I do own Sylwia, though, because she's the Native American version of me and that's awesome.
This is meant to be funny.
It was morning when they woke. Kerri first notice the arm on her body that didn't belong to her and then after that noticed that she was still in the woods. If this was a realistic story she would've been panicking about her grandmother being pissed as fuck with her, but it wasn't, so instead she worried nobly about the well-being of her best friend.
She kicked the guy laying next to her with the heel of her foot. She felt all around her dress to make sure she didn't feel any bruises on herself. She didn't. She also checked to see if her underwear was still on. It was. Not that the gorgeous specimen next to her was a bad sight to wake up next to, even if it was in a weird and soggy forest.
"I have to go," she told him.
He groaned. Jacob looked very adorable in the morning, his sweet face nestling into Kerri's now messy and somehow more attractive this way hair. If Kerri wasn't already dedicated to getting to the RV to shower and sleep comfortable, she may have possibly noticed a little bit of how cute he was. But she didn't. She kicked him harder this time and shot up from the ground.
Except her hangover seemed to have been waiting there and made her fall back over. Karma's a bitch.
Jacob groaned a little less adorable this time and squinted both of his somewhat already squinty eyes. "Okay, okay," he said with a cough. "I'll walk you," he got up from the ground, covered in the mud of the forest floor just like she was.
"I can walk myself, I'm not a child," she protested.
He snapped right back at her, a taste of her own medicine: "can you chill out and let me do something nice for you?"
She moved her head so that her chin touched her chest. She pouted, and then straightened back up. "Whatever! You can walk me, if it means that much to you. Jesus."
"What do you know about Jesus? I thought you were Quahana."
"I am Quahana, what's with asking so many questions all of the time!?"
"What's with falling asleep on the forest with a guy whose name you still don't know?" He said back with a smile, putting both arms around her and kissing her on her forehead as a hello, even though, I assure you, they didn't make out the night before, or do much of anything. Kerri had started hitting him so he pretended to pass out as a joke, and she drunkenly laid down next to him, and he just let it happen because she was too difficult to deal with, and that was why they woke up in the woods, though don't you wish the story was just a little juicer or made more sense since I don't think I mentioned Jacob drinking and why would a sober guy who was seemingly trying to get laid go to sleep in the woods? Even if he did emit warmth.
"What is your name, then?" She said, pretending to still be upset with him, though other than walking in on her when she was naked in a lake, he hadn't really done much of anything else wrong.
"It's Jacob Black," he told her.
He jaw dropped and she stopped in her tracks. The Jacob Black? The sad kid who fell in love with a vampire lover? Kerri felt disgusted, and her facial expression, well, expressed that.
"You've heard of me?" he asked, though he didn't understand what could warrant such a reaction from someone.
"Yeah, and it wasn't good," she admitted and took a few steps away from him. She wasn't sure if humans could pass of vampire diseases onto werewolves.
Jacob was getting angry, though he tried to keep himself composed. All of a sudden his mind was racing with one word. It was a word that meant pretty but represented a girl with a truly ugly personality.
"I heard you like a vampire-fucker," she said, still the same amount disgusted.
Jacob angrily put his hands on his shirts, and with one quick tug, he ripped it to shreds and off of himself. If he wasn't so angry, he would've felt stupid for doing that.
But that was enough to change the tone between them. Kerri was hungover and therefore no matter how nasty she wanted to be, she was still taken aback by the non-sparkling and superbly beautiful sets of muscles that encompassed his body from waist to chin.
"I-I-" Kerri attempted to cover up her meanness so that the now much more enjoyable Jacob wouldn't be mad with her.
"Fuck this," he said, though it was probably the third time in his life that he'd ever cursed, and it showed, and tried to turn around to start walking away.
"No, wait!" Kerri said. If she was going to sow her oats, by Fox Spirit, it would be with this alarmingly good-looking boy.
"What?!" he yelled back at her.
"Come back," she ordered.
If he had a door to slam, he would've, and he would've slammed it hard and though she would've known he wouldn't hurt her, she'd like the thrill of being just the slightest bit scared of him. Now if only she had some sort of gag to put in his mouth.
"What?" he asked, having returned to her, snarling with rage.
She kissed him. And though he was obviously not very skilled at doing it back, it felt very, very good to be picked up off the floor in his strong arms.
"What's going on?" was the dumbest question he couldn't asked at the moment, she considered, though then she decided there were probably plenty of dumber things he could've said.
"Whatever, shut up!" she yelled at him.
And then he took off the rest of his clothes and they had vicious, hour-long deflowering sex that ended with both of them seeing new colors in the world and walking around kind of funny for the days following that one.
The end.