Chapter 4

The rest of the week, I avoided Ella. I would hear her walking down the hall, and I would switch direction, heading either back to my room or the backyard. Fang told me she didn't come to watch the practice for the air shows any more. I got really depressed. I mean, I loved Ella. I truly did. Having to stay away from her like this – it was killing me. Until, one night, Angel and Max cornered me. I was lying on my bed in me and Gazzy's room, in my little safe haven of feathers when they knocked on the door and walked in.

"Hey, Iggy. Mind if we talk to you?" Max asked tentatively. Obviously Fang had told her that I was depressed.

"Sure. Yap all you want. I'm just brain dead." That reply was one I had learned from Fang, great for killing the conversation. However, Max continued, undeterred, with the force of a steam locomotive.

"No, Ig. You don't get it. We, the flock, are worried about you. Mom is. Even Ella is, too. We all know you're depressed, but no one knows why. Ella seems to know, but she doesn't think about it around Angel, and she won't open up. Seriously. What's bugging you?"

"Nothing. Except maybe the fact that I'm blind and my romantic life sucks and we never do anything except the CSM work. Maybe I'm bored. Maybe I wish I was normal. Maybe I wish I wasn't a mutant freak! Is that a good enough reason to be depressed, Maximum Ride?!" I shouted into my wing, tears starting to well up in my useless, unseeing eyes. "Damn those stupid whitecoats! Damn genetic experimentation! Damn you, Max, for letting me live! Damn the whole world!" Yeah, I could yell damn all I wanted, but nothing would change the fact that I was a blind mutant freak.

This is for you Angel. Just so you'll get off my back and leave me freaking alone! Me and Ella, we love each other. But Ella doesn't think it will work out. She said we couldn't see each other anymore, and now we're both depressed. Happy? Go run off and tell Max, and the whole world will rejoice. The blind kid spilled his guts! We know why he's depressed! Hooray! Let's have a freaking barbecue! Now LEAVE ME ALONE! I rolled over on my side, and let the tears roll down my face. I felt Max put a hand on my shoulder, but I shrugged it off. Angel murmured something to her, and she said something back. I heard the bedsprings on Gazzy's bed creak as they stood up. They were leaving. Finally.

Before I rolled on my back again, they were suddenly sitting on my bed, both their hands on my shoulders, attempting to roll me onto my back to talk to my face. I was stronger than they were, combined, so I stayed solid as a rock, until Max whispered,

"Iggy, I know you love Ella. We can stay here, and it will all work out. If you want it to. It's your choice." I fell limp, my brain not functioning anymore. Suddenly, I sat up and bolted out the open door, throwing them to the floor. I smelled gunpowder as I ran toward the back door, and knew Gazzy was blowing stuff up. Probably with Fang. I shoved the door open, and took to the skies. I didn't know where I was going, but I knew it was somewhere far, far, far away.

"IGGY!!" I heard a few faint calls, and knew that if they really wanted me back, they'd come after me. But they let me go. I flew and flew. I couldn't land, because I didn't know the terrain. I could find my way back to Dr. Martinez's house if I really wanted to, but I didn't.

Eventually, I heard water rushing beneath me. It was after dark, because it was so much colder now. I was, once again, freezing cold.

Nothing in my life is ever going to be right. That doesn't mean that everything in death will be wrong . . . maybe if I drowned, it would be easy . . . I folded my wings and dropped into the water, which was surprisingly and thankfully warm. I was dead tired. The tiredness suppressed all my instincts to swim. I felt a warm, safe, restful sensation overwhelming me. I let it come. It was the way to a better place.