Author's Notes

For those who didn't get the memo last time, I actually changed chapter 2 after I uploaded the first version, since there were so many inconsistencies with the characters' real personalities that I couldn't just explain away. The process made me want to cry.

Also, if you haven't noticed, I just changed my pen name from Animango to Archaía Fengári! Just watch, one of these days I'll finally memorize my own pen name. WATCH ME!

One last thing, for the sake of moving on the plot, as well as Hisoka's status as resident Mary Sue, although she's about a year younger than Ranma and Akane, she was allowed to go to their school even though she should have been in 9th grade. (In Japan, high school lasts from 10th to 12th) Besides, it's not as if anyone really cares about what grade they're in, or how old they are, aside from someone we'll be seeing pretty soon.

"Quotes": Dialogue
Italics: Thoughts
(In parenthesis): Panda signs
Bold italics: Sound effects

Disclaimer
I don't own Ranma ½.

Chapter 3: Enter People

The next Monday, Ranma and Hisoka were finally forced to be registered for school, despite their protests, since they would be staying in Nerima for a while. As they set foot in the school for the first time, what greeted them was a huge horde of… Japanese athletes?

"Not again… I'll be right back," Akane said, swinging her long blue-black hair behind her shoulder.

The Saotomes were confused. What's going on?

But their unspoken confusion was answered with a whirlwind, complete with flying men. In ten minutes, the schoolyard was filled with the unconscious bodies of Akane's many suitors. The only ones standing were a heavily breathing Akane, and the shocked Ranma and Hisoka.

"A new record, that was."

The three of them turned toward the source of the words. A tall, obnoxious-looking man wearing a hakama and wielding a bokuto met their gaze.

"Who the hell are you?" Ranma frowned. He disliked the guy already. So snobby.

"Who? Why, it is always custom to giveth one's own name first! Fine, I, Tatewaki Kuno, age seventeen, the undefeated rising star, will introduceth myself first! The mere mention of my name strikeths fear in my opponents' hearts! My peers callst me the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High! But thou, as mere underclassmen, do not haveth the privilege of addressing me as such!" Kuno shouted.

"I think ya missed a spot there, Akane," Ranma observed.

"Hold, cur! How dareth thou still not give thy name when spoken to? And referring to Akane Tendo so familiarly! I smite thee with my bokuto!"

"Interesting!" Ranma grinned. "I'm Ranma Saotome, and I accept your challenge!"

Two minutes later, Ranma had left his footprints all over Kuno's face and upper body. The upperclassman fell, unconscious, to the ground.

Hisoka stared at the battlefield with the feeling that her life would only get stranger from that day on. She underestimated somewhat the truth and irony in her assumption.

Hinako Ninomiya-sensei was a little girl. That fact disturbed Hisoka, but as far as she could tell, no one else cared.

Although she was not incredibly terrible at teaching, Hisoka found her extremely short attention span annoying. Bored out of her mind, she peered out the window. What met her eyes was something in the shape of a person carrying a large umbrella. Something about it felt familiar, but Hisoka could not quite place the feeling of recognition. She slumped in her desk, burying her head in her arms.

"Pay attention, you delinquent!" Hinako yelled. A piece of chalk bounced harmlessly off Hisoka's head. "Out in the hall, now!"

"But everyone else's sleeping!" she protested.

"How dare you talk back! Four buckets of water, or you'll be punished!" Hinako threatened. Hisoka did not take her seriously, however, since she looked so young.

"How can you keep order if you have to resort to stupid threats?"

"I'm hurt! Good girl exercise number one: Ja! Aku! Byo! Tsu! Ma!"

The annoyance was taken care of. Hisoka lay lifelessly on the ground next to her desk, barely acknowledging that somehow, the teacher had just morphed from a child to a woman with almost no modesty. What a strange school…

Hinako continued teaching, but as she finally looked around, she realized that the delinquent was actually right. Everyone in the classroom was asleep. Her eye twitched.

"HAPPO NO-YEN COIN RETURN!"

A chorus of weak groans followed. Hinako continued to teach, without regard of the current condition of the class. Hisoka woke up and tried to crawl back to her desk, but she noticed that her desk didn't exist anymore. She tried to separate two lumps of wood and metal, grunting.

Hitting Hisoka repeatedly on the head with her fists, Hinako whined with a pout, "Pay attention pay attention pay attention! Why is everyone still sleeping? It's all you're fault, Mr. Saotome!"

"How the hell is that MY fault?"

"Out in the hall for language!"

This time, Hisoka complied without visible complaint.

Meanwhile, in an eleventh grade classroom, Nabiki was informing Kuno that Ranma and Hisoka were currently residing in the Tendo dojo.

"Living under the same roof?" Kuno screeched. "RANMA SAOTOME—"

"Go stand in the hall, Kuno."

Hisoka was bored. The hallway was incredibly empty, and the walls seemed like they were soundproof.

"SAOTOME!" A loud voice broke the silence.

"Huh?" Hisoka was bewildered. "Who are you talking to?"

"And who might thou be?" Kuno paused in his charging, sizing Hisoka up with his eyes.

"Hisoka," he replied suspiciously, "Saotome."

"Another Saotome!" Kuno threw his water pails at Hisoka's face, tore off his school uniform to reveal his signature hakama underneath, then whipped out his bokuto. "The world is fraught with evils, and it is up to I, Tatewaki Kuno, age sev—"

"I heard that the first time!"

"Heard what?" Kuno asked, confused. "I was going to say, 'Kuno, age seventeen, champion of kendo and undefeated in fencing, and the king of Furinkan High! Lovely, shy maidens faint with bliss at the mere mention of my name! I am the master of love!'"

Hisoka stared at him, and could not see the charm Kuno boasted of. "I don't see what you're talking about."

Kuno's anger flared up again, as his ki enveloped his bokuto. "In that case, I challengeth thee to a duel!"

"Bring it on!" Hisoka threw his four buckets of water to the side, and they flew toward the window.

The glass shattered as the heavy buckets crashed through. A physical education teacher walked by, yelling, "No destroying school property allowed!"

"Yes sir!" Hisoka shouted to the teacher with a salute as he jumped. Kuno's wooden sword created a huge fissure in the ground below him. "Kuno, is it? Who were you looking for?"

Kuno jabbed at Hisoka's head. "Ranma Saotome! For he liveth under the same roof as my dearest Akane Tendo! But thou livest there too, I presume?" By this time, most of the school was peering out at the commotion in the hallway, with the child-form Hinako Ninomiya vainly trying to recapture her class's attention, while occasionally napping herself.

"Oh, the Tendo dojo? Yeah, the place is great!" Hisoka chirped, hanging upside down from the ceiling. "And I won't be surprised if Ranma's gonna get engaged to Akane soon!"

"What?!" Kuno's face darkened. "Akane Tendo, engaged?! I will NEVER standeth for that!" Furiously swishing his wooden sword at Hisoka's fluttering afterimages, Kuno felt frustrated that he could not even land a decent hit on the imbecile. With the rest of the school watching, too!

Three stories below, a small black shadow darted in through the space between two heavy doors that were swinging shut. Ryoga Hibiki was pissed. He had finally found his way to the Saotomes' city. They would pay for the hell they made him go through!

As he was walking next to the large swimming pool, a pail full of cold water came out of nowhere and upended on his head, and five more pails clanked against it, giving him a horrible headache, which was made no better by the fact that he was now a black piglet with little chance of coming in contact with hot water.

Once having made it into the building, Ryoga faced hundreds of human feet trampling on the ground. Scurrying between them, he somehow found his way to Ranma's classroom, without even climbing any stairs. He would somehow transform back before encountering Saotome, he knew it. It was not a fact, just a law, that anyone with a Jusenkyo curse will automatically be a magnet for water. Surely enough, as soon as he reached the third floor, a small girl tripped over his small body and dumped her coffee all over him. Ryoga forgot to take one thing into account. He had forgotten to keep his clothes with him.

However, since he was already on the correct floor, although he didn't know it, there was not much that he could do except hide from the shocked girls who saw much more than they needed to. Before he knew it, unfortunately, the Lost Boy was officially lost once again.

Akane crept out cautiously from behind her ruin of a desk. Ninomiya-sensei was always prone to these violent mood swings that far surpassed her own in intensity. Honestly, no one would ever call Akane violent if only they could see past the alternating monstrous breasts and childlike innocence of their teacher.

When Genma Saotome and Soun Tendo sealed the epitome of evil away in a cave ten years ago, they forgot that Happosai was not known as the "epitome of evil" for no reason, despite being drunk and attached to dozens of dynamite sticks. In fact, when the dynamite blew up, the only thing that was harmed was the boulder they rolled in front of the cave's opening. The blast sobered the dirty old man, and the boulder was easy to destroy afterward. He spent the next seven years hunting for women's underwear, then decided it was a good time to check up on his disobedient disciples and the infamously beautiful Tendo daughters.

To his disappointment, Genma had fled from him with the excuse of "training his sons to become men among men." Happosai doubted the truth of his alibi, but could only wait, for he had no idea where in Japan his more gluttonous disciple could be. Happosai doubted even the thought that Genma could possibly have had two sons, because that would have been very cruel indeed. Akane, Nabiki, and Kasumi all had such one-dimensional personalities, and it was nearly impossible to satisfy his desire for underwear and boobage with any of them. There was no way Genma could possibly disappoint him like that. Then again, when has he ever not disappointed Happosai?

Thwarted daily by young women is not as bad as it could have been, for the little old man still had his collection of beauties. He just wanted something more.

As he hopped onto the window of the classroom where little Hinako taught, he was met with a terrifying sight. The tenth grade classroom appeared as if taken by a tornado, and broken desks were strewn across the floor, walls, and ceiling. Hinako was unconscious from being hit by a flying chair in the back of the head, and all Happosai could see was Akane dusting off her uniform.

"Akane!" He chortled, throwing himself at the lovely, welcoming bosom of the sixteen-year-old girl.

Akane smashed the offending pervert's head into the ground as she heard Hisoka say something he really should not have said.

"Oh, the Tendo dojo? Yeah, the place is great! And I won't be surprised if Ranma's gonna get engaged to Akane soon!"

Veins of anger popped on her forehead, and she grabbed a ruined desk in each hand and marched out of the classroom. "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!"

The blast carried Ranma out of the window, along with a few other guys from his class. They screamed in terror until they realized that what awaited them at the bottom was a giant swimming pool. "We are so lucky," Hiroshi said as grateful tears streamed from his eyes.

"LUCKY, HE SAYS!" As the others quieted, Ranma's screech carried out all through the school. A splash was heard, and Ranma was nowhere to be seen.

"Where'd Ranma go?"

Author's Note: That was a long chapter, by my standards. It was supposed to be even longer, but I got sick of the changing perspectives. R&R please!