[A/N: Yeah...so I thought that the depressing fix deserved a second piece. It can still stand as is, but I thought you all might like to see Kai's response. R&R]
I had only wanted to protect him. I'd left, because I thought, if I was away from him...if I left him alone, he's pull himself together. He'd move on, and everything would be okay. I didn't want to hurt him, so I left him.
I didn't know that it would be the biggest mistake of my life. I didn't know that he would never recover. I didn't know...I thought he'd bounce back...he'd realize that I was a bad choice anyway. Or...at the very least try and contact me. He never did. I just...I assumed that he had moved on, when he never called.
I was wrong.
Tala's called about ten times, since I left Rei's Village. I haven't answer yet. I don't want to. I don't want to talk to him. Or anyone else, for that matter. I've been left messages by the other blade breakers, cussing me up one side and down the other. I can't blame them.
Now I stand on the ledge of a cliff, staring into the sunset – as if I'm seeing it for the first time. The wind is stronger up here, my hair's blowing all over the place, my scarf and clothing with it. I notice, but I don't care, even when my scarf completely blows off in the wind. It's colder up here, too. The air's thinner, and I have to breathe more deeply.
My phone rings again, it's Tala, I can tell by the ring tone. I don't even pick it up to look at it. Don't consider answering his eleventh … or twelfth call.
"Why Rei? Why didn't call? Or move on? How...can I have meant so much to you? I've always been a loner – cold and cruel. Why...?" the words were lost in wind that lashed at me mercilessly.
I had found his journal. They let me into his home – I think that they knew how much it would hurt, to see the blood. The unsteady writing that gave me a window into a mind that I shattered.
Yes, I was heartless. I had been made this way, by a world too cruel for Rei's innocence and beauty. I had wanted to protect him from it...so I shut him out. How could I have allowed such beauty be destroyed by the world I exist in?
I couldn't.
And yet, that was my mistake. Trying to shield him. The phone cuts through my reverie again. I finally answer.
"I don't want to talk."
"Tala. I'm not discussing it."
"Don't call again."
I hang up the phone without another word.
Jumping is quite an appealing idea. But I won't. I'll live my torture. Like Rei did. I'm going to go home, and break it off it Tala. If I'm feeling particularly daring, I'll answer one of the calls from Tyson, so he can curse me out himself. I'll probably fight back. But...
I wonder if I'll last as long as Rei did, before losing my mind. Before cutting to control my emotions...Again. I wonder how long I'll last before I go a little too far with the knife, and let go. And join my Tiger in the dark emptiness of death.
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"It's complicated. I just...I can't do this anymore, Tala." Kai's voice was very calm.
"This...it's so sudden."
"I'm sorry. I've got to go." He walked out.
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A year later.
Kai stared at the knife, contemplating it as he always did. He hadn't ever picked it up. He hadn't cut himself since long before he'd learned of Rei's death. Light glinted off the blade, mocking him.
He picked up the knife without a sound, sinking down onto the floor of the bathroom. Ice cold steel pressed against tender pale flesh. A hiss escaped his lips as he pressed down, pressing the razor sharp metal into his skin. Life's blood – the color of Dranzer's feathers – welled up from the tiny cut, flowing across the cream colored skin. Red on white. Such a pretty combination.
With the blood flowed tears, and pain. Anger, self-hatred. They seemed to drain away with his blood and his strength. Kai made a handful of cuts on the unmarked skin before carefully cleaning the knife and bandaging his arm.
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Six Months Later...
I don't blade anymore. Ever. Dranzer gathers dust on the shelf. I derive too much pleasure and satisfaction from blading. Emotions I don't deserve. I don't sleep, unless I pass out first, and then I get up as soon as I am able. I don't eat until I'm dizzy from hunger and about to collapse.
I exercise incessantly, I drive myself to my limits, even without blading. I've lost so much weight. If any of my friends...or old teammates, could see me now, they'd worry. You...You would …. I know know what you would do.
Some days, I can barely raise my head due to weakness. I get sick easily. I have almost no immune system. My arms are covered in sliver-white scars that are the results of my cutting. My legs bear scars as well, now.
I am even more of a shell than I was the day I denied you. There's...nothing left. I am nothing any more. I barely live, now. I don't know who I am anymore. I've lost myself in my pain. I rarely see outside any more. Even more rare, is the occasion that I see another human.
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"I found him like this." Bryan's voice was strange, deadly calm but it had a tinge of bitter pain behind it.
Tala was crying – Spencer held him while Bryan spoke to the doctors who had arrived on scene. The whole team was a mess. Except Bryan, who was hiding it the best.
It had been a shock, seeing him like this. Covered in scars, weighing next to nothing – severely emaciated, with dark circles under his eyes as if he never slept.
Bryan knew that he dead, there was no question in his mind. "It'll be alright Tala." He said gently, moving towards the red head finally. "He's at peace now."
"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT!" Tala half screamed.
"Simple. He was torturing himself, ever since Rei's suicide. In death, he's at peace. No more pain. No more self harm. No more starvation. No more illness. It's for the best."