Robbie Queen wasn't just being quiet, he was being mega super ultra quiet. Conner once said he couldn't be quiet for more than five minutes straight but he'd been here for two hours and his mom hadn't found him yet because he was being mega super ultra quiet.
Uncle Bart called it stealth. Robbie had stealth. He would have to rub that in Conner's face, that is, if stealth was something a person could have, maybe it was just something a person could do. He made a mental note to Google that later.
Either way he was being stealthy, had been stealthy for the past two hours now and still no sign of Santa Claus.
He was going to settle this thing once and for all, the question of whether Santa Claus was real or not. When he'd asked his Mom and Dad, they'd told him that Santa was real, but they also told him that there was a tooth fairy and she had turned out to be a sham.
He'd figured that one out in a way that he believed was rather clever. Shannon from school told him that his Dad was actually the one who put the money under the pillow. So the next time he lost a tooth, Robbie snuck into his dad's wallet without him knowing, (another case of his supreme stealth) and wrote his name on all the bills. Sure enough the dollar that appeared under his pillow the next morning had his name signed on the back in green marker.
When presented with the evidence, his dad had tried to keep up the charade, claiming that he'd had to make change for the tooth fairy, who'd unfortunately shown up with only a twenty. Conner had piped up that she wasn't very good at her job if her sole purpose in life was stick dollar bills under kids pillows and she walked around with nothing smaller than a $20. Eventually his mom broke down and explained that the tooth fairy was a story parents told to keep kids from freaking out about losing teeth which made quite a bit of since when Robbie thought about it. He remembered his first loose teeth, he'd been scared to have it pulled because it hurt a lot but then his dad told him he could get a dollar for it and suddenly he didn't care about the pain.
Conner then helpfully supplied that the Easter Bunny was also a fake. Dad had grounded him for two days for what he called "maliciously destroying Robbie's childhood illusions". Robbie didn't say anything because, well, he liked it when Conner got punished, but he'd never really believed the whole Easter Bunny thing in the first place. It just never made any sense to him why a giant bunny would sneak into your yard during the night and hide plastic eggs in your bushes as a way to celebrate Jesus' miraculous rise from the dead.
****************
Normally he would have been in bed long before now but he was determined to wait up until Santa showed himself. It hadn't been easy and he didn't think he'd make it but around nine o'clock when his mom had gone into her office for a while Robbie snuck down the stairs into the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee. He knew his mom and dad drank it in the morning when they wanted to wake up and his mom drank it when she had to stay up late at night so Robbie thought it might help. Boy did it.
It was the most disgusting thing he'd ever tasted in his life, even more disgusting that that time they'd gone to Aunt Lois' house for dinner and his mom insisted that he eat at least one bite of everything on his plate, even the burnt brussels sprouts. He hated brussels sprouts with a passion and Aunt Lois' had been covered with this strangely gooey sauce that made them even more disgusting. But that hadn't been so bad because afterward his dad had said that he could still feel the sauce coating his tongue and mom had given in and taken them all out for double chocolate sundaes.
Despite it's disgusting taste, Robbie had drank the whole cup, and thirty minutes later he was wide awake. His leg wouldn't stop shaking for the past hour and he'd been having the strangest urge to run down the stairs out to the garage and back just because. He checked his watch again and was surprised to note the time had somehow flown by, it was already eleven forty five, fifteen more minutes and it was Christmas. Robbie was secretly pleased with his accomplishment, especially since he could hear Conner, his seventeen year old brother who had once stayed up all night playing Call of Duty and then gone to school the next morning, upstairs snoring away.
Robbie was starting to get bored though. His mom had been on the computer for the past two hours doing "taxes". "Taxes", Robbie had found out a few years ago was his parent's code word for "secret superhero stuff". Yeah his Dad was the Green Arrow and his Mom was Watchtower, they ran the JLA, only the coolest superhero team ever, (Stephen Rollins says the Fantastic Four are way better than the JLA but Robbie knows better).
At first he'd been worried, he was even tempted to go wake up Conner and Stella. As much as his older sister and brother annoyed him, they had a tradition, every time their dad went out as the Green Arrow they'd meet up in the tree house out back until he got home, (partially because the tree house had the best view of the street so they'd be able to see his car coming five minutes before it got there, and partially because his dad had built the tree house with Conner when Conner was Robbie's age and they all just felt safe there. Stella had told him once that bad things couldn't happen in the tree house).
Their parent's didn't know that they knew about the Green Arrow, about the JLA and Conner said it was best if they kept it a secret. He said that if mom and dad knew that they knew about them, they would worry more about their kids than their jobs so it was better for all involved if they just pretended that they were oblivious. Stella said that Conner was an idiot, Robbie personally felt like that was one of the smartest things Conner had ever said.
The thing was, they didn't work on Christmas Eve, it had been one of his mom's biggest rules, everyone knew it, Robbie had known that long before Robbie even knew about the JLA, no one works on Christmas Eve, so the fact that she'd been called in must have meant that it was an emergency and emergency's were never a good thing for them. The last emergency had landed their dad in the hospital for months. It had been really hard to pretend like they believed mom's story about a car accident, (even though she'd gone so far as to have Uncle Clark total an actual car and fake a police report, his mom was good, he'd give her that much)
However as tempted as Robbie was to go wake up his big brother and sister, what if Santa came while he was gone? What if they sat out in the tree house and missed him completely. No, he decided that he was a big boy and he could handle this one all by himself. He stared transfixed at his mom, he couldn't hear what she was saying but he didn't have to. Once she'd set up her computer to the television he could watch every keystroke that she made.
He held his breath for what felt like an hour when she jumped off the couch in a frenzy, pressing her finger hard into the earpiece and screaming, "Arrow, God damn it report now!" He relaxed when she relaxed but he could practically feel his heart beating so hard in his chest he was sure that there was no way his mom couldn't hear it.
Eventually, whatever she'd been helping his dad do was done and she closed up all her equipment. She paced for a while, a habit that Robbie noticed his mother generally indulged in when she was really mad about something. But Robbie knew there wasn't going to be trouble unless she started talking to herself, which, for the moment, she wasn't doing. Eventually she must have tired herself out because she fixed another cup of coffee, curled up on the couch and turned on White Christmas.
That's when Robbie started getting bored. He was trying to decide if eleven forty five was past Santa's bedtime, if maybe he should just count his loss and go to bed, secure in the knowledge that perhaps there wasn't a Santa Claus. Just as he was about to do this he heard the tell tale squeak that announced the back door was opening. He watched as him mom got off the couch very cautiously and make her way toward the kitchen only to relax and smile as none other than Santa Claus himself came into view.
Robbie stood up from his crouched position, his muscles rejoicing at finally being stretched after sitting still for so long, his eyes wide as his mom laughed and hugged Santa. His mind was reeling with all of the new things that he'd learned in the past few seconds. Santa was real, Santa was there in his house, his mom obviously knew Santa, was perhaps even friends with him. Robbie stared as his mom grabbed Santa's bag and walked toward the living room, smiling and talking the whole time. Robbie longed to know what they were talking about but if he tried to get any closer it would give away his position. He had to make himself content with just seeing and not hearing. He smiled and tiptoed to his room and grab his camera, hoping he could get it and be back before Santa left, imagining the look on stupid Jason Blackman's face when he showed up to school with proof, actual proof that Santa was real.
He pulled the camera from the second drawer of his dresser and walked back to the landing only to stop dead in his tracks, the camera slipping from his fingers and dropping to the floor with a dull thud. In the short time that it had taken him to get his camera everything had gone horribly wrong. He stared in comic disbelief at the sight in front of him, his mother standing in the middle of the living room bold as day, kissing Santa Claus.
***************
Chloe was not happy; she had one rule, one single rule. It's all she really wanted, all she ever really asked for. No one works on Christmas. For almost twenty years now that had been the one thing in her life that never changed, until tonight, until Oliver called her at ten o'clock apologizing, swearing that he would spend the rest of his life trying to make it up to her if she would please just help him out this one time, with this one thing. She'd been ready to refuse, it had been on the tip of her tongue and then he'd played the trump card, orphans.
Who can turn down a sad orphan story at Christmas? Not Chloe Queen that was for sure. He'd told her how he overheard some of the nurses talking at the hospital about how the warehouse where the city kept all the toys for the "Toy's for Tot's" program had been broken into and all the toys stolen. The toys that were given to needy families, the toys that were supplied to all the orphanages in Star City, gone. That was hundreds, thousands of kids, all who were going to wake up on Christmas morning without toys. How could she say no to that?
So she'd hacked into the police department, stolen the file on the case, which wasn't much, and gotten to work. It had taken some hard work and a few tricks that were definitely not legal for Chloe to track down the scumbags who felt that it was ok to steal from orphans at Christmas. She sent the team out immediately to check out some of their known hideouts and hit pay dirt on the third location, an abandoned farm out in the country.
Things had gone down pretty smoothly from there on. Victor and AC secured the toys as Dinah, Bart, and Oliver rounded up the dirt bags. There had only been one moment, when one of the guys started shooting then ran and Oliver took off after him alone that Chloe got slightly annoyed but it all worked out in the end. They dropped the guys off at the police station and spent the rest of the night making sure that all the toys got to where they needed to be.
She'd calmed down and now she was sitting on the couch waiting for Oliver to get home watching White Christmas for the third time. She heard the back door open and paused, normally Oliver came in through the front door so she paused the television, got up slowly and walked in the direction of the kitchen. She relaxed instantly when Oliver walked out of the kitchen wearing his Santa suit. She wanted to yell at him but honestly she was so relieved that he was home and not full of bullet holes that she simply flung herself at him and hugged him tight.
"What's with the suit?" She asked into his neck, reveling in the fact that simply being in his arms still managed to calm her down, even after all these years.
"It's all I had on me." Oliver shrugged. "I went straight from the hospital so it was either wear this or the Green Arrow gear, I thought this would be less suspicious on Christmas Eve." He pointed out as Chloe pulled away reluctantly. "I can't wait to take it off though, it's hot and itchy."
"Actually leave it on for a while." Chloe reached behind him and pulled the red bag off his shoulder. From the weight she was guessing this was where he'd stashed his gear. "Robbie's been waiting up for hours to catch Santa, he's probably up there right now watching us and I'd like it if we could stretch this out for one more year at least."
"Then I guess I better play my part." Oliver smiled as they walked into the living room. "It is sort of fitting tonight though. I really felt like Santa when we dropped off those toys."
"I suppose, just this once." Chloe turned around. "You're forgiven for working on Christmas Eve."
"How generous of you." Oliver joked. "Look." He pointed out at a bundle of leaves hanging from the ceiling fan. "Mistletoe." He reached out and grabbed Chloe by the waist pulling her flush up against him.
"Robbie." Chloe protested and Oliver turned around.
"He's gone, probably got tired and went to bed." He leaned down and brushed Chloe's nose with his softly. " Besides, I basically just saved Christmas, don't you think that earns me a kiss?"
"I suppose you have been a very good boy." Chloe smiled before closing the distance between them, kissing him softly and slowly, like they had all the time in the world, like they were the only two people in the world. She was so caught up she never even heard the thump come from upstairs.
**************
Conner was having the perfect dream, as far as dreams go, he was relatively assured that there was no way that a dream could be more perfect. He's not exactly sure where he was supposed to be but he was wearing a tux, and when he says wearing, he means rocking, no one had ever looked that good in a tux before, not even, dare he say, Mr. James Bond himself. So there he was rocking this tux when he turns around and sitting right in front of him was a ridiculously stunning Lamborghini Reventon and as often as Conner had dreamed of that car that wasn't what was catching his attention at the moment. Draped across the hood of the car was Sloane Peterson, the hottest senior ever to grace the halls of Ridgemont Prep wearing a dress that was so short he wasn't a hundred percent sure it wasn't just a shirt. She was smiling at him.
She tossed him the keys and he caught them, one handed, like a pimp and just as he opened his mouth to say "Your place or mine?" He was squirted in the face with water.
Conner woke up sputtering to see the smug face of his sister Stella smiling down at him. "Told you it would work." She passed the squirt bottle back to Robbie and pulled her robe tighter around her. "Squirt bottles, not just good for training cats."
"What the hell?" Conner sat up and wiped his face off with the pillow case.
"Mom's doing taxes." Stella yawned.
Conner frowned and threw his covers off looking between his sister and brother and shaking his head. "But it's Christmas Eve, no one works on Christmas Eve, not even the Green Arrow, it's mom's number one rule."
"Actually she's finished doing taxes now." Robbie walked over to the door and closed it softly. "I mean she was doing taxes but now she's not doing taxes." He took a deep breath, still trying to organize his thoughts. "I just said that she was doing taxes because I had to tell you something and you never listen to me unless you think it's serious and to make you think it was serious I said she was doing taxes."
He hadn't really had time to think this through. All he knew was that mom was kissing Santa Claus, his dad was going to be home any minute and Conner would know what to do. Only he couldn't get Conner to wake up so he'd gone to Stella who ignored him until he lied about his mom doing "taxes".
"Wait you lied to me?" Stella glared at him and Robbie shook his head.
"Yes, I'm sorry about that, I know you shouldn't lie and normally I don't lie but I had to wake you up because I had to tell you because Dad's going to be home any minute and he's ruined Christmas and I hate him and I don't even care anymore if I get a new computer." Robbie knew that the words were just spilling out of his mouth, he knew that they sounded too fast, to rushed, even to his own ears but there was nothing he could do to stop it.
"Are you on something?" Conner leaned down and looked more closely at Robbie.
"Conner." Stella slapped his arm.
"Look at him, the dude is tweaking." Conner protested.
Stella looked closer at Robbie and frowned. "Robbie, you know you're not allowed to have coke after 5 o'clock." Stella scolded him.
"I didn't." Robbie insisted. "I had some of mom's coffee."
"Oh my God. She's is totally gonna kill you." Conner laughed.
"Look, we've got bigger problems than that." Robbie said.
"I really don't think you understand how pissed mom's gonna be." Conner shook his head.
"She's not allowed to be mad." Robbie shook his head. "Because I saw her."
"Saw who what?" Stella asked.
"I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus." Robbie said, seriously, truthfully, worriedly.
Stella and Conner just looked at him for a second then busted out laughing.
"It's not funny." Robbie stomped his foot annoyed. They never took him seriously. "I saw her. I was waiting because I thought he wasn't real so I wanted to see him, to prove it and I didn't think he'd come but then there he was. He doesn't come down the chimney by the way, he just walked right in the back door, which was kind of rude actually. But then mom came in and saw him and I thought for sure there was gonna be trouble but she just laughed and they talked and then I went to get the camera so that I could prove to Jason Blackman and then they were kissing, I saw them, I really truly did." Robbie sucked in a much needed breath as Conner and Stella got their laughter under control.
"Robbie, it's not really…." Stella trailed off and turned to Conner. "What you think." She finished lamely.
"What are we gonna tell dad?" Robbie asked.
Conner turned to Stella and shrugged his shoulders, saying something strange. "Warpe harpave tarpo tarpell harpim." When Robbie was born there was a rather significant age difference between them and as way to have some sort of privacy Conner and Stella had made up their own language. It used to annoy Robbie until he'd figured out the secret to their secret language. They just put "arp" after the first letter of every syllable. Of course they didn't know he could understand them so they still used it. What surprised him was that mom and dad hadn't figured it out yet. He quickly translated in his head. "We have to tell him." They had to tell him what?
"We can't tell him, mom would kill us." Stella shot back.
"Better us tell him than him to think mom is having an affair with Santa Claus." Conner pointed out.
"I never said affair, I just said they kissed." Robbie said, his eyes opened wide. "You think she's having an affair?"
Stella slapped Conner on the arm and glared at him in a way that said, "See what you did now?" Robbie knew that face, his mom gave his Uncle Bart that face all the time.
"Geez, that freakin hurt." Conner glared at her, rubbing his arm.
"Don't be such a baby." Stella rolled her eyes and tightened her robe.
Conner squatted down until he was eye to eye with Robbie, took a deep breath and put on his serious face. "Look, kiddo." Robbie rolled his eyes, he hated it when Conner called him kiddo. "Mom's not having an affair with Santa Claus…or actually I guess she technically is having an affair with Santa Claus because Dad is Santa Claus."
Robbie looked at him, really looked at him. "Just 'cause I'm a kid doesn't mean I'm stupid." Robbie crossed his arms over his chest uncertain.
"That's true." Stella smiled. "His IQ is technically higher than yours." She reminded Conner. This was actually true, they'd tested him and everything. His mom had said he was in the genius range, Conner had said he was just a genius at annoying people.
"I was sick the day I took that test." Conner glared at his sister.
"You had the sniffles." Stella snorted.
"Look, I'm not lying to you, I'm not trying to trick you, I'm telling you the truth. Dad is Santa Claus." Conner told him.
Robbie stared at him and sighed. "You are telling the truth." He said studying his brother critically. "Cause when you lie you spin the ring on your thumb."
"I do?" Conner asked shocked and looked down at the ring on his thumb.
"Yeah you spun it when you told Dad that you didn't know how the scratch got on his car, and you spun it when you told Mom that you took out the trash last week and you spun it when you told Stella that you didn't read her diary."
"I knew you read it." Stella slapped him in the head this time.
"Stop hitting me." Conner stood up and glared at his sister. "You totally left it out and open on your bed, how was I not suppose to read it?"
"You're such a jerk." Stella sighed.
"So Dad is Santa Claus?" Robbie was mulling this over. This was good on many, many levels. It means that his mom wasn't kissing random guys in the living room, but it also meant that not only was his father a superhero 364 days of the year, for one day he was freaking Santa Claus. "How long has this been going on."
"Pretty much forever." Conner shrugged. "I mean since I was little at least."
"This changes a lot of things." Robbie said nodding sagely. "I'm defiantly going to ask for better presents for a start. You think if I could get him to leave Jason Blackman coal in his stocking next year, I mean it's not as if it would be that big a stretch." Robbie moved off toward his room a smile on his face, mumbling to himself.
"Wait no…" Stella started after Robbie and Conner grabbed her arm.
"Let him go." Conner shook his head.
"He thinks that dad is Santa Claus." Stella pointed out. "As in that he flies around the world delivering toys to all the boys and girls, not as in there isn't really a Santa Claus, Dad's just the one who buys you all the presents."
"I know." Conner sighed. "Just let him have it. He's too smart for his own good sometimes. He figured out about the Green Arrow thing way younger than we did and I think sometimes he's got to be more grown up than he should be so if he wants to believe that Dad's Santa Claus, let him."
Stella smiled, leaned over and kissed Conner on the cheek. "You know, sometimes you can be slightly less of a jerk."
"Yeah well don't tell anyone, I've got a reputation to uphold." Conner rubbed his hair and yawned.
"You also know that you're going to be doing my chores for a month at least for reading my diary or I tell mom that you pay Robbie to take out the trash and that you're the one who scratched Dad's car." Stella smirked.
"I'll do the laundry but not the dishes." Conner bargained.
"Laundry and the dishes." Stella shook her head.
"I'll do the laundry or I tell mom and dad that last week when you said you had to stay late at the Tina's house to work on your history project you were really up at Lookout Cliff with Ryan Miller, letting him get to second base." Conner crossed his arms over his chest.
"Fine." Stella said. "You do the laundry, I'll do the dishes and mom and dad don't have to know anything about anyone."
"Fine." Conner nodded and Stella turned and walked back to her room. "Oh and just so you know, Ryan Miller's getting two black eyes when we go back to school after Winter break."
Stella paused and turned around. "Why two?"
"One for going to second base with my sister and one for breaking up with you because you said you weren't ready to go all the way." Conner shrugged.
"I just wrote that yesterday…you've got to stop reading my diary." Stella said but there was no anger in her voice.
"Come on, if I did that how would I know who to beat up?" Conner pointed out to her.
They heard the sound of the grandfather clock in the front hall ring in the hour, it was midnight. "Merry Christmas Conner." Stella smiled and walked into her room.
"Merry Christmas Stella." Conner said closing his door.
****************
"Do we have like the best kids or what?" Chloe turned to Oliver, they'd heard them talking when they were making their way up to the bedroom and for some reason Chloe had stopped and decided to eavesdrop.
"Who the hell is Ryan Miller?" Oliver asked annoyed. "And can I break his nose?"
"Ollie." Chloe smiled and kissed his cheek. "Let Conner take care of his sister ok?"
"Fine." Oliver huffed annoyed.
"I can't believe he pays Robbie to take out the trash." Chloe shook her head.
"He's washing my car for like…I don't know the rest of his life." Oliver nodded. "Also not getting his license until he's twenty-one."
"He got his license last month." Chloe laughed.
"Well I'm confiscating it until he turns twenty one." Oliver shook his head. "I knew he scratched my car. I'm driving him everywhere." Oliver said. "And I'm going to play my music really loud, and I'll talk to all his friends, you know he hates it when I do that."
"Honey." Chloe stopped in the doorway to their bedroom. "It's Christmas. Can we just enjoy the day and worry about all the horribly embarrassing and possibly emotionally scaring punishments we're going to inflict on our children after the New Year."
"I suppose." Oliver smiled. "It is Christmas after all."
"That's the spirit." Chloe kissed his cheek.
"Can I take the suit off now?" Oliver grabbed the beard and Chloe stopped him with a hand on her wrist.
"Leave it on, just a little while longer?" She asked grabbing the beard and using it to pull him back into the bedroom.
"Merry Christmas to me." Oliver laughed as he shut the door with his foot.
*************
Author's Note: Song for this chapter was I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus, full lyrics below. I know I got it up a little late but hope you enjoyed anyway and Merry Christmas to you and your family!
I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus
Underneath the mistletoe last night
She didn't see me creep
Down the stairs to have a peep
She thought that I was tucked up
In my bedroom, fast asleep
Then I saw Mommy tickle (tickle,tickle,Santa Claus) Santa Claus
Underneath his beard so snowy white
Oh, what a laugh it would have been
If Daddy had only seen
Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night
He saw Mommy kissing (kissing,kissing) Santa Claus
I did! I really did see Mommy kissing Santa Claus
And I'm gonna tell my Dad
(bell sound)
Then I saw Mommy tickle (tickle,tickle Santa Claus) Santa Claus
Underneath his beard so snowy white
Oh, what a laugh it would have been
If Daddy had only seen
Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night
Oh, what a laugh it would have been
If Daddy had only seen
Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night