A/N: Sorry about the formatting errors that happened in the last chapter! I think is just not friends with things I post and randomly likes to remove my punctuation and other formatting in my chapters. x_x I'll try to stop it from happening in the future if possible, but I'd like to ask you to PM me rather than leave me a review about any formatting errors that may occur, since I'd like my reviews to about more than just these sort of errors. ^^;;; Thank all of you so much for reading and please enjoy the rest of this story! XDD

Chapter 2

On the conclusion of their shifts, Kirk was determined to speak to Spock, who, unfortunately, still seemed to be avoiding him. He would take care of this one way or another. And he knew the best way to keep Spock from escaping would be to approach him in his quarters, so he did just this.

Buzzing insistently at the door, he indicated who he was when prompted, and then waited for the door to open. This part made him the most nervous since here Spock could actually choose not to let him in if he didn't want to see him and he knew that the situation didn't warrant the use of his emergency unlock code, so he just waited.

He let out a sigh of relief when the door finally slid open and he walked inside. The place was as ordered as he had ever remembered it being, their past liaisons ending here at times, but his mind was suddenly brought back to the matter at hand when Spock suddenly spoke.

"Is there something you required urgently, sir?" his voice was crisp and cool and implied he was not really willing to entertain anything but conversation about work.

Kirk then steeled his resolve to have this conversation no matter what as he replied, "No, I want to talk to you about a personal matter."

"Can it not wait? I was about to settle for a period of sleep."

Kirk now took a closer look at the other, and he was indeed no longer in his usual Starfleet uniform. He now was in some kind of black velvety looking robe. Suddenly he wondered what was under that robe…was Spock just in his underwear? In nothing at all? Kirk knew in that moment he would most like to find that out.

"No, it can't wait." Kirk took a breath before he kept talking, "I just wanted to tell you I was sorry for how I reacted to what you were telling me the last time we were alone. I didn't mean for it to come out that way."

Kirk swore he saw some hurt flash in Spock's eyes for just a moment before he said, "It is illogical and unnecessary to apologize for something you do not truly feel sorry for."

"I don't want things to change between us." Kirk said, feeling another twinge of that guilt, but he ignored it.

"Perhaps we both should have thought about this before we engaged in intercourse." Spock's voice was so even as he said this and something about it got on Kirk's nerves.

"I didn't mean to lead you on or anything, Spock." Kirk replied in slight irritation.

"What's done is done, Captain." hearing Spock using that stiff but polite tone with him in such a personal setting just served to get Kirk even more irritated, especially since it caused even more guilt about the whole situation to well up inside of him.

Kirk stepped resolutely toward Spock and said in a hard tone, "So that's it then? You just want to give it all up?"

Spock was silent for a long moment before he replied quietly, "I wish to do nothing of the sort, but it would do me no good to continue wishing for what cannot be, Jim."

Spock's voice was filled with a thinly masked pain, and suddenly he was moving without thinking, taking a firm hold in Spock's robes to pull him closer to him so that there were mere inches away from each other and he spoke in an almost command, "I want you."

The half Vulcan's eyes had widened slightly in surprise, and Kirk could easily see the desire there. This caused him to smirk slightly, and he continued to draw Spock even closer to him as his voice turned husky, "I want to push you against this wall behind me and take you."

Since they were so close, Kirk could even hear the other breathing, so he definitely didn't miss the hitch that his words caused in Spock's breath, and then the other whined back softly, "Jim…"

Kirk knew that was it for him, because whenever he heard Spock's voice like that, it drove him wild. He crashed their lips together in a messy, open mouthed kiss, and he began to walk them over to the wall behind him to carry out on his promise.

Spock kissed him back with fervor and his hands were hurriedly divesting Kirk of his uniform with quick efficiency. Kirk knew that this was one time that he especially enjoyed Spock's efficiency, so he tried to keep out of the other's way as they kissed and touched and licked and sucked…Kirk had lost his breath by the time he felt his heels bumping the wall he was backing them towards.

By this time, Kirk had pushed down Spock's robe and found that he was in his underwear. Well, that definitely wouldn't be for long. He switched their positions and pushed Spock forcefully against the wall, locking lips with him and pushing his body as hard against the other's as he could as they kissed. He pushed down his own underwear and then slowly removed Spock's, moving his lips down to the half-Vulcan's neck.

Hearing the soft moans from the other just spurred him on, positioning himself to grind against the other in a torturously slow way when they both were naked, intending to tease a bit, but he found his thrusts against the other getting more frantic and erratic when he felt the other returning his movements.

He knew he couldn't wait any longer. He raised two fingers up and ran them sensually over Spock's lips, giving him the silent cue to open his mouth and take his fingers in. The other finally did so, laving them with his tongue and coating them liberally with his saliva. Kirk loved to watch Spock do this, the concentration he always devoted to the task an enormous turn on.

Finally, and in slight reluctance, Kirk removed his fingers from the other's mouth, then urging the other to turn around and place his hands on the wall, and bend over in an attractive way in front of him. As soon as Spock was in position, Kirk began to work those moistened fingers inside of the other, pushing his body against Spock's back and groaning in the other's ear at the tight heat around his fingers.

"Please, Jim…I am ready." Spock moaned softly to him, and at this Kirk carefully removed his fingers, positioned himself at Spock's entrance, and began to push in.

He made sure that when he got as far as he could go in, he put his arms around the other, and made sure as much of their bodies were touching as they could as he allowed Spock to get used to him. He felt his own arousal throbbing in need, and he felt Spock's heart thrumming in his side.

"Hnn…Spock." Kirk breathed back to the other as he began a slow rhythm between them.

Soon enough, Spock was pushing back against Kirk's thrusts and silently begging for the other to move faster, move deeper, and to take him with more force. Kirk definitely didn't disappoint, as his movements quickly became erratic and wild due to his own need. As he felt himself getting close, Kirk knew that Spock must also be, so he reached around the other to grab a hold of the half-Vulcan's extremely stiff arousal and begin to stroke it in time with his movements.

Finally, with the sound of their flesh slapping together, their grunts and moans, their harsh breaths, and the feel of Spock's hot skin under his fingertips, Kirk was finally pushed over the edge, burying himself as deep inside the other as he could and pushing his face into the other's neck, finding the other's scent to be comforting in a strange way.

With a few additional strokes by his hand, Spock came as well with a hitch in his breath, leaning weakly against the wall for a few moments as he held up both his and Kirk's weights. When Kirk felt the other stop trembling under the effort of holding them both up, he encouraged the other to turn around so that he could embrace him.

Kirk had never made it a habit to hold or cuddle with anyone else he'd slept with, but for some reason, with Spock it always seemed important and almost essential. He felt as though it was a harmless extension of the sexual act, so there was no reason to over think the reasoning behind it. This time was no different, holding the now calm and satisfied Spock in his arms as he lightly rubbed the other's back softly.

Spock shifted slightly so that he could kiss the side of Kirk's neck softly and then he whispered a single word so quietly that it almost wasn't heard by Kirk, "T'hy'la."

Kirk stiffened unconsciously when he heard it. Though he did not know the meaning of the word, since it obviously was Vulcan, the incredibly intimate and personal way it was spoken to him gave him a clue. But the mood between them was suddenly broken by Kirk's uneasiness, and he instantly felt guilty for ruining this nice moment between them. For just a second, he could believe that things were back to the way they used to be between them, but hearing that word spoken softly against his ear proved otherwise.

Spock then also stiffened so much that it seemed as though is body was trying to apologize for letting that word slip, and quickly the other distanced himself from him. Kirk found himself immediately missing the warmth from the other, but his thoughts were pushed aside by Spock's words, "Jim, it is now most obvious to me that I cannot do this anymore. Please, respect my feelings. If you cannot return them, then this is fine, but do not make me feel as though you are toying with me for your personal gain."

"Spock, I'm not toying with you!" Kirk said, sounding irritated and apologetic all at once.

"Then, I must ask you not return to my quarters in the evening this way, with expectations such as these, again. I can be your Chief Science Officer, your First Officer, and your friend…but do not ask anything more from me." his voice was cool and firm, and left no room for argument.

Kirk hated that tone from Spock the most, since the other most often used it to talk himself out of things that could be great opportunities, at least in Kirk's opinion. Since Kirk just looked at him thoughtfully and frowned slightly, Spock decided that he must add to his reasoning as to why they should no longer have private meetings such as these.

"Jim…you make it quite difficult for me to control myself and my emotions in situations such as these, and with you unable to return my commitment, further physical couplings would just serve to give me more pain over the issue." Though Spock's face looked the same as it often did when they had conversations on the bridge, his eyes were extremely troubled, "I will be unable to forget the feelings that most unintentionally had formed for you."

The sinking feeling of guilt that was growing with every one of Spock's words had now settled uncomfortably in his stomach, and he wasn't sure if there was another time in his life he felt more like a user and an asshole. He just looked back at Spock apologetically, not sure what he could say without seeming even more like a jerk.

Spock seemed to take Kirk's silence as acquiescence to his words and so he finally added, "In this case, I also must ask for you to leave right after you dress, since you staying the night here would just add to my internal conflict."

On saying this, Spock hurried to put his underwear and his robe back on, hurriedly covering up as much of himself as possible and then waited patiently for Kirk to dress. It killed Kirk to hear Spock like this, so good at hiding the pain, but little things still gave the other away. The look in the half-Vulcan's eyes, the slight tonal changes in the other's voice…maybe it was a good thing he was leaving. He was sure that the longer he stayed with Spock now, the worse his guilt would eat him alive.

"Well…see you on the bridge, Spock." Kirk said with a soft nod, not sure how else to say goodbye in a situation like this.

"Yes, Captain. Good night." He said, opening the door to the hall when Kirk was descent.

"Good night." Kirk gave him one last look before making his way to his own quarters, just a short walk down the hall.

That night though, it felt like an awfully cold and long walk indeed.

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