Chapter 5

Kirk stepped out of his quarters a bit early, hoping that would allow him to avoid both Spock and the Romulan Commander on the way to the bridge, but he happened to catch both of the people he wanted to avoid the most. He made sure to stay out of their sight but he couldn't help but watch Spock closely.

He noticed the other was walking very stiffly next to the Commander, and he didn't know why, but he was certain that something had happened between that woman and Spock, and the idea sent a stab of hot jealousy straight to his gut. He decided that he should say nothing to Spock about this though, especially with all that he'd already put the other though.

He just had to grudgingly bear it until they dropped her off at the next Star Base, which thankfully would be arrived at within the week. He was counting the days off until then, and only then would he devote any more time thinking about what he should do to improve his relationship with Spock again. He figured the other needed some space, and he had to be willing to give him that, even if it bugged him like this.

When he was sure Spock had made it back to his quarters, only then Kirk continued down the hall to the lift that would take him to the bridge.

* * *

In some weeks, when the Romulan Commander had been moved off the ship and was set to await trial on Star Base ten, and the Enterprise Crew was slowly trying to return to normal operations, and this included Doctor McCoy getting people in for their required physicals. He considered it a personal triumph that he succeeded in getting Spock into his physical without too much badgering, so he'd figured that it was a good omen.

Boy, had that been wrong. Sure, the Vulcan was perfectly within range for vision, hearing, height, weight, strength, endurance, flexibility, and every other test... except for the one test he'd never thought he'd have to hound Spock over: blood pressure. He came back over after compiling all of the results.

"Spock," he said. "You exercise, you eat well, and your blood tests are clean. Now, I have a question for you: Why is your blood pressure higher than normal or healthy?"

"I do not believe I have been experiencing any additional stress outside of what my duties require, Doctor." Spock said, and McCoy could easily see him trying to sidestep the question, always wanting to keep his personal business close to the vest.

McCoy would have none of that, especially when his particularly stubborn patient's health was in the balance, "Not what I asked, Spock. I'll be damned for giving you this compliment, but you're the only guy on this ship outside of Medical that actually knows what's going on with his body. You have high blood pressure - I can attest that your diet and exercise are well within what's good for you and your blood is clean. So, I'll ask you again. Why the high blood pressure? Are you and Jim having some sort of spat?"

"Excuse me, Doctor?" Spock said, obviously not expecting the sudden question, his body stiffening and his voice getting aloof, which betrayed his true feelings of discomfort with this line of questioning.

"You and Jim used to get together - in more ways than one, I'd imagine - on a fairly regular basis, Spock. Now you avoid one another like the damned plague." McCoy said sarcastically, with an impatient eyebrow raised.

The tips of Spock's ears went green at McCoy's insinuation, but he didn't deny anything.

"What has happened...is strictly a personal problem between us. We have not let it interfere with our work." Spock said, still being stubborn to explain.

McCoy could tell that this conversation was about to turn as fun as a barrel of monkeys at the tone of Spock's voice and the almost expression he had on his face. The Doctor knew Spock had a hard time opening up to anyone but Kirk, and he saw that now since the Vulcan didn't have Jim around him so much anymore, he'd walled himself in even more thickly.

"But it's affecting your health, Spock," McCoy said.

He paused for a moment as he suddenly decided that he had to speak with Spock privately about this. He knew that high blood pressure was never good for any species, so he would have to get through that thick Vulcan skull about this or die trying, "Chapel, get Donaldson in and do his physical for me," he called, then motioned for Spock to step into his office.

Spock thankfully didn't argue with him, and when the office door closed them off from the rest of the ship, he still spoke stubbornly, "I do not know what to tell you since what happened is extremely personal in nature."

"I'm Jim's friend, Spock, and, more importantly, I'm his doctor. I know he can be an asshole at times. If you're having trouble with him, I'm willing to help. I'm going to venture a guess that this has something to do with that asshole part."

McCoy was sure he was starting to make some progress when Spock broke eye contact with him and down at the floor for a long moment. The doctor could see him struggling with trying to keep his personal problems private and wanting to share at the same time, so he stayed silent to see which side would win out. If Spock tried arguing with him some more, he would just declare him unfit for duty until he did tell. McCoy smiled internally and decided that in some cases, it was great to be a doctor.

"Jim and I...have had occasional relations, and I obviously misunderstood his wants and needs." Spock said with hesitation, but his eyes looked just a little sad as he let his shields down a bit.

McCoy's mouth almost dropped open in shock, and he gulped. Oh, boy. He never thought he'd be having this kind of conversation with Spock, of all people.

"What happened?" he asked gently.

From the look on Spock's face, he was sure that whatever had happened wasn't good, and after his wife had left him... Well, he knew something about getting turned out.

"I..." Spock's voice got a little more reluctant, his eyes showing his pain just a bit more, "I expressed my desire to deepen the relationship, but Jim...he informed me that no desire for anything more than we had up to that point. It was foolish of me to expect any other conclusion, given his past record in such matters."

"Oh, wow," the doctor said, running a hand through his hair, "That about tops the list."

When Spock gave him a curious look, McCoy let out an irritated sigh at Kirk and said bluntly, "Jim's being an ass, Spock. And not only that, believe it or not, he's being an idiot."

Spock seemed to consider the doctor's words carefully, but he had a tone of resignation when he spoke again, "Whether he is being an 'idiot' or not, it is useless for me to pursue something that is unwanted by him, no matter how much I…wish otherwise."

McCoy paused for a moment as so me pieces fell into place. "That's what was going on with the Romulan Commander, wasn't it?" he asked, softly.

Spock now didn't dare look at the Doctor as he continued speaking in a very quiet tone, "She gave me the attention I craved, but she wasn't who I wanted. Not my t'hy'la."

"Hey," Bones said as gently as he could manage. It'd taken him a lot of time to really understand Spock, but now he felt like he was getting there, and he knew that though they had their continual differences, he had no choice but to admit that he considered the other a good friend.

"There's no shame in trying to take your mind off of it, Spock," he assured the Vulcan after another moment of silence, "Look... I can't tell you how to approach this, because I'm not you, but you need to find some way to come to terms with this. If there's anything at all I can do to help you with that, just say the word and I'll do it."

Bones looked at Spock seriously. He could easily tell how he would be dealing with this problem himself - he'd apply for a transfer and get away from Jim as soon as he could - but he wasn't about to tell Spock how to live his life.

"You can do nothing. I can only work to forget." the doctor could tell that Spock was trying to keep himself together in this situation, but he wasn't so sure the Vulcan was managing it all that well.

"My door's always open if you need someone to talk to. And if you want me to work Jim extra hard on his physical..." he said, only halfway teasing. Though the Vulcan had the propensity to be an unemotional bastard most of the time, even he didn't deserve this. McCoy was sure it would take him a lot of self-control to avoid just smacking the Captain upside the head for this one.

"Thank you." Spock replied, and it sounded as though he really meant it, "And please do not harass the Captain. It would do neither of us much good if he is forced into something he does not want."

"Alright. If you're sure you don't want me to, I won't," he agreed, albeit almost reluctantly. He placed a friendly hand on Spock's shoulder and added, "Though... I will say this. If Fate owes anyone a favor, it's gotta be you. Things will work out, somehow."

Spock nodded, a thankful look coming to his eyes. As Spock stepped out of the office, McCoy hoped that this situation would be resolved without the First Officer losing yet another important person in his life.

* * *

Kirk tried to take his mind off of the fact that he and Spock were no longer speaking outside of interactions on the bridge, and it was eating him alive. He didn't know what he wanted, but he certainly didn't want any of this. He didn't want Spock hurting or wanting more than he could give...didn't want to see that pain in his eyes when the other forgot to guard himself and his emotions closely, and really, he could only forget the pain he'd caused the other with a drink…which seemed to be his last resorted to coping mechanism.

So he naturally got himself in touch with the ship's best unofficial bartender, and best friend, Bones. He missed evenings with the other, since official ship business seemed to get in the way of that ritual of theirs more than he liked. He was glad now that he and the other were seated in his quarters having some nice, and probably illegal, alcohol that the other brought with him.

They just drank silently for a few minutes, when Bones finally spoke, "God, Jim, you're such an asshole," he said, simply.

Kirk decided to take this as a joke and so he tilted his head curiously at the other, and with an eyebrow raised he said in a playful yet curious tone, "Yes...and?"

When Bones said nothing and just crossed his arms, he knew that the other was actually being serious, so then the tiny smirk melted off his face and he said, "What is it?"

"...I shouldn't be telling you this," Bones began. "But when I did Spock's physical... Well, he's been stressed out lately."

"What do you mean?" Kirk was now concerned.

He knew Bones usually had a reason to get on his case about his health and his diet, but Spock? He was too proper and conscientious to not be of the best health possible. It had to be serious if Bones wanted to talk to him about it like this.

"Jim, you know Spock, even better than I do. The man eats well, exercises more than regularly, and his blood tests were completely clean, as usual. Stress is the only real option left, and...Well, Jim , he told me about what happened between you guys - after some badgering."

Kirk suddenly got a rush of guilt in the pit of his stomach and his face reddened slightly when he heard this, "He did?"

"Yeah. Jim, he's really torn up over it. I don't know, you two need to figure out some way to deal with this. That Romulan Commander was a brief distraction for him, but you guys need a permanent solution."

Kirk couldn't help the jealousy that boiled up in him when the Romulan Commander was mentioned. He didn't want that woman coming anywhere near Spock. But then the guilt was right back again, because it was his fault that Spock was caused all of this anguish that was causing him to look for distraction in other people and for his health to be worsened.

"I...I don't know what to tell you, Bones. I don't do relationships." Kirk finally said, giving McCoy a helpless look.

"Look, Jim, I know you. You want to keep Spock around, at least as a friend, don't you?" Bones asked.

"Of course I want that, Bones, but Spock has made it clear that he needs more. He needs something more than I think I can give him." Kirk said, shaking his head, feeling even more guilt.

Why did he feel this much guilt over the situation if everything really was out of his power anyway?

"Then you need to talk with him like an adult, or you're going to lose him completely. Jim, I thought my problems with Karen were out of my power, but... God, I wish I'd just talked to her. And you will, too."

Kirk couldn't help but look at his friend sympathetically, never hearing Bones talk about his ex-wife in a non-sarcastic manner. He never knew that Bones might have really wanted to stay with her if he had the chance, and to know this about his friend really let him see another side of him.

He didn't want to end up feeling like this over Spock...even if he wasn't sure right now that he wanted to take the plunge with the half-Vulcan. Spock was one of his closest friends, and that was something he was sure he couldn't lose, if his misery over the last few weeks had told him anything.

Bones looked at Kirk. "Jim... I don't want you to spend the rest of your life regretting this, so... Think, carefully, before you go talk to Spock."

Kirk was quiet for a long moment before he nodded. Bones was right, he did have to talk to Spock again, and seriously this time. This all wasn't worth losing his friend over. And maybe...just maybe, he could stand to have more. He just had to be willing to make the next step.

Bones just watched Kirk thinking for a minute as he finished his drink and he said, "Good luck, Jim..."

* * *