I was going to change this A/N but then I read my Beta Ryn's note and decided to leave it, as well as her remark's.

Thanks again Rhy, don't let the crazies get you down sista!

Sooooooooo, this story has been my first ever attempt at writing and admittedly I am working out some of my own shit via Bella where it is a little safer!

I will be going back and fine-tuning some of the first chapters as I go along because there are areas where quite honestly they suck because I am super duper new to this. Also, even though I lived in Seattle for quite a while, some times I find myself deleting a lot of Bella text because I have lived in So CA for most of my life and I talk/write like I am from So CA, yes I do say "Dude, sweet and fuck" quite a lot so be patient with me peeps!

Now, on with the show!!!! [I know you're changing the AN, obviously, but I just had to say…"Fuck, this AN is so totally sweet! I understand what you mean, dude!" LOL] 


Chapter 4

Protect me Tinkerbell!

I jumped out of bed, changed my underwear, and ran the soiled ones down to the laundry. Then I went to my bathroom and splashed ice cold water on my face, purposefully avoiding my reflection in the mirror. It was time to face the music, so I walked back to my room. I stopped outside my door and had the oddest urge knock, which I barely managed to resist. I put my hand on the doorknob and twisted, but did not open the door. I could feel it coming, pain, lots and lots of pain. It would drown me. Every second I could delay was precious, but I could only delay for so long, and with that I repeated my pep talk silently to myself once more. This is not going to be as bad as you think it is going to be, stop being such a wimp. But this time I knew I was lying to myself. I pushed the door open, stepped in, and waited for the storm to begin.

She stood just inside my window waiting patiently, studying my face.

"Bella."

Oh my god her voice was the most delicious thing I had ever heard. I closed my eyes and hoped she would speak again.

"Ok, I will talk, you listen. Bella, I don't know what to say. I can't tell you how much I have missed you. . ." Then something unexpected happened, her voice wavered, her cool exterior cracked. "Bella, if you want me to leave and never come back, it would break my still heart. But if that's what you need, just tell me. I will do anything for you, anything you need," her voice distorted over the last 3 words, making them rough, even in her light, bell like voice.

I opened my eyes and finally met her gaze. I saw regret, sorrow, and hope there. I felt the carefully constructed shell, which had protected me all of these months, falling away. I had to clear my throat 3 times and still I was mouthing the words more than whispering them.

"Alice, you are my best friend. You're my sister. I love you Tinkerbell. I need you!" I felt my knees trembling, and in the fraction of a second it took me to blink, I was in her cold hard arms. It felt like home to me.

"Tell me what you need, Bella. I will do anything!" Alice's whisper was fierce and reverent. I tried to catch my breath as she pulled me down to the bed where we sat together. She slipped her arms around me, comforting me.

"Why are you here?" I asked pulling away wanting to look into her eyes as she answered.

"We are here for you, Bella. Edward is here for you. There are many things the two of you need to say to each other, but we all miss you so much. The biggest mistake we ever made was leaving my sister, Carlisle and Esme's daughter, and Edward's mate behind. For as long as I exist there will never be anything I regret more!"

I breathed in a deep ragged breath before asking, "He's here for me?" She hesitated, a sad smile tugging at her lips before answering.

"Yes Bella, he is here for you, because of you. I think he needs to be the one to explain himself, but Bella, my brother is in agony. I hope you will be able to find it in yourself to listen, and maybe even forgive him. He loves you more than anything, more than anyone, more than his own existence." And that was all it took, I felt the snap in my mind,

"Alice, you need to do something for me." I said as I began rocking myself trying to stave off the avalanche of emotions.

"Bella, oh my god, Bella, calm down. What's wrong? What can I do?" Alice asked sounding panicked.

I heard a peculiar sound, but I could not place it. It was fading away, sounding muffled and further away. Then I heard myself speak and I knew the sound was coming from me. It was the sound of my mind breaking, finally collapsing under the weight of the emotions which were changing and coursing through me so quickly I could not identify them, but each one was more agonizing than the previous, a brilliant, beautiful orchestra of agony and I felt the blackness coming over me.

"Alice," I whispered, "Keep him away from me. Protect me Tinkerbell," and then I let the darkness envelope me.