Chapter 7
Boundaries
Edward sat fidgeting fidgeting in anticipation of what I was going to say and I needed a moment to organize my thoughts. In the back of my mind I knew the entire family was downstairs and heard everything that transpired and would hear everything I was about to say. I wished they would have given us privacy but at the same time I was glad they would hear what I was about to say. It was about time the Cullen's got to know Bella Swan!
I took a deep breath bit down hard on my lip to summon my courage and looked deep into his mesmerizing eyes and began. "Edward, I know you love me, I know you would de anything for me, I believe everything you said but what I can't forgive is your utter lack of respect for me!" He opened his mouth to speak and I clamped my hand over his mouth and kept going. "I know your going to deny it, defend yourself and come up with a thousand reasons why you respect me but having reasons to respect someone is not the same as ACTUALLY respecting them!" I let my hand drop but warned him with my eyes to keep quiet.
"The thing is, I can't completely blame you, and it was mostly my fault! I look back and realize now that giving your self to someone completely and giving up control is not the same thing. I misunderstood what trust means; I thought that trusting you to love and protect me meant doing things your way because you know best! I know now that I created a situation where you felt it unnecessary to talk to me about what you were thinking and feeling, about what you planned to do because I did not demand it and so my thoughts meant nothing to you!" His face was frozen in shock and I think wonder so I kept going, "I'm not the same Bella Swan anymore Edward and if you want to be with me your going to have to get to know me and than we can decide if there is a future for Edward and Bella!"
I turned and walked towards the door and turned to him one last time and said, "I need a little space to think things through Edward, please respect that!" He turned to me and whispered "I will" and I walked out the door and down the stairs feeling my chest ripping open, I wrapped my arms around me once again trying to keep it together, the family waited at the foot of the stairs each one looking at me in a new way, like it was the first time they were seeing my and they liked what they were seeing. I stopped in front of the most beautiful Cullen, "Rosalie, would you please take me home?" Her jaw dropped and I had to smile at the very "un-Rosalie" like reaction, "Alice, you mean Alice right Bella?" "I took a deep breath and sighed, no Rosalie, I mean you!" She looked around at her family with a look that could only be described as panic, "Of course Bella lets go!"
Rosalie and I walked out to the driveway together and we both started to the passenger side of my truck, she looked a little nervous as she turned and headed to the driver side. Once we were in and started down the drive she turned to me "Bella?" "I could barely manage a whisper, "Not yet Rosalie, please!"
We arrived at Charlie's in minutes never saying another word, she followed me upstairs and I opened the door to my bedroom for her and I continued to the bathroom. I took a long time in the shower letting the hot water work out the kinks and tension in my back and shoulders, I thought about my mom and dad, school, homework, anything but Edward and his family, I needed short mental break from the Cullen's. I chuckled humorlessly as the water ran cool and than turned cold, break over!
When I returned to my room Rosalie was still there sitting at the foot of the bed. "You know Bella it would only take us about a day to build on to your house for you! We could add another floor with a master suite on each and actual closets instead of whatever it is you call that!" her hand waived absently towards my closet. "Of course we would also take the opportunity to build you your own bathroom because woman should not be made to share bathroom's with their father's!" she made a tsk sound with her tongue in disapproval. I got into my bed sitting against the headboard, "Thanks Rosalie but we manage ok!" She turned to me and moved further up on the bed sitting Indian style "Ok, well than why don't you tell me what this is all about than since I am all out of small talk!"
I studied this incredibly beautiful being in front of me, she was watching me closely, curiously and of course with a bit of irritation. I took a deep breath and began, "Rosalie, I owe you an apology!" I knew it was coming and she did not disappoint, her eyes popped wide open and her jaw dropped, after a moment she shook her head as if to erase the surprise and than said simply, "Continue please!"
"Well," I measured my words carefully, "I really love your family with all my heart but right now I am having a lot of trust issues with them! I feel betrayed, angry no enraged and I have no one to confide in about how I feel because of secrets that are not mine to tell! I know that you don't like me, and to be honest I have always avoided you whenever possible but you never said anything to me you didn't mean, you never acted towards me in anyway that lead me to believe something that was not true, you were the only one who did not abandon me, betray me, break me. . . . ." Rosalie took a deep breath and stared down at the comforter, "Rosalie, I am sorry that I have not always thought the best of you, I hope that you can forgive me for that and even though I know you may never like me I want you to know that not only do I like you, I love you and I will wait as long as it takes for you to come around even if that is never!"
Rosalie finally looked up at me and to my surprise her face had softened, "Why are you saying this to me now?" she asked softly. I took a ragged breath, "I am falling apart Rosalie, every moment that passes I get closer and closer to the breaking point and I need someone to be here for me, someone who understands why I am breaking, someone I trust, right now you are the only one!"
Rosalie reached out and wiped something from my cheek and I realized that I had started crying; I knew I was getting closer. "Bella, I love my brother dearly and I know you do as well so of course I will be here for you, I will help you in whatever way I can but I want you to know something first." She paused thoughtfully for a moment, "I will not begin lying to you now so I am not going to deny that I have not liked you but I heard everything you said to Edward today and I want you to know that I respect you! What you said to him took a lot of courage, I don't know if I could ever forgive anyone the way you Edward and with kindness at that!!! You showed us all a side of you today that we had never seen before and I really liked it! It is about time someone put my brooding, arrogant brother in his place!" She softened the last words with a smile.
"I hurt him today didn't I?" Rosalie's eyes flashed with anger, uh oh! "Bella, take care of you right now, Edward will survive now that he knows you forgive him, now that he has hope. So lets deal with you now ok!" With that I turned the light off and lay on my side, after a few minutes all of the unshed tears and pain that I had repressed for all those months made their way to the surface and I sobbed uncontrollably drenching my pillowcase in seconds. I felt Rosalie lie down behind me she put an arm around my waist and with her other hand smoothed my hair but never said a word. I don't know how long I cried but I knew that it was hours, my head was pounding, my eyes were raw, and my mouth and throat dry but finally, I fell asleep from exhaustion.
When I awoke Rosalie was still holding me, I rolled onto my back and looked at her, she was watching my cautiously. "Charlie?" "He got home hours ago and checked on you, he ordered pizza and went to bed a little while ago," I nodded numbly looking at the clock, it read 10 P.M. "What day is it?" "It's still Saturday Bella."
I got out of bed stretching my stiff limbs as Rosalie sat up. "Bella I thought you and Alice were ok?" "Well," I started, "I have forgiven Alice and I love her like a sister but it will take some time to get us where we need to be and I needed someone that I have a different level of trust with, I hope you are ok with this Rosalie, I would never want to make you uncomfortable!" Rosalie smiled shyly, "Don't worry about me Bella, I am fine and it has been nice getting to see you for who you really are. You need to start making things right with Alice though!" I considered her words for a bit and thought aloud "How do I start?"
Rosalie laughed, "Now your getting out of my depth but I have an idea, how about a slumber party, you know how much she loves that kind of stuff, you could even let her give you a make over!" I rolled my eyes but I knew she was right, "When?" Rosalie smirked at me, "Now!"
"Rosalie, what about Charlie! I have not even told him you guys are back!" "Come on Bella, your father is the chief of freakin police do you honestly think he does not know that the CULLEN's are back in town? Just leave him a note that your spending the night at Alice's and lets go!" I thought about it a moment and knew that not only did I need to spend time with Alice, I need to laugh and Alice was a certain pathway to laughter, "OK should we call her?" Rosalie rolled her eyes, "Bella just decide if you want to take your truck of if she should pick you up for the slumber party ok?" "Oh right I laughed, I am deciding that Alice should pick us up so that my truck does not wake Charlie and she should do it in 10 minutes so that I have time to get a bag together!" Rosalie laughed and rolled her eyes, "Whatever Bella!"
*******
A conversation with Edward
D sits in bed leaning against a thousand pillows attempting to pound this story out, Edward enters looking of course sullen and slightly angry.
D: Hello Edward.
E: Good evening D, I was hoping to have a word with you please?
D: Of course Edward please sit.
Edward looks around confused.
D: On the bed Edward, sit on my bed!
E: That is hardly appropriate!
D: Just sit down, I promise you will leave this room virginity in tack ok!
E: Sits at the very foot of the bed looking VERY uncomfortable "So Bella forgave me!"
D: Yeah that's great, I thought you would be happy about that!
E: Well yes, it pleases me but I am a little confused as well.
D: That does not surprise me in the least, as emo as you seem to be you are still a man so tell me what exactly is it that is confusing you?
E: Well, why wasn't I able to hug her, kiss her, you know have the reunited after months and months apart living in agony scene?
D: Wow you are more clueless than I suspected, maybe you should read the chapter in full instead of just the parts your in for some basic fucking understanding of the situation Edward!
E: You have a filthy mouth for a lady D!
D: Yeah, don't I know it, the next story I write your going to be a bad boy with a filthy mouth and super horny!!!
E: As disgusted as I am I admit I also find it fascinating!
D: You will find it even more fascinating when your finally hard as a titanium rod and yes I will do you the favor of giving you a mammoth package! Well, I guess that would be a favor for Bella as well!
E: I hope you don't kiss your husband with that mouth!
D: Only when he's lucky Edward, only when he's lucky!!!
E: So are Bella and I going to reunite soon or not!
D: Yes ok, get a grip!
More conversations with Edward and Bella to come!