While busy with a new story - a even longer one again this time, with new original characters - I'm pleased to post a new chapt of Home for Xmas. I hope all of you who got back to work had a smooth transition from Season's Holidays and those at home are enjoying it too. I wish you all well and I thank you for any comment you'd like to make on this story... or on any other... You know I'm addicted to reviews ;-). My New Year's wishes have not changed one bit: be happy with everything I'm granted in life and write more fics with careful dedication. Take care, Lyxie.

Chapter 8

I have been feeling a bit weird for the last few days. Each time a nurse or a female care assistant enters my room, I find myself looking at them in a way I thought was lost to me for ever. I don't think I'll ever be able to be a "man", a real one, and to make love the way I used to, but my heart seems to have found the way back towards desire anyhow. I surprised myself thinking about Alex many times during the day and longing for her next visit.

She triggered something deep inside of my broken body, something I thought had died a long time ago. And I'm afraid I'll lose it again if I don't take it all the way. But still, I can't think of how to take the next step.

The good Dr Miracle told me that as long as I felt no pain, I could do more exercises to reinforce the muscles in my arms and back, provided I go gentle on the efforts. Okay, did he mean I could also... ?

That's stupid, Starsky, think of it? How could you get sore muscles while not even trying to do what you will never be able to do? I'm not even making sense here!

I did not want to admit it, but against my better judgment, I think I might be falling in love with that wonderful brunette. Is that what they call the "Stockholm syndrome"? Oh no, that one is when you're abducted and you fall in love with one of your kidnappers. Okay, I've been abducted by a nasty turn of events, and I'm falling in love with someone who had absolutely nothing to do with it in the first place. Whatever! I'm tired of exerting all my energy thinking about the Do's and Don'ts.

She may have done more than she expected. She has opened my eyes to my new reality and guided me back to my primary nature. For I have always loved life and everything that goes with it.

So, even from my wheelchair, if I find the way to please a woman like her, I can achieve anything, right? Right!

I can go back to Hutch and help him out of whatever he has got into. I can take care of myself and build a new life. I have absolutely no clue whatsoever, about the area I could be useful in, but I'll think of something.

One way or another, I'll be back home soon.

*

°.°.°.°.°.°.°.

*

It has now been almost seven months... or is it eight?... I've lost track since I left Bay City.

I miss my home, my friend, my life.

I can't concentrate on anything but the day I'll be traveling back from coast to coast and it scares the hell out of me. Because nothing will be the same. I won't get my life as a cop back. But the most scary thought is that I won't find Hutch as he was.

Dobey hesitated about telling me what was going on and Anna reluctantly confessed he has been hooked on drugs for a while now. I guess the shooting has broken more than a few bones. I know damn well how fragile my Hutch is and having to let me go without any possibility to watch over me, must have left him in a state of loss and guilt. I know the guy. And with all the guilt I have been carrying myself for leaving him behind, we could have sunk the Titanic a second time!

I never thought he would be back on the dope, after Monk shot him with heroin and he got out of it. The only difference is I was there for him and I would not let go. He had been so fragile and lost during the following weeks. I had been very careful not to let him think too long or get depressed. I would systematically try to get him to concentrate on real things, to focus his thoughts on positive details. This time, he is so alone. This time, he gave up. Please Hutch, stop this! And answer my calls, Buddy.

...

°.°.°.°.°.°.°.

...

Alex has been trying to lure me into some relaxing evenings, cooking delightful meals I would hardly touch. I am now waiting with some apprehension, for the moment she will walk through my door and smile because I don't know how to thank her for all the efforts she has deployed to make me feel better.

It is now 6 p.m. and she will surely come soon. What if I pretend to be too tired to go to her place? What if I take some more sleeping pills so I don't even have to fake it? I don't wanna hurt her feelings but I can't go on like this anymore. I need...

I don't even know what I need. What a mess I'm making! I am torn between the wish to hear her voice and the wish to be left alone, in my dark and dismal mood.

There she comes... too late for the sleeping pills!

"Hello David. Ready to go?"

"Huh, Alex, I thought that maybe... we could skip the evening this time."

"No way, Mister Starsky. I've planned to cook something very special tonight and there is no way you're gonna escape this."

"Alex..."

"Yes?" she answers with a big innocent smile, waiting for me to find a suitable excuse, but I can't find one.

I give up. I'll go. And I will try to enjoy the evening the best I can.

°.°.°.°.°.°.°.

Alex is always patiently waiting for me to get out of the car by myself and get comfortable in the chair before she turns away and unlocks the door of her house.

When we enter, I can see she has rearranged the furniture again, to make it easier for me to move around with the new chair I got two days ago. This one is lighter and easier to manoeuver. My arms are also getting stronger and I roll around with a lot of ease now. I even got a reprimand from the nurse-in-chief for trying to organize a competition with fellow chair-users. Racing like hell as if I was driving the Torino again. Seems I'm incurable.

The only reason I decided to listen to their advice to be more cautious is that, if I fall, I can badly hurt myself and I would have to stay even longer at the Center. Okay, I got the message. Roger that!

Alex has already set the table and begins to light up some candles.

"What's the occasion?" I ask.

"Huh?"

"The candles?... It's not my birthday."

"Nothing special... I just like candlelight suppers."

"Supper? I thought we were having dinner?"

"We'll eat later than usual?"

"What about getting me back to the Center before curfew?"

"No curfew tonight. You have been given a special permission this time."

"I don't understand."

"You will spend the night here."

I look at her, totally astonished.

"What??"

"You'll be sleeping here. I thought, now that you don't need as much medical care, you could have a real break from the Center. Don't you like the idea?"

"Well, huh..." I did not like the idea of being forced into something without prior consultation.

"They have explained fully to me what has to be done and you can do the rest by yourself, right?"

"I guess so."

Okay, let's try to be positive about all this.

Gee, I'm really starting to panic now. How am I gonna take a shower, and empty the sack and ... Oh man, I wanna go back the Center, where I feel safe. I know how to do it all, I've been able to take care of my bodily functions all alone for a while but not with someone else around other than a nurse, occasionally.

"C'mon, I'll show you the bathroom, I guess you'll need time to organize your shower program, while I prepare our dinner."

"Huh... yeah, I guess... But..."

"I took the liberty of asking the staff to prepare a little bag of clothes and everything you may need, and one of your favorite books."

"Traitor!" I mumbled to myself, but not aggressively though.

"Who?"

"Sally. But I guess she only wanted to help."

"So, what do you say you go for a shower and I prepare dinner?"

"I... yeah. Okay. Could you show me the bathroom?"

She accompanies me and shows me how practical the room is. The door opens wide and there is a large shelf to sit on in the shower cabinet, easily accessible for someone in a wheelchair, with handles in all the right places. Gee, don't tell me she reorganized this whole place for me!

Again, she seems to read my mind.

"My Mom used to live with me before she died and she was the tenacious type. She never allowed me to help. I rearranged the house so she could take care of herself. I can assure you, it has been tested and validated, it's solid enough for you. Try it on. There are towels here and shower gel in the shower cabinet. Just be careful when handling the taps, the water gets hot very quickly."

"I think I can manage." I reply, feeling more confident.

"I know, but try the water temperature on your arms, right? Otherwise..."

"...I could get burned. I know, they taught me all about this at the Center."

"Okay, then. If you need anything, just yell, right?"

"Sure." I look at everything and mentally program the whole sequence of movements I will have to carry out. Before Alex leaves the room, I turn my head and say "Thanks, Alex."

"You're welcome. Take your time. It may take me a while in the kitchen anyway."

I am left alone in the bathroom. I try to exhort myself, like I am at the same time a rookie and a drilling sergeant.

OK, Starsky, c'mon soldier, now we get down to business.

°.°.°.°.°.°.°.

/tbc/