I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.

I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;

so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,

so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,

so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

Sonnet XVII

Pablo Neruda

Chapter 8

No Pride

I sat in the back seat of Emmet's Jeep as Alice drove Rosalie and I back to the Cullen's house, Alice was excited to get my "call" and right on time outside Charlie's house in 10 minutes. "So Bella, what do you want to do tonight?" Alice chirped? I rolled my eyes at her in the rearview mirror, "Why don't you just tell me what you see us doing Alice and get it over with already!" "Excellent, it is so much easier that way! We are going to watch chick flicks, your getting a pedicure and were going to have pizza and I spread out sleeping bags in the living room so we can stay up really late talking until we are totally exhausted!" That was it, I lost it first a chuckle, than a giggle, than tears were running down my face and I was laughing so hard I was bent at the waist and no sound was coming out! "Bella, what is so funny" Rosalie asked laughing with me. "What's so funny, are you kidding me what's so funny well first, you guys don't eat oh wait and also, you don't sleep!!!" Alice giggled, "Details Bella, details!!!"

Alice made good on her threat, we watched chick flicks, ate pizza, I got a pedicure and we talked and talked and talked catching up on everything that had happened since they were gone, and even though Rosalie never really seemed totally at ease I knew things would only get better between us. At some point I started falling asleep but of course that only lasted about 10 minutes before I had to get a drink of water we had talked so much my throat was scratchy!

As I started getting out of my sleeping bag I saw that the girls were gone, I laughed knowing they would be back in their sleeping bags before it was time for me to wake up in the morning. As I finished my hands I found my curiosity getting the better of me and I walked up the stairs to the third floor. I asked Edward for space and he had stayed away all night respecting my request. I walked quietly to his door and paused unsure of what the right thing to do was but than decided to grow some and knocked softly, I heard a soft laugh, "Come in."

I opened the door and stopped right inside the door unable to look up at him. "Hello, how was the slumber party?" I looked up and I thought my eyes would pop out of my head; he was lying on the couch in his room wearing low-slung jeans and no shirt. "Umm, what?" He chuckled and I stared at the carpet, "Oh right the slumber party, it was really fun! I mean, yeah, fun!" I really needed to learn to shut my mouth, and articulate, or just not act like a complete moron! "I'm glad you are having fun, Alice was over the moon when you decided to come by!" I continued to stare at the carpet because I am a coward and asked "Was Alice the only one who was excited that I decided to come back?" I heard him breath in sharply but still the coward I did not look up, "If my heart was still beating it would surely have stopped I was so happy to know you would be so close even though I did not expect to see you."

I finally looked up and met his gaze, his face was so soft and open, it gave me confidence and I walked over to him stopping so close my leg touched his. I lifted my hand and touched my finger tip to his forehead and he closed his eyes, I let my finger slide slowly down the length of his face pausing at his lips which parted slightly under my touch and than I continued letting it trail down his chest feeling him shiver under my touch. When I got to the middle of his chest I stopped but let my hand linger there. "I know that you owe me nothing but I was hoping you might do me a favor?" I returned my gaze to his face, his eyes were open again dark and hypnotic and I knew that whatever he asked I would do it if he would just continue to look at me like that, "What is it Edward?" He closed his eyes briefly and when he opened them they looked slightly pained, "I would like for you to please permit me to call you by your name again, if that's ok?" I smiled remembering my anger and demanding he never say my name again, I put my knee on the couch between his thighs and softly placed my lips against his letting them move slowly I could feel my knees getting shaky but I would not allow anything to make me pull away and end this most amazing dream that I was having while wide awake. I pressed my tongue gently to his lower lip and whispered into his mouth "Say my name Edward," he gasped and his voice was deep and breathy, "Bella, oh god Bella, Bella Bella!!!"

Hearing his voice so uncontrolled made my body respond, warmth spreading through my stomach and lower making me instantly wet, he took another deep breath and a strangled moan escaped his lips, I knew he could smell me his response made me feel embarrassed and sexy at the same time but like a recurring nightmare I felt him pulling away. I shoved my hands into his hair and pulled him to me, fluttering small kisses along his jaw to his ear and whispered "Not this time Edward, your either mine or your not, am I yours?" Edward groaned in response "Bella, please you know that I am yours, and I want nothing more in the world than for you to be mine Bella, my Bella." I brought my knee up placing it on the outside of his thigh and shifted my weight moving my other knee to the outside of his other thigh so I was straddling him, noticing that he was still holding on to his self control much to my frustration. I kissed him deeply letting my soft warm lips move over his which were hard and cold as my hands moved over his bare chest shoulders and decided if progress was going to be made here it would be up to me so I shifted my weight until I got to just the right spot and smiled against his lips and I ground my hips down against him and the friction was exquisite, I shuddered in pleasure as I finally felt Edwards resolve slipping, "Bella, you have to stop!" I slowly rolled my hips grinding against him again, "No I don't have to stop Edward, remember, your mine!" "Bella," Edward panted, panted, Jasper, he can feel everything!" I let my voice rise just a little and said, "Jasper is a grown up, if he doesn't like it, he can go for a walk or take a cold shower!" "Bella, everyone can hear us!" I finally stopped glaring at him with frustration, "They are grown adults in relationships Edward, they listen to each other being grown adults in relationships all the time so man up already and lets get on with it!" If I was not so irritated I would have laughed at his expression that was a combination of surprise and shock but than my words began to sink in and yeah, he was pissed!

"Did you just tell me to MAN UP?" uh oh, note to self, don't question Edwards's masculinity but I couldn't back down now. "I'm sorry are your supersonic vampire ears in need of a tune up?" I leaned in close to his ear and whispered "Let me clarify Edward, man the fuck up and let's get on with it already!"

The next thing I knew I was airborn, I landed on his king size bed against a mountain of pillows but he was not above me like I expected. My eyes darted around the room finding him standing in front of his couch his eyes raking over me, I suddenly felt like my pajamas which consisted of a tank top and very short shorts where not covering nearly enough. He devoured my skin with his eyes and I had to look down to see if the material had disintegrated under the heat of his gaze, nope they were still there! Edward walked slowly towards me his tongue darting out wetting his lower lip. His eyes were dark and his walk sinuous, almost catlike. He looked dangerous and angry like a predator, and I was his prey! "Edward" I whispered, he grabbed onto my ankles and pulled me lower onto the bed climbing up and allowing his face to hover just above mine. "Did you change your mind Bella?" Did I? Did Edward finally want to . . . . Did I want to???? "No Edward, I have not changed my mind!" I heard a rip and saw fabric fly across the room, I looked down and my tank top was gone leaving my chest bare. I felt my skin flush with heat under his gaze. "Bella, Bella, Bella, do you have any idea how beautiful you are?" his head came down and ran his tongue from my collar bone to just below my ear making me tremble as his hand traveled down the valley between my breasts and over my stomach hitching into the waist band of my shorts where they stopped as he continued to plant small kisses over my neck and jaw, "Do you like that Bella?" I couldn't catch my breath enough to answer, I whimpered in response and he chuckled. "Tell me what you were doing in your room the night I came back Bella." My eyes flew open, I was definitely paying attention now, "What???" "Tell me Bella, what were you doing before I got there that night?" I had to think fast, "Um, sleeping?" "And before that?" He asked, I took a deep breath looked deep into his eyes and laughed a little, "I was getting myself off Edward, I was masturbating!" His eyes darkened as they bore into mine and than he smiled a cunning smile, I knew that he had a plan, "You were pleasuring yourself?" it was more a statement as a question, I laughed at his wording, "No Edward, I was getting myself off" I breathed into his ear as I swung my leg around his hip and shifted my weight as I switched positions with him straddling him.

"I liked this better" I said placing my hands on his shoulders letting them trail down his chest, "Why?" he whispered and I ground my hips into him again goose bumps spreading over my entire body with satisfaction from the friction. "Bella," I could hear the apprehension in his voice and I knew I had to take action fast so I raised myself up on my knees bringing my naked breasts eyelevel to him leaning forward until my hands could grasp the headboard I knew that if I could just shake him once more he would crack all together. I heard him take another deep breath and than his tongue tentatively swept across my nipple, my head lolled back and I whimpered giving him more confidence. He took it between his lips mindful of his teeth and than swept his tongue over it again and than copied the same movements with the other as I reveled in the new sensations his mouth created. I lowered myself down into his lap again bringing my hands to the waist of his jeans unbuttoning them and I felt him freeze, his head whipped up to my face, "Bella, please I don't want to do this I could hurt you!" I could see the anxiety and concern, I started to feel sad but than I remembered this was my show! "Really Edward, you are harder than steel, if feels very much like you want to!" I ground myself into him again moaning at the friction. "Bella, I could hurt you!" I became still for a moment bringing my hands up to cradle his face, "Edward, that will never happen, we are meant to be together, I was designed especially for you, you will not hurt me!" I watched as he shook his head slowly, "I don't think you understand how easily I could hurt you!" he said his agony wrapped around every word. I thought carefully my response needed to be simple but sure, "I didn't say you couldn't hurt me Edward, I said you WILL NOT hurt me!" I lowered my lips to his kissing him deeply and returned my hands to his jeans lowering the zipper little by little ecstatic that he was allowing he to continue, his fingers made small circles on my back and I felt like those circles were on fire. I deepened our kiss further and than reached into his pants to touch him, as my hands wrapped around his erection he breathed out a low "shit" against my lips and I smiled slightly as I continued, I had only ever heard him curse a handful of times and only when my life was in danger, I was loving this side of Edward!

I leaned back leaving him panting so that I could see him and I froze a little as I saw him for the first time, "Bella!" he was alarmed at my hesitation by I smiled wickedly at him placing my other hand above the first and continued to stroke him up and down, "I am impressed Edward, you are packing some SERIOUS heat!" I could see his lips twitch a little but he was so caught up in the moment he could not bring himself to smile. I brought one hand out to steady myself against his shoulder and he whimpered at the loss the tension around him but I lowered myself against him moving myself against him as a stroked up and down just the thin fabric of my shorts separating us, as I continued to stroke him and grind myself up and down his shaft, as I did this he became moist under my hand, I had drenched my shorts. In the back of my mind I was slightly embarrassed, as I knew the entire household could hear and smell us but I could not bring myself to care enough to stop. It was only a couple of seconds later when his hardness finally hit my most sensitive spot and my whimpers turned to moans, "Oh god Edward, so close!" and my body began to tense, I felt his hands tighten at my waist and he continued to move me up and down at the same pace and his eyes flew open I gasped when I met his stare his eyes so dark they were almost black boring into mine with lustful and almost violent with longing, "Oh my God Bella!!!" My legs started tingling and I began to tremble "Oh god" I whispered and as I came I felt his orgasm spreading over his stomach and my hands. We sat for a moment in silence I was panting, willing my heart to slow refusing to break our gaze and finally his lips lifted into my favorite crooked smile. "I thought you wanted space" he chided, I smiled back motioning between my bare chest and his, "What do you call this!" I answered and he chuckled the sexiest sound I ever heard! My hand was still wrapped around his semi-hard erection; there was no way I was letting go without physical intervention!

He bought his hands up to my nipples and circled them with my lips, "I'm not done with you yet Bella" he stated simply, I smiled softly to myself trying not to look to self congratulatory, the lion had finally come out to play and I liked it like that! "Let go of me Bella," he murmured and I griped him tighter and a fraction of a second later I was flush up against him, skin on skin, he growled in my ear, "Still as stubborn as ever!" I didn't have a chance to enjoy the feel of his naked chest against mine before I was on my back with Edward hovering over me. His eyes were amused; he was enjoying being in control. He ran his fingers up and down the outside of my thigh as I breathed in his amazing indescribable scent he lowered his face to mine trailing kisses on my jaw, neck and up to the sensitive spot below my ear and whispered "I want to pleasure you the way you were pleasuring yourself in your room the other night Bella," and with that my heartbeat took off! He chuckled and asked me in a very un-Edward like fashion "Do you want me to get you off Bella?" My eyes rolled to the back of my head just thinking about it and I am not even sure it was much more than a garbled moan, "Oh god yes Edward!"

Another rip and I was naked and very aware that he still had his jeans on; I looked down at them pointedly only to hear yet another tear and fabric was flying through the air. Edward lowered his lips taking my nipples going between them both teasing and torturing and he brought his hand up to my lips slipping two fingers inside. My breathing picked up figuring exactly what he was doing, I slid my tongue around his cold hard fingers sucking and stroking them with my tongue and I felt his diamond hard erection pressed against my stomach. He slipped his fingers out of my mouth and parted my thighs with his knee stroking my out lips, which were slick already and ready for him. He ran his slightly warm fingers softly up and down my slit and I honestly though my heart was going to beat through my chest and than he took one finger and let it slide into me, my back arched and I moaned clutching the sheets in my fists. "Oh my god Bella, I have never felt anything so soft, so warm in my entire existence!" He slowly slipped another finger inside and groaned at the felling of my warmth and wetness and began moving his fingers in and out while carefully avoiding any contact with my clit, is it possible to go mad from lack of clitoral stimulation? I may be finding out very soon. Edwards hand continued the torture while his tongue lapped over my breasts, nipples, collar bone, neck, jaw, everywhere he could reach tasting and teasing me. I could not have made myself be quiet if I wanted to; I had completely lost control, panting whimpering and even begging! Begging for more, begging for Edward to never stop! He slipped another finger into me and began making circles around my clit with the pad of his thumb as he crushed his lips against mine, "I want to watch you come Bella!" and that was it, I screamed his name my body twitching and contorting around his fingers I felt my lips moving and I knew I was screaming his name over and over but I could not hear it, I cold not stop. Finally my body exhausted and I went limp under him, I already felt half asleep and more satisfied than ever in my life. I felt his fingers slip out of me and he picked me up gently his forearm supporting my ass as I leaned limp into him like an sleeping child and than he laid me back into bed under the sheets and lay beside me on top of them covering us both with the comforter. We remained that way for a long moment before I shimmed the sheet down to my waist and curled into his chest. He laughed softly and whispered, "Ok love but one single goose bump or shiver and you cover up!" I smiled my consent and started drifting off but not before hearing him whisper in my ear, "We will never be apart again Bella, I have no more pride, no shame, no ego, without you I cease to exist, you have saved me Bella . . .My Bella!"

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