18th July 1980
Dear Remus (Moony, eternal keeper of my liver),
Well, you know what they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder. Or is that absinthe? It better not be, you shouldn't be drinking without me! Going off with strange men who would steal your innocence without a second though, only I've stolen it first.
And I'm sure your amazing powers of persuasion will have the Dakami* scrambling to join the Order. It worked on me after all, and you all know about my will of steel and reinforced concrete…
When are you coming home? Dumbledore says he doesn't know, which I know roughly translates to 'if I told you that I'd have to kill you' (or something those lines anyway). If you're not back soon I may well have to resort to James - or maybe even Peter - for sex! I mean, strange men taking advantage of a drunk young werewolf is one thing, but James I'd-eat-Lily-if-only-I-could' Potter? I shudder at the very thought. On that note, if you are writing to Prongs, will you tell him that if he Apparates over to our flat again in a panic because the baby kicked one. More. Bloody. Time. I will castrate him so no more offspring are possible.
And don't worry, while Prongs may be in danger, you won't have to kill me. I've been boringly safe since you left. You better be too!
Your ever loving sex toy and donator of internal organs,
Sirius
*This is what I've decided to call the werewolf group that Remus is staying with.
I've also decided to push this whole fic up a year, so it's July 1980 now and Lily is pregnant. Hope you liked it, please review!