"Alright, here's how it's going down," Chris began once everyone was in the lobby--even Ezekiel. "Two of you will randomly be chosen to be the team captains of your... uh... team. Cool? Alright, now everyone close your eyes..."
"Why?" Noah inquired.
"Fuck you, that's why. Now close 'em!"
Reluctantly, everyone closed their eyes.
Chris smirked as he walked over to the group, eyeing each contestant one by one, before making his decision. He walked up to his first choice, and, with an evil grin, slapped her in the face.
"HEY!"
"SHUSH!" He put a finger up to his lips as his first choice opened her eyes to glare at him. "Shut up and close your eyes." Growling, the girl he slapped shut her eyes as he walked to another contestant. With another evil grin, he slapped this contestant in the face, too.
"OW!"
"SHUSH!" He stepped back. "Okay, everyone open your eyes." After they did, he asked, "Would the two people that got slapped in the face please raise their hands."
After a few seconds of reluctant pause, Courtney and Cody both raised their hands.
"Alright, you two will be choosing your fellow teammates. Choose wisely, because they could be what makes you or breaks you in this game." With a chuckle, he separated the two from the group. "Alright, Courtney, since you were slapped first, you choose first."
"I choose..." She paused. Courtney wasn't sure who to choose, since she didn't know any of them, really. But she figured the one with the faux-hawk looked tough. Maybe he'll be an asset. "I choose that guy." She pointed to Duncan, who gave her a smirk.
"Ah, I knew you had the hots for me, babe."
Automatically, Courtney gulped. Maybe that wasn't the best idea...
It was now Cody's turn, and he looked over the others. For some reason, one of them seemed to glow. Perhaps this was a sign? Hell, he couldn't have been high yet. "I choose Gwen."
Courtney snickered as Gwen, groaning darkly, made her way to Cody's side. "Come on! Seriously? The goth? How much physical activity does she get on a regular basis? Zero?"
Baring teeth, Gwen whispered in Cody's ear, "She's going down."
Cody nodded slowly, a goofy smile on his face. He had no idea what the hell Gwen just told him, but it sounded hot.
"Courtney, your turn again," Chris announced, and Courtney looked at the others. It was hard to choose... but... hmm... it wouldn't hurt to have a jock on the team.
"I choose... the guy with the red jersey."
Tyler pumped his arms up in victory and took his spot next to Courtney.
"Cody?" Chris pushed on.
"...Wha? Oh! Uh... DJ, right?"
DJ nodded, smiling at his new team, though Gwen didn't share his enthusiasm. He walked over, giving Cody a low five.
It was Courtney's turn now. She needed somebody to counter DJ. "Uh... Geoff looks pretty strong. I choose him."
"WOO!" Geoff pumped his arms up in the air again. "You won't be disappointed, bra!"
"Cody," Chris gestured. This was moving along faster than Chris expected.
"Um... Trent."
"Awesome, man," the musician said, heading over to his new team. Giving Cody and DJ high fives, he stood beside the goth girl of the group. "Hey, what's up?"
"Nothing that concerns you," Gwen mumbled, looking away. She bit her lower lip for a moment, but quickly recovered before he could notice.
"Courtney, your turn," Chris said, and Courtney pondered for a moment.
"Hmm... Justin looks pretty strong, too. I'll choose him." This is great! she thought. With all these tough guys on my team, we're sure to kick some ass!
It was now Cody's turn to choose. He thought about who would probably be the toughest of who was left--someone that could really hold their ground. And if there was some sort of sumo challenge... well, it was best to come prepared.
"I choose Owen," Cody declared, and was quickly enveloped by Owen's patented Death Hug (TM).
"WOOOOOOOOOOO! ACIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIID!!" (R)
"Alright, enough with the trademarks!" Chris said, before flashing his Trademark Smile (TM). "Let's keep going with this shit. Courtney, you're up."
This is probably getting boring, huh? Fuck it--montage time.
Courtney chose Leshawna next, again because she looked tough.
Cody chose Eva next because she looked like she could kick major ass.
Courtney chose Izzy next because of she began to talk nonstop and she wanted to shut her up. ...It didn't work.
Cody chose Katie next, who suggested he should pick Sadie, who suggested he should pick Katie, who suggested he should pick Sadie, who suggested he should pick Katie, who suggested he should pick Sadie... and Chris got pissed and sent both of them to his team. Despite this, Courtney was not allowed to choose two people in her next turn, since it wasn't Cody's fault that he ended up having to choose two people.
Courtney chose Heather next for reasons unknown.
Cody chose Noah next for reasons unknown.
Courtney chose Bridgette next for reasons unknown.
Cody chose Lindsay next for reasons unknown to everyone except his pants.
Courtney chose Ezekiel next for reasons unknown.
Cody chose Harold next for reasons now known...
...because Courtney was left with Beth.
"Hey, wait a minute! That's not fair!" Courtney tried to reason, but she soon learned that you just don't reason with a man like Chris McLean.
"Cody," he said, ignoring Courtney, "your team, from this point on, is known as the Screaming Ganja!" he handed the team leader a small handheld green flag with a picture of a marijuana leaf on it. He walked up to a still fuming Courtney and gave her her team's flag: a small handheld red flag with a picture of a joint on it. "Courtney, your team, henceforth, is known as the Killer Joints."
Cody waved his flag around a little bit, astonished by the detail of the marijuana leaf depicted. "Oh, sweet!"
"Alright, head on over to the elevator, and I'll let you know a little bit more about the show," Chris declared, and they all headed toward the elevators. They all tried crowding into one, but seeing as this wasn't working, many of them split up and waited for another elevator. Some just said "screw it" and went up the steps.
-X-
"This is the thirteenth floor of the Mary Wananakwa Apartment Complex," Chris said, showing the contestants the hallway. "This is where you'll be staying for the next couple weeks, unless you are eliminated in a Ganja-Go-Bye-Bye Ceremony. If you are eliminated, you must immediately walk this Hall of Shame and ride the E-loser-vator down to the first floor, get in your car, and leave. And you can't come back. Ever. Which will suck for the first few people to go, since you won't even get a taste of how much pot we're gonna be hitting in this show. Sucks to be yo-ou," he added in a sing-song voice. "Now, for your roommates. There are twelve rooms, six on each side. One of you from each team will get a room for yourselves. The rest of you have to sleep with someone else. Cody and Courtney, since you two are team captains, you will choose first who you want your roommates to be. Everyone else, I'll choose randomly. Savvy? Cody, you first."
"Hey!" Courtney protested, but Chris shushed her.
"Um... Trent."
Trent smiled genuinely, while Noah rolled his eyes dejectedly.
As soon as Trent and Cody entered their room at the end of the hall, Chris turned to Courtney. "Thank you for waiting your turn, Courtney. Roommate?"
"...Ummm... Bridgette."
The surfer girl smiled as she walked with Courtney to their new room.
Chris then chose a person from the Screaming Ganja. "Katie, as if I had to ask, who do you want to bunk with?"
"OOH! OOH! SADIE! SADIE!"
"Alright, you take the room next to Cody's and Trent's."
With two simultaneous squeals, Katie and Sadie practically flew down the hall to their room.
"Alright, Duncan, your turn."
"Um... I choose the Geoffster here," he said, patting the party dude on the shoulder.
"WOO! Awesome! We're gonna party all night, baby!"
"...Are you sure you're not gay?" Chris inquired, but he shook it off as the two walked to their room. "Alright, uh... let's see... Harold? Who would you like to have as your roommate?"
"...Can they be co-ed?"
"Yes, they can be."
Quickly, Cody's head popped out from his room. "What?! I didn't know that!"
"Too late, dude!" Chris chuckled. "Alright, Harold, who will you pick as your roommate for this season?"
"...Uh... Gwen."
The goth rolled her eyes. "Great. I'm stuck with the uber nerd."
"Oh, don't be sour. I'm not going to try anything; I promise."
"No, you just want to be in the same room as another girl, probably hoping to get a peek at her underwear or some shit."
"...True, true..." Still, the gentleman that he is, Harold gestured for Gwen to walk ahead of him to their room. Cody sulked his way back into his own.
Chris turned to the redhead. "Izzy? You're next."
"Ooh! Ooh! Toque guy! I pick him!"
"Eh?" Ezekiel managed to sneak out before being dragged toward his room at nearly the speed of light.
"Big-O, your pick."
"Um... DJ! Yeah! Party over here!" Owen said, and DJ was shocked he didn't say "acid."
Chris turned to Beth. "Your turn. Don't be too predictable now--"
"JUSTIN!!"
"...Nevermind." He turned to Lindsay. "Your pick now."
"Um... hmm... which boy should I pick..."
"Hey!" Eva growled.
"EEK! I pick this boy." She tried to cower behind Noah, but it didn't work so well. "That other boy scares me..."
"I'M NOT A BOY!!"
"Could've fooled me," Chris said with a wink, and ended up earning himself a punch in the face. "OW! YOU BITCH, THIS FACE COST ME SIX GRAND!!"
Once the three entered their respective rooms, and Chris regained his composure, Chris turned to the final three on the Killer Joints team. "Heather, your pick."
"I choose to be by myself, thank you very much." She rose her head in a snooty way. "I don't want to bunk with any of these degenerates."
"...Okay, then. That was easy. Tyler, Leshawna, you two share a room. Cool?"
"Fine with me," Leshawna said, "as long as Tyler ain't no Peepin' Tom."
"Don't worry about me," Tyler assured her. "I've already got my eye on another."
Leshawna smirked. "You're all right. Come on, let's check this room out." They entered one room, and Heather entered another.
Chris rubbed his face where Eva struck him. "I can already tell this season is gonna... kick ass!" With an evil smirk, he headed to his room at the end of the hall, where he would prepare the druggies' first challenge...
-X-
"Aw, man..." Cody buried his face into his pillow, groaning. "How was I supposed to know I could've chosen a girl?"
Trent chuckled as he lit up a joint. "Dude, you need to relax, man. You'll get that blond chick someday. Just believe in yourself."
"...Wha?" Cody turned to the musician as he took his hit. "No, I... I would've chose Gwen."
"Gwen? Gwen Sexton?"
"Uh, the only Gwen on this show, genius."
Trent gave his team's captain a funny look, but shrug it off and returned his attention to his guitar. "Man, this place is shit. Some apartment complex. This is more like a dorm room."
"Are you purposefully trying to change the subject?" Cody asked accusingly. "Wait... You like Gwen too, don't you?"
"Uh... what?"
Cody smirked. "Hey, it's cool if you do, man. Just shows you got excellent taste in ladies."
"Yeah, yeah..." He took another hit. "Like I got a shot anyway. I'm just a stoner."
"...We're all stoners here, dude," Cody pointed out. "Tell you what. Rock-Paper-Scissors right now."
"...What?"
"Winner gets to ask her out first. If she declines, the loser gets to ask her out later."
"And if she says no both times?"
"...I dunno. Free game?"
"Whatever." Trent began to play his guitar, and Cody rolled his eyes, falling, his head landing cheek-first on the pillow.
"Well, fuck it then. If you don't wanna make a move, that's fine with me."
"Whatever, man," Trent shrugged him off.
Cody frowned, sighing, until he realized something. "Hey, where did you get that?"
"Hmm? Oh." He pointed to a table, which had two small bags of grass and additional accessories involved in good old fashioned Mary Jane.
The geek looked like he was in a trance. "...Dude... kick ass..."
-X-
"Permission to kill myself?"
"But I haven't even gotten to know you yet!"
Gwen's eyes narrowed at her gawky roommate. "Well, I doubt I'd even be able to if you keep talking about your stupid comic books and fanfictions."
"GOSH! FINE!" He lie back on his bed, removing his glasses at putting them on a nearby table. When he did, he spotted the ganja. "Oh, hey, check it out."
Gwen looked at the table, her frown suddenly disappearing. "Nice. Maybe you're not so bad after all."
"It's not mine. But... I don't think anyone else was in here before, so..."
"Chris obviously left it for us," Gwen pointed out, and Harold shrugged in agreement. "Now, tell me again about the different origins of Batman..."
"I thought you weren't interested," Harold noted.
Gwen gave Harold a smirk. "If this pot is as good as I think it is, I'll be interested in just about anything."
-X-
About an hour later, Chris called for the druggies to come out of their rooms. When no one came, he knocked on the nearest door: Cody and Trent's door. "Yo, team captain dude!" He knocked harder until he heard a response.
"Hey, dude! Quit it!" The door opened and Cody appeared, eyes red and tired.
Chris gave him a look over and groaned. "You're kidding, right?"
-X-
"You guys were NOT SUPPOSED TO SMOKE THE WEED!" Chris informed the group once he finally got them all into the hallway. "That was for your first challenge!"
"And you wait to tell us this now?" Duncan groaned; he looked as if he was about to pass out.
"I have no idea what's going on..." Harold admitted.
"Ugh... Well, I guess you guys can have the first night off," Chris sighed. "I'll have to order in a new challenge. Get some rest. I got work to do." He walked back into his room, and soon everyone else followed suit.
Once in his room, Chris turned to his own roommate. "Chef, roll up a joint for me, will ya? This is gonna be a loooooooooong night." He sat down on a chair and pulled out his cell phone. After dialing a number, he put it up to his ear. "Yo, sanitation dudes? Yeah, hi, this is McLean. Uh... do you mind not chlorinating the pool tomorrow? Sweet! Thanks, dude." He pushed the end button, and dialed another number. "...Hey, is this SeaWorld?"
-X-
Noah lie on his bed, trying to sleep, but Lindsay's whining about the small apartment wasn't allowing him to. Nearly smothering himself with the pillow, he turned to the ditzy blonde. "Do you mind? These living conditions aren't exactly stellar for me either, hon."
"Yeah, I know..." She removed her bandana, which wouldn't have been a problem with Noah at all... until she started removing more articles of clothing.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Lindsay, you know there's a bathroom there if you want privacy, right?"
"Oh?" She spotted the bathroom nearby, but shrugged it off and continued to strip. "Meh, I don't think it's a big deal. I mean, you're probably... you know... if you're bothered by..."
"Oh, no, no, no," Noah quickly defended. "I-I-I-I am not gay, I just thought you wanted some privacy."
"Oh. Well, if it still bothers you, close your eyes."
Noah blinked a few times, then turned his head back to the ceiling, closing his eyes. "You know, Lindsay, you're smarter than I thought."
"It's just common sense." She put a hand up to her chin, deep in thought. "Um... why do they call it common sense? Do you get a dollar if you have enough common cents?"
"...I stand corrected..."
-X-
"And then he goes 'BROOKLYN RAAAAAAAAAAGE!'"
Gwen burst out laughing. "That's awesome. I gotta check that out sometime."
"You sure that's not the weed talking?" Harold inquired.
"I'm too baked to care at the moment..."
"Yeah, same here... So, how are you liking this show so far?"
"Meh... not so much," she admitted. "I mean, the weed may make me a little more social, but..." she stopped there, uttering nothing but a sigh.
"Well, then let's hope we get baked more often, right?"
Gwen nodded, closing her eyes. "Yeah, totally."
-X-
Chris chuckled as he pushed the "end" button for the last time that night. "I am so evil." He brought a pinkie up to his mouth and laughed maniacally.
"...Um...why?" Chef had to ask, ruining the dramatic tension.
"Fuck you, that's why." Chris turned to the camera. "What will become of our twenty-two druggies? What shit will we have in store for them? Why am I asking you all these questions? I can't answer them for you. ...Well I can, but... fuck you. So tune in next time for more pot-smokin' good times here on Total! Drama! Pothead! Peace out, bitches!"
-X-
What is this evil thing Chris is planning? Well... I'll give you a hint. It has something to do with the upcoming challenge. Hey, they used up the grass long before they should have. In Chris's tripping mind, they need to be punished.