Last time on Total Drama Pothead:
Twenty-two campers showed up at--wait, did I say "campers"? He-ha-ha. Sorry, I'm a little baked right now.
Anyway, twenty-two druggies showed up at the Mary Wananakwa Apartment Complex at 420 Doo...aw, fuck it, I'm not saying it every time.
So, yeah, they showed up and shit, and we were showing them around and shit, and... oh shit! We never showed them where they can confess shit and shit. ...Eh, we'll do it later.
So, what will become of our competitors? What evil challenges await them this season? Well, I don't know about you but right now I could go for some nachos. Later, dudes! ...Oh, almost forgot. Total! Drama! Pothead! ...Okay, now it's time for some nachos.
-X-
BOOM! Theme song time. How did it go again? Fuck you, I ain't doing it again. Read the first chapter if you forgot how it went.
-X-
"Attention, camp--Aha! Aha-ha! There I go again." Chris slapped himself in the forehead. "Druggies! Listen up!" He gained the attention of the twenty-two contestants in the hallway. "You may have noticed two coat closets in this hallway, one on each side. The one on the Ganjas' side is the Confessional. It's where you confess stuff, and it's also where you will be voting off your fellow druggies. The one on the Joints' side... is just a coat closet. Enjoy." He clasped his hands together. "Now, your first challenge is already set up. But first..."
Chef walked up to the campers with a silver platter in his hands. On it was an array of twenty-two doobies ready for huffing and puffing.
"This is my associate Chef Hatchet," Chris introduced the big man, and several of the druggies stepped backward in fear. "Before we begin the challenge, all twenty-two of you need to be ready and able to sing 'Freebird'... off-key," he pointed out to Trent, our token musician. "Of course, that's just an expression. I'm not expecting you to be able to sing 'Freebird' by any means; I just mean you better be so high you're free as a bird." He gestured toward the platter, signaling to the druggies to take their joints. "Lighters will be going around--"
"No need, Chris," Duncan interrupted, pulling out his trusty lighter.
"...Ass."
-X-
CONFESSION CAM
Harold -- "So... this is the confessional, eh? Sweet. Um... okay, where do I begin? Hi, my name is Harold McGrady, and I have a drug problem--"
Gwen -- "Hi, Harold."
Harold -- "Yeah, I told Gwen she should totally do that in case Chris airs it like that. Anyway, I'm so stoned--I mean, stoked about this first challenge. I wonder what it's gonna be. I hope my Mad Skillz (TM) come into play."
-X-
"You are going to jump off this cliff into that pool down there," Chris revealed to the druggies, who were now outside and on said cliff, looking off the side in terror. "But beware! In that pool are sharks," he put a pinky up to his lips, "with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads."
The druggies gasped. Was Chris insane?!
...
Well, of course, he'd have to be to make a show where stoners competed for pot.
"For every druggie that jumps, you get a point. The team with the most points gets immunity. The losing team votes someone off. Don't worry, you've got until dark to complete the challenge, but if you leave this hill you are automatically disqualified from this challenge. So if you get the munchies, I suggest you jump before you run off to the cafeteria, or else your team will probably hate your guts and send you home. Or even worse: they won't share their celebratory pot with you if they win. Any questions? No? Good. Then jump the shark, bitches!" Then he started to walk down the hill.
"Wait, ain't you gonna supervise?" Chef asked as Chris was walking past him. He took a puff from his joint.
Chris stopped and turned to the big man. "No, I ain't supervising that shit. I'll need some pot before I can mentally hold the thought of those guys being torn up by sharks." After a few seconds of thinking, he swiped Chef's weed out of his hand. "So yeah, I'm gonna hit this shit."
Chef sighed and walked up the hill toward the contestants. "Alright, which one of you rejects is gon' first?"
After a long pause, Cody rose his hand. "I-I-I'll go..."
...
Chef burst out laughing.
"What?"
Everyone followed suit.
"What?"
"Dude, I bet you can't even handle it," Duncan guffawed, and Cody's eyes narrowed.
"Wanna bet?"
Everyone's smiles disappeared, replaced with shocked looks.
Cody looked over the edge again. Really, he didn't want to go first, but hell--he was the team leader. He had to set an example. Plus, what better way to impress Gwen? So he decided to put all his chicken-shit notions behind him.
"Cody!" Owen shouted. "Don't be a hero!"
Cody turned around to the big, fat ass and narrowed his eyes again as he said, very dramatically...
"...Acid..."
Owen's eyes began to water as the leader of the Screaming Ganjas turned back around... and jumped off the cliff.
Everyone gasped. The little geekwad had done it.
Sure, he was now screaming like a little bitch on the way down, but he had done it.
"...Now that screaming little bitch is hardcore," Duncan commented, nodding in approval.
And then Cody was destroyed by the lasers--nah, I'm kidding. He's okay.
"Hey, the little dude's okay!" Owen called out to his team as he spotted Cody pull himself out of the pool. "And the sharks didn't eat him!"
"Brilliant observation skills, Owen," Gwen mumbled, looking over the side. "Well, this is gonna suck, but..." Taking a deep breath, she made her plunge, also screaming on the way down.
After Gwen jumped Trent, Eva, Harold, Noah, and Lindsay, bringing their point total up to seven. Katie and Sadie jumped together, making it nine, which Trent happily pointed out. DJ chickened out due to his fear of heights and lack of great swimming skills, especially while stoned.
Owen was the last one to jump for the Screaming Ganja. Taking a deep breath, the fat ass took a few steps back, horrified of what could possibly happen to him. The rest of his team somehow survived, but he wasn't so sure if he could. He was a much bigger gourmet meal for the sharks.
But fuck it, he was going and he was going hard.
"AAAACIIIIIIIIID!!" he shrieked out the top of his lungs as he ran to the cliff's edge...
...and tripped.
"AAAAAAAHHH!!" he screamed as he free-fell to the pool below, causing a massive splash, sending stoners into parked cars in the parking lot, car alarms going off and shit.
Owen even broke one of the sharks in half on the way down.
"AAAAAAHH!!" Owen screamed as he realized what he had done. He picked up the two pieces of cardboard and held them to his chest. "FORGIVE ME, MOTHER NATURE!!"
-X-
CONFESSION CAM
Chris -- "...What? So I couldn't get real sharks. Or real laser beams. Big deal. They don't know that."
-X-
And they didn't. They were too stoned to realize that the sharks were fake.
"Alright," Chris said as he finally was high enough to handle this situation--or at least that's what he wanted Chef to think so he could take his ganja, "so that's eight jumpers and... wait, no..." He started counting on his fingers. "Seven, carry the four... multiply by bunnies, counting sheep, uh... thirty-two." Chef whispered something in his ear. "Oh! Ten. Right. Ten jumpers. Alright, you guys gotta beat that." The host smirked evilly. "Unless, of course, you got the munchiiiiiies..."
"ME FIRST! ME FIRST!" Izzy shouted before jumping off the cliff. Laughing maniacally, feeling the wind rush through her hair... and hitting the floor of the pool with a huge, sick cracking sound.
"...Oh, shit! Where did all the water go?" Chris yelled.
"Sorry!" Owen shouted back bashfully.
"Crappity-crap-crap-CRAP!" He looked down at the massive crack in the pool floor. "Do you have ANY IDEA how much that pool's gonna cost me?!"
"I-I'm okay..." Izzy whimpered as she crawled out of the crack. "Ow..."
"You alright, Izzy?" Courtney called from atop the cliff.
Izzy held her head in pain. "That... hurt... so... GOOD!" She cackled insanely and somersaulted out of the empty pool.
"...Okay... Well, while we wait for Chef to fill up the pool again," Chris paused to chuckle as Chef groaned in annoyance, "let's take five and smoke some Mary Jane. Who's with me?"
Not one of the Killer Joints argued with that.
-X-
"Fifty-eight, one thousand, fifty-nine, one thousand, five minutes." Chris looked over the cliff, ecstatic that it was now full of water courtesy of Chef. "Alright! Joints, who's going first?"
Duncan stepped forward. "I'm going fir--"
"Hey!" Courtney pulled him back. "I'm the captain of this team, and I'm not going to let that little bucktoothed pipsqueak shit-face be better than me! I'M going first!"
"Fuck that!" the faux-hawked punk growled. "I'M going first!"
"Fuck the both of you. I'm going first," Justin said, heading for the cliff's edge.
"Nuh-uh!" Leshawna growled. "I ain't gon' let you go first after you took MY parking space!"
"You're still pissed off about that?"
Beth was about to interject, but her stomach began to rumble. "I'm hungry..." Absentmindedly, she walked down the hill, and no one seemed to notice right away.
"Everyone, calm down!" Bridgette pleaded, but to no avail.
"What a bunch of losers," Heather scoffed. "Seriously, why can't they have celebrities on this show?" Fed up with the quarrel, she went down the side of the hill as well.
-X-
CONFESSION CAM
Chris -- "So at this point the Joints have already lost. But why ruin the fun by telling them that?"
-X-
"I'M GOING FIRST!!"
"NO, I AM!!"
"Oh, screw it," Bridgette muttered under her breath. She jumped during the quarrel. Geoff, Ezekiel, Tyler, and Izzy (who wanted to jump a second time) all jumped after Bridgette, all without these four whiny bitches knowing they did.
The quarrel continued for... oh... about another hour before Chris started to feel the onset of boredom. He looked at his watch, but couldn't read it 'cause he still wasn't sober. But he knew one thing: he was hungry, and he was sure the others were, too. So, he pulled out a clown horn from seemingly nowhere and honked it, getting the fighting druggies' attention.
"Dudes... it's munch-time."
"...Don't you mean crunch time?" Leshawna asked.
"No. By now you are all getting hungry." He waved his hands in front of their faces and wiggled his fingers. "Veeeeeery hungry. You want--no--NEED something to munch... like nachos..."
"Mmm... nachos..." Duncan began to salivate.
"And ramen noodles..."
"Ohohohoho..." Leshawna nearly orgasmed.
"Now, are you gonna jump or not?" Chris inquired.
"...Fuck yeah! Let's jump! I'm hungry!" cried the druggies as all four of them jumped into the pool below.
Chris chuckled. "Suckers..."
-X-
Once all the campers were dried off, Chris revealed the winners of the challenge. "The winners of this contest are... the Screaming Ganja!"
"WHAT?!" Courtney shouted as the Ganja cheered ecstatically.
"Sorry, Joints, but you only had nine jumpers. Ganja had ten."
"W-Wha... Who didn't jump?" Courtney asked, and she looked over her group. She gasped as she realized two girls were missing.
"During your little fight up there, Beth and Heather left the group," Chris explained. "And Izzy's second jump doesn't count. If we allowed it, then anyone could jump more than once, and who would want to jump into a pool containing sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads more that once? ...Besides Izzy, of course."
"OOH! ME! ME!" Izzy waved her hand rapidly.
"...The point is... it's not fair that she went twice, so... yeah. You're fucked." He turned to the Ganja. "You guys won the first challenge. Congratulations. This means you're safe from elimination, which means you're guaranteed more pot in the future!"
The Ganja cheered again.
"Joints," Chris continued, turning back to Courtney's team, "be sure to cast your vote. Someone's going home tonight. Who's it gonna be? Heather or Beth for leaving the group? Courtney, Duncan, Leshawna, or Justin for their little fight that kept them from keeping the group together? Bridgette or Ezekiel for wearing hoodies in the summer? What are you thinking?!" He slapped Bridgette and Ezekiel upside the head. "What the hell is wrong with you two? Damn!" He shook his head before drastically changing his emotional expression like he was bipolar--he probably was--and flashed them a huge grin. "So, who wants food?"
-X-
CONFESSION CAM
Leshawna -- "Oo-oo-oo-oo-ooh! I hate that Justin, taking my parking space and shit! I hope he goes home so I can get my space back!"
Courtney -- "That... ogre cost us the challenge by starting that fight! I never should've chose him for my team! ...Hmm... but then again... maybe he could still be an asset to us..."
Justin -- "I don't know who to vote for! I'm stuck between Leshawna and Beth. Leshawna is all up in my beautiful face all the time because she can't handle the fact that I'm so gorgeously handsome, but... oh, my God! Beth... she... she just won't shut up! Trust me! I'm her roommate! I couldn't get to sleep last night! And it wasn't the pot keeping me awake either. I need my beauty sleep, people!"
Duncan -- "You guys might think I'd want to vote off that little pot princess off the show, but... damn, I gotta say... she's too much fun." (Laughs)
Bridgette -- "Our team has had a really rocky start, but I think we can pull through. We just gotta stay positive and... hopefully not fight so much."
Geoff -- "It's... nothing personal, but... you left the group, bra. Bad move."
-X-
"Welcome to the Ganja-Go-Bye-Bye Ceremony," Chris announced as the eleven members of the Killer Joints sat cross-legged on the floor of his apartment at the end of the hall. He held up a platter with ten baggies of weed placed on it. "When I call your name, come up and claim your bag o' Mary Jane. The pothead who does not receive a baggie must immediately walk down the Hall of Shame to the E-loser-vator. And you can't come back. Everrrrrr. Got it?" He waited a few seconds before calling out the first name. "Geoff."
The party boy stood up to claim his baggie.
"Izzy."
Grinning evilly, the redhead claimed hers as well.
The rest of the stoners followed suit as Chris said their names. "Duncan, Ezekiel, Tyler, Bridgette, Courtney, Leshawna."
Three potheads were now without a baggie. There were two left on the plate.
"...Justin."
The model sighed with relief as he stood up and claimed his baggie.
Beth and Heather both stared at the final baggie in shock. This was it. One of them was going home.
And all because they didn't stay with the group.
...Which of course makes sense, because they knew they weren't supposed to leave the group. Retards.
"The last baggie goes to..."
He paused for an extremely long amount of time to keep the suspense.
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
"Um... Chris?"
"...Huh, what?" He turned to Duncan. "Oh, sorry... I kinda spaced out for a moment there... Where was I again?"
"Last baggie."
"Oh, right." He cleared his throat. "The last baggie goes to..."
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
"CHRIS!!"
"What? ...OH! Oh! Sorry! Sorry!" He cleared his throat again. "The last baggie goes to..."
...
...
...
...
...
"Heather."
"Finally!" Duncan snapped, opening the door to leave. "Now if you'll excuse me, I really need to hit this right now..."
Heather stepped up to take her baggie from Chris, and Beth lowered her head.
"Sorry, Beth, but no more weed for you," the host chuckled as he gestured toward the door. "Now get out before I call security."
Beth nodded her head and did what she was told. She walked down the Hall of Shame down to the E-loser-vator and left the building. And she couldn't come back. Everrrrr.
"Ah, I love happy endings." With another chuckle, Chris adjourned the meeting.
-X-
"Ugh!" Leshawna groaned as she lay on her bed. "Why couldn't that jerk leave so I could take his parking spot?"
Tyler gave his roommate a strange look. "Uh... Leshawna, you do know Beth's space is closer to the building, right?"
"It's the principle of the whole thing, Tyler!" A puff or two later, she turned to the jock. "So... who's this lady you got the hots for?"
He lay back on his bed, staring at the ceiling. "Uh... Lindsay..."
"The bimbo?"
"...Yeah."
Leshawna shrugged. "Better her than me. Right now, I'm in no mood for hookin' up with anyone. Nobody ever gave Shawny no second glance. Why should that change now?"
"Because everyone deserves a chance? I dunno." Now, Tyler was just high out of his mind; he really had no idea the meaning of what he said, but Leshawna took it to heart.
"Thanks, man," she said, putting out her flame and lying back on her bed.
"Yeah... no prob..."
-X-
Wow. Short challenge day, eh?
So, Beth Hampton was our first elimination. I bet some of you didn't quite see that coming. Expect more possible shockers here and there. Unless you somehow manage to guess everything that happens next. In that case... damn, you're better at it than I am.