Sweat was pouring off my head and my breath was coming in labored gasps. Victor was standing across the room, his back to my dresser. The hair on his arms was standing straight up as if he had just walked through a ghost. I glanced down at my hands. They were glowing an icy blue. Fear. I shook them, trying to rid myself of the weaponized emotion. Slowly, it disappeared. A look at the clock proved it was only 2am. "Was it the wars?" he asked.

"Um…" I was having trouble organizing my thoughts, but some instinct told me to lie. "Yeah."

"Which one?"

"All of them."

He made his way back to the bed. "You've never done that before," he said, nodding at my hands.

"I've never been so afraid before."

He got back under the covers and pulled them up around me as well. "Tell me." I shook my head. He merely sighed and nodded. I cuddled closer, hoping he was warmer than I was. He wasn't much, but as things settled back down, our bodies decided they could go back to their normal temperature. He eventually fell asleep. His even breathing calmed me, and I began to think straight again. The first thing that came to mind was: What the hell? As I worked though everything that had happened, I remembered a saying I had heard once. Dreams are the only place where people are honest with themselves. And what I had forced my own mind to realize, scared me to death. There was something he wasn't telling me, and if that something showed itself before I was absolutely sure what it was, it could be deadly. I reached over and gently brushed his cheek with my thumb.

"I love you. I do. But we can't have secrets. I have to know I can trust you," I whispered. He didn't stir, but for some reason, I felt like he heard me.

In the morning, I forced myself to get up at 8:30. I went through my routine, but made sure that Victor didn't leave. I even put on different clothes to avoid reminding myself of my dream. If you haven't figured it out yet, I am a very paranoid person sometimes. At 9, I got ready to leave and found myself staring at the door. I couldn't do it. I went and found Storm. She was in the kitchen making herself a bowl of cereal. "Storm," I began hesitantly, "Do you have a class from 9:30 to 10:30?"

"No. Why?"

"Someone needs to do the Danger Room stuff, and I don't think I'm up to it."

"Are you feeling ok?"

"Yeah, it's not health. It's…silly," I said with a small laugh.

"Is it because Logan's not here?"

"That's part of it."

She nodded. "I understand. I'll do it."

"Are you sure? I'll make myself if you want me to."

"No. I'll do it. You just rest up. It's Friday, so you have the whole weekend to get yourself back together."

"Thanks. You are the best."

"I know," she said, grinning. As she sat down to her cereal, I headed back to my room. Victor stirred when I walked in and "accidentally" slammed the door.

He sat up and asked groggily, "Weren't you supposed to be doing something?"

"Storm's doing it for me. I get to spend the whole day with you." And find out what you're not telling me, I thought to myself. I kicked my shoes off as he scooted back to lean against the wall. I went over kneeled on the bed, straddling his legs. He put his hands on my waist and quietly smiled up at me. I sniggered.

"What?"

"When Logan and I were watching his life story in our heads, I found myself having to hide grins whenever you showed up. We went through it more than once, and you got cuter and cuter every time. In so many parts of that story, I should have hated you, but I was laughing at your sarcastic quips."

"Which ones?"

"All of them. Everything you said. I hung on every word."

"I take it Jimmy had absolutely no idea."

"Yeah, pretty much."

"You know, that's funny, Les…"

"I've confused you with somebody who give a shit?"

He cracked up. "Uh, no, that's not exactly what I was going for."

I smiled. "It had to be said."

"Yeah, maybe it did. I actually kind of liked Wade."

I looked at him, skeptical. "I didn't know you liked anybody at that point in your life."

"I didn't think I did then. But in retrospect, I think I did."

I shook my head. "You are so different. What changed you?"

He looked at me, thoughtfully, lovingly. "You did."

"Bull. You didn't know me and you were already different."

"You won't understand."

"I can try."

He shook his head. "Nope."

I leaned close and attempted to be seducing. "Come on. Try me."

He again shook his head, but he smiled. "Don't try to use your charms on me."

"Why?"

"They might work."

"Mhm," I said, nodding. "Well then, I must be careful." I planted a kiss on his lips, then started pecking at random spots of his face. He chuckled deep in his throat and closed his eyes. He opened them again when I stopped and put both my hands on either side of his face. I stared deep into those eyes, searching for something…anything, that would help me understand. I couldn't help but think, where is that animal? But then my mind went somewhere else. "Victor?"

"Hmm?"

"Last night, when you were going to say something and didn't, what was it?"

"Oh, well, um…"

"I had said that you just couldn't let go of me."

"Right, yeah. I was going to say that I'm afraid if I let go of you, I'll lose you."

My brows furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean? I'm not going anywhere."

I attempted to flatten a piece of hair on his head while he answered, "I dunno. It's just a feeling."

"Ah, feelings. Such annoying little buggers."

"Buggers? Did you become a Brit overnight?"

I adopted a British accent and told him, "Course not, mate. I've always been a Brit at heart." Then I used a Scottish accent. "Although, I have been known to be Scottish as well, laddie."

"Whatever you are," he cut in, "I'm happy."

"Yes, you are," I said very quietly. "And that's what puzzles me."

"What was that?"

"Nothing important," I mocked. I kissed him again, but I dragged this one out. I even let my tongue stray out a little. His welcomed mine into it's home as if they were long lost friends. My hands snaked up his shirt, reveling in the feel of his hard muscles under them. Eventually, I just yanked the damn thing off. It was in my way. The feel of his skin plus the smell of it was intoxicating. I couldn't get enough. He also decided that my shirt was in the way and just got rid of it. Any other time, I would have felt self-conscious by now, but with him, it was different. I felt safe. Loved. His lips ravaged me wherever they could find a spot. Eventually, I found myself lying on the bed with his hulking form above me. I wanted to see his eyes, but he didn't give me a chance. I can't say that I was all that bothered by it anyway. Things were progressing nicely, but suddenly, he froze and tensed up. His nails extended and he started shaking. Then, out of the blue, he leapt out of the bed and retreated to the other side of the room. I sat up and pulled the covers up around me. He was facing the wall, leaning on it with an arm. "Victor?" He held up a hand. I shut up. He took a moment and calmed down, then faced me again. "Are you ok?" I asked quietly.

"Yeah," he sighed. He came and sat on the side of the bed and put his head in his hands. I crawled over and knelt behind him. I put my hands on his shoulders. They were really tight, so I started to rub them. He groaned and leaned back into it.

I rubbed them for a few more minutes, until my hands got tired, and then stopped. I kissed the back of his neck and asked, "Better?"

"A little," he muttered.

"What happened?"

"I…I don't know."

"Don't do this. Don't block me out. Let me help you."

"I can't…"

"You can't what?"

"I can't risk…I don't want to lose you."

"That's the second time you've said that. What are you so afraid of?" He just shook his head. "Victor, please. I'm begging you. What are you hiding?"

He sighed and grabbed one of my hands. "The point of a secret is not to tell."