The brown title card is shown, with red healing symbols scattered around the screen. A large bone saw is at the side of the card. A pair of glasses is on top of the title.
Scene starts in the sick bay of the RED base. The medic is sitting on a smooth wooden chair, peering at a magazine. The title of the magazine is Mad Doctor Digest Issue 584.
The cameraman decides to tap the German medic's shoulder.
In less than ten seconds, the Medic swiftly attacks the naïve cameraman with his ubersaw. As the camera is knocked over, suddenly a technical difficulties card covers over the screen, showing a BLU Heavy making a last attempt to grab his sandvich as the Red Scout is about to bash the Russian's head in with his trademark bat.
Finally, order is restored in the sick bay. The Medic is sitting at his desk, with several trophies from his original career, including random organs. The doctor looked ruffled, but calm, for now. His hands were together, and he started to speak. "Zorry for causing the homicide of that crew member, I dislike, who poke me. I like my personal space, danke very much." He glared at the camera.
"Now you are vondering, what was mein job before joining reliable excavation and demolition?
Suddenly, a smile grew wider and wider on his face. "During World War two I first vorked at a prison camp, then a military base." A quick flashback is shown, the doctor wearing a gray uniform operating with a rather large scalpel. A crazed chuckle came out of the Medic's mouth. Soon the chuckle became a hysterical laughter.
"I can still hear those voices, crying, pleading and even outward begging!" Disembodied voices are echoing inside in sick bay. His hard laughter continued, as time passed. After one hour, he calmed down and continued.
"A lot of people still ask me, Medic, how did you invent the Medigun? Well, here is my secret to you!"
Suddenly, a BLU soldier came in off-screen and began shooting his bazooka. "Die you Nazi dog!"
The medic sighed and fired syringes from his second gun on the table, moving fast to dodge the shrapnel from the missiles. Although outgunned, with his faster speed, he outmaneuvered the BLU mercenary. "When I am finished with you, your pathetic bloody chunks will be turned into processed cat food!"
As the Medic drew closer, the BLU Soldier switched to his shotgun. Suddenly as the Soldier fired a few slugs, he was shot with the syringes, knocking him back. As the BLU Soldier cried in shock, with his blood being drained by the needles, the Medic slashed away at the Soldier. The severally dismembered BLU soldier fell, the "good doctor" smiled.
With his last breath, the BLU Soldier screamed at the doctor. "You stinking maggot! I will have revenge!"
The medic pulled a switch near his desk, activating a trapdoor underneath the BLU.
"Don't vorry; that chamber is filled with large maggots."
The medic sat back on his chair. "Now about my Medigun, I stole the prototype plans from the scientists of the Third Reich. They thought of only using this as a life draining gun, but they vere foolish! Why steal life when you can heal life?" [That actually rhymed!]
"Besides, without the uber charge and the critical hit blast I included, this would be just a simple gun." [Logically, normal guns are used to kill. The original plan for the prototype is to drain life, which is stupid.]
"I also help create the respawn chamber with the Engineer, which is able to revive any dead RED due to the DNA input of all members of RED.
Suddenly, a RED heavy ran in the sick bay. "Doktor, I need your assistance outside! The BLU babies is getting through to intelligence!"
"I can see Heavy, but be patient; I will be ready to move in a few minutes." The heavy nodded and moved outside the sick bay.
"Did I mention I work with Heavy much times? He is my usual meat shield to protect from shots, and in turn, I heal him constantly."
The medic waved his ubersaw around as he talked. "I can also be partners with the African Scottish drunk, that stupid American dummcopf, and that very terrifying flamethrower wielding teammate.
When the Medic waved his melee weapon to his back, he heard a pained cry behind him. The doctor slowly pulled his saw back; he stared at the blood spreading at the tip. Even slower, he turned his head. Lying on the metal floor was a BLU spy with his butterfly knife revealed. One thing came to the Medic's mind.
"You are one idiotic dummcopf!"
The next scene is in Badland Basin, the Heavy unleashing his minigun upon BLU members. The RED offense and defense followed. As he laughed and took damage from the desperate BLU, the Red medic healed the Russian with his Medigun. Soon as his uber charge was ready, a blast of red consumed the Medic and his powerful meat shield. Soon even sniper shots, rockets and flame was pushed off like tiny pebbles.
"Today is an Oktoberfest!" The medic cried loudly. As the power of the uber charge wore off, a BLU scout ran towards the medic, only to get himself gutted in his stomach with the ubersaw. "When all you BLU dummcopfs are dead, I will rip out your organs and grind them into sausages for my pet Dobermans!"
A close up of the Medic moves out as a picture of the whole team.
Team Fortress 2 ending music flourishes.
Last scene inside of mess hall "We did good doktor!" The Heavy munched on his stack of sandvichs.
"Indeed mein friend, now if we can find out the Pyro's gender."
Heavy nearly choked on his bite, he slowly glanced at Pyro. He/she was waving to him, blowing what looked like a kiss, and ate his/her spicy food, without taking it off his/her mask. Heavy's screams of shock was heard around the world in 80 days.
Next up, the complaints [If you can understand the ancient language of mumbling, grumbling, and unintelligible sounds] from the Pyro to the producer of Team Fortress!