Haha, sorry it's been ages^^' I wrote most of this during Christmas break but then I started having really bad headaches and heard I had to get glasses. Now that finally I have my glasses (hehe, I look really weird), you get fic3
So, dundunduuuuun. More Hidan-raging! BUT IT'S NOT HIS FAULT! More Retarded!Itachi! HE JUST NEEDS A HUG! Wardrobe malfunctions! Gift bags! Is it possible to overuse the word 'bitch'? Can ugliness make you blind? What the hell is wrong with Ms G? Will Kin and Ino ever be friends?
Chapter 2: The Girl who Taped
"TSUNADE MAIL!!!!" Kin screams despite feeling positively idiotic. Somehow the childish, superficial atmosphere of the flat has gotten to her, and she doesn't really mind playing by the ridiculous rules of Good Reality TV. She remembers watching Big Brother Oto in the TV room with all the other girls in the boarding school, analyzing the housemates and weaving intricate conspiracy theories on how the producers must have cast people into specific roles for good drama instead of wanting to observe the actions of Real People in unnatural surroundings.
It's only been eight days since the girls moved into the Akatsuki compound, and already a similar thing seems to have happened here. They've become charicatures of themselves.
Kin doesn't mind being a bitch. It's something she has learned to be the best defence in tough situations, and she has long stopped hoping everyone would like her. In a way, she thinks, Ino is the same. Kin can see the blonde girl from the corner of her eye, sitting on the floor in her purple velveteen track suit, painting her finger nails. Kin hates to admit it, but she doesn't actually think the other girl is as dumb as she seems. The dumb blonde act she puts on when Mr K or any of the Akatsuki guys are present is a mind game strategy; just an act to get Ino where she wants. Ino clearly hasn't been through as much shit as Kin herself, but the fighter potential is there. Well, whatever, Kin smiles to herself. Smart or not, she still hates the stupid cow.
Hinata is the last girl to appear in the living room, still dripping wet and wearing only a towel.
"I-I'm so-so-sor-"
"Fine, fine, fine", Kin cuts her off and waves the letter in the air in front of her. "Just shut the fuck up, all of you, and let me read the damn instructions."
Hinata doesn't sit down, instead she retreats back against the wall, blushing like crazy.
Kin clears her throat dramatically.
"Okay. 'We've heard you all talk the talk. But that's not all a model has to do. Be ready at 6 am. Tsunade.'"
"Runway."
"Ouch. And it starts at six. Why do we always have to start so damn early?"
"That's fashion world for you," Sakura smiles condescendingly at Temari. "If you can't handle-"
"I can handle it just fine," Temari rolls her eyes. "But tomorrow's just walking. Why can't we walk in daylight?"
"Well, maybe it isn't just walking," Kin muses as she crumbles the piece of cardboard in her hands and tosses it into the bin next to the couch.
"Quit jinxing us," Ino snaps.
*
Meanwhile elsewhere in the mysterious depths of the Akatsuki Compound, Orochimaru is spitting hair into a sink. Most of it is his own. There's also some blood, which, thank you for asking, is mostly not his.
"You have to admit, that was not the smartest way to handle this." The edge in Tsunade's voice is not softened by the bathroom door separating them.
"Shu' up!"
Tsunade's heel is clicking against the floor.
"Oro, I appreciate your noble attempt at giving me good TV, but honestly…"
"He started it!" Orochimaru pulls out the emergency eye liner he always carries in his jacket pocket and leans against the sink to get closer to the mirror.
"I know he did, he always does. But do you really have go along with it every single time? You're twice his age, is it really-"
Say what? Oro is out the door before Tsunade has finished her sentence.
"Did you just call me old?"
Tsunade stares at him.
"You're my age."
"I am not old!"
Tsunade sighs and raises her hands in surrender.
"Fine, you're still 25. Just like you've been for the last 25 years. And right now you kinda look 25. 25, stayed out drinking all night and woke up in a ditch with your head in an empty KFC bucket. Congratulations, so this season."
Orochimaru wants to hit her. But he knows from experience that she hits back even harder than Hidan, and he has to admit, he really doesn't feel like fighting again quite yet. Tsunade knows this. She smiles at him.
"I want you to go and apologize."
"WHAT?! Oh, hell no!"
"Oh, hell yes. This is my show. We get kicked out, I don't have a show. I don't have a show, you don't have a job."
"I don't need you. And I certainly do not need to apologize to that precocious little bag of shit."
"When was the last time you actually worked? You know, modelled?"
Orochimaru takes great pride in his bitchslaps; they're supersonic, sting like mad, all in all honed to perfection. But this time his hand gets nowhere near its target before Tsunade catches it midair, grabs his thumb in one fluid motion and twists it. Hard.
Orochimaru doesn't cry. If anyone asks, that howl was Mr K's dog.
*
Hidan has restyled his hair twice and isn't getting any happier. He wants to kill kill kill kill Orochimaru, strangle him, cut him, stab him, sever his limbs one by one and smash his skull and paint the godamned runway shining red with his blood. That would be some walking practice for the girls. Just walk, don't mind the squiggly bits of gray matter, a true model is never phased by small things like that. He licks his bleeding lower lip. Mmmm, bloooood.
A lock of hair springs up from his sleek wet look do, curving forward like an insect's antenna. Hidan glares at it, first in the mirror and then by crossing his eyes so badly they hurt. The lock does not seem intimidated. Hidan must be losing his touch.
He's about to visciously attack it with his tube of Got2b Extreme Fixation Gel when Itachi enters the large bathroom. The Uchiha looks tattered as usual in his dark flannel shirt and faded black jeans. He stops and stares at Hidan through the mirror. Hidan raises his pale eyebrows. Even with the one rebellious lock his hair looks tons better than Itachi's messy ponytail. Long black strands are so clean they're sticking to his pale face with static electricity, and Itachi seems to have forgotten his glasses on top of his head again. Judging from the way he's squinting his eyes, this probably happened yesterday.
"Oh, Hidan," Itachi says. "There's something on your forehead."
"No there isn't. You're going blind." It's not fair, taking his anger out on Itachi, but Hidan doesn't really care too much about being fair. Plus, Itachi never realises when he's being insulted.
"Oh, right, that must be it." Itachi waves his hand in front of his face as if chasing a way an invisible fly and moves over to the urinal. Hidan plays with the idea of kicking the other man in the backs of his knees but abandons the thought. After all, Itachi is mostly harmless. Instead he squeezes the rest of the gel from the tube onto his head and spreads it all over his hair. That should do the trick.
As he emerges from the bathroom he walks straight into Kisame who is standing just outside the door, practically leaning against it.
"Bwaaaah! WHAT THE HELL?!"
"Sorry, Hidan…. I … nothing." For such a large man, Kisame can disappear very quickly when he wants to. Hidan watches him hobble down the corridor with annoyed disbelief. How could he not get angry when every single person around him is so frustratingly weird? He makes his way back to their comfortable break room. He needs some coffee. There better be coffee.
There isn't any coffee. Deidara is lounging on the couch, yapping on his phone, and Konan is sitting at the large table with her newspaper, wearing nothing but a slinky purple nightie and insanely high black stilettos.
"Why isn't there any coffee?" Hidan whines to no one in particular and pokes at the orange gerbera sitting in a vase on the table.
"Wow, Hidan. You look like shit," Konan observes happily.
"Fuck you."
"You fought with him again, didn't you."
"Who?" Deidara asks, interrupting his call for some delicious office gossip.
"Orochimaru," Konan explains, before turning back to Hidan. "Didn't you?"
"None of your fucking business. Why isn't there any coffee?"
"I'm guessing because no one's made any," Konan offers helpfully.
"Well, fuck."
"Indeed." Konan straightens the paper with a rustle and goes back to ignoring both of the men in the room.
Hidan is annoyed, he hates being ignored when he's angry, so he stomps over to the couch and kicks Deidara in the shin.
"Owww! What the hell, man?"
"Make some coffee."
"Hidan, stop kicking Deidara and make some coffee." Pain closes the door behind him and takes a seat beside Konan.
"Good morning," he greets her. "You look very pretty today."
"Why thank you." Konan smiles like a cat that's being petted. "You don't look too bad yourself."
They're annoying and chirpy and flirty and Hidan has to kick Deidara again before going over to the kitchenette corner to make some coffee. Unfortunately, Pain's attention is back on him, and his next question makes Hidan pour the water intended for the coffee maker all over himself.
"So, Hidan. Is the showroom runway ready yet? From what I heard, Orochimaru had some pretty good ideas."
"Do not mention that name." Hidan shakes the now empty coffee pot at Pain.
"Does that mean you're not done?" Pain sighs. "Well, you have until the day after tomorrow. After that, I need to get the electricians in. So just, try and get along, ok?"
"Get along?! The man is in-fucking-sane. He wants feathers and curtains and a fucking fountain, and I have a budget of four grand. FOUR FUCKING GRAND! I'd like to see you try and get along with him!"
"Well, you could just tell Kakuzu that you need more money. Nothing set in stone."
Hidan glares at the orange-haired man.
"You try telling Kakuzu you need more money."
"If you're so scared of Kakuzu, you can always just go straight to Madara."
"I AM NOT SCARED. I just don't like fighting."
Konan snorts and buries her face in the paper. Deidara is less discreet.
"Ahahahaha oh my god, you won't believe what Hidan just said," he gleefully tells whoever is on the phone, "That he doesn't like fighting! I know, right! Bwahahahahaa!"
Hidan has very much had enough. He slams the coffee pot into the sink not caring if it breaks and storms over to the door. But once again there's someone right behind it.
"Oh fucking fuck on a fuck sandwich. What the hell do you want?"
Orochimaru looks very uncomfortable. Tsunade is standing right behind him, looking gorgeous as usual in a long bottle green dress.
"I... uhh."
"Say it," Tsunade commands and pokes Orochimaru in the temple.
"Oww! Alright! Fine." He turns back to Hidan, eyes flaming.
"Well?" Hidan asks, his voice cold. "Let's hear it then, retard. In case you didn't notice, I was on my way out and you're standing in my way."
The muscles in Orochimaru's thin cheeks tighten.
"I'm trying to apologize, bitch!" he growls through gritted teeth.
"Bitch please. Who died and made you Gandhi?"
"Uhh, Gandhi?"
"Whatever!"
"Don't 'whatever' me, bitch!"
"What was that, bitch?"
"Who you calling a bitch, bitch!"
"Ima call any bitch a bitch if they act like a bitch and lemme tell you, bitch-"
"STOP IT! STOP IT RIGHT THIS MINUTE! BOTH OF YOU! NOT ANOTHER WORD!" Pain's roar jolts both Hidan and Orochimaru out of their little bitch bubble, and after he's done yelling, the room is suddenly very quiet. Pain coughs and draws another deep, slightly wheezy breath. There's a thick vein visible in his reddening forehead.
"Don't get excited," Konan tells him. She draws out a small brown paper bag out of her seemingly inexhaustible stash somewhere and hands it to the man. Clutching the bag tightly, Pain stumbles over to the door. He pulls Hidan back by the shoulder and steps between the two troublemakers.
"I'm so sick of you-" Pain has to take a break and hide his face in the brown bag, "-acting like-" Wheeze "-acting like children..." Wheeze "oh god, Konan, I don't feel so good." In a split second, Konan is also by the door, holding Pain up by his arm. The narrow doorway is starting to get very crowded.
"What's going on?" Itachi has appeared behind Tsunade with Kisame in tow. "Why is everybody yelling?" He's is squinting at them, trying to make sense of the blobs of colour wobbling in front of him. Kisame gently untangles Itachi's glasses from his hair and carefully places them on the shorter man's nose.
"Oh," Itachi blinks. "Wow. Hidan, you look like shit."
"Hee hee hee," Orochimaru sneers, pointing at Hidan from behind Pain's back. Hidan nearly knocks Konan over in his attempt to get around Pain to strangle Orochimaru and it takes a well-aimed punch from Tsunade to stop him.
After Hidan's being knocked out Pain's legs finally give in, and he slides down onto the floor. "Ok," he gasps. "everyone. Get to work. Just... go. Away. Not you, Konan." He looks up, still panting. "And Orochimaru. If the runway isn't painted and decorated in two days, I am firing both him and you, and neither of you will ever work in this this industry again. And this time I really mean it. I'm sick of this shit." He turns to Tsunade. "Take him away, lock him up if you have to."
"Roger." Tsunade brings her right right hand up to her forehead in a military-style salute and grabs Orochimaru by the neck with her left. "Let's go, bitch."
*
The following morning is not a happy one. Ino can't find the pair of her powder blue ankle boot and promptly accuses Kin of hiding it. Kin tells her she wouldn't dare to touch those boots for fear of catching their hideousness and Ino hits her in the face with a blow dryer.
When Mr K arrives at 05:45, Kin is still sitting on the kitchen floor, bawling her eyes out, while Sakura is crouching next to her, holding a tissue to the brunette's bleeding nose. Temari has stepped in for her injured sister-in-arms and has already ruined two of Ino's outfits by spraying Diet Coke on them.
At some point Hinata found the missing boot by the patio door but was too scared to -venture into the battlefield to deliver it. Her "p-pp-pl-ple-ease d-don't f-fff" was lost in the rage of the battle and she finally gave up and handed the shoe to Shiho instead.
The librarian braced herself and entered the living room only to barely dodge a hairbrush flying through the air. So she sat down on the couch, and carefully placed the shoe next to her, intending to wait for a temporary ceasefire, but forgot and wandered off to the kitchen when the idea of coffee entered her slightly scatterbrained head. Mr K, after getting over his slight miff over the fact that no one noticed his entrance, sits on the couch, hoping for the situation to evolve into a model pillow fight. The sharp heel of Ino's boot digging into his buttock makes him jump up with a slightly girly shriek, and thus finally brings peace to the room.
Temari, her hands tangled in Ino's hair, has to turn her head nearly 180 degrees to see what's going on the couch behind her. Mr K smiles behind is ever-present scarf. "Don't mind me, girls, just keep going."
"Uhh, weren't we supposed to be ready at 6 am?" Tenten asks. She has taken refuge in a corner, protecting her cup of coffee with two hands.
Mr K stares at her. Who is this girl again?
Tenten stares back. "Isn't that why you're here? To takes wherever they want us to be?"
Mr K says nothing. Now that he thinks of it, he does have the teeniest recollection of seeing this girl before. Maybe she's one of the cleaners that work here. Ah, yes. That must be it. He smiles at her. "It's ok, we'll be gone in a few minutes. You can start with the bathrooms, and we'll be out of your way in no time."
The girl looks confused. Hmm, maybe she's a foreigner. "Gone. Soooooooon," Mr K repeats, pronouncing very clearly and pointing at the bathroom door. "Soooooooooon."
Tenten blinks. Either Mr K is having some sort of a strange seizure or he's just very excited about having to use the toilet. She can't help with either so she takes her cup and goes to her bedroom to get ready, leaving the obviously raving mad Mr K sooing and mooing to himself.
It takes another 30 minutes for everyone to get their act together and it's nearly half six before Mr K finally leads them into the smaller runway room. The large hall is dark and empty save for the runway itself. Mr K isn't fooled. He knows Ms G, he probably has some very strange shit planned for today.
Sure enough, the runway explodes into fireworks as the doors close behind Sakura, the last in line. The girls all jump about a feet into the air, fireworks at 6:30 am is not what they were expecting. After the smoke as evaporated they huge flaming letters burning above the runway, spelling the word 'sparkle!'.
A figure appears at the far end of the runway, and music starts blaring out of invisible speakers.
It's your time to sparkle, your time to sparkle, girl! Work it while you're still young!
The character struts over to them, working the runway, hips jutting from side to side like there's no tomorrow. It's Ms G.
"Good god," someone whispers behind Ino. Ino agrees. Good god, indeed. Ms G is wearing a bright green catsuit with orange fur leg warmer, and instead of his usual bowl cut he's sporting a huge black afro. And... is that a glittering pink comb half visible at the top of said afro?
"Good morning, ladies! Are you ready to sparkle with the power of youth?!"
Damn Kin for challenging fashion world karma. This is definitely not 'just walking'.
Ms G jumps down from the runway. "Good morning, K! My eternal rival, are you ready to be blown away?"
Mr K smiles. "Sure!"
"GOOD! Oh, by the way, where's your dog?"
"He's sick, unfortunately. Headache. I've told him he probably needs glasses but he won't believe me."
"Oh, poor thing. He's missing quite a show!"
"I bet." Actually, Pakkun isn't sick at all. He's scouting the compound at Mr K's orders, sniffing out interesting gossip and reporting it to his master via an ear piece hidden in Mr K poofy hair.
"ALRIGHTY!" Ms G's attention is back on the girls. "You must be shaking with excitement by now!" He smiles, showing every single one of his blindingly white teeth. "Now, today you're all getting a SUPER SPECIAL treat! That's right, you are going to learn the most important walk a model ever has to use. It has many names, but I'll be referring to it as The Fierce Walk! Now get up on that runway!"
The girls are glad to get away from the scary man. They form a line at the far end of the runway in front of the shabby white curtains slightly blackened by the firework show. No one wants to go first.
"Oh, for the love of god," Ino huffs and pushes her way forward, making sure her foot hits Kin on the way. "I'll go first."
If it's sexy they want, she's going to give them that. How hard can it be?
"Err... Did you dislocate your shoulder? That looked kind of painful." Ms G is not looking very impressed. Ino is fuming. That was her sexiest walk! Weird dress-wearing man-thing! Howe could he know anything about female sensuality! Stupid ass. She marches back to the other girls. Kin and Temari are laughing. "I'm sorry about your shoulder, Ino, maybe you should go see a doctor just in case."
"Shut your face, ho-bag! You wouldn't know sexy if it forced itself down your throat!"
"Hey, chill bitches! Next girl, start walking. Chop chop!" Apparently the idea of a another model bitch fight is not appealing even to Mr K.
None of them do much better than Ino. Kin gets told of for trying to be too sexy and Shiho apparently walks like a horse. Sakura is last. She walks fast, heels clicking and arms swaying and makes it to the end of the runway twice faster than anyone else.
"Oh, god. What are you? A business man who forgot his laptop?" Ms G rolls his eyes at Mr K. "We have a loooot of work to do."
*
"Well done, Hinata! Finally!" Ms G gave them all 6inch orange stilettos and has made them walk, walk and walk for thee hours straight. Hinata was the last to receive her thumbs up, and looks tired enough to fall asleep right there on the runway. Ms G doesn't look tired at all. He jumps up from his collapsible chair and claps his hands.
"Yes! I KNEW you'd all get it! And for that, you're all getting a special treat!"
A tall, grumpy looking man whose skin looks strangely bluish appears from the shadows, pushing a large cart loaded with pink paper bags. Ino squeeks. Gift bags! Now she really feels like a model! She and Kin are the first to reach the cart but the other girls are right on their heals. The man who brought the gift bags retreats away from the cart that is now resembling a dead buffalo surrounded by a group of hungry lionesses.
"Alright! That, my darling little balls of youthful bitchiness, is what you'll be wearing for the next task!"
Ino's hands are shaking so badly she barely hold the bag. She has to sit down on the floor, her knees are about to give in. She looks up, horrified. It's Kin's dark eyes that meet hers, and Ino can see the other girl is just as petrified as she is. In that shared moment of horror, they feel connected despite all their hatred for one another.
"I can't wear this," Kin whispers, crouching down next to Ino. The blonde shakes her head. She lets the bag fall onto her lap and reaches over to take Kin's hand. The black-haired girl flinches but doesn't pull away. "Don't worry," Ino whispers. "This doesn't mean I like you. I just don't think we should be alone right now." Kin nods. It's the first time Ino has ever seen her look so vulnerable.
Around them the other girls are also digging into their bags and coming to the same horrible conclusion: Ms G wants them to dress like him, green spandex, legwarmers, orange leather gloves. They even get their own sparkly little afro combs.
The patron saints of fashion and good taste must either be dead, or rolling on the ground, choking on their own blood.
Ms G, unfortuntaly, is still alive and well. He claps his hands excitedly. "OK! Go get ready! And this time, WORK IT!"
*
Haku is not looking froward to the next bit. But spandex tends to reveal more than it hides and he doesn't feel like giving up on the game just yet. He pulls at the handle, but the bathroom door doesn't open.
"Hello?" he starts nervously, "Are you going to take long?"
There's no answer. He presses his ear against the door. He can hear faint ruffling and huffing, a few muttered curse words and then a strange screeching sound.
"Umh, are you ok in there?" he tries again. The noises stop and after a few seconds the door opens, but only very slightly.
"Who is it," Temari's voice is nervous and her green eye is peering out through the small crack. "Oh, you," she sounds relieved.
"What on earth are you doing?"
"Shhhh!" Temari's eye looks left and right, checking if they could be overheard. "Get in here."
As soon as Haku is inside the cubicle Temari slams the door shut again, locks it and leans against it with a groan. It's only now that Haku gets a proper look at what she's wearing. Temari is in her underwear, but her bra is hardly visible from under what appears to be a dozen layers of silver duct tape.
"I have an embarrassing problem."
"You got... attacked by Macgyver?"
"No!" Temari rubs her eyes. "I can't fit into that goddamn suit. I can't zip it up. So I thought I'd just.... Arrgh! I don't know what I thought!" Her eyes look a little red. "Haku, what the hell am I going to do? You heard Ms G. One size fits all. Well, not me I doesn't!" She slides down onto the floor, the duct tape pulling her skin into strange lumps. Haku squats down next to her.
"I'll tell you what," he says in his best reassuring voice, "I'll help you, if you let me borrow your tape."
Temari raises an eyebrow. Haku mimicks her.
"Oh, right. Shit. I'm sorry. Wow. That must hurt like mother fucker."
Haku cringes. "You have no idea."
*
"Alright!" Ms G shouts from the other side of the curtain. "I want you to come out, one by one, and give me your sassiest, edgiest, sexiest walk. And when you get to the end of the runway, strike a pose, and I'll take a picture. That's right, surprise, this is also your photoshoot! So, you better work it! You better SPARKLE!"
Haku doesn't feel particularly sparkly. Walking hurts like hell and he doesn't really know how to move his hips without getting very sensitive areas pulled in all directions in a very uncomfortable way. He's never bothered to learn how to tuck properly, and he'd never ever have guessed he might actually need that knowledge one day. The only one looking almost as bad as he feels is Temari who can barely move her upper torso. Haku is still not quite sure how they did it, but somehow they got her into the suit and then Haku wriggled his arm inside and taped the underside of the zipper while Temari slowly pulled it up. Getting her out of the suit will be a whole new challenge.
Haku shouldn't have worried. At Ms G's call, Temari steps out first. She makes it to the end of the runway just fine, but gets a little overconfident as breathing gets easier, further encouraged by Ms G's enthusiastic applauds. If she'd bothered to think, she might have realised that the loss of constriction actually meant that the tape was peeling off, not that she was just getting used to it. Unfortunately, she decides to pose like she means it, arching her back and pushing her chest out, pose completed with a winning smile, and then... Crack. The zipper bursts open, all the way down to her crotch. Ms G's camera falls, revealing his mouth hanging open. For a moment they just stare at each other, until Temari's shocked mind finally connects the dots.
"Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuuuuuuuuuuuck!" Desperately trying to pull the bits of green spandex to cover herself, she jumps off the runway and dashes past Ms G and Mr K, both still flabbergasted, and finally, out of the door.
Mr K brings his hand up to his scarf. "K to P. Potential drama heading south from the south-west runway room. I repeat. Potential drama heading south. K out."
*
Temari has made her way back to the apartment and although she really wants to lock herself in a bathroom again, she opts for stealing one of Kin's cigarettes instead. After a few hours she can hear the front door. They're home.
She waits for a while, but no one comes to her. No gloating, no laughing, no questions. The house is quiet.
She gets up and opens the patio door. "Hello?" No answer. "Kin? Haku? Are you back?"
A small, ugly dog, like a cross between a pug and a chihuahua, totters up to her.
"Eurh," it says.
Temari doesn't really know what to think.
"Uhm. Hi. Are you lost?"
"Mrh." The dog licks her big toe, turns, and totters back across the living room. After a while Temari hears the front door again. She is still standing by the patio door, now wondering if she's lost her mind. Then she starts laughing.
When the girls arrive after a short while, she still sitting there, on the floor, laughing her ass off.
*
It's Saturday morning and the girls are standing in front of the judges again. Mr K is sitting in the guest judge seat and Tsunade is standing in front of the long table in a long pink dress with a Chinese style high collar and her hair up in a bun.
"Hello girls, and welcome to your third judging. Behind me is our wonderful panel of judges and guest judging this week is our very own little detective, Mr K. This week you'll be judged by your walk and the pictures from you're runway day with Ms G. We have randomly selected the beginner and Tenten, you're first. Please walk up to me, showing three distinctly different walks."
Temari is last. She can feel the eyes of the judges burn her skin, and walks fast to get out of the situation as soon as possible. She already screwed up, not much a prance around the judging room could do.
Tsunade then tells them to leave the room for the deliberation and when she says it, she's looking straight at Temari.
*
"Alright, let's get this over with." Madara points at Haku, Ino and Sakura.
"Best walks, hands down. They're in."
"She's too bony. I'm all for fitness but she has no curves whatsoever." Jiraya brings Haku's picture closer to his face. "I still feel there's something not right here."
"Pfft." Tsunade picks up Shiho's picture."She's even bonier."
Jiraya snorts. Tsunade rolls her eyes. "What is it, Jiraya?"
"Teeheehee, you said 'boner'."
"There's no I in boner."
"There is one."
"Oh for fucks sake."
"Oh, if that's where you want to take it!"
"Jiraya, shut up, or I'll take a leaf out of Temari's book and duct tape your whole face!"
"Ahaha, that's right. Temari. Your precious Big-is-Beautiful protégé. She really did it this time, didn't she."
"She had an accident," Tsunade snaps, her glare shifting from Jiraya to Orochimaru.
"She broke the outfit," Ms G grumbles.
"And what a loss it was!"
"Tsunade, I'm afraid they have a point," Madara interrupts. "The show numbers come in specific sizes, and the model is the hangar that we use to get them on display. If the hangar is too big, the clothes don't look the way they should."
"But, when I started-"
"THIS IS NOT THEN!" Madara hates it when he has to raise his voice. "This is now. Why is it that every single judging always turns into a retarded shouting match?"
"Hahahaa, you heard him, Tsunade. You were WRONG! And guess who was right, all along? That's right, ME!" Orochimaru sticks his tongue out at Tsunade.
"Is that so? Jiraya, hold his arms!"
Orochimaru screeches like a turkey on the night before Thanksgiving when Tsunade lands on his lap. Jiraya's got his arms in an efficient lock behind his back and before he can scream again, a piece silver tape covers his mouth, followed by a few more for good measure.
Tsunade huffs and brushes an escaped lock off hair off her face. About 20 of the lowest of the tiny clips keeping her dress together have become undone in the process and she is now showing a fair amount of leg.
"See," she smiles at Orochimaru, pointing at her exposed thigh. "Happens to the fucking best of us."
"Hoohan' shiuheedehenhenha!" Orochimaru mumbles behind his tape.
"Oh, what was that? Can't really hear you."
Madara's forehead hits the table with a thump. It's only been two weeks and his esteemed guests are really getting on his last nerve.
"I'm sorry, Tsunade, but I've made my decision. Call them back and wrap it up. I have other business to attend to."
The girls return to find Tsunade flushed with anger, Orochimaru with her mouth taped shut and Madara nowhere to be seen.
"Right. Well, as you all know by now, one of you is going home today. I call your name, you get your picture, you're still in." Her tone is sharp and she's speaking very fast, not at all like her usual warm, understanding self.
"Right, then." Tsunade flips over the first photo. "Shiho. This picture is exquisite. Your cheekbones are to die for and you actually manage to look good in that hideous outfit. And those arms. That, right there, is modelling. You've definitely learned something. So, you are the winner this week."
Shiho's face lights up but Tsunade raises her hand before she can say anything. "However. Some of your frames looked down right disturbing. Your spine is visible even through the fabric, and your legs look like they're about to snap. You need to eat more. Shut up, Orochimaru. I have scheduled for you a meeting with a nutritionist, and if you won't go and see him, I'll eliminate you from this competition."
Shiho says nothing, takes her picture and stumbles over to the left side of the room.
Tsunade flips the next photo. "Sakura."
Finally, only two girls are left. Temari has found her self esteem again and although she knows what is coming, she steps in front of Tsunade with her head held high. Tsunade sighs.
"There are two amazing girls standing in front of me, but I only have only have one picture in my hands." She flips the picture over. "Hinata, congratulations. You're still in the running to become Konoha's Next Top Model."
Trembling, Hinata accepts her picture and joins the other girls. Tsunade wipes her eyes.
"You have no idea how sorry I am to have to say this."
Temari smiles. "It's alright."
Tsunade sniffs. "You're a wonderful, beautiful girl and I know we're going to see more of you." A whistle and 'yes, please' sounds from Jiraya's end of the judges' table. Tsunade rolls her eyes, making Temari giggle.
"Thanks for the opportunity, Tsunade."
"Thank you, Temari."
They hug and Temari turns to leave, but stops after one step and turns back. "Hey, umh, could I just say something, into a camera? I want to send a message to my brother."
"Sure," Tsunade points her to the right camera.
"Thanks." Temari stares straight into a camera and lifts up her middle finger. "To my darling brother, Kankuro Sabaku: I won, loser, look where I am. You owe me a palace!"
***
Oh, Temari, I am soooo sorryXD
so, who do you think is going to win? Who would you want to win?