A Shopping Trip

As Told By Edward Cullen

When I woke up, it was to find myself wrapped around Bella. She fit me, as if she were a piece I had been missing. I wanted nothing more than to wrap her tighter in my arms and go back to sleep, but when I looked at the clock it was already eight thirty.

I wanted to get on the road. I may have been a little distracted during my conversation with Carlisle, but I could distinctly remember him mentioning Charlie coming after us. Now, I'm not a man who's easily intimidated… but Charlie owns a gun, and as a police officer I was approximately ninety-nine point nine six percent sure that he knew how to use it.

I wanted to avoid gun toting daddy at all costs.

I carefully dislodged myself from Bella, and watched her sleep for a few minutes. She muttered my name once, and her arms reached out for me, so I put my pillow in them, and she wrapped herself around it. I wanted to get away, but I was also loathe to wake her up, so I figured I could do a couple of errands on my own before I came back.

Like visiting a pharmacy.

After leaving Bella a note in case she woke up before I got back, I made my way to the nearest Walgreens. Once there, I found myself facing a rather interesting dilemma.

I really had no clue whatsoever on what I should buy. I had figured I'd just come, grab a box of condoms, and be on my merry way.

Now I found myself facing a wall of condoms, and no idea what kind I should get. I didn't think flavoured would go over well with Bella. To me they seemed to yell "sleeze bag," especially since she had told me she wasn't ready for sex. Wouldn't flavoured say "I want you to blow me" or something like that?

"For Her Pleasure" and "Ribbed" seemed to be the best bets, but I was still unsure.

Looking to my right, I saw another section full of lubricants, spermicidal spray, female condoms, and sponges. Would Bella want sponges? How did sponges even work? They never explained that to us in high school.

"Hi, can I help you?" I jumped a foot in the air and knocked three boxes and two bottles of lubricant off the shelves when the perky voice startled me.

"Oh my gosh," a bleach blonde girl with brown eyes covered her mouth with her hands. "I'm so sorry. I was just seeing if you needed any help. You looked a little unsure."

"I… er…" I wasn't sure what to do. I did need help, and the girl wore the green Walgreens uniform, but she also appeared to be around my age. Did I really want to ask someone the same age as me for advice on safe sex methods?"

"There's no need to be so unsure," the girl told me. "I mean, you are totally hot and everything, but the boss frowns on unprofessional behaviour, and I really, really need this job."

"Well," I looked around helplessly, but there didn't seem to be anyone else I could ask. "My girlfriend and I… we're… uh…"

"No need to say anything more," the girl replied. "These are the best ones if you want to impress her," she pulled down a box of the For Her Pleasure Trojans off a hook. "Although these ones aren't so bad, even if they are glow in the dark," she handed me another box. "Is your girlfriend on birth control?"

"Uh, no… and we're not from around here, so she can't really get any, and-"

"You'll want this, then," she handed me a bottle of the spermicidal spray. "And probably some lubricant… oooh, there's cherry. I've never tried that before!"

I stared at her when she gave the squeal and pulled a bottle down. When she saw my face, she blushed.

"Ooops… that was so not professional. Do me a favour, and don't mention it to the boss? She's been on the war path lately, and I don't think she'll be in any better of a mood once she's done talking to the gruff, grumpy guy who came in earlier. They've been in the office for like ten minutes."

"Uhm, no problem," I replied slowly. "So… cherry you said?"

Ten minutes later, the girl, who I had discovered was named Sarah, was ringing my purchases through.

"Be sure to use both the condoms and the spermicidal spray for maximum protection, and I'd keep using the spray even if your girlfriend does go on the pill. It's just, you know, safer. That'll be forty-one dollars and twenty six cents."

I handed her my credit card.

"Well… uh… thanks," I said once I had signed the credit slip and accepted the pharmacy bag.

"It was no problem… and have fun," Sarah gave me a wink and I felt myself flush. I muttered something to her and turned to leave the pharmacy. I knocked into someone as I exited, and it sent my bag, and the lubricant and spermicidal spray flying.

"Crap," I muttered, picking all of the stuff up. I tossed the spray back in, and grabbed the lubricant. Standing up, I glanced around to make sure no one had seen my embarrassing display.

My eyes met those of Police Chief Charles Swan through the Walgreens window. He was halfway down one of the aisles, paused in mid step, and his shocked stare was alternating between me and the bottle clasped in my hand.

As I raced back to the motel room, there were only three things I knew for certain:

One: Charlie was here, and a very large part of him wanted to kill me.

Two: I was a fool for not taking Carlisle seriously when he said Charlie was going to come after us.

And three: the Police Chief of Police had seen me holding lubricant in the Walgreens lobby, and would now want me to suffer slowly and painfully before he killed me.

I was so screwed.