Chapter 4-Understanding

They set up camp half-way to Denerim. They were tired and it was a long trek to Denerim. Wynne went to bed as soon as her tent was ready. Aubrie was worried about her. She knew Wynne's days were numbered, but she prayed to the Maker that he wouldn't take her too soon. Zevran, in an attempt to provoke Alistair, offered the share his tent with Aubrie who of course refused. "No. Oh well. Alistair you'll have to tell me one day what it takes to bed this beautiful woman." Zevran said before he entered his tent, leaving a shocked Aubrie and a blushing Alistair.

Aubrie didn't feel like going to sleep yet. She still couldn't get the Circle out of her mind. Maybe it was just because she was used to challenges in her adventures, but things just didn't seem right. What would a knight from Highever have against Connor? She couldn't help thinking that this might be a trap, or that maybe Connor wasn't kidnapped at all. What if he did run away from the Circle and his friends were just trying to protect him? If that were the case, how did they know the knight.

Aubrie really wanted to talk to someone, but since Wynne and Zevran were already asleep, that only left Alistair. She watched him as poked at the fire. She didn't think he would want to talk considering he'd pretty much been giving her the cold shoulder the whole time. Well she wouldn't know unless she tried.

"Alistair can I talk to you about something?" She looked over at Alistair with uncertainty.

To her surprise he answered. "Sure, why not?"

"Well," she began. "I was thinking about what happened at the Circle. It just seemed simple...too simple. I mean, if what the apprentices said were true, why didn't anyone try to stop the knight? Why would they allow someone to take Connor without at least trying to help him."

"I don't know," he answered. "So what are you saying? That you think we're being led into a trap."

"Well that's one of the conclusions I came to." she replied.

Alistair threw up his hands. "Great, not only am I stuck on another mission with you, but it's possible I'm being led into a trap. I knew I should have just stayed in Lothering."

Aubrie had enough. "That's it, Alistair Theirin," she yelled. "I'm sick of the insults. You have no right to judge me, not when you never listened to my side of the story."

"What 'other side' could there be," he argued. "You allowed the man who let Duncan die, to live. Duncan deserved to be avenged that day at the Landsmeet, and I should have been the one to avenge him. But you took that away from me. You got your vengeance with Howe. Why couldn't you let me have mine?"

"Is that was this is all about?" she lowered her voice. "Vengeance. Well let me tell you Alistair Theirn, it's not all it's cracked up to be. Killing Howe did not bring my parents back, just as killing Loghain would not bring Duncan back. He's gone forever. You need to let go and move on." She moved closer to him, bringing her hand up to touch his cheek. She spoke softly. "You'd be surprised what the future could hold for you."

She could still see the doubt in his eyes. She lowered hand and dropped her gaze from his. "It doesn't matter does it. Your mind is made up." The tears were threatening her eyes. She turned and ran off into the woods before he could watch them fall.

"Alistair what did you do to her?" he heard Wynne say behind him.

"Nothing," he whined. "She started it."

Wynne walked over to stand next to him. "Alistair, you're a grown man, not a child who just got caught fighting with another child."

"I know Wynne," he replied. "But I just don't understand her. Why would she let him live?"

"Perhaps that's a question you should ask her, and this time listen to her," she scolded before getting up to go back to her tent. "You'd be surprised what you could learn."

Alistair thought about it. Wynne was right. He really should let Aubrie explain herself. He owed her that much. "Guess I better go find her." he said to himself.

***

He found her sitting on the ground next to a nearby creek, her arms wrapped around her knees which were drawn up to her chest. She was looking straight ahead, deep in thought. Alistair sat down next to her. "Did I ever tell you that I'm a bastard."

She smiled and nodded slightly. "You have."

He laughed. "Yes well I'm telling you again. I'm a bastard." Then he became serious. "Aubrie I'm sorry. You're right. I shouldn't judge you without hearing you out. I'm willing to listen now.

"Remember all the times we would find random books during our quests." she asked

He nodded. He did not know where this was going, but he promised he would listen.

"Well I kept some of them," she explained. "The ones about the Grey Wardens and the past Blights anyway. I wanted to understand more about the order and what our real purpose was. I read about the different Grey Wardens who defeated the Archdemons from the other Blights."

"Sounds rather boring." he interrupted.

"It was actually quite fascinating." she claimed. "However, as my research continued, I noticed that nothing was mentioned about the Grey Wardens after the Blights. I began to fear something terrible had happened to them." Then she looked at Alistair. "I know there were three of us at the time of the Landsmeet, but I didn't think it would be enough. When Riordan mentioned making Loghain a Grey Warden, I accepted. I knew it wasn't what you wanted, but I thought you trusted me enough to accept my decision."

Alistair winced. That was a dig at him, but he knew he deserved it.

Aubrie continued. "The night before the final battle, Riordan confirmed my fears. Because of the taint in our blood, when a Grey Warden kills the Archdemon, its essence travels to the Grey Warden...killing the Grey Warden."

Aubrie gave Alistair a moment to let it sink in. Then she went on, "Riordan offered to strike the final blow, but he said if he failed, the duty would fall to myself or Loghain. Riordan did in fact fail, so it was up to us. I made Loghain sacrifice himself, though it wasn't difficult to convince him. I think he wanted to glory. Although I regret that he was seen as a hero, I don't regret my decision. I know you Alistair, you would've never let sacrifice myself. So if Loghain dying a hero means you're still alive, then I don't care if you hate me for it, I would make the same decision in a heartbeat. I could not go on living knowing you weren't"

She stood up and started to walk away but Alistair called after her. "Aubrie wait."

Slowly she turned around. Alistair walked up to her. She was crying. Alistair felt a pain in his heart. He did this to her. Maker he was a bastard. Cupping her face in both hands, he wiped away her tears with her thumb. "I understand now why you did what you did and...I'm sorry. You're right I should have trusted your decision." Aubrie's tears began to flow more freely. Alistair pulled her against him, letting her head rest on his chest while she cried. "Aubrie please don't cry. Maker, I'm such a fool."

"Alistair I've missed you so much." She looked up at him. "Do you know what it's been like living all this time without you. Never knowing where you were, wondering if you were ok."

"I think I have a pretty good idea," he answered. "More than you could possibly know." Then his arms tightened around her and before she knew it, he was kissing her. It was slow at first. Just two sets of lips fused together as one. Then Alistair's lips parted and Aubrie followed his lead. The kiss soon turned hot and passionate as his tongue found hers. Aubrie's arms came up around Alistair's neck and she became lost in his kiss. It was as if the whole world disappeared and all that was left was her and Alistair. She didn't want it to end, ever.

It had to, however. They had to find Connor. It was obvious he was in some kind of danger and they needed to find him before something awful happened. Reluctantly she broke the kiss. "As much a I would love to stay here kissing you forever, unfortunately we need to get some rest before we head off to Denerim tomorrow."

Alistair laughed. "You're right. If we keep this up, I don't think I would be able to keep my hands off you long enough for either of us to get any rest." Then in a seductive voice he said, "Just so you know, when this is over, I'm going to drag you to the nearest place with a bed and make mad passionate love to you until you can't take it anymore."

She moaned. "I'm going to hold you to that promise." But her sadness returned when she remembered she had yet to tell him about the twins.

Concerned, Alistair asked, "What's the matter?"

"Hmm?" she hadn't realized Alistair had noticed her change in behavior. She sighed. Now was not the time to tell him. "Oh, nothing, I'm just worried about Connor. Let's head back to camp, shall we?"

"Of course, My Lady." They walked back to camp hand in hand.