Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters and I'm certainly not being paid for writing this.
Notes: Okay, yes, this contains m/m romance...sort of, so if you don't like it don't read it.
Point of no return
Do you believe there is only one soul mate for the rest of your life? Do you believe there is only one person in the whole world that can be your true love?
I didn't.
To me, those were foolish ideals and unrealistic hopes.
Of course everybody would like to think there is only one person you are destined to love—and said person will love you in return unselfishly, passionately and unconditionally—because they are afraid of ending up alone and that's why millions of people are searching for their Romeo or their Juliet…or their Edward and Bella in case Shakespeare bores you.
I believed such love was nonsense.
Money, success, power; all of that was far more real than the illusion of love.
While growing up I was taught to appreciate these three things, to set them as my lifetime goals. These three words were what defined me. Other concepts were mere formalities and pleasantries; friendship meant having contacts you could use to climb higher; trust was a pretence; and love? There was no place for such an absurd sentiment.
Act cool, calmed and reserved; don't let them know how you feel or what you think so you can always have the upper hand; that was how I lived. It was a harsh world, but the rules were clear and simple, until something big happened: I met him. Tamaki Suou.
He wasn't perfect—gallant and extroverted, charming and a bit spoiled—but he loved living life through his emotions, never afraid of being ridiculous or childish. He simply was himself; no masks, no facades.
I had never encountered a man like him before and, naturally, I distrusted him and tried to take as much as possible from him and his name (like I have done with most of the people I have met), but without being aware of it, he dragged me into his world and forced me to question the preconceptions, the values and the laws of my world, and for the first time in my life I opened myself to someone unselfishly; not thinking about a profit or an advantage, and that's when I knew friendship's true meaning. It was hard to accept, it was hard to understand; nevertheless, I did.
From this point and on, I gained a true and loyal friend to whom I was true and loyal in return. We created a world just for the two of us, and we played games our way. We met and befriended other people, sure, but our inner layers were reserved only for one and other, and no one else.
I believed it would always be like that. I was wrong.
As time went by, our friendship grew stronger and we reached a point were we simply needed each other. I should have been more careful, more prudent, yet I took too much for granted.
He also gave me the strength and courage to face my father and reclaim the leadership of the "medical empire" that had been my dream for ages, I did something stupid but unavoidable: I broke the rules.
I blamed him for going beyond every barrier I ever built and help me paint a new a new horizon, because against my will…
I fell in love.
It is most probable that my feelings developed because of long-term exposure to his existence, yet I think you, as my audience, have the right to know the most significant events which led me to discover I was in love with my best friend (sounds like a Julia Robert's film, doesn't it?) and how after he rescued me from myself, he later condemned me to an empty existence.
I think it all began one day, when we still managed the Host Club back at Ouran High, during our second year:
"The other day I received a complaint, Tamaki," I said, while revising my notes. It was my duty to inform of any commentary, suggestion, advice or criticism our clients could have regarding our services.
"Really? About me?" he asked, he was sprawled in one of the red couches of the 3rd Music Room. He wasn't, in all honesty, paying attention.
"About a kiss," I said. He stood up quickly and read immediately the note on my notebook.
"Not good enough?! Not good enough?!" He was clearly in the verge of a cardiac arrest.
"Slow down. This girl has complained of the entire Host Club. She says none of us has the ability to entertain her," I explained calmly.
"This is absurd! A lousy kisser? Me?" Tamaki just confirmed he had not heard me in the slightest.
"Perhaps you are becoming sloppy," I said, just to force him to pay attention to me.
He turned around with a furious look and without warning he kissed me. I was in complete shock, I couldn't move, but when I became aware I was enjoying it and had parted my lips enough for him to French-kiss me, I drew back.
"Sloppy? Would you say that was a lousy kiss?" he asked me, still bearing that furious look in his blue eyes. I was too stunned to say something.
"Kyouya?" he called my name and his anger faded away. "Are you mad? I'm so stupid! I didn't think—"
"No," I replied, and sensing his confusion I added, "Not a lousy kiss, at all," his cheeks turn red for a moment and then he smiled again.
"I knew it! I knew it!" and he began jumping all around the room, boasting how he was the best kisser in the world while I tried—with all my might—to forget the feeling of his closeness, or the taste of his lips, or his scent; that kiss changed me more than I could have ever imagined. Perhaps it never was a "big deal" to him. To me it was a complete revelation: I desired him. I had desired that kiss, I had desired his touch.
It was then that I decided to ignore my feelings and everything was good and normal for a couple of months, until the day things slipped out of my control:
Tamaki had come to my house for the weekend; he had had problems with his grandmother and wanted to get out of his house. Being the good friend that I was, I let him stay with me. It was during the summer vacations of our second year, a few months had passed since that kiss.
I had just woken up and heard the sound of running water, which told me Tamaki had won the bath. I dressed myself and went to the kitchen to find us something to eat. The cook said she would bring us breakfast in ten minutes, so I left. When I returned to my bedroom I never expected to see a naked Tamaki, a few feet away from the bathroom door.
He took notice of me and we both stood there, unable to move or say anything for a couple of seconds.
"Why didn't you grab a towel?" I asked, trying not to look or think about the naked status of my friend.
"There wasn't any and I only noticed that when I finished my bath," he said, and suddenly his eyes wandered downwards, and his cheeks turned a bright red before he averted his gaze.
Against my will I lowered my gaze, and to my horror and shock I discovered I had a very visible erection. I wasted no time and turned around.
"Breakfast in ten minutes…I'll come back later," and I closed the door behind me.
Don't ask me how, but we managed to survive that day with no further mention of the embarrassing 'incident' of the morning, until the night of his last day in my mansion.
"Ne, Kyoya, can I ask you something?" we were watching cartoons. It would be more accurate to say he was watching cartoons while I tried to read a medical magazine my father had subscribed to for almost a year.
"Yes," I said, and that gave me an uneasy feeling. I knew which subject he wanted to bring on. I was prepared to half-lie and half-explain the situation.
"Do you fancy me? In that way?" he came closer to me and his proximity tensed every fiber of my body.
"Eh, Tamaki, what happened that morning was—"
"It's okay if you like me, I know I'm hot," that statement ruined the moment and I smacked his head not so playfully.
"I certainly do not fancy you that way!" I exclaimed outraged.
"But I'm sure you had a hard—"
"Kyouya! Tamaki! Dinner is served!" yelled my sister and I was incredibly grateful for her interruption.
We never spoke again about what did or did not happen that day, and after that weekend I attempted to convince myself it was just my hormones going crazy, but deep down the first threads of uncertainty were beginning to stir my heart.
Ootori Kyoya in love? That was improbable. Ootori Kyoya in love with another man? That was impossible.
I was merely seventeen years of age, so I did the only thing people my age do: I freaked out. I began thinking about what my family would say, what the world would say, and what my enemies would say. It was a weakness for me: an important man—like the one I aspired to be—couldn't let such a thing get on his way.
Imagine the headlines: "Famous CEO, heir of the Ootori Medical Company, is gay"
No! I couldn't live with that, I couldn't even picture it! It was obvious that I needed to get rid of these feelings, and would have done anything within my power to do so if fate hadn't intervened.
One day, without warning, Haruhi Fujioka came into our lives.
She appeared out of the blue and since the moment I saw her, I knew she was about to change my life forever. She was so different from any other girl I had ever met, and I'm certain I could have fallen for her if it hadn't been for the fact that my heart was no longer available. She was cute, pretty, intelligent, and wise, and without realizing it, she entered our—until then—exclusive world and became the object of my love's affection.
I wanted to hate her, to hate him, I wanted to break their blossoming friendship, yet I couldn't. I let it be, I let it grow and I even helped it happen.
Wasn't that masochism?
No, it was love. She made him happy in a way I would have never been able to, and like anyone who truly loves somebody, I knew I had to stand aside.
Of course, she was also the solution to my inner dilemmas and worries concerning my "not-so-proper" desires.
She was the perfect solution; however…
Do you believe there is only one soul mate for the rest of your life? Do you believe there is only one person in the whole world that can be your true love?
I do now. He is blond, taller than me, and has the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen. He is kind, gentle and anyone can feel at ease when he is around. He isn't perfect, but I have learnt to deal with his flaws of character. He is my best friend, and he understands me like no one else can…
He is the person I have been waiting for my whole life, I know it now! It is too late though, he is getting married today.
"Kyouya, are you ready?" a voice asks behind me and I turn around to see Tamaki, dressed in an impeccable white suit.
"Yes, I was just adjusting my tie," I lie. I absolutely refuse to tell him I was trapped in my reverie.
"It looks good…can you help me with mine?" He asks innocently.
I can't say no, so I face him and adjust his tie. He must look perfect, after all, it is his wedding day.
"Thank you mother!" he exclaims and kisses my cheek friendlily. After all these years and we still call each other 'father' and 'mother', we should grow up.
"You know, this is the happiest day of my life," he says, looking at his reflection on the mirror, "and it's better, since you are here with me," he adds, smiling at me.
"Mine too," I reply. This is the most painful day of my life, but he will never know it.
"Is something wrong?" he asks me, and I suspect he has detected my forced answer.
"No, it's just that I want you to be sure of this," I say, trying to pull myself together.
"You think I shouldn't be doing this?"
I look at Tamaki. Thousands of thoughts race through my mind, but I finally manage to smile and say:
"No," it is a firm statement.
"There's no one I love more than Haruhi, you know that!" the thought of the bride just cheered him up and my smile is forced to grow wider.
"I know," perhaps I shouldn't have said anything, my voice trembled when I spoke those words. He looks at me, analyzing the situation until he cheers up again.
"Oh, I know what's wrong…you feel bad because I'm getting married!" my heart stops for a minute. Does he know?
"You'll find a girl soon Kyoya, don't worry…you'll get married one day too," he grins like a fool. I am relieved he remains oblivious.
"We should get going. We don't want to arrive late now, do we?" I say, trying to silence the voice inside my head that is screaming "tell him!" I can't believe it is now that I realize I have always loved Tamaki, now that I can't do anything but make sure I've got the rings in my pocket while I walk beside him to take our place near the improvised altar at the Suou's mansion.
It is going to be an outdoor wedding, simple yet elegant. The list of guests is reduced to close relatives and friends, and it is a special occasion not only for the soon to be married couple, but also because Tamaki's grandmother passed away three months ago and this is the first event his parents will attend together. Tamaki's mother doesn't have to hide from the world anymore.
"Lost in your world again, Mother?" I stare at him for a few seconds, allowing myself to get lost in his eyes.
"It's just that I left an unfinished project, and—"
"No work today! You promised!" Tamaki complains and makes a cute angry face.
"I'm sorry. I won't think about it again," Tamaki lightens up and I wish I could get over the damned ceremony already; the waiting is killing me.
Finally, the priest arrives and we all take our places. Haruhi appears, escorted by her father, who has decided to wear a tuxedo instead of a dress (I advised him to do so) and makes her way towards Tamaki.
Haruhi looks beautiful today, and she has this peaceful yet ecstatic aura around her. She looks at me briefly and I can see a hint…of sadness? No, I must be imagining things, because when she stares at Tamaki, nothing but love and happiness lit her face.
As soon as the priest begins talking, I hold the box containing the rings tightly in my hand and I try to breathe. It will be over soon, I tell myself, it will be over soon.
The party is ten thousand times better than the ceremony, mostly because I have the opportunity to distract myself from the wedding and talk with some entrepreneurs and important people, which the Suou family regards as close friends. The bad thing is I will soon be asked to make a speech in honor of the newlyweds and I don't want to.
"I am a man of few words— I say to all the guests, and none can call me a liar—so the only thing I can say to you is that, my friend, my best friend, is fortunate for having found a woman who, hopefully, will put up with him,—I can hear people laughing, and after the traditional speech joke, I continue—Seriously now, both of them are lucky and blessed for having found each other, and I wish them a life full of happiness, joy and love. To Tamaki and Haruhi Suou!" and raising my glass of champagne I finish my speech and I seal my fate. I have lost him forever.
The time has come for them to part to their honeymoon. All the guests were invited to pay their respective farewells at the dock where their private yacht will set sail. I feel reluctant, but I have to let him go…in more than one way.
"Have a nice time there," I say, just before they set foot on the access ramp.
"Kyouya!" he exclaims and throws himself into my arms, hugging me rather roughly, and I almost spill my champagne over the floor.
"Hey, careful with the drink," I say, grateful that the content still remains inside the glass.
"Ooops! Sorry," he apologizes and tightens the embrace.
"I'll miss you," I whisper in his ear. No harm done, we are half drunk anyway.
"I'll miss you too, mother," he whispers back and releases me. We exchange a smile and I turn to Haruhi.
"Take care of him," I say to the bride, and there is no more pretence in my voice.
"I will," she replies and I hug her too, but this time there are no whispers.
"Let's go!" and taking Haruhi by the hand, Tamaki leads her to the yacht and as soon as they are on board, the yacht weights anchor.
"Bye, bye!" exclaims Tamaki, waving his hand frenetically.
And with a fake smile on my face and a glass of champagne in my hand, I send them off, waving my free hand.
The luxurious yacht diminishes from my sight in the sunset, and along with it my hopes of being with him. The love of my life married the most extraordinary girl I have ever met, and all I did was stand beside him, like the best friend I am.
I chose this path. I found love, but I let it slip from my fingers, now I only have money, power and success…wasn't that what I always wanted? Then, why do I feel this emptiness inside me?
~_~_~
Phew! Believe it or not, it took me more than three years to write.
It was supposed to be a 10-chapter story about what happened after Tamaki married Haruhi, and Kyouya being granted a second chance to get his man, but I'm not happy with the rest of the chapters (and I am not sure if I'm writing Kyouya too OOC here), so this is all. Hope you enjoyed it!
Thanks for reading!