Thanks again to all of you that have read and/or reviewed. It is much appreciated! This chapter is completely different from the previous chapters and takes place during Jack Knife when Damon and Ziva are stopping the truck they are supposed to hi-jack. I wrote it in the second person because it seemed fitting for this scene.

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Tag to Jack Knife 7 x 15

"And you people think I'm crazy."

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Twelve.

You remember the press of his lips on your cheek. There is a slight breeze, but it does nothing to cool the heat radiating off of the tarmac. He leaves you standing there. Alone. Unsure. Unsafe. More a father than your own. And he is leaving you behind. You are the ultimate disappointment.

You wanted to call him back, change his mind. You might have begged but you could not. It is not your style. Each step he takes in the opposite direction causes your throat to constrict that much tighter. It's a mistake. All of it. Forcing his hand was never a smart move with Gibbs. And so there you stand. Alone. You will have plenty of time to think about your mistakes. Your sins.

Eleven.

He holds your hand tightly, swinging your arm back and forth like a lover. The Eiffel Tower twinkles in the background and you can pretend, just for a moment, that you are not damaged. When he kisses you, you can forget, just for a moment, the taste of blood and the ripping of skin. When he holds you that night, but does not question your need to wear pajamas, you think that you might just love this man.

Ten.

You remember seeing her reflection in the pool of blood. You had saved her life and in return, she saved yours by bringing you to NCIS. And while she did not know the reason you made that call to plead for the chance to return to American soil, she trusted you enough not to ask too many questions. She gave you a new start. A surrogate family.

And now she was dead. In the back of your mind, you know it was her choice. You followed her orders. And it does not matter. Your eyes burn and there is a lump in your throat. You want to scream for all of the pain and loss you have endured in your young life. And it does not matter. She is still dead. And you were following orders.

Nine.

You never wanted to admit that you cared about him. You never wanted to admit how much it hurt when he stopped coming to your apartment. You pretended that it was just a fling, but you both knew differently. You tried not to hear all of the hushed phone calls and you tried not to play the jealous lover. But then you diffuse the bomb and he looks down your shirt. He tells you that its not worth dying over, but what you hear is you are not worth dying over.

Eight.

You jog his memory. Finally, a sense of recognition plays on his face. You say the words out loud, and he remembers. Ari killed Kate. You do not mean to get upset, but you never really cried when he died. When you killed him. I killed Ari. He holds you and you feel grateful, but lost. A father's arms offer comfort, but he is not your father.

Seven.

Michael was the last to share your bed-as far as sex is involved. Easier than Tony. Less complicated. It felt off, but you tried to convince yourself it was something, even if you were not sure it was love. He shared your beliefs and citizenship. He understood your background. You had to give it a chance, because really, would you ever be suitable for anyone? You blamed Tony for his death, but even then, in the very depth of your mind in a place too scary to wander, you wondered if maybe Tony was telling you the truth. If Tony told the truth, then it would be the last strike in a life composed entirely of lies.

Six.

You should never have told Abby that you never went to a slumber party as a girl. You could not refuse her as she forced a mock re-enactment of little girl past times. She covered all of her bases - sleeping bags, popcorn, nail polish and movies. You did not want to enjoy it nearly has much as you did, but you can not help yourself. You try not to regret a lost childhood when Abby asks what type of parties children have in Israel. You have to make something up because you can not remember. She does not believe you anyway does not want to spoil the moment.

Five.

You have long since lost feeling in your arms and legs. Your brain is foggy, but you know they will kill you soon. Your skin is ragged and your blood oozes. To keep your sanity, you try to add up the number of hours you have spent tied to a chair. You can not bear to think about what goes on in the hours when you aren't.

The air is hot and the dust threatens to choke your already thirsty throat. You curse your own body a traitor for refusing to die.

Four.

You trap him in the men's room. You owe him an apology but you worry that the words you might compose will not do justice to the remorse you actual feel. But you try anyway because really, in the end, he is the one you trust the most. You owe him your life. It is no small debt, and your emotional checking account is overdrawn but you write the check anyway.

Three.

You show up in his apartment in the middle of the night. Your body has betrayed you by being human. So much left unsaid between the two of you and yet, here you are. The one place you feel safe. You can not be alone, even if it is just for tonight. You try to explain, try to make him understand, but your exhaustion and confusion leave you shaking on the floor mumbling jibberish in a combination of languages.

He carries you to safety, removes your wet clothes and wraps your shivering body in a blanket. Your debt to him increases and you hope you can one day make it right.

Two.

His blood his on your hands. Your own brother. Your heart squeezes every time you see his face in your memory. You wonder if you will ever be able to believe that you did the right thing. You do not regret saving Gibbs, of course, but you wonder what kind of person has the ability to kill her own brother, no matter what the circumstances.

One.

Tony is braced on his arms and his looking down at you with something that looks so very much like love. You smile a small smile and wrap your arms around him as he moves within your body. So achingly slow that you think you might cry. You wonder if there will be a time when you share that with him again. He's proven several times over that he cares, maybe even loves you. That he will wait until you are ready.

Twelve seconds. It takes twelve seconds for the truck to finally comes to a halt in a cloud of dust and burning rubber. You release the breath you did not realize that you were holding. Relief washes through your veins along with a dose of adrenaline. Evidence that you are still alive. And for the first time in a long time, it feels good to be alive.

N/N: Thank you for reading. I actually tried to time the sequence from the point where Ziva and Damon get out of the truck and in true Hollywood style, it took over 20 seconds which seems really unrealistic. So, I shortened it to 12 seconds. Some of the memories are from the show and some of them are memories I created.