Lesbian babies

Link had no idea why he was all furry and trapped in a cell, but he suspected that Pedo Bear'd come pay him a visit soon. He couldn't move. Next to the hell kid's tongues, the chain was the worst thing to be around his ankle. The wolf tried to eat his way out, but the metal hurt his teeth.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," A female voice said. Link looked up to see the sexiest imp ever floating above him. His nose and bladder exploded at the sight of her.

Dear god you're hawt he thought, drooling without knowing it.

"Am I?" the imp asked, looking at her body. "I always thought I was a bit fat to be honest." Link nearly fainted. The sexy imp was a mind reader. A sexy one.

"Anyway, I'm supposed to bust you out of there and ride you. But, why don't I just taunt you first with cookies." She smiled and made a cookie appear out of thin air. Then she ate it. Link growled at her for scoffing his favourite food right in front on him. She growled back and tossed him a cookie. The beast couldn't help but act dumb at this gesture. He had only been a wolf half an hour and already was starting to find his animal instincts. However, the imp didn't seem to think showing his tummy off with his tongue lolling out was cute and ate the cookie she had given him.

NOOO! DEAR NAYRU, NOT MY BLOODY COOKIE! Link shrieked in his head. The imp grinned and got back up from the ground. As she brushed herself off, Link gazed at her ass.

"Pervert!" She spat, turning so her ass wasn't visible. Link's eyes shifted to her bust. Her face went red with fury and embarrassment.

"Anyway, to get you off my back and so I can get on yours, I hereby break the chain with my awesome magic skills that only someone as awesome as me can do." Impy began to make a magic ball in her hands and shot it at the chain. Almost decapitating Link's foot in the process. Link was so pleased that Miss-sexy-09 had freed him, that if he were in his human form, he would have danced with her. So Midna was lucky he wasn't or she would have died.

"So, get the hell out of the cell and we can go." She yawned, leaving the cell using her awesome magic.

Link looked around for a way out, and noticed the sign pointing to a hole in the ground saying, 'WAY OUT' in neon pink. However, it had taken six hours before he realised that he had to exit that way. By this time his soon-to-be-girlfriend was fast asleep. He barked happily in her ear and she shot up like a rocket, screaming. She fell back down onto Link's back, and it snapped.

Ouch, shit, you're heavy... He grimaced, collapsing under the weight. She was the hottest thing he had ever seen, but she was right about being fat.

"Uh, I knew those three pizzas were too much..." She muttered "anyway, go Wolfy, to somewhere random that I have forgotten... Uh, hold on it'll come to me." Link felt like ramming his head into the wall, but he couldn't because a) he was being crushed and b) she whom was sexy wouldn't want a dead boyfriend. After a million years, she remembered where to go and Link dragged himself along, unable to lift himself above the ground. It took another million year which involved several game overs and the gamer eating her nunchuck before they actually arrived in the place they wanted to be. But sadly they had to wait ANOTHER million years for the gamer to go out and get a new nunchuck. When she got back, she wasn't surprised to see Link and Midna snoring loudly.

"Uh, this game is really messed up..." The gamer said, staring at the screen. "Nothing like my friend told me."

Link heaved himself down the staircase in Hyrule tower and towards a door.

Thank Nayru, its open. The wolf pushed the door wide and dragged his load in. Standing at the window, there was a tall woman in an emo cloak. Link growled at her, not because he was scared, but because she had taken the title of emo from him. She turned round and a huge smile spread across her pale face.

"Midona! How are ya, babe?" The girl asked, bending down and kissing Midna on the lips. The imp made a noise that sounded like she was puking. Link didn't blame her. The girl smelled awful.

"Uh hi Zelda, please don't do that again." Midna said, secretly swearing her head off. The girl picked Link's load up and the wolf sighed a sigh of relief, but then puked as she kissed his sexy imp again. In an inappropriate place that the author much rather not say.

"Zelda, I think you have something to tell Wolfy." She said, her face beetroot red.

"Oh yeah, sorry dude, I see you checking out her ass. She's a lesbian."

Midna's singular showing eye grew huge and her jaw dropped. If Zelda was smaller, she would have been imp food, but alas, Midna needed to stick to her diet.

"Actually, Zelda, I am NOT a lesbian, but sadly you are. Now please drop me or I will be forced to bring Konata in."

Silence.

Link decided to look at Zelda's fireplace until somebody spoke.

It's boring waiting four hours for someone to speak.

The girls were still silent.

Link turned around and decided to bite Zelda's ankle.

"Hehe, that tickles... Hey, you're a girl wolf! WOOHOO!" Zelda started dancing and Link sighed again. Midna was trying to hang herself.

No, that's just the game designers fault, this game is rated 12+ and if they put the privates on the characters, it'd be cancelled due to porn...

"So you're a guy wolf..."

Yup.

"Ooh... Anyway, Midona-chun, don't try to kill yourself. I know what'll cheer you up!"

Link backed away. He didn't know how lesbian minds worked, but he assumed similar to gays.

"What?" Midna spat, removing the rope from her neck.

"LET'S MAKE A LESBIAN BABY!"

At this point many heads were stuck inside things.

The gamer had rammed her head into the ground, the author had rammed hers into the computer, Link had rammed his into the fire and Midna had rammed hers into her rope and had hung herself. Luckily, the author was revived by her fairy and decided to bring the dead gamer, Link and Midna back to life, before carrying on with the chapter.

"Zelda, there are three things wrong with that there 1. Girls can't have babies together, 2. I hate you and would never in an eternity do that and 3. This is a video game rated 12+. Like Wolfy... thought.... if this game had porn in it, it'd be cancelled." Midna stated, poking Zelda in the chest. Zelda gave her a disgusted look and turned her back on the imp.

"Well, if you're going to be like that then I'll get a new girlfriend who loves me. You go and make babies with the wolf."

Good idea Lesbian Princess.

"No, Wolfy. Never. Not with a wolf. Now Princess Zelda, please kindly tell Wolfy what happened here. And no lesbian lust. Please?" Midna gave Zelda cute puppy dog eyes, but remembered that she was a lesbian and stopped. Zelda mumbled something that sounded like 'only because you're my ex.' and turned again.

"Okay, here is my story. Uh, so I was staring at pictures of the bar lady, Telma, in a porno magazine when my guard came and told me that a dude in a pointy helmet was making everything all Twilighty. So I had to go and teach him a lesson, which was going to involve giving him a sex change and raping him. But anyway, when I saw him, he said 'meow'. Then he made a bunch of weird things attack us and a lot of my guards went up to heaven. Then he said that if I didn't give up the kingdom, he'd kill me so I gave up the kingdom and this happened." Zelda then began to strip. Midna dropped back on to Link and his back broke again.

"RUN! RUN BEFORE SHE GETS ANY IDEAS!" Midna screamed, kicking Link's side. Link tried to run, but failed with the enormous amount of weight on his back holding him down. However, he managed to leave while Zelda was taking off her bra.

"Phew, that was a close one." Midna panted, lying down on the roof tops. Link stared at her bust and fought the urge to lick it.

"Anyway, don't you need to find those mates of yours? You can if you get me the Fused Shadows."

What are they?

"They're these magical things that can defeat kitty dude."

No, I mean, what mates?

"I mean the gay and the horse rapist."

Oh, them.... You know, let's just defeat kitty dude and have sex.

"WHAT!?"

You know I fancy you.

"Of course I do..."

You fancy me?

"For dinner yes, as a boyfriend no."

Please don't eat me, you need to diet.

"You little bastard!"

Sorry...

"You will be. Anyway, I'm going to warp you now."

What?

Midna didn't explain to him, because she was way too lazy and had a chocolate cake in her hammer space she wanted to eat, so she just warped him. Link was howling in pain, even though he had finished warping and hadn't hurt himself at all...

At this point the gamer and author were head palming, wonder just how the heck this could have happened to a video game.

So yeah, hope you like. Reviews will bring this story to life. Oh, and I couldn't fit the Zelda on Midna action here, I'll do it nearer the end.